Blacktie or not ?

matrixroyal

We are considering having our wedding "Blacktie" and we have put it out there to fairly mixed reaction.

Most people seem to think it is a good idea and that everyone looks and feels great.

Some said that it seems a bit formal or stiff and that it may not be fair on the guest to put them to extra expense.

And the best yet - a few people have said "don't do it, your takings will be down". Didn't even think about that one, but it's not a factor.

What do you think ?

mikeanywhere

I think it looks quite cool but not too sure what the charge would be to rent one in Ireland.

I went to one a while back and the bride & groom said if people didnt want to do it they didnt have to. However, the majority of people that went made the effort.

hot fuss

I don't think it's fair to put more expense on guests for what is already going to be an expensive day for them.

A dress for a lady is more expensive and if a guy has to hire a tux that's not cheap either. Personally I wouldn't do it simply for that reason.

keefg

I have been to two "Black Tie" weddings and I can't see a problem.

All the guy needs is a black suit (which a lot of guys already own) and all they have to do is buy a dicky bow for about 20 euro. If the guy doesn't own a black suit he can buy one cheap enough and will probably get good use out of it in future (even if it's just to be buried in )

And as for women!!!! They will buy something new for EVERY wedding they go to, so they won't need much of a nudge to buy a fancy frock/gown.

Go for It. Do what YOU want - don't listen to anyone else, it's your day.

It's your wedding, if you want a black tie do then have one.....your friends and family will not miss your wedding just coz they have to buy a suit (Tux not essential) and if the do miss your wedding because of this then they aren't good friends.

Eoin

I generally don't like making the "too expensive for your guests" comments, mainly there seem to be enough people on this forum who seem to begrudge any expense associated with being invited to a wedding, but I do think that Black Tie is a little much.

keefg wrote:

All the guy needs is a black suit (which a lot of guys already own) and all they have to do is buy a dicky bow for about 20 euro. If the guy doesn't own a black suit he can buy one cheap enough and will probably get good use out of it in future (even if it's just to be buried in )

That's "Black Tie Optional", where a black suit would do. At least it gives some flexibility, but it still looks like a bouncer convention to me.

Personally, I'm a lot more comfortable in a suit that's been tailored for me, rather than an off the shelf yoke I've had to rent that some teenager has probably vomited over the week before at his debs!

But as keefg says, it is your day, and don't be swayed by what other people said. I'm sure that the guests at our wedding would have done many things differerently, but we did it the way we wanted to.

Tim Robbins

matrixroyal wrote:

We are considering having our wedding "Blacktie" and we have put it out there to fairly mixed reaction.

Most people seem to think it is a good idea and that everyone looks and feels great.

Some said that it seems a bit formal or stiff and that it may not be fair on the guest to put them to extra expense.

And the best yet - a few people have said "don't do it, your takings will be down". Didn't even think about that one, but it's not a factor.

What do you think ?

Well there is two things I would look at.
Number One
Intent: What is your intention here?
Make people look they you want them to look? Why is this?
Or help people look they way they should?

Number Two
Consequence: What are the consequences of this action?
Do people spend more / less money? Do people have a better / worse time?

Now that won't give you the answer directly but it is a framework for analysing your decision rationally.

dame

Why not just make it a fancy dress affair altogether? Get the guests to wear togas or go as superheroes.

bostonian

well i hope you aren't getting married for the sake of gifts. but honestly, forget the blacktie thing, nobody will show up, many without telling you so, which will add up to alot of wasted food. i agree with your sentiment, nothing pisses me off like someone who underdresses without a damn good excuse. someone at my sister's wedding had gotten home from iraq a day before and showed up in fatigues and combat boots, saying he had no other clothes. his gf was sister of the groom... someone could have lent him some slacks and a button up shirt, F.F.S.

i digress.

no point in alienating ppl with a requirement like that, you'll be shat upon in family gossip for 20 years, i promise you.

keefg

bostonian wrote:

but honestly, forget the blacktie thing, nobody will show up, many without telling you so, which will add up to alot of wasted food.

no point in alienating ppl with a requirement like that, you'll be shat upon in family gossip for 20 years, i promise you.

I think you couldn't be further from the truth if you tried.



In my previous post, I meant to say that I have been to 2 black tie wedding this year alone. In general, people like going to weddings and chances are the only black tie requirements will be for the guests attending the church & meal - which in most cases will be your nearest & dearest and I am positive that these guests will have no problems putting just a little more effort into their outfits for the happy couple.

All workmates and other friends and extended family normally just show up for the evening "afters" and I'm sure the OP has no problems with them wearing what they want.

Go for it OP, if you want a black tie occassion you will have no regrets - and remember, your photos will look good forever. No fashionable suits that look great now but awful in five years time - a tux is a timeless classic. Just look back at some family/friends wedding photo's from the 70's & 80's and you will see exactly what I mean

Tim Robbins

keefg wrote:

Go for it OP, if you want a black tie occassion you will have no regrets - and remember, your photos will look good forever. No fashionable suits that look great now but awful in five years time - a tux is a timeless classic. Just look back at some family/friends wedding photo's from the 70's & 80's and you will see exactly what I mean

What about the ladies dresses?

Which begs the question: Are Black Tie Weddings sexist? - men have to comply, women don't.

DO0GLE

matrixroyal wrote:

We are considering having our wedding "Blacktie" and we have put it out there to fairly mixed reaction.

Most people seem to think it is a good idea and that everyone looks and feels great.

What do you think ?

Most people will tell you what you want to hear.
I think Blacktie is just another added expense.

The Novacastrian

I was at a black tie wedding last year and would advise against it. Everybody gave out about it behind the couples back, saying it was too expensive and all the men looked the same.

Also, Some people have to go to a few weddings each year and they are expensive, so extra expense is not welcomed.

All the guy needs is a black suit (which a lot of guys already own) and all they have to do is buy a dicky bow for about 20 euro. If the guy doesn't own a black suit he can buy one cheap enough and will probably get good use out of it in future (even if it's just to be buried in )

A black suit is not acceptable to wear as they dont have the satin lapels or band on the trousers, and because of that you would be called a cheapskate for not renting/ buying a tux.

Eoin

goslie wrote:

A black suit is not acceptable to wear as they dont have the satin lapels or band on the trousers, and because of that you would be called a cheapskate for not renting/ buying a tux.

It is acceptable for Black Tie optional.

Tim Robbins wrote:

Which begs the question: Are Black Tie Weddings sexist? - men have to comply, women don't.

There is a dress code for women at blacktie events, they just have more options.

goslie

goslie wrote:

I was at a black tie wedding last year and would advise against it. Everybody gave out about it behind the couples back, saying it was too expensive and all the men looked the same.

Yup. I was at a black tie wedding last year and most of the guys were bitching about having to hire a tux.
Three work colleagues have also complained to me in recent months about black tie invitations.
Generally people will be too polite to say what they really think.... it's a royal pain in the ass!

Manic Moran

Myself and my groomsmen wore bow ties, but we made no such requirements of our guests.

NTM

matrixroyal

Thanks for all of the replies, like a lot of things - there is a fair variation in opinion.
On balance we decided that the possibility of putting people out was not what we wanted, despite the positive's listed above so we have decided against Black tie.
There are a few older people travelling from across the country and it would have been hard for them to organise as well as the cost.

Thats just what we decided in this case but I can still see why some people like it and why some people don't.