She doesn't like my best man and I have no one else ?!!

LegacyUser

hi,

Bit of a dilemma, me and my fiance started discussing wedding plans the other day. I have a best mate lets call him bob. Now bob and my girlfriend had a falling out before i got with her (about 7 years ago). It was one of them things were someone made something up about my girlfriend and bob sided with the person that made it up and my girlfriend went mad etc etc ...

she said to me your not going to have him as your best man are ya, hes not a proper friend...he doesnt like going out with couples, hes anti relationships...blah blah blah... this was a shock to me because we have been out with him and others loads of times and she always had a laugh.

anyway, i dont have anyone else i could have as a best man, dont get me wrong i have mates but not mates that would know me from my childhood till now. He is a good mate to me. I said to her, listen if i cant have him as best man i am not having a traditional wedding, there will be no best man speech, to be honest id just have a quiet small wedding.

what do people think of this? am i being inconsiderate here?

6th

You only get to have one best man and you should pick him because of what he means to you .... I'm sure she wouldnt just have anyone as her bridesmaid?

super_furry

It's you're wedding as much as hers and it's your decision who you want for your best-man. Unless you're going to be picking her bridesmaid, she shouldn't have any say in the matter.

star-pants

It's as much your wedding as it is hers... personally I feel that if you want him as your best man.. then he should be.. unless they're the type that's going to get very drunk and/or ruin the wedding I don't see the big issue. IF you didn't like one of her friends/sisters as a bridesmaid - would your fiance like you to insist they weren't part of the wedding?

Did you say to her 'no best man = no trad wedding' or is that what you plan to say?
I would explain to her that he's your best friend, you don't want anyone else & you would feel odd if you couldn't have him there.
And whether you like going out with couples / anti relationships has NOTHING got to do with being someones best man.

You're not being inconsiderate wanting your best friend as your best man.

LegacyUser

I know what your saying, but she threw a big strop, it kinda seemed like she assumed i wouldnt be asking him? like how could she assume that, she knows i dont have any other close freinds and i dont have any brothers. What bothered me more is that shes being putting in this pretend i like him face for years now, i wish i had known that she still resented over the falling out, i thought everything was cool

LegacyUser

star-pants wrote:

It's as much your wedding as it is hers... personally I feel that if you want him as your best man.. then he should be.. unless they're the type that's going to get very drunk and/or ruin the wedding I don't see the big issue. IF you didn't like one of her friends/sisters as a bridesmaid - would your fiance like you to insist they weren't part of the wedding?

Did you say to her 'no best man = no trad wedding' or is that what you plan to say?
I would explain to her that he's your best friend, you don't want anyone else & you would feel odd if you couldn't have him there.
And whether you like going out with couples / anti relationships has NOTHING got to do with being someones best man.

You're not being inconsiderate wanting your best friend as your best man.

yes i did say to her, how can you expect me to want/have a traditional wedding if i have no best man? id look like a right loser...she had no reply to that, just got stroppy

LegacyUser

No, you are not being inconsiderate at all. 7 years is an awfully long time to hold a grudge, if that is what this is about. And if they have gotten on well since then I don't see what the problem is. I assume you won't be telling her who she can and can't have as bridesmaids.

star-pants

nobestman? wrote:

I know what your saying, but she threw a big strop, it kinda seemed like she assumed i wouldnt be asking him? like how could she assume that, she knows i dont have any other close freinds and i dont have any brothers. What bothered me more is that shes being putting in this pretend i like him face for years now, i wish i had known that she still resented over the falling out, i thought everything was cool

I can understand it's thrown you off balance a little, her sudden reaction to him. perhaps she was putting a face for all these years, which is silly really, she should perhaps get over the issue or talk it out.
Surely she knew you would pick him, as you said, only close friend/no brothers.

I would have a talk with her, unless there is some other reason/issue you're unaware of - then just explain to her that it would mean an awful lot to you to have him as your best man.

LegacyUser

waspy wrote:

No, you are not being inconsiderate at all. 7 years is an awfully long time to hold a grudge, if that is what this is about. And if they have gotten on well since then I don't see what the problem is. I assume you won't be telling her who she can and can't have as bridesmaids.

id never dream of telling her who and who she cant have, i dont want it to turn petty. Like theres some of her friends i dont like but id never ever dream of telling her she cant have them as bridemaids or whatever

How Strange

7 years is a long time to hold a grudge. What could be so bad that she would do that?

I think you have to stand your ground on this one as it will probably be the only thing you have a 100% input into. Of course that doesn't mean that its my way or the high way but you will have to discuss it with her and make her see that he has been your best friend since the year dot.

If she can't see that then she is incredibly selfish. The analogy of you picking the bridesmaids is a good one. Use that as an example. Tell her she can pick the best man if you can pick the maid of honour.

meglome

In the same way you don't have to really like all the bridesmaids... their role is to back up your girlfriend and your best man is there to back you up. Plus this was seven years ago, come on, time to let it go me thinks.

Marksie

The best man, should of course be your choice.
But think beyond this a little, what would she be like in regards to him (and possibly other things) once she is married to you.

LegacyUser

star-pants wrote:

I can understand it's thrown you off balance a little, her sudden reaction to him. perhaps she was putting a face for all these years, which is silly really, she should perhaps get over the issue or talk it out.
Surely she knew you would pick him, as you said, only close friend/no brothers.

I would have a talk with her, unless there is some other reason/issue you're unaware of - then just explain to her that it would mean an awful lot to you to have him as your best man.

i think she just has the bee in her bonnet cause she thinks hes this big anti relationship, cant bring the girlfriend along on a night out type guy, when hes not. most times when we go out i prefer it just to be us and some mates ONLY because at best we see each other once maybe twice a month, which is a disgrace but thats modern day busy lives for ya!

Hagar

Marksie wrote:

The best man, should of course be your choice.
But think beyond this a little, what would she be like in regards to him (and possibly other things) once she is married to you.

Listen very carefully to this man...

LegacyUser

My bird doesn't like my best friend for a couple of reasons, but there's no way she'd ask me to not make him my best man if we got married. I know should wouldn't approve, but there's no way she's step in and ask me to get someone else. It is at the end of the day my choice. I wonder if the mods of personal issues read the whole post of people posting unregistered, if this gets the go ahead i think it'll show that they don't because i think the mods of the pi forum are fat, stupid, ugly tossers!

LegacyUser

Hagar wrote:

Listen very carefully to this man...

I hear ya but she nevers throws her toys out of the pram like this. Im going to stand firm on this, im am not going through a wedding if i dont have a best man, I will feel crap! Its just bugging me because shes knows i dont have a shed load of good mates to choose from! I never had a huge group of mates, its at times like this that i kinda feel abit down about it.

Wibbs

Marksie wrote:

The best man, should of course be your choice.
But think beyond this a little, what would she be like in regards to him (and possibly other things) once she is married to you.

Listen to this man, very, very, very carefully. I have seen this kind of thing first hand with a guy in exactly the same situation as you wrote it. In the end he capitulated and ended up getting hitched in front of her family and friends and only his close family. Her brother was his best man!! That kind of stuff was only the start. She has thrown a strop over umpteen things in the last 5 years of marriage. If you act like a doormat over this kind of thing you better get "Welcome" tattooed on your arse because that's how it will go on.

If everything else is fine in the relationship, then this is something to work out, but if this is part of a pattern that you haven't reacted to before, I would start thinking very hard. Marriage is compromise, love, partnership and work. Lose any one of those and you're in big trouble.

strawberrybox

marksie and wibbs are totally right, if you give in on this - you are so not being unreasonable by the way where will it end, she will be picking the godparents to your children, she will decide where you live, she will decide your whole life for you, ok mabye im getting slightly carried away but you can see what im getting at.

I would never object to whomever my husband chose for his best man just as he would have no say in my bridesmaids thats just the way it goes by the way has she come up with an alternitive best man for you??

K-9

nobestman? wrote:

I hear ya but she nevers throws her toys out of the pram like this. Im going to stand firm on this, im am not going through a wedding if i dont have a best man, I will feel crap! Its just bugging me because shes knows i dont have a shed load of good mates to choose from! I never had a huge group of mates, its at times like this that i kinda feel abit down about it.

You're going to have to be strong on this one. If she can't deal with it, take Marksies' advice very seriously.

One thing that would worry me is, she holds a grudge for 7 years, gives you no real indication that she holds it and then objects to him 7 years later.

I'd worry about, 7 years from now, will she hold this one against you!

Is holding grudges that long in her nature usually?

LegacyUser

he actually apologised to her, thats why im abit like taken back that she brought it up. The thing is if i go all hard faced on this she'll make it look like im choosing my mate over her?!

star-pants

nobestman? wrote:

he actually apologised to her, thats why im abit like taken back that she brought it up. The thing is if i go all hard faced on this she'll make it look like im choosing my mate over her?!

She sounds like you said - seems to have a bee in her bonnet.
TBH if she plays the 'choosing a mate over her' card.. hello.. you're marrying HER.. it's not like your saying that it's her or your friend FOR LIFE.
He's your best friend -- therefore should be your best man.. YOUR best man.. not hers...
It *is* odd that she's so against this, especially as you said the chap apologised to her.
I do think you're going to have to talk to her about this, calmly and reassuringly so as not to get as bad a reaction as you fear.

As others have said -- totally stand your ground... he's a normal guy, she just doesn't happen to be overly fond of him... it's one day.. one special day for the two of you... it shouldn't be the big issue she's making it

Seraphina

nobestman? wrote:

he actually apologised to her, thats why im abit like taken back that she brought it up. The thing is if i go all hard faced on this she'll make it look like im choosing my mate over her?!

tbh man, if she's gonna be so controlling over who YOU have as YOUR best man, then i'd choose the mate over her anyway and tell her to go fvck herself.

its bad enough you only see him, what once or twice a month as it is, you said yourself, and i'm betting thats because of her too isn't it?

she sounds like a narky bitch in fairness. this was 7 years ago, AND he apologised. what kind of woman are you marrying? seriously man, watch out.

the_syco

nobestman? wrote:

she knows i dont have any other close freinds and i dont have any brothers.

Ask her who has she picked, and see what he says. It sounds like she has already picked someone.

Marksie wrote:

The best man, should of course be your choice.
But think beyond this a little, what would she be like in regards to him (and possibly other things) once she is married to you.

WHat he said, and more: when you wed her, I don't think he'll be welcome, and this sh|t ain't fare on you.

K-9

nobestman? wrote:

he actually apologised to her, thats why im abit like taken back that she brought it up. The thing is if i go all hard faced on this she'll make it look like im choosing my mate over her?!

No, give her an ultimatum over the bridesmaids and see what she says?

Why, after 7 seven years of saying nothing, is it suddenly an issue? I don't get it.

She should have brought it up, if it's bothering her that much, before this.

Bitter women are bad, full stop! If she can't see your point of view on this, think carefully, very carefully!

Zulu

nobestman? wrote:

he actually apologised to her, thats why im abit like taken back that she brought it up. The thing is if i go all hard faced on this she'll make it look like im choosing my mate over her?!

No, she's forcing you to sacrifice one of your closest friend (of which you've already admitted you have little) so she can have a party her way.

Not to be blunt or anything but its none of her business who u pick as best man UNLESS u dictate to her who her bridesmaids can and cannot be. And since u dont seem to have done this then no, u are not being unreasonable, she is.


Ur spot on to tell her him or nothing. Relationships are a healthy compromise and he's your best mate and 1 little thing in the past which hadnt got anything to do with you shouldnt change that. Its none of her business who your best man is frankly.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote:

Listen to this man, very, very, very carefully. I have seen this kind of thing first hand with a guy in exactly the same situation as you wrote it. In the end he capitulated and ended up getting hitched in front of her family and friends and only his close family. Her brother was his best man!! That kind of stuff was only the start. She has thrown a strop over umpteen things in the last 5 years of marriage. If you act like a doormat over this kind of thing you better get "Welcome" tattooed on your arse because that's how it will go on.

If everything else is fine in the relationship, then this is something to work out, but if this is part of a pattern that you haven't reacted to before, I would start thinking very hard. Marriage is compromise, love, partnership and work. Lose any one of those and you're in big trouble.

My god. This has hit home.



My best mate was talkin about gettin married to his gf, theyre both 22 now. She said that the best man would be her brother and that set me off big time. I basically tore her apart about this, because franky that is ridiculous, she had allowed him to skip college for a whole year to hang out with her, she'd encouraged it actually, and he ended up failing his exams and droppin out, meanwhile she had perfect attendance and did very well. I came across resentful, which I guess I am but honest to christ, people need to be allowed think for themselves, i would not like it if my gf was a puppet who did everything i said........

moco

She's being incredibly selfish and you can't let her away with it. I've seen a similar situation to this before, insist he's your best man, as it's your choice anyway. She'll eventually get over it.

bungeecork

Compromise 101:

If he can't be your best man then you marry in a registry office. Her choice.

Sounds like you'll need your mates later in life.

togster

Bridezilla

davyjose

No offence OP, and I'm being very careful not to be offensive here, but I would rather eat hot coals than Marry someone who tries to come between myself and my friends/family, or more pertinently tries to manipulate things so that she is slightly, slightly more satisfied at the expense of my happiness.
I'm not trying to talk you out of marriage, but be very careful. what Wibbs is saying could save your life. You need to stand strong, and don't let things start to go down this road. Because this'll just be the beginning.
Failing that, take her to see the Heartbreak Kid!!!

Mazeire

Yeah sorry but i'm going to hop in on the otherside, having spent seven years in a relationship with my boyfriends cretin of a best friend in the background, who in that period of time called me fat and a gold digger :mad:
Do you know exactly what happened between the two of them? you say your friend simply sided with someone who was spreading crap about her. Define sided. That can mean a lot of different things, from just saying "yeah i agree with that" to actually helping to spread the crap. To be honest it must have been pretty bad if she's still hurt after seven years. I mean this is your wedding. It's a one off. Personally i wouldn't like to be looking back over photos videos etc of such a special occaision and having to see the face of someone who had hurt me badly play a huge part in them. I presume as well he'll be doing a speech yeah? I know i'd really like to sit there listening to someone say all these witty "nice" things about me and know he didn't mean them. Its making the whole day a bunch of crap and a huge part of your day would be based on a lie, in other words that things are fine between them.
Have you no other friends or close male relatives at all? As you say yourself, she's pretty well rounded it just seems to be him she has a problem with. So why are you so insistent on having the one person she has a problem with. Grow up. If you want to get married to her then you seriously need to get over this "bro's before ho's" attitude you have.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies, its good to see that i wasn't mad and unreasonable.
I am standing firm on this, i wont bring it up with her just yet because im just browned off over it all and dont want to think about it. But if she does pursue this as an issue, ill say f**K the wedding. Leave the ball in her court...if she ends it over this little spat i'll know she aint worth it.

LegacyUser

Mazeire wrote:

Yeah sorry but i'm going to hop in on the otherside, having spent seven years in a relationship with my boyfriends cretin of a best friend in the background, who in that period of time called me fat and a gold digger :mad:
Do you know exactly what happened between the two of them? you say your friend simply sided with someone who was spreading crap about her. Define sided. That can mean a lot of different things, from just saying "yeah i agree with that" to actually helping to spread the crap. To be honest it must have been pretty bad if she's still hurt after seven years. I mean this is your wedding. It's a one off. Personally i wouldn't like to be looking back over photos videos etc of such a special occaision and having to see the face of someone who had hurt me badly play a huge part in them. I presume as well he'll be doing a speech yeah? I know i'd really like to sit there listening to someone say all these witty "nice" things about me and know he didn't mean them. Its making the whole day a bunch of crap and a huge part of your day would be based on a lie, in other words that things are fine between them.
Have you no other friends or close male relatives at all? As you say yourself, she's pretty well rounded it just seems to be him she has a problem with. So why are you so insistent on having the one person she has a problem with. Grow up. If you want to get married to her then you seriously need to get over this "bro's before ho's" attitude you have.

I dont have a bros before ho's issue! ok you suggest who i make my best man then?? have you not read my posts...i have no one else! I didnt go into the history about what happened to do because i didnt want the post to be about that!

if you really want to know...briefly... when me and my girfriend got together, someone who knows me and my best mate said to my best mate that she is messing me about and she is still seeing her ex blah blah etc...my best mate said this to me, my gf went mad at my best mate for making up lies etc... when in fact it was this "someone else" that caused it, but she got hung up about my best mate because he believed what this someone else was saying was true.

easyontheeye

Mazeire wrote:

Yeah sorry but i'm going to hop in on the otherside, having spent seven years in a relationship with my boyfriends cretin of a best friend in the background, who in that period of time called me fat and a gold digger :mad:
Do you know exactly what happened between the two of them? you say your friend simply sided with someone who was spreading crap about her. Define sided. That can mean a lot of different things, from just saying "yeah i agree with that" to actually helping to spread the crap. To be honest it must have been pretty bad if she's still hurt after seven years. I mean this is your wedding. It's a one off. Personally i wouldn't like to be looking back over photos videos etc of such a special occaision and having to see the face of someone who had hurt me badly play a huge part in them. I presume as well he'll be doing a speech yeah? I know i'd really like to sit there listening to someone say all these witty "nice" things about me and know he didn't mean them. Its making the whole day a bunch of crap and a huge part of your day would be based on a lie, in other words that things are fine between them.
Have you no other friends or close male relatives at all? As you say yourself, she's pretty well rounded it just seems to be him she has a problem with. So why are you so insistent on having the one person she has a problem with. Grow up. If you want to get married to her then you seriously need to get over this "bro's before ho's" attitude you have.

you seem to have all the answers, what would you do if your fiance had no one else to make a best man?

LegacyUser

Mazeire wrote:

I know i'd really like to sit there listening to someone say all these witty "nice" things about me and know he didn't mean them.

Have you no other friends or close male relatives at all?

he does like her, he has no problem with her, you have to realise that up until the weekend, i thought everything was hunky dorey!! this a bombshell

i have mates thats ive met since college and the last few years etc...but again i want someone who really knows me as a best man!

Mazeire

Mazeire wrote:

Grow up. If you want to get married to her then you seriously need to get over this "bro's before ho's" attitude you have.

Sorry. That last bit was totally unfair. Ok. Lets try that again shall we.
The friend of my b/f that i was talking about in my last post he always apologised. I always accepted said apologies to make things easier for my boyfriend and to have an easier life, but i was still mad as hell with him. My boyfriend always thought that i get on well with said friend when we are out. Asd far as i'm concerned all i do is ask a few civil question and laugh politely at his jokes just to be pleasant. You can sometimes fool yourself in to seeing what you want to see. Yes she probably hasn't said anthing before now but this is your WEDDING!!!! Its not a night in the pub!

Mazeire

easyontheeye wrote:

you seem to have all the answers, what would you do if your fiance had no one else to make a best man?

To be the venue wouldn't be as important as getting married to someone i love. I would go for the registary office. As well as that its not that he has no one else to make a best man its that he doesn't WANT anyone else as best man.

LegacyUser

Mazeire wrote:

Yes she probably hasn't said anthing before now but this is your WEDDING!!!! Its not a night in the pub!

yes and this is the dilemma, i want to give her the wedding she wants, how can i do that without a best man. the long and short of it is, that one of us is going to be unhappy now, and i dont know what to do

Mazeire

nobestman? wrote:

anyway, i dont have anyone else i could have as a best man, dont get me wrong i have mates but not mates that would know me from my childhood till now.

So you have several people that could do it but you WANT him. Thats not the same as i have no one to be best man.

LegacyUser

Mazeire wrote:

To be the venue wouldn't be as important as getting married to someone i love. I would go for the registary office. As well as that its not that he has no one else to make a best man its that he doesn't WANT anyone else as best man.

aside from me not wanting anyone else, although i have other friends, they only know me in a certain light, through work, college... etc...id never share problems or issues with them. they wouldnt feel comfortable about doing it as much as I would not feel comfortable asking them

Beruthiel

Have you tried explaining all that to her?

Mazeire

nobestman? wrote:

yes and this is the dilemma, i want to give her the wedding she wants, how can i do that without a best man. the long and short of it is, that one of us is going to be unhappy now, and i dont know what to do

Don't get me wrong, seriously i feel for you i do. I'm not coming at you burning my bra or anything, but to be honest i can see where she is coming from on it and can understand her reasons for not saying it to you before now. I think the three of you need to sit down and lay your cards out on the table.

Zulu

Mazeire wrote:

Yeah sorry but i'm going to hop in on the otherside, having spent seven years in a relationship with my boyfriends cretin of a best friend in the background, who in that period of time called me fat and a gold digger :mad:

Good to see your being objective.

To be honest it must have been pretty bad if she's still hurt after seven years.

Or she's just using it as an excuse, because she's a better idea; or because she's petty

I mean this is your wedding. It's a one off.

Exactly, it's a celebration of two peoples love, the joining of two families. It's his celebration also, why wouldn't he have his best mate - from childhood there?

Personally i wouldn't like to be looking back over photos videos etc of such a special occaision and having to see the face of someone who had hurt me badly play a huge part in them.

...and you wouldn'd be able to get over that for your life partner? your day would be more important to you than his?? interesting.

I presume as well he'll be doing a speech yeah? I know i'd really like to sit there listening to someone say all these witty "nice" things about me and know he didn't mean them. Its making the whole day a bunch of crap and a huge part of your day would be based on a lie, in other words that things are fine between them.

So the speech is all about you, and if you don't the the speech your way the day is ruined? A wedding is more than a speech. The best-man doesn't wed the bride and groom.

Have you no other friends or close male relatives at all?

That does not matter. He wants his BEST friend to be his BEST man. It's his call.

So why are you so insistent on having the one person she has a problem with.

Because he's his best friend.

Grow up.

Get over yourself. She's the one throwing a stropp, making demands. You have no grounds to insinuate the op is immature.

If you want to get married to her then you seriously need to get over this "bro's before ho's" attitude you have.

No one mentioned that, it's interesting you'd employ the same tactics as her - making out it's him slighting her. That's not the issue. Take some of your own advice, seeing as you have all the answers and: Grow up!

Mazeire

nobestman? wrote:

aside from me not wanting anyone else, although i have other friends, they only know me in a certain light, through work, college... etc...id never share problems or issues with them. they wouldnt feel comfortable about doing it as much as I would not feel comfortable asking them

Ah ok fair enough.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

Have you tried explaining all that to her?

i did at the time, thats what frustrates me even more. whos happiness comes first? it shouldnt be about that.

Mazeire

Zulu wrote:

Good to see your being objective.

Glad to see you are being objective as well Zulu. As usual

Or she's just using it as an excuse, because she's a better idea; or because she's petty


Or it could have really hurt her. So supportive Zulu, calling the mans fiancee petty. Actually if you do think that someone being hurt and upset is "petty" then maybe being married to them isn't such a good idea.

Exactly, it's a celebration of two peoples love, the joining of two families. It's his celebration also, why wouldn't he have his best mate - from childhood there?

From what i understand she's not banning him from the wedding she just doesn't want him to play such a pivotal part.

...and you wouldn'd be able to get over that for your life partner? your day would be more important to you than his?? interesting.

Again Zulu as you say the day is about two people. what you are implying is that his day is more important than hers and if she wants any day at all she needs to get over herself. So how is that reasonable?

So the speech is all about you, and if you don't the the speech your way the day is ruined? A wedding is more than a speech. The best-man doesn't wed the bride and groom.

No the priest does?:rolleyes:


Get over yourself. She's the one throwing a stropp, making demands. You have no grounds to insinuate the op is immature.
No one mentioned that, it's interesting you'd employ the same tactics as her - making out it's him slighting her. That's not the issue. Take some of your own advice, seeing as you have all the answers and: Grow up!

Alternatively Zulu you could come down from your tree house put your "no girls allowed" sign in the bin and join the real adult world?

Beruthiel

Mazeire wrote:

Alternatively Zulu you could come down from your tree house put your "no girls allowed" sign in the bin and join the real adult world?

And you could read this forums charter before you get yourself banned

Zulu

Mazeire wrote:

Alternatively Zulu you could come down from your tree house put your "no girls allowed" sign in the bin and join the real adult world?

A quality come back - no doubt <Bravo>, but, as opposed to just calling everyone immature, would you can to make an actual point? :rolleyes:

A marriage is about compromise - OP I'd hold off on the ultimatums.

LegacyUser

Zulu wrote:

A marriage is about compromise - OP I'd hold off on the ultimatums.

the last thing i want is to present an ultimatum to her, but I think my fiance has/will put one to me... i'll bring it up with her again in passing and see what reaction i get this time

muppetkiller

Mazeire wrote:

Yeah sorry but i'm going to hop in on the otherside, having spent seven years in a relationship with my boyfriends cretin of a best friend in the background, who in that period of time called me fat and a gold digger :mad:

In 7 years he called you fat and a gold digger ?
Interesting as I have a male friend who's wife now hates me because of these exact things that I apparently said to her. I actually never said them to her and even apologised to her if she misheard something someone else said..but it's no use she'll always hate me.

But I don't mind ...In fact I don't mind her either as a person but it says more about her after 7 years if she can't move on than it ever did about me.

As for the OP marriage is a compromise ...she needs to realize that her big day also involves you.