Diagnosed with HIV

LegacyUser

Hey guys...


So i went out on a bucks night and had unprotected sex with a prostitute about 5 months ago... yeh yeh stupid thing to do.

Since then ive been having more unprotected sex with my current wife...


I found out last week i have HIV after being concerned i might have caught something.

How am i going to tell her ? What should i do from here ?

Victor

I think no sex for the moment, get some HIV-specific counselling (ask your doctor to recommend someone) and then you need to have a long talk with your wife and other perhaps other family members also.

HIV / AIDS isn't the death sentence it was 20 years ago, but it still has very serious implications.

Have you had sex with anyone else? What if you had HIV before 5 months ago?

empirix

what a bull**** post - just by the username!

Shockin Stockin

Hi there. First off, you aren't alone. There are lots of people living healthy productive lives with HIV.
I'm not sure where you live, but there are some fantastic resources for people and families living with and affected by HIV in Ireland.
Can I recommoned contacting someone in confidence at Open Heart House, http://www.openhearthouse.ie/
or the Dublin AIDS Alliance http://www.dublinaidsalliance.com/
as a starting point if you haven't already been giving a point of contact. Regardlless of where you are in Ireland they will put you in contact with councillors and a support network/resources local to you.
Take care.

Teddi

serves you right....

uprooted shane

empirix wrote: »

what a bull**** post - just by the username!

jesus dude no need to be such and arseh*le.

you dont know if it is bull or not so dont presume you know

AARRRGH

Considering it's extremely difficult for a man to catch HIV from one instance of sex, it's very possible you've had HIV longer than 5 months.

Have you ever injected drugs?
Blood transfusion in the 80's?

If this post isn't a wind up I suggest you talk to a counseller before talking to your wife.

Esel

How do you know you caught it from the pro and not from your 'current' wife? Maybe your 'current' wife is agonising over how to tell you she caught it from a male pro and has since had 'more unprotected sex' with you, her 'current' husband?

El_mariachi

dublindude wrote: »

Considering it's extremely difficult for a man to catch HIV from one instance of sex

is that true?

AARRRGH

El_mariachi wrote: »

is that true?

Yes. It is extremely difficult to catch HIV from vaginal sex.

The easy way to think of this is how many non-drug using, heterosexual HIV+ men do you know? The answer, most likely, is zero.

Search for the "padian study" for more information.

Carrigart Exile

Teddi wrote: »

serves you right....

maybe your wife gave you it when she caught it on a girls night out

Capt'n Midnight

The incubation time can be very long so no saying when you got it.
If not a wind up, you will need to stop doing anything that's risks transmission to her. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if you weren't given the choice.

Counselling ASAP.

Make up some excuse to get a full medical, job application, mid life crisis or just because you haven't had one in ages if you need a reason to show the test.

dudara

Teddi banned for one week.

Carrigart Exile and uprooted shane Please stay on topic.

dudara

faceman

dublindude wrote: »

Considering it's extremely difficult for a man to catch HIV from one instance of sex,

dublindude wrote: »

Yes. It is extremely difficult to catch HIV from vaginal sex.

Search for the "padian study" for more information.

whoa there ted. There have been many studies into hiv transmission and lets not put all our eggs in one basket. Lash a post up on the biology and medicine forum for more info. Granted it is easier for a man to pass HIV to a woman but the man can still catch it from one instance depending on a number of factors. However this isnt a medical forum so im not goin into it.

OP, i greatly sympathise with you. You've made your mistake but its not up to anyone here to judge you. As someone already said, HIV isnt the disease it was 20 years ago. People can live normal lives for 10 years+ nowadays.

Presumably when you got the test results you got a counselling session and advised of your future prospects and medicine? Did they not give you support group details?

Anyway Cairde are one such group. More details below.

http://www.aidswest.ie/groups.htm

dudara

No more discussion on the probability of catching HIV. That is not a topic for this forum. Please limit yourselves to helpful posts.

dudara

Laslo

That's a bit harsh, dudara. Having unprotected sex with a prostitute while married is just downright wrong. In my opinion it does serve him right. It's his poor wife I feel sorry for.

Get council first then speak to your wife.

Steyr

[QUOTE=faceman;54302785

As someone already said, HIV isnt the disease it was 20 years ago. People can live normal lives for 10 years+ nowadays.
[/QUOTE]

Thats total BS, 10+ years until your riddled body finally croaks sounds like a Death Sentence to me. He fooled around when he was married he has no excuse its his own fault going off with someone who is more than likely riddled anyway serves him right.

empirix

Steyr wrote: »

Thats total BS, 10+ years until your riddled body finally croaks sounds like a Death Sentence to me. He fooled around when he was married he has no excuse its his own fault going off with someone who is more than likely riddled anyway serves him right.

the 10 years + is bull**** - it is thought anything up to1 to 30 years + before it catches up to you and that figure is improving every year. And nobody deserves to catch HIV or any other illness for that matter. how and ever i still think this post is a troll

ruskin

I agree that what the OP did was terribly wrong, but at the same time I would not wish HIV on anyone. I saw a documentary on Sky there about a young man recently diagnosed with HIV and I found it really upsetting.

Dakeyras

El_mariachi wrote: »

is that true?

no, not really

as to the op, if it ain't a troll which think it may be, On the asumption its not:

Having unprotected sex with prostitutes is like waving your lad about in one big stew of horror. but thats not to say that every prostitute is riddled with disease and evil, there are many lovely prostitutes i'm sure (damn im PC sometimes). but it's like pix and mix, i suppose it also depends on where you acquire said ladies of the night.

but back to the original point you need to

a) stop having unprotected sex with your girlfriend (there's a chance which is very very remote that you may not have transmitted (remote and implausiable since you talking 5 months, but still a chance) and for her sake its worth it)

b) go directly to the clinic, since you know you have HIV im sure whoever diagnosed you told you where the nearest ones are and what you should be doing

c) probably should be a) but you need to have a proper sit down with your girlfriend and explain some things, never mind about the prostitute which is irrelevant. The point is that you have HIV and she needs to know that now. Then she can get tested and you can both make informed decisions

d) live your life

Laslo

Dakeyras wrote: »

i suppose it also depends on where you acquire said ladies of the night.

I can only imagine that your chances of catching HIV increase disproportionately after being with a prostitute who is willing to have unprotected sex with their clients.

Marksie

empirix wrote: »

how and ever i still think this post is a troll

Then use the reprt post function and not in thread posting empirix.

Marksie

OP: you have been diagnosed HIV positive?. In such instances you should have been offered advice/counselling services.

Your wife and any other contacts must have a HIV test immediately with a repeat later. The clinic will advise.

You cannot ignore this adn must change your behaviour patterns.

To those saying he deserves it, any more of that and I will ban you.

zeusnero

My sympathies OP - There are very few if any of us here that know what you're going through...

Granted you did a very stupid thing and there's no going back. What's essential now is telling your wife the truth. You expressed some hesitation in the post but it's gotta be done and there's no easy way to do it.

Just sit her down and tell her what happened. Her health in this instance will have to come first, and the relationship / your feelings second.

pretty-in-pink

Whether the OP is a troll or not is irelevant, it's still an issue some people will have.

OP you know you messed up, but you need to talk to your wife, she deserves to know that you have this. She will ask why, and you should tell her the truth. Whatever happens to you guys after that talk, its important she gets tested and you (and if needs be her) get treatment to help you.

davyjose

Steyr wrote: »

serves him right.

If you really think that he deserves to get HIV for one night's foolishness, then you need help. Sorry Mods if I'm OT, but I can't accept such an evil statement.

nikolaitr

davyjose wrote: »

If you really think that he deserves to get HIV for one night's foolishness, then you need help. Sorry Mods if I'm OT, but I can't accept such an evil statement.

Its not just that. He slept with his wife afterwards and most likely she got HIV through no fault of her own. That is if this post is for real.

Victor

The OP is looking for information on how to move on and thats what Personal Issues is about, it is not for condemning people for the past.

nikolaitr banned for one week.