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No confidence

  • 06-10-2007 12:25pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    As I am, I have little to no confidence. It's just how ive been for a long time. Ive become a 'yes' man, taking upon things I dont necessarlily want to do but do to avoid any flak in some cases or simply to keep on the persons good side. It doesnt take much to convince me of anything.
    Anyway, lately Ive really hit rock bottom. I just cant bring myself to find any joy in life. I think talking to someone would help a lot but whenever I muster up the courage to actually express what im thinking it's shot down, or the person doesnt have the time to hear it etc. There are very few people that i would even consider talking about something like this to. I dont even know why im posting this as I've no real question to ask, all im looking for is advice of some sort. i really dont know what to do.


Comments

  • #2
    Marksie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,395 ✭✭✭Marksie


    There are links and numbers in theh charter at the top of the thread.

    Have you considered taking assertiness courses or lifecoaching?


  • #3
    Cheeky_gal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Cheeky_gal


    OP feel welcome to PM me any time....I know a few people that have been in your situation including myself some time ago so I'd have some advice for you and recommendations that I think you'd happy with, it's no bother at all!

    :D


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    'A lot of guys are conditioned from childhood to be too nice, people can take advantage of you and its a passion killer with the opposite sex. Its a very thin line between being a nice guy and being a pushover. I dont know if this applies in your case but it can certainly destroy your confidence. The No More Mr Nice forum might be of interest. Best of luck

    http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/index.php'


  • #5
    bostonian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 141 ✭✭bostonian


    Unreg 507 wrote:
    'A lot of guys are conditioned from childhood to be too nice, people can take advantage of you and its a passion killer with the opposite sex. Its a very thin line between being a nice guy and being a pushover. I dont know if this applies in your case but it can certainly destroy your confidence. The No More Mr Nice forum might be of interest. Best of luck

    http://www.nomoremrniceguy.com/forums/index.php'
    interesting site.


  • #6
    How Strange
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,339 ✭✭✭How Strange


    suggestions... As I am, I have little to no confidence. It's just how ive been for a long time. Ive become a 'yes' man, taking upon things I dont necessarlily want to do but do to avoid any flak in some cases or simply to keep on the persons good side. It doesnt take much to convince me of anything.
    Anyway, lately Ive really hit rock bottom. I just cant bring myself to find any joy in life. I think talking to someone would help a lot but whenever I muster up the courage to actually express what im thinking it's shot down, or the person doesnt have the time to hear it etc. There are very few people that i would even consider talking about something like this to. I dont even know why im posting this as I've no real question to ask, all im looking for is advice of some sort. i really dont know what to do.

    OP, you are a people pleaser with low self esteem. I used to have the same problem and for the most part I have stopped.

    You need to start saying no to people and say no without a qualification like 'I'm sorry I can't do that because xxxx'. Next time someone asks you to do something that you don't want to do just say 'Sorry, no I can't' and leave it at that. I think that as you start to say no a bit more often you will start to feel less like a doormat and that should have a postive effect on your self esteem. Also, people do start to have more respect for you and it doesn't mean that you should become an unhelpful, biligerent person but just be more selective in who you do things for.


    Also, I think the reason you feel that you are shot down every time you try to talk about how you feel is that a) you probably don't say things with confidence so people just tend you ignore you. I think this is linked to you being a people pleaser as ironically you don't really want to be bothering people with your problems and b) you may be picking the wrong people to talk to.

    Do you have any close friends you can talk to? If not then consider counselling where you can offload all these thoughts and actually work on improving yourself.


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