Are Looks Really That Important?

portford

Hi everyone,

Just looking for a little advice and encouragement really. I met this guy about a month ago through complete fluke... was meant to go to a birthday party but a friend pulled out and i didnt want to go on my own so ended up going to the local.
Struck up a conversation with this guy and was under the influence of a lot of drink but he was so nice. We kissed and exchanged numbers. I know its mean but i had to meet him again just to confirm to myself that he was actually ugly.
So i met him again and he wasnt as bad as I had remembered in my drunken state and we literally talked for hours.
He's absolutely lovely but still not great looking and to be honest I'm dreading my friends meeting him because of his looks. I know its very shallow but I do really like him and even asked him to a friends wedding in a few weeks.
Now dont get me wrong im no Cindy Crawford but not bad looking.
Similar stories of encouragement would be nice or words of wisdom.

super_furry

It sounds like you've already made your mind up that you like him, so where's the issue? You mention dreading meeting your friends with him, which suggests to me that it's either you (or your friends) that have the problem. For god sake, you like him, he likes you, be happy. Either that or get rid of him for some 'total roide!' who has the personality of a brick, it sounds like you'd be happier like that.

Anyway, I'm absolutely stunning (the film Zoolander was actually based on me) so I've no experience of these issues.

Rb

What age are you? 13 or something?

Grow up.

Terry

Now would this be your current boyfriend or someone else? http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=53826998

Are you hedging your bets with this guy because you don't want to be alone?

Meh. PI.

AARRRGH

Looks are important, yes, but if you're placing looks as the #1 then you're probably setting yourself up for a lifetime of pain.

Personality, spark, sexiness, etc, are a lot more important. Esp. long term.

RoundyMooney

I call BS, or attention whoring.

Like Tom Petty, I can't decide which is worse.

star-pants

looks arent all that important... yeh I'd be lying if I said the dont matter at all, of course they do -- everyone notices -- thats not shallow.. but if you like the guy for who he is and purely the looks is throwing you off... perhaps that might be...
Do you fancy him as he is? as a person? Because if you do -- you'll find he'll get more attractive over time (it's SO true) looks aren't everything.

Plus your friends will/should accept him as he is -- someone that YOU like...
looks dont matter there

portford

No im not 13 and i really like him just wanted to hear other peoples views on the subject. And this is someone new and im glad you showed me that message i wrote some time back... thanks terry... I know that if you get looks you get an asshole and vice versa. That guy was a complete w@nk but this guy is worlds apart from him.. I think ive realised whats important

the_syco

To hell with what the friends think: if you'd f**k him, then go with it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

portford

True, True..... He's not quiet but shy if ye know what i mean! Plenty talk in him just a bit shy on the action dept. Welll i suppose he's a complete gent really and very interesting to listen to. Gonna give it a go and see how things pan out.

Kintarō Hattori

RB makes a good but blunt point above. As you get older OP you realise what's important and personality is what's important for most people. Looks might be great initially but a sustainable relationship can't be formed on looks alone.

portford

I know, after you know someone for a time you dont how good looking or how bad looking they are, you just like being with them

star-pants

portford wrote:

Gonna give it a go and see how things pan out.

do -- and it might work out

good luck pet

TerrorFirmer

No, not at all, but you have to be still attracted to the person!

biko

Looks are secondary to manners/ clothes/ posture/ charm/ whatnot anyway.
That said, I wouldn't go out with my gf unless I found her incredible hot (you watching sweetheart?)

TerrorFirmer

biko wrote:

That said, I wouldn't go out with my gf unless I found her incredible hot (you watching sweetheart?)

Of course I am sweetie

biko

Haha, thanks Havok

biko

portford wrote:

Now dont get me wrong im no Cindy Crawford but not bad looking.

As always, this thread is useless without pix

Petey2006

If your friends are true friends, they'll care more about how he makes you happy than what he looks like. For god sake, if you like him and he's a good guy, stick with him. I don't know why this would be an issue otherwise.

Dave147

Well looks do matter of course they do, you have to be physically attracted to someone to sustain a meaningful relationship with them. Of course, they have to have a personality and character traits that you like also. Soooo, if you ARE attracted to him, even a little is good because he'll grow on you - and from what you say he sounds like a great guy then go for it!

I'm really shallow btw and only date models :P

K-9

Dave147 wrote:

Well looks do matter of course they do, you have to be physically attracted to someone to sustain a meaningful relationship with them. Of course, they have to have a personality and character traits that you like also. Soooo, if you ARE attracted to him, even a little is good because he'll grow on you - and from what you say he sounds like a great guy then go for it!

+1..

Are you attracted to him?

Marksie

Biko: on topic please

craichoe

Its not really about what others think.

Anyone that tells you your G/F or B/F is ugly is a w*nker and should be treated as such.

They'll never be happy themselves anyway, if their that shallow they'll go purely on looks and that rarely works out long term !

Real beauty is in person, the soul, the mind.
Outer beauty just motivates whats in between your legs.

_blank_

You're better off going out with someone who isn't all that good in the looks department.

Look around PI most days, people wondering if their SO is cheating on them blah blah blah.

At least if you get with a minger, you'd KNOW that no-one else would touch them.

I used to be like Dave147 and only date models, but I kept getting jealous.

My current gf is very ugly, and I have no worries.:)

Pyjamarama

As people have asked are you attracted to him or do you just think he's a nice person who will treat you well? If it's the latter then I don't think that's enough to base a relationship on (it's what you should base a friendship on). Looks aren't everything but obviously the fact that you feel you are better looking than him is an issue for you. Do you think you can do better? Going into a relationship feeling like this is a recipe for disaster in my opinion. Don't settle, there's someone out there who can be your best friend but that you also fancy the ass off

Beruthiel

portford wrote:

this guy is worlds apart from him.. I think ive realised whats important

A person beautiful on the inside can really grow on you over time, suddenly you'll look at them one day and they'll be beautiful on the outside also.
As for what your 'friends' think, seriously, what's that got to do with the price of turnips?
If you're attracted to him, go for it.

moco

Well looks are important but it doesn't matter what your friends think. As long as you're attracted to him that's all that matters. If he's really ugly and you’re repulsed to look at him it'll never work no matter how nice he is!

kmick

I have lots of friends who are ugly and going out with good looking women. I would not worry about it too much if you like him and you can get over it than your friends will as well. Tell them he is very well endowed and rich and they will be trying to steal him off you in a matter of weeks!!

sjaakie

funnily enough i thought about this the other day, i for one do not think looks are important, its a big plus if your partner is beautiful/handsome, its beauty withing that counts.

the thing that would put me off is if my partner would be much smaller in height then me , but if he would be a fantastic person and very small i would still love him and simply just have to get used to it.

Latchy

If every friendship /relationship depended on everybody looking like george clooney or any lovley female you care to mention we would have less friends ,and nobody would date

ntlbell

Beruthiel wrote:

A person beautiful on the inside can really grow on you over time, suddenly you'll look at them one day and they'll be beautiful on the outside also.

Sounds like Fas Course Syndrome.

ntlbell

DesF wrote:

My current gf is very ugly, and I have no worries.:)

rofl, is that how you get to go to so many matches?

She's so ugly she's afraid to stop you? :D:D:D

Beruthiel

ntlbell
If you have nothing helpful to add to this thread, please refrain from posting.
B

Dudess

portford wrote:

He's absolutely lovely but still not great looking and to be honest I'm dreading my friends meeting him because of his looks.

Wow, your friends sound like wonderful, deep, interesting people... :rolleyes:
My advice would be:
1. Stop hanging around with such bints.
2. Develop a brain for yourself, not one that works in accordance with others' wishes.
3. Go for a relationship with this guy - you fancy him, isn't that all that matters? You're posting for advice as to whether you should go out with a guy who you really like but are afraid your "friends" won't think much of him because he's not that good-looking. Really, think about it. Isn't that just a tad silly? Do you really have to be told what to do in this situation. What kind of utter ***** are these girls anyway? They sound on a par with girls in a California high school.
So go for it, but if a guy posted up here saying something along the lines of "I met a girl who I thought was really nice but it turns out she doesn't think I'm good looking enough and she's afraid that her friends will disapprove of me because of this" I'd advise him to forget about the girl.

Just because you're saying "I know it's mean" etc doesn't make it excusable to have that kind of mind-set. Of course looks matter in the initial stages of attraction, but appearance needn't necessarily be the only thing that attracts you to a person initially. It's not abnormal to fancy someone who ISN'T good-looking.

portford

Yeah, he's a great guy... Apart from not being a looker, he is tall which is a big thing with me and has a nice smile. He's also very ambitious with a good job, really down to earth, own house and loves kids. Next questions is how to not get freaked out after the 3 month mark and actually keep someone who is worth it... lol.... im a disaster

pretty-in-pink

attraction is whats important- a combination of personality, looks, and the very important (imho) "x" factor. The type people end up going for is rarely looks related, usually characteristic related. What does it really matter what he looks like? Your friends- if they truly are friends- will see that you are hapy, and hence be happy for you, whether you're dating JT or that guy who does the daz ads

SarahSassy

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder etc etc. One of my friends thinks the majority fo the Irish rugby team are gorgeous and I just cannot see it..... It's all down to your personal taste....

SS

BTW you sound like you are doing him a favour by going out with him.... Hope he does not sense that from you. You could come down to earth with a wallop.

annmarie124

hi portford,
if you like this man, he has a good personality and you get on really well with him then why do you need the approval of your friends? at the end of the day when your friends are all gone home you will either have a nice man to go home with or go home to an empty house with a meal for one. if you like him and you get on really well then go for it, but if deep down you dont find yourself attracted to his looks then dont lead him on cause this man may be looking for someone to settle down with:)

Knockoff Nige

I see so many stunning women with ugly boyfriends, its quite amazing. Not so much the other way around funny enough. Guys are generally more shallow than girls and I would include myself in that. I think I need to see an attraction in someone. Girls often do aswell of course but when they get to know someone, they seem to become more attracted to them via their personality moreso than a guy would.

You saiud he wasnt as bad as you first though then surely you being a woman can 'sort him out'? Sort out his dress sense, hair style, etc. If he's not into doing any of that then he has my utmost respect lol.

dudara

If you are interested in him, then you will find him attractive. To be honest, I don't even see the point in your post. No one is that bad looking, unless he's Quasimodo of course.

bostonian

are your shallow friends going to take care of you when you're sick, and they're married and have kids? NO. so don't let that hold you back.

something i saw in a movie recently: "when two people admit they're attracted to each other, then the relationship has to play itself out, NO MATTER WHAT."

so true.