Jealousy getting me down..

LegacyUser

I'm going out with a bloke that I'm head over heels in love with and I'm jealous plain and simple. Im jealous when I see himeven glancing at another girl especially if theyre tarted up or have a glamourous appearance. I dont know what to do to stop these horrible feelings..jealousy is such a destructive emotion and its eating me up. Apparently I'm above average in looks and have a good job,car, social life and am fun and charming..its not insecurity..I know who and what I am but it feels like a knife through the heart when I see him looking at other people.. I jus dont know what to do..I've spoken to him about it and he denies it pure and simple but ive seen him do it on many occasions.. it jus makes me feel so ****. any ideas??

prendy

i feel for you OP but its a fact of life that no matter how much in love with you he is hes always going to look at other women.
i think you sound like a confident successful person so my advise would be to ignore it and enjoy your relationship.

Marksie

Despite your assertations OP it is insecurity of one form or another.

Knowing who and what we are in its entirety is a lifetime job and even then you can still surprise yourself.

Look at this jealousy issue and see if you can isolate a specific reason for it.
There will be one i think

projectmayhem

Unreg2007 wrote: »

I'm going out with a bloke that I'm head over heels in love with and I'm jealous plain and simple. Im jealous when I see himeven glancing at another girl especially if theyre tarted up or have a glamourous appearance. I dont know what to do to stop these horrible feelings..jealousy is such a destructive emotion and its eating me up. Apparently I'm above average in looks and have a good job,car, social life and am fun and charming..its not insecurity..I know who and what I am but it feels like a knife through the heart when I see him looking at other people.. I jus dont know what to do..I've spoken to him about it and he denies it pure and simple but ive seen him do it on many occasions.. it jus makes me feel so ****. any ideas??

you need to relax. maybe check out the men too. he's having an oul gawk, that's it. every man does it, attached or otherwise. he's not going to run off with the women while he's happy with you.

as prendy said, enjoy the relationship. let him have a look, but in return have a look at some eye candy for yourself (i'm usually about town on weekday evenings )

Zzippy

Unreg2007 wrote: »

I'm going out with a bloke that I'm head over heels in love with and I'm jealous plain and simple. Im jealous when I see himeven glancing at another girl especially if theyre tarted up or have a glamourous appearance. I dont know what to do to stop these horrible feelings..jealousy is such a destructive emotion and its eating me up. Apparently I'm above average in looks and have a good job,car, social life and am fun and charming..its not insecurity..I know who and what I am but it feels like a knife through the heart when I see him looking at other people.. I jus dont know what to do..I've spoken to him about it and he denies it pure and simple but ive seen him do it on many occasions.. it jus makes me feel so ****. any ideas??

As someone who once went out with someone who got jealous, take it from me - he is a guy, just having a look at a woman. Doesn't mean he even contemplates going off with them or leaving you. Long as he's happy and in love with you, its just looking at the menu. Everyone does it, including girls. However, if you keep up the jealousy and start fights over it, you will drive him away, and then he'll be looking at othe women in a different light.
Lighten up, he's just noticing good looking women, doesn't mean he wants to leave you! Men are hardwired to notice beautiful women, kinda hard not to look. For the record, that girl totally turned me off with the jealousy, and I loved her to bits. That's what split us up in the end... if you love him you won't let that happen

How Strange

Unreg2007 ...Apparently I'm above average in looks and have a good job,car, social life and am fun and charming..its not insecurity..I know who and what I am

WRONG. It is insecurity plain and simple. Where the insecurity stems from is another issue. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you have in life you can still be insecure.

it feels like a knife through the heart when I see him looking at other people.. I jus dont know what to do..I've spoken to him about it and he denies it pure and simple but ive seen him do it on many occasions.. it jus makes me feel so ****.

What your bf is doing is perfectly normal. He still has two eyes for looking with and he appreciates a good looking woman when she walks past him. Of course he would deny it if you are getting all hysterical. He is only looking for a quiet life.

The question you need to ask yourself is why do you feel so insecure about your bf looking at other women (and I mean just looking in an appreciative sort of way) and why do you badger him about it.

Bottle_of_Smoke

How Strange wrote: »

WRONG. It is insecurity plain and simple. Where the insecurity stems from is another issue. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you have in life you can still be insecure.

What are you basing this on? It's not always about insecurity. Nearly all primates are extremely jealous. It's a natural emotion.

However I do think in this case insecurity probably has a lot to do with it. the fact that the OP said

"Apparently I'm above average in looks and have a good job,car, social life and am fun and charming.."

This implies you think having all this makes you immune to insucurity. Not the case in the slightest. Ever wonder why guys with small penises are stereotyped to having big fancy cars?

Going to therapy could really help you out.

How Strange

Originally Posted by How Strange
WRONG. It is insecurity plain and simple. Where the insecurity stems from is another issue. It doesn't matter what you look like or what you have in life you can still be insecure.
Bottle_of_Smoke Quote: What are you basing this on? It's not always about insecurity. Nearly all primates are extremely jealous. It's a natural emotion. However I do think in this case insecurity probably has a lot to do with it.

Eh, Bottle_of_Smoke I think you just agreed with me after you disagreed with me. Confused. I based it on the OP's post just as you did with your comments.

Anyway, jealousy may be a natural instinct but that doesn't mean that everyone goes around in a state of perpetual jealousy. Society has conditioned us to control these natural instincts.

A little jealousy in a relationship can be good, its a reminder that their partner may be attractive to other people and it keeps us on our toes. But it shouldn't be something that takes over your life and you pester your bf to explain why he looks at other women.

The OP is obsessed with this idea that he is looking at other women so she must be constantly looking at him when they are out waiting for him to do it. He probably doesn't even realise he is doing anything. I've caught my bf doing it and it's funny sometimes because his jaw would drop when a stunner walks past but heh thats how it goes. I'd do the same if a gorgeous man walked past.

OP, the only problem here is one of your making. I don't think you need therapy (do you want to pay €70 p.h to be told you are excessively jealous), I just think you need to realise you are doing it and find a way to overcome it. You can modify your behaviour if you want to. Maybe buy a self help type book - they can be very useless in teaching you behaviour modification skills.