the thrill of the chase.

LegacyUser

Hey,


This is another dating question I am afraid, so if anyone has any advice I'd be delighted.

Met a guy in a bar one night. He had been trying to get my attention most of the evening and I ignored him. When he finally approached me he was heading out the door and I gave him my number. We met for coffee soon after. Initially I wasn't physically attracted and knew right-off that he was more into me than I him. He rang me frequently. I really enjoyed our chats, we'd a lot in common even bizarre little things. He grew on me. By the 3rd date I was attracted to him. Every date was during the day and really natural. He paid attention to little details and unlike other men I've known telephoned rather than texted and was at ease holding hands. After our last date, he was very sweet and drove me somewhere I needed to be (60k away!). We spent some hours there and he left and texted me to say he got home ok all very sweet..
I was busy all weekend and sent him a text on sunday to check in. He replied. we were texting during week etc. But he hasn't rang up as he usually would.. Although i know his schedule is really busy of late, I am a little baffled and i guess disappointed :?

Supposed to meet brielfy a few days ago when he gets a call last min for a emergency. I was rather short in the exchange where he apologised profusely(his excuse genuine) and I then regretted this and made sure things were ok. we were texting and he said he'd chat soon.

ok so now, I am bemused. Having realised i like him enough to be disappointed about not seeing him.. i would have expected a call this weekend, yet nothing. There is an an age gap which I don't have a prob with(9yrs). I don't want to initiate further contact as I have a morbid fear of rejection and that I would be chasing him and that maybe he is no longer interested? In the beginning it was him doing all the running which I really enjoyed but maybe was too laid back? Would I be hassling this guy in texting him? My gut feeling is that he has gone off me. Any feedback would be appreciated

Storm_rages

ring him... ah ah chew.. sorry but i have a cold!!

whatwouldyoudo

whatwouldyoudo wrote: »

Hey,


This is another dating question I am afraid, so if anyone has any advice I'd be delighted.

Met a guy in a bar one night. He had been trying to get my attention most of the evening and I ignored him. When he finally approached me he was heading out the door and I gave him my number. We met for coffee soon after. Initially I wasn't physically attracted and knew right-off that he was more into me than I him. He rang me frequently. I really enjoyed our chats, we'd a lot in common even bizarre little things. He grew on me. By the 3rd date I was attracted to him. Every date was during the day and really natural. He paid attention to little details and unlike other men I've known telephoned rather than texted and was at ease holding hands. After our last date, he was very sweet and drove me somewhere I needed to be (60k away!). We spent some hours there and he left and texted me to say he got home ok all very sweet..
I was busy all weekend and sent him a text on sunday to check in. He replied. we were texting during week etc. But he hasn't rang up as he usually would.. Although i know his schedule is really busy of late, I am a little baffled and i guess disappointed :?

Supposed to meet brielfy a few days ago when he gets a call last min for a emergency. I was rather short in the exchange where he apologised profusely(his excuse genuine) and I then regretted this and made sure things were ok. we were texting and he said he'd chat soon.

ok so now, I am bemused. Having realised i like him enough to be disappointed about not seeing him.. i would have expected a call this weekend, yet nothing. There is an an age gap which I don't have a prob with(9yrs). I don't want to initiate further contact as I have a morbid fear of rejection and that I would be chasing him and that maybe he is no longer interested? In the beginning it was him doing all the running which I really enjoyed but maybe was too laid back? Would I be hassling this guy in texting him? My gut feeling is that he has gone off me. Any feedback would be appreciated

So maybe he's realised you werent as interested as he was - why would he bother chasing someone who's less interested.
If you like him, call him, don't expect him to be doing all the running around.
And if he just isn't interested anymore, the world isn't going to end just because you called him
Don't text him, or you'll still be wondering and then asking us to interpret every word. call and see by the tone of his voice

magick

bluewolf wrote: »

So maybe he's realised you werent as interested as he was - why would he bother chasing someone who's less interested.
If you like him, call him, don't expect him to be doing all the running around.

ding ding ding we have a winner

exactly what he said.........

I mean it sounds like u did feck all (not trying to be mean but real) , heres a news flash yes guys enjoy the chase but after a while it gets boring if ur doing it all the time.

Again not being mean to you, but it does sound like hes gone off u

Guys she's been on like 3 or 4 dates with him.
Thats gone beyond "chase".So I disagree with the contention that he's gone cold.

Op ring him for fceks sake and arrange your next meet up.
Maybe do something for him.

I hate this mind game bulscuutter carry on-Op you are probably reading too much into it,so go ring and arrange to do something.

Oh and formalise your situation if thats what you want ie have that chat.

Zulu

see what happens when you play games with people?

Why not try a new approach - be honest and open.
Ring him, say you missed him and ask him if he'd like to meet up again.

He's probably just like everyone else on this planet, and couldn't be ar$ed putting in time and effort on someone who doesn't appear to give a sh1t. What signals have you given him? Have you phoned him even once??

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I suppose I have been messing him around and that is largely due to my own insecurities. I don't ever want to get to attached for fear of being let down. I have been used in the past and let down, but I suppose who hasn't? I have a fear of committing yet am envious of those in relationships. I've never been in a proper relationship in my 23years, usually just flings and all the attention I was getting from x was nice.

I never actually rang him before (unless i missed his calls) because this would be too much for me. I don't know why but definitely feel I would make a fool of myslef although I knew he was interested. Am definitely interested in catching up with him again. Have more or less decided to get tickets for his favourite singer whose playing next week. Big step for me.. He had invited me to a workshop in the coming weeks which now I suppose is up in the air..

Anyone any advice re the confidence issues and fear of being let down.. It would be a help to hear.. Thanks again,
MM.

whatwouldyoudo?

whatwouldyoudo? wrote:

Have more or less decided to get tickets for his favourite singer whose playing next week. Big step for me..

And do what with them, wait for him to call and hope it's before the concert?
If you can't even get the phone and call him, why on earth would you buy tickets?

Anyone any advice re the confidence issues and fear of being let down.. It would be a help to hear.. Thanks again,
MM.

Get over it and pick up the phone. Sitting there analysing it and making it into a bigger deal than it is isn't going to do you any good if you're not going to do something about it.

biko

He seems to be a genuine guy so will only be glad you called.

Zulu

whatwouldyoudo? wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I suppose I have been messing him around and that is largely due to my own insecurities.

Well, on a personal note, you should try to prevent your own insecurities from making you treat people poorly. He deserves a little more than that, remember he was taking risks with his insecurities also - however what's done is done, you can mark it down to experience.

I don't ever want to get to attached for fear of being let down.

Well, you're just going to have to get over this one

I have been used in the past and let down,

as has everyone else, he's has too, but felt you were worth the risk.

I never actually rang him before (unless i missed his calls) because this would be too much for me.I don't know why but definitely feel I would make a fool of myslef although I knew he was interested.

Don't be so childish. Suck it up, he did a load of chasing, made it clear he was interested. You were supposed to reciprocate.

Am definitely interested in catching up with him again.

Good - shame it got this far, but you can still make it up.

Have more or less decided to get tickets for his favourite singer whose playing next week. Big step for me..

Fantastic - great work!

He had invited me to a workshop in the coming weeks which now I suppose is up in the air..

There's a risk he has you earmarked as someone who plays games. What the result of this is could be anything. Play it straight from here. Be honest. Tell him you got the tickets and want to go with him. Apologise for not getting in touch sooner, and explain you found it hard. Just say what you've said here. He'll respect you for it.

Anyone any advice re the confidence issues and fear of being let down.. It would be a help to hear.. Thanks again,
MM.

The problem with bravery is, you need to do the thing that scares you - then you get brave.

LegacyUser

Hey-update. Rang him & it went to voicemail. Left a message which i really hate doing. This was about an hour ago. I am relieved, although it almost killed me to do it. Even if I never hear from him again(not looking likely) at least I bit the bullet! thanks for your replies

Zulu

whatwouldyoudo wrote: »

Hey-update. Rang him & it went to voicemail. Left a message which i really hate doing. This was about an hour ago. I am relieved, although it almost killed me to do it. Even if I never hear from him again(not looking likely) at least I bit the bullet! thanks for your replies

Good work. I understand it wasn't easy, but it didn't kill you
Look don't be too disheartened, his phone was off for a reason, so it'll take a while for him to get back to you.
More than likely, he'll get your message and hold off a little while in getting back to you - thats how this game goes and unfortunately it's been started, so it'll likely play out.
If he doesn't get in touch, mark it down to experience, and be a little more receptive to the next man that trundles into your life.

Remember - nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Hope it works out for you op. Best of luck

LegacyUser

He rang me back yesterday and I asked him. Meeting for the gig next week if not before. He said he'd love to go! It'll be weird when i next see him though as we havent seen one another in 2 weeks, I've learnt the error of my ways at least and will definitely make more of an effort anymore. good advice Zulu & co. thanks