Really insecure

LegacyUser

Looking for some advice on how to overcome insecurity issues, maybe from people who have been in similar situation...

I have a really bad problem. I'm very very paranoid and insecure. Ive a boyfriend who Ive been with for years and whom I love very much. He loves me, and tells me many times a day. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good looking or he doesn't find me attractive. He tells me otherwise but I cant loose that feeling.... He tells me I'm cute quite alot (though sometimes I don't wanna be cute I wanna he hot). Every time I see him texting I think its his ex hes talking to and I freak out. I have real trouble with him talking to her because she is is really nasty piece of work. If he mentions some other girl is good looking it kills me! Even if he says thinks dark hair nicest (I'm blonde) I wanna run out and dye it...

I dunno. I know sounds really really childish. My boyfriend gets upset when I feel this bad over stuff I cant change and he says he wouldn't change anything about me. I just cant get over what seems like a mental block that I'm just not good enough...


And before anyone says anything like it somehow my boyfriends fault, just don't. This had nothing to do with him...

star-pants

I somewhat understand what you mean OP -- it can be hard to understand why a guy might like you. I always think 'are they mad? there's loads of better girls out there' and if they compliment me I tend to blush & only half believe them

You're right its purely a self esteem issue-that only you can bring yourself above. If you think about it -- your bfs with you isnt he? he reassures you a lot -- tells you he loves you - how cute you are (which i get the 'wanna be hot' thing but cute can be hotcute) - so this guy wants YOU and only YOU.. so what if he mentions about passers by? everyone does that. Hell i'd nearly go 'yeh she is good looking' lol.

But seriously -- if it's becoming this issue that's affecting you (which it appears to be) perhaps there are confidence building classes ? (I'm not sure) or join some club/gathering? it might make you realise that you are as good as anyone -- as sexy as anyone and more importantly you are great at being you. Noone else can be you. And thats what your boyfriend loves. Thats what i'm sure your friends love.
It's not vain to think you're good.

Suaimhneach

You need to love yourself before you can love someone else or be loved. Maybe if you do some thinking about why you dont feel secure and nice, and get some answers, it'll eliveate any issues with your boyf.

Good luck.

Wibbs

Jesjes wrote:

You need to love yourself before you can love someone else or be loved.

Bingo. That is so true.

I've lost count of the amount of strong, intelligent, beautiful women I've known that had this downbeat view of themselves. It's really sad to see. I used to keep trying to compliment and encourage them although I know half the time they didn't believe me.

I think that's why some of them go out with and are attracted to dickheads. The dickhead just reinforces what they believe about themselves. A real pity.

The only thing I would tell you is that you will get better with time if you let yourself and remember the next time you look in the mirror. You're unique. There's no one like you and you deserve to give yourself some credit.

karen3212

Hi Op, i think it might help if you ask yourself why do you love him. I mean that sometimes there is no logical reason why you think one person is the best or greatest, even though they're not on the cover of any magazines.

Think about people in your family, why do you think they're great and fantastic even though you know logically that they're aren't winning prizes all over the place.

I hope you understand what I mean, you don't have to be the best at anything/the hottest etc for people to love you madly. You are the best and hottest to them, and there is no explaining it. Take care

Hi, I'm in a similar situation to yourself and I also know it's a self-esteem issue. Therefore I can't really advise you but I can at least assure you that you're not alone. And if you want to talk about it at all I'm here.