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Relationship Woes

LegacyUser · 2007-10-14 14:53:07

Hi, I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half and things have always been really good – aside from a few tiffs here and there. We are both in our early 20s, are in the same class in college and it’s the first serious relationship for both of us. We both love each other though lately I feel as though I’m…

14-10-2007 2:53pm

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LegacyUser

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Hi,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half and things have always been really good – aside from a few tiffs here and there. We are both in our early 20s, are in the same class in college and it’s the first serious relationship for both of us. We both love each other though lately I feel as though I’m drifting away from her and want to be more independent. I’ve gone through feelings like this in the past and have usually been reassured by my friends that it’s natural. It’s just getting harder to shrug off.

I’m very demanding in the relationship regarding free time. I have what she calls an ‘artistic temperament’ and a sort of hyper-enthusiasm about things I’m passionate about. I never get bored when alone but sometimes when we hang out together I find I can get very restless and conscious of wasting time. My mood can shift suddenly into depression or anger. She is very selfless. She knows when I need space and gives me it, even when I know I’m being very selfish. I could go weeks with a text or a phone call here or there but she likes to see me a lot. I understand this is normal and I feel awful for not feeling the same way.

We have different social lives. I have friends and she doesn’t. She is quite introverted, and doesn’t really interact with my friends. This doesn’t bother me too much. I know why she’s introverted and I understand it. (Long story short: She recently fell out with friends who were bad news.) The problem arises when we go out together. I find it awkward to communicate as a couple and I can relax a bit more when I’m out by myself. But it’s hard to just go out by myself when she’s alone at home. It upsets her. And I feel guilty. I know the easy answer is for her to make friends, but others given that advice will know it’s not that simple. I want to help her come out of her shell and be more positive about things but it can be very draining.

I used to be very introvert myself and have opened up since starting college. When we’re together sometimes it reminds me of how I used to be and I start to feel isolated again. I find that sometimes I become more negative after we spend time together, and I generally try to be very optimistic and upbeat about things in life.

I guess I’m posting partly to get my thoughts out but I’d really appreciate some input. Have other couples been in similar situations?

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