Opinions needed

LegacyUser

My partner and I are seeing each other 7 months now. Both are in our early 30's and had what I thought until recently, was a strong & happy relationship. We see each other approx 4/5 times a week because we live near by, share the same hobbies and have similar interests. We had a healthy sex life too, both of us would initiate sex until one night two weeks ago, he rejected my advances. He was very cold about it and completely blanked me. I was stunned because we were just having a laugh and relaxing at the time. So I thought maybe he wasn’t up for it for whatever reason and left it at that. A row broke out when I asked him about it the following morning, he said he just wasn’t in the humour etc. He closed the subject abruptly and refused to talk about it anymore. I was only trying to understand why he was feeling this way - since it was the first time it had happened and I was genuinely concerned about him . Up until this incident, he was very affectionate.

Things returned to normal, everything was fine after it. Fast forward two weeks and it has just happened again - only this time he has actually pushed me away and walked out of the house! Both of us are off for a few days and we were out late last night. We were just fooling around this morning, I went to kiss him and he lost it for no apparent reason. Before he left (and I wasn’t nagging - just want to make that clear!) I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing, I’m just not in the humour and left. I called him twice about an hour ago but he won’t answer his phone either so I’m backing off now to give him some space.
He doesn’t appear to have any extra stress on him at the moment, he’s definitely not seeing anyone else and he doesn’t appear to be hiding anything. I’m taking it personally now and he really has offended me this time. I‘m actually very hurt by his actions.


Does anyone have any ideas because I’m at a loss. Any suggestions how to handle the situation would be greatly appreciated!

sjaakie

thats very ignorant behaviour. if i was in your position the relationship would be on hold until i got a suitable explanation for the 3 issues here. the ignorant rejection, the refusal to discuss and the running away. all 3 issues are equally important and necessary for a successfull relationship.
I would not initiate any contact and i would refuse to communicate until i got a satisfactory explanation for all the issues.
gl

BaZmO*

Unreg666 wrote:

Does anyone have any ideas because I’m at a loss. Any suggestions how to handle the situation would be greatly appreciated!

Absolutely nobody here can tell you what's going on in his head as it would just be guess work, but what he has done is unacceptable.

There's only one thing that you can do and that's to talk to him about it. If he says he doesn't want to talk about it give him an ultimatum. You deserve an explanation for his behaviour.

strawberrybox

have you considered the possibility that he may just be having some problems getting it up and is mabye too embarassed to talk to you about it so is shutting down and getting annoyed and taking it out on you and just running off so he doesent have to deal with it

LegacyUser

strawberrybox wrote:

have you considered the possibility that he may just be having some problems getting it up and is mabye too embarassed to talk to you about it so is shutting down and getting annoyed and taking it out on you and just running off so he doesent have to deal with it

Hi & many thanks for your replies.

Yes, I have thought about this but he definately doesn't have any problems getting it up. That's why I can't understand it.

strawberrybox

if its not an embarassing conditition or something like that then you really are owed some sort of explination as if it continues it will mabye start to knock your confidence and start thinging what wrong with me why doesnt he want to come near me etc etc and sex will then start to become a huge issue instead of something easly sorted.

Ignoring it wont make it go away, i know its kinda hard to have these conversations but you are doing yourself no favours if you let it go, as it may start to happen more frequently, sorry i dont really have any concrete advice to give you, so best of luck

queenlex

Maybe he just wasnt in the mood and there is nothing to explain and he's getting annoyed that you wont accept this. I wouldnt take it personally its probably just him.

If he wont discuss things in general that would be more of a problem in my opinion.

Good luck,

C

Marksie

Unreg666 wrote:

I’m taking it personally now and he really has offended me this time. I‘m actually very hurt by his actions.


Does anyone have any ideas because I’m at a loss. Any suggestions how to handle the situation would be greatly appreciated!

Well the best thing to do is to tell him what you have told us above.

If he doesn't want to answer then tell him his behaviour is unnacceptable. Leave it then up to him, let him do the phoning etc.

anything else is pure guesswork on our part, the only person who really knows is himself. But to overreact like he did is not on.

McGinty

Hi Op

Like you I would take objection to being physically pushed away, if my partner said I feel tired or not in the mood, that is they said it in a gentle manner I wouldn't mind but it is the coldness and brush off that I would find difficult. Personally if I were you I would tell your boyfriend that it is the way he rejects you that is hurtful and if he is not in the mood to say it in a more kindly manner. As to why, again like others it is impossible to tell but I think it needs to be discussed, all relationships get there sticky moments and this is your one, it is how you both work through it that makes it count. Good luck