Probably one for the girls

Orlee

Hey all - I know my "problem" is trivial in the big scheme of things but it's really upsetting me
(Mods: Feel free to move to Fashion and Appearance if you feel it's more suited there)

My college graduation ball is coming up at the end of next week and of course myself and the girls have been looking around for that "perfect" dress! After many shopping trips, I decided on the one for me last weekend and off I went to buy it.

On Monday morning I sent my closest friend a picture of it (including the shoes and bag to match) and raved on about how nice it is, the way it fits, how much I love it etc. Anyway, on Tuesday she sends me a mail saying how she wishes she could find a dress like it in black (mine is a really chocolaty brown). Completely as a joke and not for a second did I think she'd actually do it I said "sure they do my dress in black - we could go as twins! Ha Ha Ha"

Well I'm not laughing now - She sent me a picture this morning of her wearing the dress she bought for the ball last night......MY dress in black, and starts gushing on about how happy she is that I don't mind her having the same dress etc. Eh - Are my eyes deceiving me? I can't believe it! After I picked my jaw up off the floor - I did say to her " Are you serious? Don't you think we're going to look ridiculous wearing the same dress?" but she is very insistent that they'll look totally different, after all, she did hold them up to each other in the shop - oh and she's wearing a cream ribbon on hers - so that'll make them look totally different! NOT!!!! (To depress me even more, she's much slimmer than me and it does look better on her than it does on me but I was so looking forward to feeling good wearing it)

What the hell???? I'm completely gob smacked - Are we really supposed to go to the same ball and sit at the same table wearing the same dress? I know it's not a life threatening issue and the more I talk about it the more ridiculous I feel but I'm really disappointed that my closest friend would do something so childish and selfish. What am I supposed to do now? I know it can happen that you turn up to a party wearing the same dress as someone else but it's not supposed to happen on purpose!

I feel like I'm at fault but I was honestly only kidding when I suggested it and I would have thought that a friend of 4 years would have copped on to that.

What do I do? Go in the same dress? Ask her to return it? Return mine and get something else? Any words of wisdom greatly appreciated

ceidefields

Well if she's your closest friend I would just sit her down over a cup of tea and explain nicely how you feel. I think it's a case of miscommunication here. You were joking, she took you seriously. Offer to help her find another dress and go shopping with her. You could also throw something in about how you think she looks far prettier in the dress (bit of flattery never goes wrong).

If you just return it and get something else a. she'll know why and you won't have talked about it b. you'll still feel angry and won't have gotten it off your chest!

Storm_rages

I think return yours and get something nicer and then tell her that really in the end you did not think that dress was all that nice!!!

6th

You told her they had it in black!

Orlee

Storm_rages wrote: »

I think return yours and get something nicer and then tell her that really in the end you did not think that dress was all that nice!!!

I'm ticked off enough at the moment to do this one but

ceidefields wrote: »

sit her down over a cup of tea and explain nicely how you feel

I think this is the right route to go but honest to god - I'm utterly useless at confrontation.

6th wrote:

You told her they had it in black!

I know, I know - what the hell was I thinking! I'm kicking myself now!

Oriel

Alternatively, wise up and realise that it's only a dress and in a months time it's not going to matter a bollocks?
If you're insistant upon it, then she should be the one returning her dress, but then again, you did show her it.

Orlee

Oriel wrote: »

Alternatively, wise up and realise that it's only a dress and in a months time it's not going to matter a bollocks?
If you're insistant upon it, then she should be the one returning her dress, but then again, you did show her it.

I completely agree - that's why I'm reluctant to say anything. She didn't cop on I was messing (at least I don't think she did) and I was the one who showed her the dress so it's not like I have much of an arguement but still it's niggling at me

Nevyn

You bought the garment but you are not the owner of the rights to the style or design of it. If you wanted something that only you were going to wear you should have got it made for you.

Storm_rages

ok its not life or death but i do understand why you would be upset, i still think that the best thing to do would be see if your dress can be returned, not much point saying it to your friend, it would only cause problems.. and if she says why did you not wear it tell her there was a problem with the hem.. (sorry my first post was way more bitch then i normally am... !!)

Orlee

Thaedydal wrote: »

You bought the garment but you are not the owner of the rights to the style or design of it. If you wanted something that only you were going to wear you should have got it made for you.

Which I completely agree with - I felt this portrayed that

Orlee wrote: »

I know it can happen that you turn up to a party wearing the same dress as someone else but it's not supposed to happen on purpose

My issue is that fact that she did it on purpose - i would feel the same way if i went to a dress makers and had a dress made for me in brown and then suggested (jokingly mind) that the dressmaker could make one for her in black to then find that she went ahead and had one made!

sjaakie

oh oh.. a woman s worst nightmare: turning up at the same party in the same dress, can you maybe alter yours with fantastic accesoires?...

if sitting down and talk nicely about it with her does not work out i would go for the route of buying a completly different dress.

gl.

MagicMarker

I would go and get another one... You'll see, in the end it is meant to be. You'll end up getting a much nicer dress and be happy that this all happened. I can feel it in me waters.

Lil' Smiler

If I was you, I'd stick with the dress you bought. You obviously bought it because you're comfortable in it and you love it...believe me i understand, i went through hell for the whole summer trying to find the perfect dress for my 21st in september and nearly lost everyone close to me as a result of being Super Bitch - something I regret majorly - but anyway..

If by chance the chocolate dress is one from Coast - it is gorgeous nearly went for that for my 21st...


But the fact is that someone else could easily turn up in your dress and also in hers!! Everyone is gonna have black!! Dress yours up with some gorgeous jewellery, bag and shoes.

Your grad ball is your night too, don't let it be ruined by something so simple as a dress, it's one night.. one night that will fly by!! Don't stress over it, it'll take away from the night!!

I completely understand how you feel, I hope I've been of some help and everything works out ok x

PS... What a bitch!!! ;)

Piste

Well IMHO the right accessories can totally transform a dress, and you can do much better with brown than black, it's true that "everything goes with black" but with brown only CERTAIN things go, and they go because they really complement eachother, unlike with black where really nothing is "perfect" everything just looks ok, so you have the advantage here!

Baby pink looks wonderful with chocolate borwn, really makes it very feminine so try maybe getting a baby pink sash, wearing pale pink lipstick etc. and I'm sure you'll look much nicer than your friend. If the dresses are different colours and are accessorised differently people probably won't notice they're the exact same as so many dresses follow the same style anyway.


Good luck!

Lil' Smiler

Yes, i COMPLETELY agree with the above, very well said!!

SarahSassy

Thaedydal wrote: »

You bought the garment but you are not the owner of the rights to the style or design of it. If you wanted something that only you were going to wear you should have got it made for you.

Well that is stating the obvious and not exactly giving the OP a solution.

OP, I do think that you should have a look for a new dress for yourself. If you dont find one then wear the one you have. Your friend was a bit daft not to realise that you were joking and might look like plonkers (no offense) wearing the same dresses...

You did nothing wrong....

The Sweeper

Orlee wrote: »

My issue is that fact that she did it on purpose - i would feel the same way if i went to a dress makers and had a dress made for me in brown and then suggested (jokingly mind) that the dressmaker could make one for her in black to then find that she went ahead and had one made!

I want this sentence on my gravestone:

"JOKES HAVE PUNCHLINES".

Your friend purposefully went out and got the same dress as you in a different colour AFTER YOU TOLD HER IT WAS AVAILABLE IN BLACK, which again was AFTER SHE TOLD YOU SHE WISHED IT WAS.

"That chocolate ice-cream looks good. Wish they did it in mint."
"Oh hey, they do!"
"Oh great!" <returns with mint ice-cream>

As has been said before here, get differnt accessories and you'll completely change the look of your outfit. And next time you don't want someone to do something, don't suggest it to them first.

bug

Go out and buy some accessories.

If the style of the dress is simple I think you'll find most people wearing similar dresses, after all it is a formal ball, they don't differ that much really.

Give us a pic and we'll tell you.

strawberrybox

sorry but what a bitch, that is totally out of order she knows exactly what she has done, if a friend did that to me i would just come straight out and say eh hello what the hell! and if she feigns innocence then i would just ask her to return her dress and get another and if she refuses defo still go in yours but make sure everyone knows she copied you

curiousxxx1

OP, you can also try nice shades of brown eye shadows from Mac to bring out the colour of your dress.. make up should also be flawless...
Goodluck and let us know how you get on

Lil' Smiler

excellent point, highlight your eyes with your eye make up!!

Make up makes a great difference!!

Dalfiatach

sjaakie wrote: »

oh oh.. a woman s worst nightmare: turning up at the same party in the same dress

I know this is a thread for you girls, but really - WTF? Ye do realise that men just wouldn't notice? The OP says her and her friend are different body shapes, the dresses are different colours, and one will have a big cream bow on it, or something.

Youse worry about these things far too much, you know. Not a single one of the men there will notice that both dresses are in the same style. And I'll bet half the women there won't notice either...and the ones that do obviously have too much time on their hands!

Chill. Out.

If yer still actually worried about what some random girl on the other side of the room might think :rolleyes: then bring a hideous handbag, wear startling huge shiny ear-rings, or have a completely mental hairstyle on the night, and then all the bitchy girls will be far too busy giving out about that to even notice the similar dresses.

Reku

Can't say that I understand girl's absolute fear of showing up in the same/a similar piece of clothing to one of their friends, guys will sometimes have it happen and let's face it in today's world who's more likely to be ridiculed for it and probably called "gay", etc...
As Dalfiatach has said, odds are us lads wouldn't notice... throw in the question of how well lit the place will probably be (lets face it they'll probably aim for "mood lighting" so dimly lit is a fair bet) and the odds of guys noticing drop even further.

The only reasoning I can put to it is a fear that because your outfits are comparable then it allows an unbiased comparison of your own beauty, you can't rely on the outfit to boost it over your friend's. I could well be way off but that's the only reasoning I can currently see to it.

*As such just make sure to be completely happy with how you get your hair done, your make up, your handbag and accessories, you're still left with all these (and probably more) ways to help you stand out as being more beautiful. Probably best to get dolled up separately though so as to make sure you don't have the added nerves of worrying if she'll copy other aspects of your appearance for the night.



*I don't really believe in the whole competitive grooming and constantly worrying over who's "the most beautiful", as beauty is abstract, every person will have a slightly different oppinion as to what is beatiful, but I'll try give my view of a solution anyway.

Orlee

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

I want this sentence on my gravestone:

"JOKES HAVE PUNCHLINES".

I thought the "We could look like twins ha ha" was the punchline but obviously not!


@Dalfiatach It's not the men I'm worried about - I think half the time we girls dress to impress the other girls!

@bug Here's the dress the dress in brown (mine)
Here's the dress in black (hers)

ps - thanks guys

The_Conductor

Orlee- Karen Millen have one almost identical to this again (with the layering etc visually identical). I seriously wouldn't worry. Accessorise- out do her, she has her bow- you get the shoes.......

4bugny

Gold strappy shoes and a matching bag is a nice combination with brown. Orange is good and will really make your dress pop, cream is also a winner with brown. Or you could opt for a light blue such as an Aqua, which will add a nice burst of colour.

Dizzyblonde

It's a beautiful dress, and the ribbon makes a difference. I say buy nice accessories and don't tell her what they're like (once bitten twice shy). Have a great night at the grad ball and if anyone remarks that the dresses are very alike say ' -- liked mine so much she bought one too' so people know you didn't copy her.
After all, she knew what she was doing - even though you told her they had it in black, she should've double-checked and she knows it.
If anyone's going to be uncomfortale on the night let it be her.

Dizzyblonde

4bugny wrote: »

Gold strappy shoes and a matching bag is a nice combination with brown. Orange is good and will really make your dress pop, cream is also a winner with brown. Or you could opt for a light blue such as an Aqua, which will add a nice burst of colour.

Very good suggestions for accessories.

h57xiucj2z946q

who cares, just makes it a more popular dress...

Gyalist

I hope the guys reading this thread make a note of how viciously competitive women are with each other. I own a few well-known shops in Dublin and I have seen the same thing happen countless times. E.g. One friend brings in another to show her a dress that she was thinking of buying. Friend 1 tries on the dress and seeks Friend 2's advice. Friend 2 disagrees with the choice and advises Friend 1 not to get it. However, later that day or a day or two later, Friend 2 comes back on her own and buys the dress for herself!!

Reku

Gyalist wrote: »

I hope the guys reading this thread make a note of how viciously competitive women are with each other. I own a few well-known shops in Dublin and I have seen the same thing happen countless times. E.g. One friend brings in another to show her a dress that she was thinking of buying. Friend 1 tries on the dress and seeks Friend 2's advice. Friend 2 disagrees with the choice and advises Friend 1 not to get it. However, later that day or a day or two later, Friend 2 comes back on her own and buys the dress for herself!!

Have heard many anecdotes of this myself, which always raises the question of "she values the dress more than her friendship?".
And yet men are supposedly the more competitive gender...:rolleyes:

Looking at the two pictures if you hadn't stated that it's the same dress I wouldn't have realised as the ribbon makes enough of a difference. So as said before, just choose the right accessories and few, if any, may notice.

If nothing else remember that immitation is a form of flattery, by choosing such a similar dress your friend is saying that she likes your taste in dresses.

Orlee

@ farohar

Thanks for your words of wisdom and comfort! Maybe I sholud just take the whole thing as a complement and roll with it!

@ 4bugny and dizzyblonde

Making the most of accessories is the way to go. Gold and orange are brilliant complements and here was me trying to find a pair of "chololate" shoes! I really like the idea of a burt orange clutch or something

Miss Fluff

Take a deep breath OP, from reading the thread I could feel your pain until you posted the pic. The black and chocolate brown are totally different dresses imo and EVERYONE will be in black AND the chocolate brown is way classier. Keep your mouth shut about how you plan to accessorize and make it your mission to look 100 times more glam than your derivative thinking sap of a mate.

Why don't you get MAC to do your makeup for the evening and get yourself to the Pout counter and blow some spends on fake eyelashes? Cinderella WILL go to the ball m'dear while making your "friend" feel like a red-headed stepchild in the process.:D

Orlee

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Take a deep breath OP, from reading the thread I could feel your pain until you posted the pic. The black and chocolate brown are totally different dresses imo and EVERYONE will be in black AND the chocolate brown is way classier. Keep your mouth shut about how you plan to accessorize and make it your mission to look 100 times more glam than your derivative thinking sap of a mate.

Why don't you get MAC to do your makeup for the evening and get yourself to the Pout counter and blow some spends on fake eyelashes? Cinderella WILL go to the ball m'dear while making your "friend" feel like a red-headed stepchild in the process.:D

Aw thanks Miss fluff That's cheered me up no end.
I think I'll have to pop down to bt's on my lunch and book an appointment with Mac

If a friend of mine did that I would kill them and but then probably go along with it as I wouldn't confront them like yourself I hate confrontation

I would tell her I'm getting something else as you think people would think its so stupid and pathetic going in the same dress and you don't want people drawing attention to anything other than how great you look... and I would definitely say something like “I didn’t think you would think I was actually serious when I suggested we go as twins I mean WTF! We Are (insert age) over 18 I’m assuming not 12 going to a birthday party …
.
Tell EVERYONE what she did, this would be right up there with something you just don't bloody do to a mate and also bitch about her lack of originality...

Don't forget it layer/exaggerate on the bitching about it triple style …. it tastes nicer and more appealing to other people that way What she did is a cardinal sin between friends You will see what other girls reactions are. Your mate knew exactly what she was doing and as you put it she’s thinner than you She probably considers herself a lot prettier and didn’t actually give a **** what you would think do or say.

I think the only time this would be acceptable is if you hadn't both planned wearing the dress at the same time or with a different group of friends

moco

I agree, it was totally out of order for her to get the same dress, after 4 years of friendship she knows you and knows when you're joking so she knew what she was doing was wrong.

If anyone should be bringing the dress back it's her, you bought it first after looking for ages so why should you miss out on wearing it because of her?

I'd say it to her, that you were obviously joking about her getting one in black and tell her you can't go in the same dress to see what her reaction is. If she doesn't say she'll bring it back she's a total bitch.

If you do end up having to go in the same dress then make sure you look much better. Gold is georgeous with that colour of brown and make sure your hair and makeup is far nicer. Play up your best bits.

Have a good night!

4bugny

If you know somebody handy with the needle and thread you could get them to add some delicate gold detailing on the bust area of the dress. Then it really would not be the same dress atall.

Cathmandooo

The brown really is a beautiful dress, and as someone above said everyone else will be in black so your dress will already be unique! Your friend shouldnt have gone for the dress, very mean of her.

I was at a ball last Saturday and some girl had the exact same dress as me, black with a pink ribbon under the bust (yes boring black!!) but I had changed the ribbon for a silver belt thing, accessorised with a silver shrug and had fab silver shoes and no one noticed that we had the same dress on (plus she was also slimmer than me!)

I'd take the high ground and not mention that she copied your dress to her, she already knows it was your dress first. Be confident in it and you'll look stunning.

Esel

Tell her that three other people liked the dress so much they've also got it - in black!

Second thoughts, not such a good idea. She'd probably go and change hers for a brown one.

Piste

coolsmileygirl wrote: »

.
Tell EVERYONE what she did, this would be right up there with something you just don't bloody do to a mate and also bitch about her lack of originality...

Don't forget it layer/exaggerate on the bitching about it triple style …. it tastes nicer and more appealing to other people that way What she did is a cardinal sin between friends You will see what other girls reactions are. Your mate knew exactly what she was doing and as you put it she’s thinner than you She probably considers herself a lot prettier and didn’t actually give a **** what you would think do or say.

No don't do this at all. In fact, this is one of the worst things you can do OP. The fact that she got the same dress is you is not a huge deal, it's just annoying that you wont have an original drss at the ball, but no-on will notice anyway if you accessorise like how people have suggested. If you bitch to anyone who will listen about your friend it will not reflect badly on her, it will just make you look bitchy and petty, only mention it if you're asked about it and try to enjoy the night.

Pythia

I'd ask her not to wear it to this ball but say she can wear it to any other event and you'll wear something different.

Grimebox

lol! yep really one for the girls

Orlee

Well all - thanks for everything.

I'decided to keep the dress ciz I just love it so much and Cinderella will just have to find something else to wear to the ball!