Friend behaving badly

LegacyUser

Have to go unreg as someone I know might cop on....My dilemma – there is a *friend* living with myself and my husband for the past four months. Now I say a friend – he is a native of mine and my husband’s home country (we moved abroad) and we met him together with his girlfriend 4 years ago. They both worked with my husband, so socialised a bit together, the girlfriend is a bit quiet and I didn’t really strike up a friendship with her, but we got along ok. He on the other hand is gregarious and good fun to be around. They were only here in this country for a year before deciding to go back home, but we always kept in touch. Six months ago *friend* said his girlfriend was pregnant, and that they had decided to come back here (where we are now!) with the intention of bringing baby and settling.


FINE! said we, we will put you up (him only, as g/f is waiting to give birth and then come over) stay with us a six weeks or so till you find a house to rent –husband already found him a job (working together again)


Well my 17yr old gave up his bedroom and is sleeping on the sofa, *friend* is getting fed and watered, clothes washed and ironed, has not even stumped up for a loaf of bread in 4 months, goes out regularly after work to nightclubs but makes a point of saying he has not spent any money, needs it for rent deposit, has a secret cell phone (I know as he asked me to buy the sim for it and not tell g/f) and is cheating on his g/f, having virtual sex on my computer and intimate conversations with other women(I know this because I have monitoring s/ware/I have other kids) downloading porn, and I am totally fed up.


His g/f is about to give birth in a month or so - he is flying over in two weeks time –this last week I have not been preparing lunch as I am getting so pissed off with it, and I overheard a skype conv he was having with g/f complaining that he was fed up being hungry, and how strange I am! I am livid. My husband is also very very irritated by him as well, but will not let me say a WORD as they have to work together. Tells me just to wait a few more weeks and then he will be gone(we found him a house to rent –apparently he came over to us with NO MONEY)

I need help- how do I keep my mouth shut? I feel so bad for his g/f, she has no clue at all – we are not exactly friends, but I know what I know, and yet can’t say a word.

Fcuk him on the sofa right away for starters and make a pot of cabbage soup and serve to him for breakfast, dinner and tea.
Glower at him if he dares looks crossways at you, nevermind complains.
If he gets mouthy confiscate his shoes and coat and lock him outside with a pointless menial job to do for hours.

milkerman

To hell with the sofa, fcuk him out on his ear.
You dont need spongers like this under your roof. Tell your partner you want this unsavoury git out of your house & pronto.

the_syco

OP: I'm sorry to hear about your family member dying and that you have to go... 120KM away... and that you'll have to kick him out.

Deadly serious. Tomorrow, **** him out. No notice. He doesn't pay rent, so the sponging f**ker has no rights in regard to notice.

If he "offers" to stay, tell him he has 2 hours to get the f**k out, or you call the Gardai. Tell him that you are sick of

• him downloading porn on your computer
• not paying rent
• being a sponger

StormWarrior

Kick the ungrateful sod out! Or at the very least, put him on the sofa, give your kid his room back and make that muppet start paying you rent.

Victor

Moonbaby tone it down a bit.

echosound

Simple answer - you don't keep your mouth shut. This is your house, your rules. Doesn't matter if your DH has to work with him, if anything this should make this horrible excuse of a man embarrassed by his actions and get him to act respectfully lest his other colleagues hear of how he acts towards you when you're giving him such a digout.

Give your 17yr old their room back, tell this guy he's out at the end of the week, to go find a new gaff, and if he dares open his mouth to complain, tell him that you know about his porn downloading and cheating, and if he kicks up any sort of fuss that you won't be long about letting it be known among his workmates or to his pregnant GF. Also mention that if he's going to be ignorant about things, he can damn well pay you back-rent and money towards bills/food/laundry etc.

I can't understand your DH putting up with this. Does he think this guy will make things hard for him at work? Surely if he's afraid of this happening then this "friend" isn't worth having anyway. Sickens me to think of his pregnant GF in the dark as to what a fine specimen of a man he is.

4 months of not paying a cent for anything is well long enough to have saved a deposit and first months' rent. Until he goes (at the end of the week might I add) don't lift a finger to do anything for him, no food, no laundry, no nothing. What are you, his skivvy?? How dare he treat you like this, and seriously, tell your DH to cop on and support you in this. He should be outraged this guy is treating your home like a cheap hotel, downloading porn and not lifting a finger, talking about you in the manner he did when you're basically skivvying around after him, and to top it all off, turfing your 17yr old out of his own room onto the sofa.

Get rid of, pronto. Get your DH to read this thread if he still doesn't want to say anything, I'm sure it might put it in perspective for him to realise what the situation sounds like when it's been written down like you have above.

LegacyUser

echosound wrote: »

4 months of not paying a cent for anything is well long enough to have saved a deposit and first months' rent.
Get rid of, pronto. Get your DH to read this thread if he still doesn't want to say anything, I'm sure it might put it in perspective for him to realise what the situation sounds like when it's been written down like you have above.

Ah well yes, but he has been sending money home to her for her to keep paying their rent!
I dont think I will say a word to his g/f as it is none of my business at all -but I am SORELEY tempted- she is not exactly a friend -she is *friend*s g/f. I just happen to KNOW, that is all. Which deeply changes my opinion of him.

As for *friend* , he is not the person we thought he was. I have absolutely no respect for him at all -husband likewise -we have both changed our opinion of him as a person due to his behaviour at home here with us -the g/f stuff is just by the by.

When I call him a friend, I mean it in the most shallow sense of the word -we had only known him for just less than a year - the possibility was there for it to become a real friendship, had we not had the misfortune of having him live with us for these last few months. My husband is also dying to get rid of him but cannot show his true feelings as they have to work together, unless he fires him. OBVIOUSLY not for being a slob in our home, or cheating on his g/f, but for another 101 reasons he could find -reason he hasn't done so is because he is fairly useful at work and this guy is expecting a baby and planning for g/f to come over.

LegacyUser

Well apparently my DH maintains that I should/we should just shut up now and wait the 2 weeks or so that he has to still stay.It was *our * suggestion that he stay with us, so tough -apparently. I was not anticipating a freeloader though. I am really really pissed off.

LegacyUser

Righto -just spoke to g/f on my comp via skpe - she called me -and i told her his flight is booked and house dep is now paid BUT on recent conversations on skpe(which have not been deleted and I am perfectly entitled to view as it is MY sodding pc) i have discovered he has moaned to her saying that he cant wait to get away as we are strange, and various other not pleasant things. Together with a line from her advising him to delete the history, which he has obviously forgotten to do.
I want to leave it open so he cops on that I have read his conversation, and see then. I feel furious.Especiallly as she was telling me how great he is and can't wait to see him! All typed and there ready for him to read when he contacts her later.Maybe I could just come straight out with it and say I read it while I spoke to g/f and that Im pissed off, so get lost. Or should I shut up for two weeks?

the_syco

sheepsonic wrote: »

Or should I shut up for two weeks?

Was at a stag over the weekend, thus the late reply...

F**k waiting two weeks. Burn his Skype onto a CD, tell him to GTFO. Sure, it may have been an "our" thing at first, but you're with your other half till death do you part, not the free loader.

Tell him you've read his Skype on your PC, and that you're more than happy to get him the f**k out of your house right then and there.

JC 2K3

Moonbaby wrote: »

Fcuk him on the sofa right away for starters

lol

davyjose

you could start by giving more of a sh!t about your 17 year old!!!

Lazarus2.0

davyjose wrote: »

you could start by giving more of a sh!t about your 17 year old!!!

QFT

kryogen

even as i am not a mod, i would like to say to please stay on topic, the sleeping arrangements werent really put in to be up for argument and to take shots at, advice on what to do with this guy now seems to be what the OP is after... remember what we try to do in this forum! god i sound like a dope......

anyways, tell him that he needs to clean things up for the last two weeks himself, and that he can start contributing towards bills and rent now as he has the deposit paid and seems to be ok financially. remind him who is doing who a favour, i understand your husbands point of view here but im sure he will back you if you actually speak up. the guy doesnt sound like a great guy to me anyway tbh, thats not really the ideal behaviour of someone who is having a baby and getting a house with the mother is it?!?

bottom line, its your home. not his. if you think it will be too much of a struggle to live with him for the 2 weeks get rid, he can stay in a BnB or find somebody else to sponge off for the last few days i imagine. id talk to him face to face though and confront the issues to see if there was a way to resolve the conflict peacefully, if not....go to war! good luck

davyjose

kryogen wrote: »

god i sound like a dope......

I didn't say that!

Kidding

The point I was making is, I thought, simple. The OP's teenager has been moved (presumably this was the parents' idea) to allow this ..... character! in their room. All I'm saying is this: at the very instance that the OP's guest started acting up, their attitude should have been "Hang on a minute - my child has had their whole life severely disrupted for this person, and this is what they do! That's it ...... OUT!!!" But the fact that this is happening, and the 17YO is not even being considered - has to wait 2 weeks because their parent is a coward - is IMO disgraceful parenting!

So my advice would be .... kick them the fùck OUT!!!! Sorry if i wasn't clearer!

Sephiroth_dude

Kick that sponger out on his ass,friend or no friend,he should not be treating your family or you for that matter the way that he is!

Dinxminx

Kick him out asap. What a disgrace!

kryogen

im not saying you dont have a point davey, in fact i agree with you to be fair, but the parenting isnt whats being put up for debate! thats all im saying , i think we should just be responding to the OP's concerns rather then adding to them by making them feel guilty? am i wrong?