Acceptance

LegacyUser

I've just sorted college but i haven't really made any proper friends in coll. I'm on my own most of the time i'm in there. I did get to know loads of people in my class. Did get along pretty well with quite a few of them too but i'm still all by myself in here.

Most of the people hang around in a group and i just don't feel invited in the group. Like when they're going out for lunch or something, they never ask me to join them though they pull each other to go.
I do try to go and speak to them and all but i just can't seem to get to hang around with them. They just speak to me when i see them and thats pretty much it.
Its not like they don't get along with me or something. Most get along pretty fine and a few get along really well. But they always end up abandoning me and leaving me out of all their jazz.

Now i don't wanna stick to them and follow them everywhere. Don't wanna end up being the "weird" and "unwanted" guy in the group.

~~SKYHIGH~~

Hi Dude,

Some people are very conservative and dont let others into their "circle" of friends. I dont think it's anything personal it's just they found what they want in their current group so they dont look elsewhere as so to speak.

It depends on the personalities of the people also, I can imagine it's boring
not socialising with these people but give it time and the ideal candidates will
come to you. I am sure their are lots of people in a similar situation as you. They all dont arrive in collage on day 1 and automatically know everyone there and make a hundred friends on their command. Throw your personality around abit and you never know.....

Tomy

Xyo

Just play it cool with them. If you seem needy they might think you're a tad annoying. Try backing off being the cool loner and see what happens.

LegacyUser

I was in the exact same situation as you when I started college. Arrived on my own, I didn't even know anyone from my COUNTY let alone secondary school.

You'll come across a lot of groups and cliques like what you described, but it's their bad for being so tight. I'm guessing they're all from the same school/town. I'm also guessing they all go home together on the weekend and never leave sight of eachother.

I ended up grand, and you will too, although i never really felt like I was part of one group or had really good friends. But you will make good friends, some will last the length of college, others will peter out.

All it takes is a few sessions in the local student village and you're off. Sessioning is the main way of socializing for the majority of first years. If you don't fancy a session or two, then the next obvious step is......

you got it! Join a club.

Seriously though, the student village is your best bet for making new friends.

spinandscribble

the ppl in your class arnt that likely to be your real mates. class mates yes but they mightnt share the same interests as you. look towards the clubs and societies. i've made great friends through them

LegacyUser

Do you live in a student village?

If not, you should seek out a few houseparties there. I made all my friends in student villages during first year, barely any from my actual classes.

Oh yea, and what he said, you could join a few clubs. Even if you do have friends, joining a club does no harm.

Ninja_scrotum

Check out the student villages, I made all my friends there when I was in college - made feckall frinds in my actual class.

If you don't live in a student village then befriend somebody who does and make sure you're around for a session!

LegacyUser

Like i was only a day late in getting to know the group...
And i'm not in it...

I don't live in student village. I live in my home in Dublin. So yeah, i'm not with the students 24/7.

Most of the students are not from the same place but they still somehow hang around together. I have joined a good few clubs in coll. I don't know how that'll work out, i don't get easily close to people.

Out of the people in the group. There were a few i got along really well with. But then only speak to them when i see them. They never ask me for anything.

This is actually my 2nd year in coll. I only made like 3 close friends all of last year. Who still arn't very close. This year i know more than half the people in my class. Just don't get to hang around with them... After class they all leave together to some place and i have nowhere to go.

SWAY Z

Hey Man,
I started college this year two only thing is i was 2 weeks late so i came in when the class had formed there little groups... in the clas however mainly theres one big group of lads and i just played it COOL ! introduced meself had a laugh dureing classes and just sort of fitted in ? Im now in my third week and have freinds from my class 2 other diffrent class 2nd yr and 3yr freinds ! met all them within my short time here and thats just from introduceing meself at the right time if there playing pool kicking a ball about just blend in and PLAY IT COOL :cool:

Spoony2

Loner101 wrote:

I don't know how that'll work out, i don't get easily close to people.

They never ask me for anything.

I only made like 3 close friends all of last year. Who still arn't very close. I Just don't get to hang around with them... After class they all leave together to some place and i have nowhere to go.

How do you expect people to get close and friendly with you if you wont let them, its quite normal trust, me .

Yet again you say you dont feel to close to them but if you dont let them becaome true friends they wont, be your friend you have to ba as open as they are its 50/50 way here dude.

After class they all leave and go and do there own thing like go to the pub and get pissed stoned , shag etc, if you wanna get into the click you gotta be as open as the rest of them..

Trust me openiss is how you make friends.

go out ther with a different attude talk to them about football, car's music anything but yo gotta get in the game you gotta be able to talk to people and yes i no how difficult it feels but it gets better with time

ps

I was in collage four two years and all the people who i went to in collage bar 2 girls are all i keep in contact with the rest are just who are they in my perspective of things..

so be opne amn it aint hard...

Zillah

Its quite possible they just don't like you very much. They'll chat and be nice while you're around but they're not interested if having you there. It happens, don't worry about it. If they don't want you you're just going to annoy yourself and them by trying to force it. Look elsewhere.

ShawnRaven

Xyo wrote: »

Just play it cool with them. If you seem needy they might think you're a tad annoying. Try backing off being the cool loner and see what happens.

You sound like the voice of experience. I'd say your weekends are action packed personally!

VR!

kowloon

validreasoning! wrote: »

You sound like the voice of experience. I'd say your weekends are action packed personally!

VR!

LOL

Overheal

Ive found that people in my class work one way, and I another. Its not that im not invited to do things, like go for a drink or play a game of poker now and then, but sometimes it just doesnt suit me and im happy to say 'man, im just fckn wrecked.' Thats not to say we dont get along well its just I dont find myself around them often. In that regard im very much not involved in a lot of after hours socialisation.

If you want that to change to your own preferences its pretty simple: just hang out. In our canteen for instance is where about half the class have lunch. You dont need an invite - its not exclusive - just walk up to said table and pull up a chair. People make room and thats the end of that. Then all you have to do is sit down and listen, and when you have something to contribute: do so.

Best tips for conversation are to be a contributor, not a controller; keep it on topic (dont jump onto a wild tangent); be opinionated - nobody remembers a yes-man.

JohnCleary

You said you're in college....

Joins a frickin club or society ffs. Sometimes getting clingy with your classmates can be annoying because you see them too much. A club or society you don't see them ALL The time yet you make friends who you could just txt or whatever when you've got time to kill around the college.

If you've an interest in your college course, ask people for help. ie. Ask them a question (even if you know the answer) and pretend that they've really helped you out, then just start talkin about any sorta sh1te ... can usually help 'break the ice' (Although you say you already know them)

fuzzywiggle

From reading your post i thought you were a girl til i got to the end. I thought lads were more accepting of new friends..anyway if they're all going for lunch together and haven't invited you i'd just say ''where are you's goin for lunch'' and they'll tell you and perhpas invite you then once you seem interested and if they don't invite then say ''oh ok cool, think i'll head along with ya's'' . Afterall it is only lunch so no big deal to invite yourself. Go along and maybe the next time they will invite you! Don't distance yourself from them..make the effort.

eamoss

I went from School were I was friends with almost all of my year.

I went off to university in a different county to do a very challenging course and it was my 1st time moving away from home.

I didnt get along with my house mates at all.

I was going to drop out of my course because I felt it was too hard to do and didnt see how I could pass any of my subjects.

There was 5 people from my School, 4 girls and me. I got on with two of them the other two I talked to a bit. I hug around with them for a bit but I felt like I like I shouldnt be there.

Also knew 1 lad from home but didnt really know him.

So what did I do, I joined 4 clubs on fairs day.

Didnt go to two of them and stopped going another one after a month but I kept up Soccer.

For the hole 1st semester the soccer team was the only thing making me want to go to uni. But that team got me to know a lot of people. The 2nd sems in uni I loved it had loads of new friends and got moved up to the senior soccer team.

Then I worked hard and I passed my exams had to do repeats because I didnt work for the exams at the end of the 1st sems.

So join clubs its never too late to join!

echosound

Just saw your other post, and felt I should add a post here as I thought you were in school from your other post.

Right - when I started college, I ended up starting 3 weeks late as I got offered a better course in the 3rd round of points. Everyone had formed groups, and there were only a few stragglers - the mature students who were going in to learn and not to make friends - I hung out with these at first as I was also of this mindset - was going to college to get a degree, and if the friends came along too, added bonus. I moved 100 miles away from home, so knew nobody in the city. At first, I felt a bit odd just walking up to groups and joining in (eg in canteen at lunch etc) but just remember - other people are often concerned with how they are being viewed, and are too preoccupied with how they are coming across to be worried about judging you.

Join a club or society, make friends outside of class - as a guy it will be easy to get chatting to other guys in a pub or whatever (it's harder for a woman to start randomly chatting as many times it's misconstrued as a come-on, IYKWIM).

If you've moved away from home, chances are there will be a few people who are from the same town as you, and if you find one person, chances are they will either be housesharing with others from there, or will hang out with friends who are from there, and you will have an "in" - you will probably know some of their friends or relatives and hey presto - ready made group of friends. It does happen - while living in Dublin I got chatting to a guy who was from my hometown, discovered we knew a few people in common, and all of a sudden a whole "ex-pat" group from my home town opened up to me I wouldn't have known them from home, but would have either a)known a cousin or a friend of theirs or b) frequented the same spots at home. Sounds very provincial but it did provide me with yet another large groups of friends to hang out with.

If you see others in the college who you think would share the same interests as you (you say you're into metal, just have an eye out for anyone who looks like a metaller, we're easy to spot ) just casually start up a conversation - if you see them with an mp3 player, ask what they're listening to, if they have a band tshirt on, even a simple - oh, you like X? I LOOVE their latest album, what did you make of it/did you see them playing here last year? etc. I find I click with people over music and it ends up going from there.

Finally - remember you don't necessarily need to make friends within your class, chances are you will get on better with people on different courses etc. You're not restricted to only socialise with peers from your class.

LegacyUser

^
Thanks for the advise...
Though this is quite an old post of mine. I did go ahead and get to know loads of people in my coll. Well, its sorta like every few days i get to meet a new person though i hardly meet people i click with.
Most just seem to ignore me when i'm around.

Speaking bout people from other courses, my coll is tiny. It only does about 3 courses so there are not many people in it. Its not a big university as TCD or UCD.
And then i've yet to see a "metal head" in my coll... I don't think there are any...!
Though there are a good few musically inclined people (like the guy i hang around with, he's good loads musical n rides bmx n all).
Problem with people in sports clubs is that i only usually see them n speak to em when we're outside doing what the club does. Even there most people are from the same class or know each other pretty well already n hang around together.
Then again i live in dublin in a house of my own so i don't see my fellow class mates 24/7 as the ones living in student accommodation do. Neither am i invited to many house parties or anything.

So yeah, it doesn't really seem to be working in my coll. I could continue hanging around with the few guys i know n see which are the people that come back around sometime in the future and become mates and maybe see what i can do outside of my coll over time. Or make efforts to get along with the people i don't seem to be getting along with (which i don't think i'm gonna bother myself with).

But yeah, thanks for the advise.
I guess maybe the best thing for me to do now is to wait n see who all get back around and who can be real friends.