am i unique

confused-dazed

hi all, i'm new to this web site, i'm going through one hell of a problem and i'm just wondering if i'm unique in this.
last year my mother passed on , no will i did the probate, it happens but it's after this that killing me inside (please no "sorry for your loss").i'll make these in points.
(1) as soon my brother who was living somewhere else moved in after she died my sister moved out because she cant stand him.they also changed the locks to keep myself out of the house
(2) lies and hurtful things were being bantered around about myself.
(3) my sister moved in with a complete stranger who was a carer for my deceased mother and wants nothing to do with me.
(4)my sister put a caviat on the probate until she got what she wanted. which in this case was a hell of alot more than what shes entitled to. i was being way more than generous to my sister regarding her enetitlements
(5)there were disagreements over the headstone.
(6)the house was for sale and is now sold. i told my brother about the situation with the house and gave him a time frame to move out. he's now made excuses now that he cant move out.i've been told to be nice to him to keep on his good side.i'll have to gut the house on my own because i cant rely on anyone else.
(7) i've just learned that the carer wants guardianship over my sister who's in her mid twenties.
(8) i cant get in touch with my sister because i'm afraid that i could be arrested on false allegations that would be made up.
am i alone in this type of situation or are there other people that have or are going through the same situation that i'm in.

Thomas_S_Hunterson

Sounds like a right mess, i would advise you to seek proper legal advice rather than advice from an internet forum.

Point 7 sounds a bit ridiculous though. I would be willing to bet that one can not become guardian of a legal adult of sound mind.

Spoony2

isnt a bit strange the sister 's attempt ne w legal gaurdian also looked after your mum i mean its allmost like she wants somehting. the legal gaurdian that is...

Victor

I expected this to be a very different topic based on the title. My advice is more or less the same. The situation is unique, but there are many similar situations.

There seems to be a lot of baggage there and it seems to be in all directions - "(3) my sister moved in with a complete stranger who was a carer for my deceased mother", surely your sister would have known your mother's carer if she was living there?

Given that the probate is contested, you really need to get a solicitor involved to act from a more neutral position. I'm not saying you aren't neutal in the matter, but your siblings don't see you as neutral.

---

Sean_K, there are situations where adults are placed in some sort of legal guardianship, e.g. someone with a mental illness who might be able to get about in day to day situations, but needs guidance when it comes to major decisions.

K-9

confused-dazed wrote:

(6)the house was for sale and is now sold. i told my brother about the situation with the house and gave him a time frame to move out. he's now made excuses now that he cant move out.i've been told to be nice to him to keep on his good side.i'll have to gut the house on my own because i cant rely on anyone else.

It's the same house that he lives in?He'll have to move out if it's sold eventually anyway.

Keith186

What did you do to make the rest of your family want nothing to do with you?

Who told you to be nice to your brother?

Are you a psycho?

confused-dazed

answer to sean K :
i cannot comment of the sound mind bit yet. legal advice is being dealt with.
answer to victor:
yes she did know about the carer and what job she had to do.
probate is all over. caviat was not lifted till sister got what she wanted.
answer to seanies32.
yes it is the family home he lives in. he has a certain amount of time to get out. most people buying a house wont move in till it's vacated and completely cleaned out.
answer to keith186.
i'm as blunt and as straight forward as they come. when number 2 was happening i wanted to challenge them over the lies and was willing to get them in a room and find out who was saying these hurtful things and take legal action if necessary. or short and to the point
i was honest and called a spade a spade.
my brother holds the key to when the house is handed over even though i am the administrator. if he moves out soon then the house will be handed over soon if he doesn't it could be months before it happens
i just want to know are there others going through roughly what i am

Victor

Oh, start charging the brother either rent or interest.

Can we ask what the sister wants?

confused-dazed

at the start she wanted the house to herself because she thought she was entitled to it. i know all that shes entitled to but an agreement was made that she'll have enough to buy a small place of her own. but now with this stranger wanting guardianship it's really f...ed up my head.i also know that this stranger may have breached her employment contract by getting involved with clients that leads me back to my post.
is this type of thing common in familes when parents die. or am i in a really f...ed up mess?

Deadevil129

You are unique to a certain point but you have to remember that the death of a parent, especially when there are a number of children involved can cause a huge amount of animosity between siblings. My Grandad died over six months ago and while he had a a very exact will drawn up (house is to be sold, money split five ways) still there were a huge amount of arguments between all my aunts an uncles. The eldest son was made executor of the will, but has taken so long to get things moving it'll be a very long time before the house is sold, as a result one of his brothers and sister just can't be civil to the man as they need the money quite badly at this stage. Another sister is demanding €250 weekly out of the will due to various reasons but doesn't want the money to come out of the final amount she'll recieve at the end. I now, not nearly as bad as your own scenario but it's more common than you think it could be.

North&South

Can I ask... the 'carer'.... is it male, female? A lot older? How can he/she have guardianship?

I know if I bought a house, I'd want to be moving in, not waiting for a family member of the vendor to decide when they were moving!

Also, Deadevil129, is the law different in Ireland to the UK? Here if you are the executor of the will, you are not allowed to be a beneficiary as well.
And yes, I've drawn my will up, but I also have 3 children - you can bet there will be arguments when I'm gone, no matter how fair my will is!
Families, huh?

confused-dazed

it's female, about late 30's early 40's. her quest for guardianship is a long document outling her reasons, my sis has been staying with her for well over a year now.

sjaakie

i feel for you , all the sh.. t .. you are going true.

No you are not unique, many people have many problems, it is especially difficult when problems ( big problems ) occur in the close family circle.

i cant help you with any of your legal stuff, but please try to realise that there will be a day that you feel strong and confident again.

for a variety of reasons i dont see any of my family anylonger, it took me years and years to come to terms with that but now im delighted i dont have my family's hurting towards me anymore.

think for yourself and try to look forward as much as possible, i know it is difficult, hang in there , be strong.