Business & Pleasure

Beetlebum

Hey,

I work in a smallish office, roughly 25 people and there's a guy in work that I have a big crush on. I got out of an awful 5 year relationship a few months ago and the aftermath was very messy so it's really nice to fancy somebody new again. I'm 26 and he's 34, not sure if the age difference could become a problem but I don't think so as he's into everything I'm into, namely music and going to gigs.

The thing is, my confidence was quite shattered by my last relationship (it ended finally after a drunken fight in which he punched me) and I'm way too scared to ask this guy out. Plus, I haven't been single in years so I'm not sure if he likes me or not, I've forgotten how to flirt! I'm not big headed at all but i'm apparently a hottie as i used to do some modelling. Still, looks aren't everything and that doesn't mean he'll necessarily find me attractive, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that. My questions are as follows:
1) Is it a bad idea to be with someone I work with?
2) If he liked me would he not have asked me out by now? I've been working here for 2 months.
3) Would it put him off and scream desperate if i did pluck up the courage to ask him out?

I know he's single as one of the girls mentioned it the other day. I was thinking of asking him if he wants to go for a pint on payday but i'm so nervous...

biko

Beetlebum wrote: »

1) Is it a bad idea to be with someone I work with?
2) If he liked me would he not have asked me out by now? I've been working here for 2 months.
3) Would it put him off and scream desperate if i did pluck up the courage to ask him out?

1) Imo, yes. It does add strain to the relationship and if it all goes pearshaped it messes up the work situation.
2) Not necessarily, he may be involved already but not committed to someone or simply not interested. Or he may be waiting for signals from you.
3) Probably not, he is a grown man after all. Good luck!

Beruthiel

Is there no gig coming up that you could suggest going to with him?

Cathmandooo

A friend of mine was seeing a work colleague and it was a bit of a disaster. Fun at first of course but things fizzled out and got extremely awkward, he even left the department, although she never knew if it was because of her. He's back now after months of being gone and things are fine now but I suppose will always be slightly awkward.

However, dont a lot of people meet their husbands and wives in work?? Go for work drinks with him and chat to him while you're both relaxed and flirting will come naturally and you should get an idea if he likes you or not.

No one can predict how it'll turn out, if you like the guy then go for it!

Marksie

Hi beetlebum: first off, well done on getting out of the abusive relationship.

In answer to your questions:

1) Personally I dont ever date people I work with, even in organisations that are large it can cause difficulties and there may even be a works policy.
In an office of 25 that is just too small.

2) Not necessarily, he may be interested but as unsure as yourself. :-)

3) Nop, i would be flattered if someone asked me out. But if you are nerbous, juts keep it simple, the pint idea is a good thing. Dont make too much of it and let things flow naturally

Riesen_Meal

1) Is it a bad idea to be with someone I work with?

Id definitely think so, depends on if he works right beside you or another building or whatever but generally no, I made that mistake once, but every situation is different I suppose

2) If he liked me would he not have asked me out by now? I've been working here for 2 months.

Im sure if he was interested he wouldve at least asked u for an after work drink....


3) Would it put him off and scream desperate if i did pluck up the courage to ask him out?

It probably would tbh, he mightnt be interested in you at all

---

Just my 2cents, every case is different, I wish you well if you go for it...

PeakOutput

my only rule is dont start a relationship with someone you are living with already and will be living with for the forseeable future regardless of how it turns out

in my old job it was quite disconcerting how many people would join leave their partners and get with a work colleague.....although at least 3/4 of them are either(happily) having a kid together now or getting married or both so it can defo work out

as long as you think you are strong enough to see a person, you might think completely different about after you break up(ie hate), every day in work and not let it **** up work then go for it

jdivision

Beetlebum wrote: »

1) Is it a bad idea to be with someone I work with?
2) If he liked me would he not have asked me out by now? I've been working here for 2 months.
3) Would it put him off and scream desperate if i did pluck up the courage to ask him out?

1) Depends on who the person is. most people have a level of maturity afterwards. I work in an office of about 80 people and have seen four girls there, three were grand afterwards, one turned out to be a bit stalkerish so just stopped going to workthings she'd be going to for a while.
2) He could be shy. Many reasons why not, including the fact that some people are worried what would happen in an office atmosphere if you rejected him. As for a pint on payday, why not ask him if he wants to go for lunch some day. you can do that casually. If you talk to the guy send a couple of emails saying you're hungover/tired/giddy whatever.
3) No, he'd probably be very flattered.

acorntoast

1) Is it a bad idea to be with someone I work with?

Lots of couples that get together at work stay together. Lots of couples don't. I saw a guy at my office a few years ago, and it fizzled out almost immediately - but we were both sane, normal people and reverted to being friends. I still see him socially occasionally and while it wasn't completely ideal at the time, there was never any drama between us.

I also met my current boyfriend at work. We worked together for months before anything happened. We've been together now for almost a year, working together every single day and while we've hit the occasional snag we've been able to sort them out so far.

2) If he liked me would he not have asked me out by now? I've been working here for 2 months.

Not necessarily - he may have a healthy degree of caution about getting together with someone from work, he may have asked around and heard you're just out of a relationship, he may even be intimidated by your model good looks!

3) Would it put him off and scream desperate if i did pluck up the courage to ask him out?

I personally wouldn't ask him out on a date. But I would ask him out as a friend - get talking to him about a gig you are both going to, meet him with your friends or his for a drink before/during or after - get to know him as a friend and take it from there. Just because of the recent break up and the work dynamic - I would take it slowly and get to know him well first.

tbh

I've been going out with someone in work for four years, too early to comment on how it's going yet (;) hi giggles, see ya soon )

Worse case scenario - if someone you didn't fancy asked you out, would you be offended? Probably not. You'd probably be flattered that they asked you, and respect them for it. So why should he be any different? Go for it - you never regret the things you do as much as the things you wish you'd done.

Miss Fluff

Dipping your pen in company ink usually leads to EXTREME awkwardness but then you can't build your life around a series of "what ifs...." Why don't you invite a few people out for drinks on payday, that way you can test the water. You have heard through the grapevine he is not attached, how do you know for definite? He may be gay? He may be going through a messy divorce? Why don't you get to know him more in a group situation, find out a little bit more about him and see how you get on. If the signs are there you can then see about hooking up in a one-on-one situation when you know a bit more about him, then suggest going to a gig or whatever. Good Luck OP

PS I give this advice because recently, two blokes I know, two HOTTIE blokes who I know, who I have gone for drinks with and they have given me all the signs and been extremely attentive and very flirty have turned out to be engaged. Do a bit of research first.

jubi lee

Just make sure he is ACTUALLY single....

edited to say:

Do you guys go out every week with work for a few drinks or anyhting?
What bands does he like? are there any gigs coming up?

Marksie

Beetlebum wrote: »

I feel so immature analysing everything but I just wanna sure before I get my hope up that he fancies me...

Yes true, but perhaps understandable as you have been out of the dating seen so long.

Over analysing is a very good way of ensuring things DONT happen as it gets in the way of just enjoying living.

Take a step back, deep breath and enjoy the now, not the future, not the why's and wherefores. Just enjoy what is happening now.

dobsdave

Get back on to him and accept his kind offer of a lend of for the ticket...
And then insist on buying him a drink after the gig/work, to show your appreciation.
You'll get to see your favourite band, and maybe know more where you stand with him?

Cathmandooo

dobsdave wrote: »

Get back on to him and accept his kind offer of a lend of for the ticket...
And then insist on buying him a drink after the gig/work, to show your appreciation.
You'll get to see your favourite band, and maybe know more where you stand with him?

It would be very hard to accept his offer after turning it down!

It's a shame you didnt get to go to the concert, if there's still tickets go scab money of a family member, its a great opportunity to see him outside work!

When a girl wants a guy why cant they ever just do what guys do and just straight up ask?! Rules of scoiety I guess!


Ok, persoanlly from what I have read it sounds like he probably is interested but may be shy. Get him out for a drink or 2 and show that you are available to him, basically pay a lot of attention to him and say subtle things that indicate your interest, Dont go overboard now but just let him know how u feel subtly. He should reciprocate if he has a brain in his head.

At the end of the day OP, if rejection was the worst thing that could happen to us, we'd all live incredibly happy lives. Its not the end of the world, it just feels like it for a few days, we get over it.

dobsdave

Cathooo wrote: »

It would be very hard to accept his offer after turning it down!

No it wouldn't , womans perogative and all that.

panjandrum

Sounds like a distraction after a stormy relationship is exactly what you need.


As you advised, you are a good looking girl and a bloke being a bloke especially a single bloke I'm sure would accept the offer. A simple drink after work is hardly a marraige proposal.

Are there no work nights coming up?

Regarding mixing work with pleasure - who doesn't these days.
I'm sure you are only out for a bit of fun seeing as you are only out of a messy relationship. [By the way get your mates to kick your ex's ass]

I'm sure they'd enjoy it.

How dare any guy raise his hand to a girl. Its pretty disgusting and I hope you learn not to go back down that avenue again no matter how sorry he is. Relationships shouldn't be violent nor should they be that hard and messy. Life can be stressful enough.

Meeting someone new is cool. Also getting to know someone new is exciting.Think of it this way, you don't know his baggage and he doesn't know yours. Which will be refreshing. Beats having stupid arguments with the ex. So take the chance. He probably has sent the signals and I am assuming you are blonde and haven't read them properly Kidding.

Some work situations can get tricky but if you keep it light and fun I'm sure no one is going to get hurt or get embarassed.

If he says no, big deal. You're not supposed to be everyones cup of tea, if it were that way I'm sure the word Fidelity would never have originated as everyone would be shag*ging everyone.

Go for it.

Whats the worst that can happen.

Victor

Follow the rules people. or there will be bans.

Locked.