slept with best friend

selene

hi i met a guy through a friend, they are cousins, he was coming down to our town for a nite out and we swapped no's
we chatted and got to know each other over the phone before we met in person, i felt we had a really good connection, not sexually, but felt really comfortable talking to him and honestly felt like i had known him for years! he said he felt the same, in fact he was the first to mention it, we became good friends, practically talking everyday for hrs at a time

when he came down for the nite out and i met him for the first time my heart flipped, i realised i really liked him both personality and phisically. we all went out and had a really good time, i made a point of not being obvious that i fancied him but near the end of the nite he kissed me and needless to say we ended up together.. the next day everything was fine, not a bit awkward at all, that nite he drove home and txted me that he got there ok

i didnt hear from him then for a week, i txted him asking was everything ok, he finally replied saying he was sorry but maybe we shouldnt talk anymore..
i asked him if it was because of the fact that we slept together and he said he couldnt give me what i wanted or deserved, he lived too far away, we both busy etc
i told him i didnt wanna lose the friendship and that i would have no problem still being just platonic friends but it was down to him.. he agreed, saying he was afraid he had messed up the friendship but would love to keep in touch

i took a few weeks but we eventually got back to the way we where before, chatting all the time and havin a laugh
ive stayed at his house and he stayed at mine, all platonic.. untill last week

i was up in his area, all of us out with friends and at the end of the nite he couldnt get a cab so he asked could he crash with me, we lay on the bed chatting for ages when i said i was tired, he gave me a hug goodnite then kissed me.. it was totally unexpected but all my old feelings hit me again and one thing lead to another
as before the next day was perfectly fine, i dropped him home, went visiting a few friends then called over to him before i left for home
neither of us talked about what happened but the was no awkwardness either, he rang me that nite and everything was normal
till the monday..

we where chatting by txt and he mentioned that my friend who came up with me was really nice, i said he had a great time, pleased everyone made her feel so welcome etc and during the course of the conversation he said she was cute (which she is) this is his usual banter so i didnt take notice or exception to it, just replied back and forth till he made a comment, saying my friend wouldnt be a one nite stand, she'd be someone to hold on to... now knowing him as i do i know he didnt realise what he was saying
but it really got to me and my knee jerk reaction was to call him a prick, even thou he was only messing about it made me feel cheap, that i was good enough for a one nite stand but nothing more
now that is all i said to him " your such a prick" he replied staight away saying sorry he just didnt think, i left it at that and said no more

2 hrs later i got a txt from him saying we should go our seperate ways and that we always argue when we together.. i told him that that was a cop out but whatever, i was still mad, and even more angry that he could throw our friendship away at the drop of a hat
i havent heard from him since, im soo upset and i miss him soo much..

any advice would be appreciated, should i leave it at that and move on or get in touch with him...

LegacyUser

'Hi Selene,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. This guy is a complete waste of time. Not only is he an a**ehole, he is also insensitive.

'2 hrs later i got a txt from him saying we should go our seperate ways and that we always argue when we together.. i told him that that was a cop out but whatever, i was still mad, and even more angry that he could throw our friendship away at the drop of a hat
i havent heard from him since, im soo upset and i miss him soo much..'

You are so right.....that was a cop out. I know you're upset now but believe me, you are much better off without him. For your own sake don't text or contact him again.

take care'

How Strange

Selene, this guy sounds like a complete tosser and what makes it worse is that you were friends beforehand.

To act so childishly the first time around is bad enough but to do it again AND to make very obvious pointed remarks about finding your friend cute and not being a one night stand material were hurtful. I don't believe for one second that he said them unintentionally.

He sounds like a typical passive aggressive bloke, can't tell you to your face so pretends everything is fine, fecks off and then turns it around on you when you contact him and says he can't be friends with you.

IMHO, you shouldn't have any more to do with him because he is treating you lik sh*t.

Hopefully, you can move on. One good thing is that he doesn't live in your town so at least you don't have to worry about avoiding him.

Spoony2

from past experence's one night stands and espechilly with friends never work out. ever.

but i had a similer experence in what i tryed and thuaght was good of me was not bye her.

Do you two argue a lot ?

Spoony2

Do you two argue a lot ?

selene

Spoony2 wrote:

Do you two argue a lot ?

thats the thing, i have no idea why he said that! the only time we have ever nearly argued is after the two times we have ended up together.. and that wasnt even arguements, just the conversation being a little uncomfortable for him... so really the nearest thing to an arguement we have had all yr is me callin him a prick the other day!!

Spoony2

leave him be let him realise what he's missing dont take that as a complament from me but from him and if not so be it im pretty shore one day he'l regret it that or hes a Moreon.


But serosuly i no how you feel ive felt the same way about a girl for over a year now, where friends and well i know how you feel....

but to be hionest he sounds like an idiot.

or just hes knows he can have you...

K-9

Spoony2 wrote:

but to be hionest he sounds like an idiot.

or just hes knows he can have you...

He's probably confused after sleeping together the second time!

Sounds like he wants a friend with benefits.

Then again, don't we all?:rolleyes:

b3t4

Do yourself a favour and walk away. Sure you'll miss him but that will pass.

If you don't you're in for a complete head wrecking situation. Believe me I know.

A

Wibbs

I have to say selene, walk away. Drop him like a hot rock. He's immature, spineless lacking integrity and self control. He also doesn't know what he wants. How thick is that? Not a great combo in a potential lover. When the chips are down he's a boy, not a man. You require a man to have anything approaching a decent relationship. You will not get that from this guy until he grows a pair and grows up. Why wait for something that may never happen. His excuses are just that, excuses. Put them out of your head as they are largely worthless.

Chalk this up to experience and learn from it. I would also reckon that if you do drop off the face of the earth to him, he will get in contact and sooner rather than later. People want what the can't have and they really really want what they thought they had and now don't. Be careful of that. He may give you the speil of how he made a mistake and misses you etc. Don believe it for a second. Actions speak louder than words and his actions show he's not trustworthy in his emotional dealings with you. Is actions and even some of his words are saying "you're sexually attractive to me and worth a jump, but I don't want a relationship with you". Listen to that and give yourself a break and walk away.

He was never a friend in the first place so it's hardly a loss, now is it?

echosound

I've been there and done that - the best course for you to take right now is to drop contact with him and move on with your life, otherwise you're in for a lot of headwrecking.

I know you think he's a good friend, but at the end of the day he's not. I say this speaking from experience,been there and done that, believe me. You will miss him at first, and from time to time even in years to come you may wonder how he is but in the long run it's the best course of action for you, otherwise you'll spend the next few years being messed around by this guy, sleeping with you when he fancies a bit, being treated harshly and immaturely afterwards to make sure you "know" he doesn't want a full-on relationship. Drop him, drop contact, go out with your other friends, and find yourself a man who wants you for you, not for handy no-strings sex when he feels like it. Hard to do now,but in a year's time you'll look back and thank your lucky stars you saved yourself a lot of angst and upset, and realise that he wasn't the friend you thought he was.

selene

thanks everyone xx

its been a week now and i havent heard a thing from him, he has deleted me from his bebo and myspace too...

i hate that i miss him so much

but i havent tried to get in touch with him, obviously our friendship meant very little to him

thanks again to all the advice

SarahSassy

selene wrote:

he made a comment, saying my friend wouldnt be a one nite stand, she'd be someone to hold on to...

now knowing him as i do i know he didnt realise what he was saying

Why are you defending this asshole??? Are you one of these sadists who enjoys being mistreated by others??? He has horribly disrespected you, used you for sex when it suits him and strung you along.... On top of that, he insinuates that you are only good enough for a one night shag and dont fool yourself that he didnt know what he was saying.... This all happened on text so he had time to think about his reply... He was letting you (in a very nasty way) know where you stood.....

Move onwards and UPWARDS...

selene wrote:

but it really got to me and my knee jerk reaction was to call him a prick, even thou he was only messing about it made me feel cheap, that i was good enough for a one nite stand but nothing more

That is what he was saying.... Don't believe it. He is the one with the problem.

Just because he is a friend of a friend, it does not mean he is a good guy (I've realised this lately myself)....

You have done well to stay away from him. You will meet a decent bloke who wont mess you around just try not to let this spineless twat put you off the nice guys you meet.