Huge change in life and a little worried

LegacyUser

Thought I'd go unreg for this one. I'm moving out of my home for the first time in about a month. I've successfully purchased an apartment with a little help from the parentals and after closing the deal, I should be moved in in a month. And I have to admit, I'm pretty scared! Not of surviving or having to do things myself. That part, I'll be fine with. What is scaring me is the thought of being alone. Basically, I'll be living alone for the first while. Being in an apartment on my own will be a huge change and not having at least someone around, I'm worried that I'm going to get incredibly lonely.

I'm 26 and male, single with a good few friends. But I cant help but think I'd be much more comfortable doing this with a partner. I know deep down that I shouldn't be feeling like this, and that it's just that this is such a huge step. But recently I've been feeling like I've a broken heart doing this. Being single doesn't help either. I worry that because I haven't found someone at this age, I'll never find someone. Rediculous, I know, but I cant help but feel desperate! I've tried singles websites briefly, but the lack of response (and yes, I did make an effort!) put me off after a while. This all sounds terribly sad when I look at it, but I just need to get it out. Anyone else ever experience this? Does it get any better?!

LegacyUser

Might just go unreg-ed on this myself.

Well I looked at buying an apartment a few years ago - and the overriding thought I had was that when I closed the door in the evening - well that was it really - alone. It was that more than anything else that made me decide not to proceed. I do live with one of my parents (still!) who is divorced - I appreciate the company and people can knock it all they want but for me I'd much rather things this way than living alone.

Well your second point the driver of all this really is about being single. Yes I feel the same sometimes. I got very hurt when I was younger and for a long time my heart just wasn't in it. I'm 10 years older than you and I haven't managed to meet anyone, never seem to get a break - and I can't just play the numbers to beat the odds, I really have to know someone to feel like I want to try (which is most likely my problem). So in a sense - no it hasn't got better.

The only thing I will say is that there's more to life than being single or not. Its not always easy to see when it feels like a gaping hole in your life. My regret is that I made a lot of decisions based on the fact that I was single - restlessly looking for change rather than dealing with things on their own merits. My singleness may or may not change - but atleast I get alot more out of life now.

Best of luck with the apartment - its all part of the big adverture

the_syco

OP, no idea what your parents are like, but one advantage of having your own gaff is that you can bring home a woman to f**k with no worries of your parents hearing you:cool:

Ickle Magoo

OP,

I found moving out of home for the first time incredibly daunting. My safety net of company, money & food would be gone & the idea of being on my own night after night terrified me. Of course, the reality was very different & rather than hate the nights on my own, I actually really enjoyed them.

You can call your friends or family, you can invite them round or go & see other people, you can even bring people back to your place ;). The joy of having your own place is you can do exactly what you want, when you want. There is no arguing over what's on TV, no arguing over the last biscuit or tin of beer. The pluses far outweigh the negatives & I'm sure once you move in you'll enjoy it - and if you don't, there's nothing stopping you renting the apartment out & moving home again.

chuckles30

Congratulations on the new place!!! It might be a bit daunting at first, but definitely well worth it. When you move in, you'll have lots of people calling over to see it and you'll be able to keep yourself busy sorting it all out too. After a couple of weeks, you'll wonder how you ever lived at home.

As a single woman, I have to say that guys still living at home is a big turn off for me.....they just lack the independence, whereas guys who have moved out tend to come across better. So you might find that your luck changes there as well.

Cathmandooo

ah I'm soooo glad this post was done up, I shud also go unreg for this but its mon morning and I'm feeling lazy! My folks are moving away for a year early next year so i'll have the big family home to myself and I'm really dreading it. I feel the rug has been pulled from under me! When they go away for a week I even find it lonely knocking around the house on my own. It's safety I'm more concerned with as we've had a few attempted breakins thru the years and just yesterday one of our back windows was smashed as someone tried to get in, we're not in a bad neighbourhood, this doesnt happen often! I dread the house alarm going off during the night, will i have the courage to go down stairs and check it out by myself?! ahh just thinking about it has my heart pounding! My family live closeby but theres nothing like the security of having a man living with you! If you feel safe I think you'll be fine, the lonliness wont be so bad as you'll have people over all the time I'm sure!!

LegacyUser

Hey there, read your message and it struck a chord with me. Was in a very similar situation a couple of years ago when I bought my own place on my own. I totally understand about the feeling of loneliness and isolation that you are wary about. When I bought my own place, I had broken up with my girlfriend a few months earlier. I was very reluctant to buy a place of my own, because i was thinking "will I be able to handle the loneliness?". When I moved in the first week was terrible, there I was living in a big house by myself and I don't think I've ever felt as lonely as I did at that point.

But that only lasted for a week, and I very soon got to love the feeling of independence and having a place of your own. There's nothing like it. And I met a new "special person" a year ago as well. So, so far it has worked out very well for me, and the concerns I had at the start have all evaporated.

The way you have to look at is - when you are thinking about the future, do you envisage yourself still living at home with your parents in ten years time, or living in a place of your own? If you want to grow as a person, you need to strike out on your own. Because you can be too cloistered when you are still living under the wing of your parents. And it's a comfortable environment, so it's easy to fall into a rut. And like a previous poster mentioned, having your own place is definitely a plus when you are trying to meet potential "other halves". Because "still living at home with your parents" is not a turn on for the opposite sex, believe me. You don't want to be in a situation 5 or 10 years down the line where you are still living with your folks, and are beginning to regret not taking the plunge a lot sooner. Life is short my friend, you gotta grasp it while you can and get living it. Carpe diem and all that.

But whatever you decide to do, best of luck with it. :-)

Gordon

We are all born alone and die alone. What's in between is padding.

And in your pad you should have some nice dinner parties, some cool party parties and some nights in with good friends playing Xbox or whatever.

A guy at 26 having his own pad is an attractive quality for women. You should milk it by inviting people over as much as possible if you are weary of being on your own. The right woman will come along don't worry about that dude. Your in a better position than most people your age.

If you feel lonely try out IRC internet chat, go to boards beers (there's one coming up!) and get out into life. Join a dance class, join a wine tasting group, go bowling with a couple of friends. You make your future.

Good luck dude.

leninbenjamin

nothing as profound here as the other posts... but assuming you haven't got one already, why not get a pet when you move in? an animal can really add a bit of life to the place, and the added distraction of caring for it might help alleviate some temporary loneliness you might feel.

LegacyUser

Many thanks for the words, people. I guess I was having a bit of an episode last night, thinking about everything and letting it get on top of me. Feel better now! Thanks again!

How Strange

OP, totally understand where you are coming from. I suppose when you live on your own you have to make more of an effort to meet your friends, invite them over, do things in the evenings (especially during the winter when the evenings are so dark).

I'm sure it will be fine. Your concerns seem 100% normal to me anyway.

Good luck with the new place.

Beruthiel

I was also scared buying my first apt. on my own. Let me tell you, in no time flat you will become aware of all the fantactic advantages to this arrangement, your own space, come and go as you please, doing what you want when you want. Hell, you can walk around naked in you gaf if you wish
This is a great time, invite your mates over, buy an xbox if you don't have one. Become a home cinema buff, learn how to cook! so many things to do. Enjoy it!

r3nu4l

Beruthiel wrote: »

Hell, you can walk around naked in you gaf if you wish

/hopes Pighead doesn't see this!

Anyway, OP, I think that when you move in you should hold a party but as you invite your friends over, tell them that they can invite partners and one other person. That way it is likely that if they have single friends they will bring them...hopefully they won't all bring a single male friend, that would defeat the purpose.

Get people to sign a 'party book' on the way in and include an 'email address field. That way you get to extend your circle of friends and have a list of email addresses. You can use this list to arange parties, XBox/Wii/PS gaming nights, poker nights, cinema/bowling trips etc.

All of a sudden you are the guy who organises the social events and your apartment becomes the centre of the social scene.

If you have a spare bedroom you could consider renting it out, that way you will be less lonely. Make sure you look carefully at how a lease should be managed and know your rights and those of the lodger too.

gandalf

Just moved into my own place a couple of months ago. I am older than you and have shared places and moved back home due to an illness and bereavment to one of my parents so until now have never had space to call my own.

I am loving it but I do like my own space and confident enough not to get too lonely. On saying that I have two decent hobbies which keep me in contact with people, photography and airsoft and I enjoy movies so I will be having DVD nights in the new gaff (honest Ruthie I will, just need to clear through boxes in the spare room and get the sofa bed in!!).

Lawless_Samurai

I'd say go for it and take the risk. It might be daunting and you're afraid of being lonely but you'll never know unless you try... You never know it could turn out the other way!

vorbis

Move out! It will force you to give up the safety net of your family! I'd say the same to unreg2, you're both adults who are relying too much on your parents. Move out of home and develop a life for yourselves. You don't like the idea of living alone. Thats good! Hopefully it will force you to meet new people! You're currently in a rut imo. Getting out of home could change that.

ivuernis

Do it. Living on your own for a while will be a good thing. It will give you time and space to be yourself and do your own thing and you may also learn things about yourself that you may not find out by living with family/friends/partner.

Having lived on my own at one stage I came to the realise that I was one of the very few of my group of friends who have done this. Most people I know went from living with parents to living with other people (sharing a house and so on) and then from that straight into living with a partner. Not that there is anything in the slightest bit wrong with that but having lived on my own for a period I am now very glad that I had that experience.

So as I said go for it and enjoy it while you can because the likelihood is that you'll meet someone eventually and end up living with them.