Girl Confusion..what's new!?

LegacyUser

Hi all
I need your thoughts on my situation about me and a girl. I was working with a certain female in the same company up to about 3 weeks ago when I left to go visit a friend in Australia..She was seeing one of my work colleagues at the time, but he left about 3 months ago to spend a year in New York with a few mates..lucky bugger!

We were always pretty close at work...we would go for smokes and go for lunch together and chat all the time..with or without her bf... I got on well with her other half, but never would meet up for pints after work hours or anything

Since he has gone though, we have been meeting for drinks every so often etc. We enjoy each other's company so its cool to hang out with her.

On one particular night, we went to a gig, and afterwards came back to mine cause i had stocked up beforehand and was very close to the venue we attended...

Anyway, we eventually got chatting, and she was goin on that she couldn't wait for a year without having sex. Appparently, herself and himself had an agreement that, while they were apart, they could do what they wanted with whomever.

That night, and a couple of bottles of wine later, she made a move on me andthe next thing we're in bed together. Although she was pretty drunk, she told me that she fancied me for a long time and that us being in bed felt so right etc etc etc.......

After that night followed a few daytime random phone calls chatting about nothing...

ANNYWWAAYYY....fast forward a few weeks later and I meet her again...just went for drinks in town and I told her about my trip etc. I had to head home early to do some jobs, so she said she'd go home too, so we kissed goodbye.

Then yesterday, I met her for lunch. She was telling me about a wedding she was at. Her Polish housemate asked her to go with him, and she accepted. We joked and chatted for a while about that, and I half asked her did she end up with being with him, and she said Yes! She said it was cool though, and that it wasn't awkward at all the next morning etc. To be honest, I wasn't in the least a bit jealous or anything...just happy to see her having a bit of fun!
During that evening, she was asking me about my lovelife... Then was going on about her "bf" in America. She said she wasn't sure if she liked him or not anymore, but I reassured her it was only because he was away and that they should give it a chance.

I told her she probably should make a few decisions instead of messing up a loads of guy's heads and her own! She said she knew this but couldn't make any right now. Then in the next breath she asked me when we were gonna have sex again!!! hilarious......I said to her..."One minute you're telling about this great wedding you were at with this other guy, and the next you're wondering about me"!!???

Anyway later on, one of us had to go home, so we kissed each other goodbye again. The plan was to meet up this evening to go to a house warming party of her friend, and then go back to my gaff after. She just phoned me there to say that it wouldnt be cool for me to go to the party, and that she wont be seeing me later on. I wouldn't mind except for the fact that she was very blunt with me about it. I mean, even a half excuse would be fine, but no effort was made!


At this stage, I'm sure you are getting the picture in your head of my headwreck!!! I have come to really like this girl, but as I tihnk too much of her, I'm not gonna put a gun to yer head and be annoying her with more questions! She always promises to call, and I find that she NEVER calls...only to arrange a meeting at a certain time etc.

Could anyone even take a guess at what is going through this girl's head!?
Is it "technically" cheating on her boyfirnd what she's doing?
Am I a complete pr1ck to be with a girlfrind of a guy I was friends with at work?
Should I stay away from her and give her the cold shoulder?
...or is it all just innocent fun that noone will get hurt by!??

Looking forward to the girl's replies on this!
Please don't go too hard on me


Thanks for reading

bikergal

Mick, I think that girl is wasting your time. She is getting the best of both worlds, men whenever she wants them, but is not willing to take any responsibilities such as calling you etc.
She sounds a bit like a bloke, not returning your calls and not calling you!
I think she might be wasting your time, and will prob drop you or any other guy that she may be seeing when the bf gets back.

LegacyUser

hi
yup im kinda thinking that myself....it's just that I know her very well and really like her as a person.....forget about any relationship or sex or anything.....she's just really nice, so i find it hard to think badly of her.....but maybe this might be an exception

The Hill Billy

MickUnred wrote:

Could anyone even take a guess at what is going through this girl's head!?

She's enjoying her year off from her "bf" & her new-found freedom is making her question whether she wants to take a total break from that relationship.

MickUnred wrote:

Is it "technically" cheating on her boyfirnd what she's doing?

There's no "technically" whatever when it comes to adult relationships.

MickUnred wrote:

Am I a complete pr1ck to be with a girlfrind of a guy I was friends with at work?

That's for you to decide. Do you think you are being a pr1ck? She seems OK with it, but will you be able to look him in the eye when he comes back? I'm not being judgmental here, but if you can't handle the situation - get out of it.

MickUnred wrote:

Should I stay away from her and give her the cold shoulder?

Why would you want to give her the "cold shoulder". If you are not happy with the situation & don't want to see her any more - be a man & tell her.

MickUnred wrote:

...or is it all just innocent fun that noone will get hurt by!??

You really need to take an adult view of this situation & decide what if anything you want to get out of it. If you are uncomfortable & can't handle it - let the girl know & leave her to have her fun without all this angst-ridden teenage carry on.

Wibbs

Yep Headwreck alright. She doesn't know what she wants but is getting what she likes with no strings attached. Not so good for you. Why bother I don't care how great you think she is she's clearly not by her actions.

Walk if I were you. Either that or tell her how you feel and see where that takes you. If she says she's not sure. Make her sure about one thing and that's you leaving. Then leave.

LegacyUser

Ya see.....I do not want to make any sort of big deal at all with this... I have no problem doing the adult thing and telling her to get her dinner somewhere else, is she is the sl*t she's acting like, she prolly has loads of guys she has random sex with...who knows!!
The reason i'm so confusd is that I like my women honest, genuine, FAITHFUL and she's not acting even close to any of these at the moment!

How Strange

MickUnred...is she is the sl*t she's acting like, she prolly has loads of guys she has random sex with...who knows!!

Firstly, I don't think it's fair to call this girl a sl*t because she's having a bit of fun at the moment. If a guy did the very same thing when his gf was away and with her permission then lads would be slapping him on the back and saying fair play. So don't go throwing double standard insults like that around.

Could it be that she is just enjoying it all at the moment as it's a bit of no strings fun and she is going through a lucky spell where she is getting opportunities?

It seems from your post that when you confronted her about it she got a bit offended that you were implying she was a sl*t. She probably thought that you were up for a bit of fun too and wouldn't want to take it any further.

I like my women honest, genuine, FAITHFUL

OP, how honest, genuine and faithful were you to your mate when you hopped into bed with his gf?

I think she saw you as her f*ck buddy (that bloody awful american expression for people who want to have their cake and eat it!) and thought you felt the same. It seems to me that you thought more was going to happen out of it and got offended when you saw that she wasn't into to it as much as you.

Such is the way of the world but I don't think you are right to be judging her so harshly. Afterall, if she wasn't a sl*t (your words, not mine) you wouldn't have slept with her in the first place.

LegacyUser

i take ur point....ur dead right....however you are also being a harsh when u say that guys would be patting their mate on the back if his gf was away and he got busy elsewhere....you are generalizing big time!

i had considered that she wanted me to be a **** buddy, but my buddies of that nature in the past weren't good friends...

ur comment about that i wasnt being very consdierate jumping into a bed with a mates gf...... i wouldnt call him a mate, more than an aquaintance... i get on with him in a professional manner as thats the way one should conduct themselves at work....

i also disagree that i wanted more than her..im just trying to figure out whats goin on.....i have no preference with getting into a relationship as ive been out of a long one in the last yyear and i wouldnt even consider getting into something heavy with another woman...unless she was....the one! and this girl isnt..... if she wants to be fcuk buddies...thats fine.....but in the past when that happened.....someone always burnt i think.

hope im not sounding too "attacking".. i really do appreciate your opinion

The Hill Billy

MickUnred wrote:

I like my women honest, genuine, FAITHFUL and she's not acting even close to any of these at the moment!

But she is not your woman. If you want a woman like that - go & get one.

Don't criticise her or bandy about terms like "slut" in relation to her for enjoying her freedom & living her life the ways she sees fit. FFS - You had casual sex & a couple of dates.

You got knocked back on the party invitation & now you're feeling a bit sore. Hardly justification for getting up on a high horse?

SarahSassy

MickUnred wrote:

she is the sl*t she's acting like, she prolly has loads of guys she has random sex with...who knows!!

Well you seem to be willing and game and I guess you are on here calling her a slut cos she effectively got a better offer than you.

Sarah

BTW you sound like a small minded a'hole with comments like the above. She can do better.

LegacyUser

Once a cheat always a cheat.

Whatever you feel for her and whatever she feels for you that's fine but the fact there's a poor guy that has no idea that this has been going on is sad. I'm in a 3year long relationship (touch wood) and cheating is the ultimate betrayal. I can honestly say i'd rather end what I have then give into betrayal. I think you and your buddy should cop on majorly

K-9

MickUnred wrote:

Anyway, we eventually got chatting, and she was goin on that she couldn't wait for a year without having sex. Appparently, herself and himself had an agreement that, while they were apart, they could do what they wanted with whomever.

Ah, I think this is the problem and indeed the answer here.

MickUnred wrote:

At this stage, I'm sure you are getting the picture in your head of my headwreck!!! I have come to really like this girl, but as I tihnk too much of her, I'm not gonna put a gun to yer head and be annoying her with more questions! She always promises to call, and I find that she NEVER calls...only to arrange a meeting at a certain time etc.

If it's wrecking your head get out of it!
What questions? See your Quote above. She has told you what she will be doing for the next year.
Why do you think she only calls to arrange a meeting and why do you think she's pissed off? Again, read the quote above.

MickUnred wrote:

Could anyone even take a guess at what is going through this girl's head!?

Again, the Quote. She told you!

MickUnred wrote:

Is it "technically" cheating on her boyfirnd what she's doing?

It's between them and apparently they have agreed to an open relationship while they're apart.

MickUnred wrote:

Am I a complete pr1ck to be with a girlfrind of a guy I was friends with at work?

No, the bf can't choose he she sleeps with. However, if your asking the question, you must have doubts.

MickUnred wrote:

Should I stay away from her and give her the cold shoulder?

By your reaction, yes.

MickUnred wrote:

...or is it all just innocent fun that noone will get hurt by!??

For her, yes.

MickUnred wrote:

i had considered that she wanted me to be a **** buddy, but my buddies of that nature in the past weren't good friends...

if she wants to be fcuk buddies...thats fine.....but in the past when that happened.....someone always burnt i think.

Sounds like you don't want to be her fcuk buddy. Fine, accept it, move on and put it down to experience, or you will get hurt.

Anyway, by the sounds of it, you won't be her fcuk buddy. You judged her and she doesn't want any judgments.

Fanny Cradock

How Strange wrote:

Firstly, I don't think it's fair to call this girl a sl*t because she's having a bit of fun at the moment. If a guy did the very same thing when his gf was away and with her permission then lads would be slapping him on the back and saying fair play. So don't go throwing double standard insults like that around.

Absolute twaddle.

Chinafoot

MickUnred wrote:

I reassured her it was only because he was away and that they should give it a chance.

I told her she probably should make a few decisions instead of messing up a loads of guy's heads and her own! She said she knew this but couldn't make any right now. Then in the next breath she asked me when we were gonna have sex again!!! hilarious......I said to her..."One minute you're telling about this great wedding you were at with this other guy, and the next you're wondering about me"!!???

So you were very understanding and encouraging about her current relationship. When she propositioned you, you kind of blew her off with the "one minute you're telling me...." line above. If you said that to me in that situation I would assume you really weren't interested in me, and I'd probably feel a little foolish.

MickUnred wrote:

She just phoned me there to say that it wouldnt be cool for me to go to the party, and that she wont be seeing me later on. I wouldn't mind except for the fact that she was very blunt with me about it. I mean, even a half excuse would be fine, but no effort was made!

Sounds to me like she's making some of those decisions you suggested. She's taking a step back after it appeared you weren't overly interested in her (I'm just going by what you described). Again, it sounds like she had a think about what was said between ye, and she probably feels a bit embarrassed. You told her to "make a few decisions instead of messing up a load of guys heads", now given that you two have slept together it would be pretty easy for her to think you're referring to her not wrecking your head. She took a step away from you now, but you're still not happy. What exactly do you want to happen here?

MickUnred wrote:

At this stage, I'm sure you are getting the picture in your head of my headwreck!!! I have come to really like this girl, but as I tihnk too much of her, I'm not gonna put a gun to yer head and be annoying her with more questions! She always promises to call, and I find that she NEVER calls...only to arrange a meeting at a certain time etc.

If you like her, be up front and tell her. You're contributing to your own headwreck tbh.

MickUnred wrote:

Could anyone even take a guess at what is going through this girl's head!?

I would go with "He's not interested in me and possibly thinks I'm a slut."

At your last meeting with her you rebuffed her advances and then pointed out that she had been telling you about another guy she was with and then trying it on with you. Maybe she reckons you think she's a bit of a tramp so she's taking a step back. Seems like the sensible thing to do in the circumstances.

MickUnred wrote:

Is it "technically" cheating on her boyfirnd what she's doing?

You said they have an arrangement that while he's away they can both do what they like. Once they have both agreed to this, no she's not cheating. It might not be something you would do but that's what they have decided.

MickUnred wrote:

Am I a complete pr1ck to be with a girlfrind of a guy I was friends with at work?

Reverse the roles. Would you think a guy you were friends with at work was a prick if he was with your girlfriend when you had agreed an open relationship?

MickUnred wrote:

Should I stay away from her and give her the cold shoulder?

Why not be an adult and have a proper conversation with her. Decide on what it is you want to happen and then talk to her about it. Either way you'll know where you stand and can work from there.

MickUnred wrote:

...or is it all just innocent fun that noone will get hurt by!??

Maybe for her it is, but again you need to have a chat with her about it.