Should I Drop?

LegacyUser

....My standards?

I’m a 20 year old male but im very inexperienced when it comes to women. I would consider myself to be good-looking but I am love-shy. I can talk to any strangers but when I become interested in a girl I put up a wall so that not so show that I am interested so that if she doesn’t return the interest I wont look like a fool which is really frustrating. To add to this iv no idea how to hook up with a girls in night clubs were there is not much talking involved but once I get outside I start talking to anyone but still find it hard to seal the deal like take this for instance me and this girl who I got talking to where walking home and we started walking slow so we could be on own (we were in a group) but I didn’t know how to go in and kiss her and thus nothing happened.

But take this the other night I knew 3 girls who were clearly interested in me but I wasn’t in them. So im asking you should I drop my standards to get experience and boost my confidence?

l3LoWnA

You don't have to make a concious decisio nto drop your standards. If you drink alcohol - just double your portions the next night your out!!! Your standards will automatically drop to at least 50% (maybe lower) believe me I KNOW!!!! :rolleyes::p

woodchuck

No, I don't think you should lower your standards. It's not fair on the other person. You might just be doing it to gain experience, but she could really like you. So it wouldn't be fair to lead someone on like that.

You don't have to kiss someone the first time you meet them to let them know you're interested. You could just ask for their phone number and ring/text and you should be able to tell after a little while if she likes you too. Unfortunately you're going to have to risk getting hurt though, otherwise nothing is ever going to happen (unless you find a girl you like who has no problem making the first move!).

MagicMarker

teqbyy wrote: »

....My standards?

I’m a 20 year old male but im very inexperienced when it comes to women. I would consider myself to be good-looking but I am love-shy. I can talk to any strangers but when I become interested in a girl I put up a wall so that not so show that I am interested so that if she doesn’t return the interest I wont look like a fool which is really frustrating. To add to this iv no idea how to hook up with a girls in night clubs were there is not much talking involved but once I get outside I start talking to anyone but still find it hard to seal the deal like take this for instance me and this girl who I got talking to where walking home and we started walking slow so we could be on own (we were in a group) but I didn’t know how to go in and kiss her and thus nothing happened.

But take this the other night I knew 3 girls who were clearly interested in me but I wasn’t in them. So im asking you should I drop my standards to get experience and boost my confidence?

Lower your standards for what? Are you just looking to score? You didn't ''go in for the kiss'' with this girl, so what? Did you ask her for her number? Why not?

estar

teqbyy wrote: »

....My standards?

I’m a 20 year old male but im very inexperienced when it comes to women. I would consider myself to be good-looking but I am love-shy. I can talk to any strangers but when I become interested in a girl I put up a wall so that not so show that I am interested so that if she doesn’t return the interest I wont look like a fool which is really frustrating. To add to this iv no idea how to hook up with a girls in night clubs were there is not much talking involved but once I get outside I start talking to anyone but still find it hard to seal the deal like take this for instance me and this girl who I got talking to where walking home and we started walking slow so we could be on own (we were in a group) but I didn’t know how to go in and kiss her and thus nothing happened.

But take this the other night I knew 3 girls who were clearly interested in me but I wasn’t in them. So im asking you should I drop my standards to get experience and boost my confidence?

no - confidence will develop over time, just be patient, be yourself
respect yourself and other people

girls arent there just for you to practice on you know. thats a little
calculating, dont you think/

Reku

Lowering your standards would just sell yourself short and cheapen the girls you end up with.
There's no rule that you must kiss the girl within 24hrs of meeting or nothing can happen between you two, so just relax and take your time, get the girl's number and make sure to call/text her afterwards to let her know that you do like her and want to meet up again, then see where things go from their.
The other thing to keep in mind is that it's just as much down to the girl as to whether you kiss or not, so it's not all your fault and perhaps she felt it best to hold out for a second date.

Tigger

estar wrote: »

snip


girls arent there just for you to practice on you know. thats a little
calculating, dont you think/

logical and realistic solution to a problem thas important for him to sort
male brain, in fairness he is looking for advice

my opinion is taht it would be "using them" also start as you mean to go on.
oh and never objectify women like this to women in the real world they really don't like it

LegacyUser

I think I'm the same as the oringinal poster when I have very little interest in the girl I can talk to them easily have the craic no problems have a few female friends but if I really like one I go all quite and shy and short even if they are interested in me and so i come across as a c**t when I'm not
its so fustrating op I know how you feel
anyone any thoughts on how to change this?

vorbis

Quick answer yes, long answer ... yes!

It may indeed be "using" girls but you have to start somewhere. Going on a few dates or kissing a girl doesn't mean you're suddenly involved with that girl. The girls that you are looking for (I'm guessing reasonably attractive and upwards) can be very quick to reject a guy that doesn't know what he's doing (in general, I do know not every girl is the same).

The next time a girl who you're not that into shows a lot of interest pursue it. The whole experience will do wonders for you. She'll have a greater tolerance for your mistakes (since you'd probably be above her looks wise) and you'll begin to get a better handle about what you should be doing. As long as you don't lead the girl on into thinking you're madly into her, it should be all good.

howaya

why do you feel the need to have standards?

By your own admission, you're not comfortable around girls. There are other standards besides looks.

Aren't your questionable ideas about yourself and your image getting in the way of you actually copping off with someone you actually fancy?

You sound very self-aware and smart. IMO you ought to throw the monkey off your shoulder, and just be yourself.
Shyness is way more attractive than an inflated sense of your desirability