is this an orgasm?

LegacyUser

every time i feel like I'm about to have an orgasm, the feeling bcomes intense and pleasurable, then just goes away. I don't get the rythmic contractions or a flush of pleasure and I don't feel entirely satisfied, but afterwards i'm not aroused any more. Is this an orgasm? I'm female.

NADA

I don't know much about this sort of thing(being a guy) but it doesn't sound like an orgasm. I think if it was an orgasm you'd know and wouldn't be unsure.

aoife000

NADA wrote: »

I think if it was an orgasm you'd know and wouldn't be unsure.

Agreed

Marksie

NADA wrote: »

I think if it was an orgasm you'd know and wouldn't be unsure.

Not necessarily. There are several different types of orgasm of which the genital (clitoal and vaginal) is only a small part. Subtle body orgasms can be a lot less intense and occur at the same time as physical ones which can mask them.

However to asnwer the OP question: An orgasm may be intense and explosive or it may be very diffuse and prolonged or with the whole range in between. It can almost be intorsepctive or spiritually connective, when streaming or undergoing aa state of ecstatic blis they can last for minutes or much longer though it possible that that may be multiples (men and women both)

But personally i dont beleive you are having one OP, i believe you are getting to a point then losing it.

Are you focussing on the orgasm and thinking about it, essentially in your head?. Or are you getting to a point and then letting it slip away, perhaps by straining to much to either have it or becoming distracted?.

LegacyUser

I once went out with a girl who had never had an orgasm, never played with herself etc... super prudish.. Soon knocked that out of her. She had similar to what you are experiencing i.e. she was nearly there, but holding back.

I don't think she was conciously holding back mind, she really wanted the release. In the end I (being a very liberal boyfriend) ordered a rampant rabbit from Ann Summers online, got her all turned on and then had at it with my battery operated friend (bunny ears on the relevant spot !) and she went pure purple and nearly jumped through the roof and damn near passed out ! It was pretty cool...

Experimented with that for a while, every so often she would come so hard she would squirt (I don't know if its just real clear pee, or what but there was a good amount of it !) Anyway, now she finds it much easier to come via any method really, finger, tongue, penetration, don't ask me why, its like she had to be taught how to first, I think she had some sort of mental block !

Marksie

curiousxxx1 wrote: »

Right! If my ex finds out he would be mad... but like OP i have never had an orgasm.... And i had a bf for 5 yrs!!!
Any ideas on what to do would be highly appreciated. I recently bought a vibrator and i can't bring myself to use it. Same way i can't touch myself either.

OK curiousxxx1: forget the vibrator, Your issues and it realtes to the OP stems from your very last comment.

You are totally unaware of your bodies potential for ecstacy and its own orgasmic response.
Before you can experience orgasm with others you should begin to experience pleasure with yourself.
The fact that you "can't stand" touching yourself is an indication that you are not connected with self or with your own body.

In overcoming this take it easy. Have a nice bath and relax, get some massage oil and start enjoying touching your whole body not just the genital areas. But everything. Feel every sensation and let go with your mind. This isnt dirty or shameful but a natural process.

Work up to moving down to the genitals. Take a mirror and actually look at the shape of your vagina and its anatomy. Its part of you and not separate, its a beautiful part of you and should be treated like that. Learan literally to love it. Then begin to touch yourself llightkly tracing the contours and see how it feels, what areas give you pleasure and which dont. Relax and enjoy the sensations. explore every part and try varying strokes and pressures. For the now remnain on the outside but do feel the opening.

Its not a race but the aim is to get you comfortable touching.

The OP: if you masturbate you may wish to do the same and and just enjoy whats happening, dont race to the finish or tense but relax into the feelings and allow yourself to work towards orgasm slowly and without pressure, let your mind go blank and let your body take over.

Edit: apl;ogies for the typos i am typing fast :-)

Dudess

Relax - it really is the key. And just keep going for it. Take mini breaks in the middle of it. That doesn't actually cause momentum to be lost, when you get back to it, it picks up again - sometimes with even more intensity.

Marksie

Dudess wrote: »

Relax - it really is the key. And just keep going for it. Take mini breaks in the middle of it. That doesn't actually cause momentum to be lost, when you get back to it, it picks up again - sometimes with even more intensity.

If you relax and bring your awareness to the genital area you will have an enhanced experience, yoiu can imagine breathing into teh area through your hands and drawing the tingly energy up your spine as thourh a tube it will expand things.

Ickle Magoo

If you can't bring yourself to orgasm it's going to be much more difficult to guide someone else. You have to find out what works for you & then pass that on. If you don't like the thought of solo masturbation, would you masturbate in front of your BF? Get him to kiss & caress you while you do the clitoral/vaginal stimulation?

Rather than trying to achieve orgasm, just try to enjoy the sensations of bringing yourself to full arousal & the orgasm will just happen - if you strive for it then it can be much harder to achieve. hth

K-9

Marksie wrote: »

OK curiousxxx1: forget the vibrator, Your issues and it realtes to the OP stems from your very last comment.

You are totally unaware of your bodies potential for ecstacy and its own orgasmic response.
Before you can experience orgasm with others you should begin to experience pleasure with yourself.
The fact that you "can't stand" touching yourself is an indication that you are not connected with self or with your own body.

In overcoming this take it easy. Have a nice bath and relax, get some massage oil and start enjoying touching your whole body not just the genital areas. But everything. Feel every sensation and let go with your mind. This isnt dirty or shameful but a natural process.

Work up to moving down to the genitals. Take a mirror and actually look at the shape of your vagina and its anatomy. Its part of you and not separate, its a beautiful part of you and should be treated like that. Learan literally to love it. Then begin to touch yourself llightkly tracing the contours and see how it feels, what areas give you pleasure and which dont. Relax and enjoy the sensations. explore every part and try varying strokes and pressures. For the now remnain on the outside but do feel the opening.

Its not a race but the aim is to get you comfortable touching.

The OP: if you masturbate you may wish to do the same and and just enjoy whats happening, dont race to the finish or tense but relax into the feelings and allow yourself to work towards orgasm slowly and without pressure, let your mind go blank and let your body take over.

Edit: apl;ogies for the typos i am typing fast :-)

+1. Enjoy and explore. A womans body is meant for pleasure. Relax and actually forget the orgasm, enjoy the pleasure of touch.

Miss Fluff

The rabbit is one of the most overrated and least user-friendly toys out there. Why not get yourself a clit-kit or a smaller stimulator to start with?

thecleverone

The rabbit is one of the most overrated and least user-friendly toys out there

I agree 100% with this. And i've tried about 7 or 8 different vibrators. The funny thing is that with my first boyfriend (who i was with for years) i could never orgasm. Then wondered what i was missing so went out and bought my first vibrator. Was very strange using it a first but i took it slowly and started with clitoral stimulation. I nearly died the first time i orgasmed with it. The feeling was amazing and so intense. (You'll know when you're having a proper orgasm, believe me). Then slowly i started exploring so i now know what turns me on so i can communicate with my partner what i like having done and what stimulates me. So my two cents are explore and communicate!

Marksie

Miss Fluff and Thecleverone.

Toys are great and fun to use. But are an adjunct for someone who is aware of their body and its responses.

Take it a little further and think about how to tranmsit what you need to a partner if you havent used the power of touch to do it yourself.

If somone is not happy or comfortable with self pleasuring using plastic wont overcome the issue. Working to overcome their aversion first is whats important.

After that of course well, its a different thing altogeher.

LegacyUser

I touch myself regularly and use a vibrator. Still I can't get to a full orgasm.

aidan24326

curiousxxx1 wrote: »

Right! If my ex finds out he would be mad... but like OP i have never had an orgasm.... And i had a bf for 5 yrs!!!
Any ideas on what to do would be highly appreciated. I recently bought a vibrator and i can't bring myself to use it. Same way i can't touch myself either

Why not? I went out with a girl who was just like you, and similiar to what buzzz said in a previous post it's almost like she needed to be taught. Once she had the first one it was all good after that, and she gradually came round to the idea of pleasuring herself for release when I wasn't around. You are missing out on one of life's great experiences but nobody can tell you what to do until you become more open to the whole thing yourself, and get rid of the inhibitions that are holding you back. Faking is counter-productive and doesn't do any good whatsoever.

To notsure I would say if in doubt then it's very likely that you have not yet had an orgasm, not a 'proper' one anyway. When it happens you'll have no doubt. The ex I mentioned was like that, not sure if she had or hadn't. Once it happened she was no longer unsure!

strawberrybox

yeah you are getting so close then loosing it you defo know if you have orgasimed or not, you so have to get to know your own body i would totally recommend doing yourself, that way you get to know all the right spots to touch and what feels nice for you and then show your partner what way to touch you, that is such a mega turn on for blokes i have been reliably informed when you tell them what you like and how to touch you, you dont need all the parafinalia just have a glass of wine and relax and slowly explore your body just dont be thinking of the end bit if it feels nice just go with it and the orgasam will look after itself- I find it quite hard to come with just penetration i need a bit of clitoral stimilation aswell but both together is just mega

Marksie

notsure wrote: »

I touch myself regularly and use a vibrator. Still I can't get to a full orgasm.

then try the relaxation and breathing techniques. You may be straining to hard and losing it

K-9

strawberrybox wrote: »

that way you get to know all the right spots to touch and what feels nice for you and then show your partner what way to touch you, that is such a mega turn on for blokes i have been reliably informed when you tell them what you like and how to touch you, you dont need all the parafinalia just have a glass of wine and relax and slowly explore your body just dont be thinking of the end bit if it feels nice just go with it and the orgasam will look after itself.

Agreed

LegacyUser

OP as a woman, I can completely relate to what you've said. Sex is great with my boyfriend, but like you, there are times when I'm 'grand' but not blown away. Then there are the times when I am blown away, and my god do you know the difference. I also realised that I spent years with an ex who mostly gave me 'grand' feelings

For me, I have to feel in the mood, and not just be 'cooperating' if you know what I mean. Also I find that I am more likely to come when my boyfriend is in certain positions, and he has to both last the pace (because I don't know how long it'll take!) and has to pay some attention to how I'm reacting. I've actually had to spell it out to him not to stop when I react in particular way, because he might be done in that position, but I'm not! Communication is the key, and also not being critical, but more telling your partner what you like about what he's doing.

Also making sure you've got the right partner helps