What do I do?

LegacyUser

Last night when we were out drinking after the Ireland game,I was talking to my friend who's having relationship problems on the phone when my credit went,so i asked my bf for his phone.

I text my friend and went in to delete what I had sent her and I seen a message sent to a girl i don't know saying

''Hi sexy,ow ru?ne news for me?''

This was sent friday night/saturday morning at 2.25am, my bf was out and I was at home because I had a match the next day.

I confronted him and he says he isn't cheating on me but why is he texting a girl in the middle of the night calling her sexy? I'd never dream of texting another fella calling them sexy.

I don't know what to think,

Knockoff Nige

If you were really clever you would have taken down this number and called it asking to speak to your boyfriend. Might have got you more info.

justsomebloke

I have to say I have sent txt's similar to that and at roughly the same time of the evening *cough* morning even though I am in a long term relationship. However it is only a bit of playful banter between friends as oppose to anything else. I wouldn't fancy said person and vice versa so don't read too much into it.

Now if it had said "hey sexy r u free now" or something similar then I would be worried

How Strange

OP, did he tell you why he sent a text to another girl in the middle of the night when he was drunk?

If my bf was texting any girls apart from me when he was on a night out I'd be p*ssed off.

I disagree that it could've been harmless. Why was he texting a girl at that time and who was she. If it was a bit of fun then he should be able to tell you who she is.

BaZmO*

zzzzzz wrote:

I confronted him and he says he isn't cheating on me but why is he texting a girl in the middle of the night calling her sexy?

Did you ask him the bit in bold?

LegacyUser

I got the number and my friend rang the number for me. I know her name and I know where she works because he told me.

She works in a pub that does lunches that he eats in most days,he never told me why he was texting her, we have to talk more about it later

I'm just so pissed off he's texting another girl calling her sexy!!

BoozyBabe

zzzzzz wrote:

I'm just so pissed off he's texting another girl calling her sexy!!

I would be too!!

My ex used to talk like that to some girls & tell them what he wouldn't do to them if he got the chance, etc.
He did that while I was there. It was completely harmless & just a bit of banter between the two, & I'd never have thought twice about it.

If he'd sent texts to those particular girls & said 'Hi Sexy' again, it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest.

It was ust his way. We didn't call him a 'dirty oul man' for nothing.

However, that was HIS character.
That's nothing like my current bf's character.
He barely calls me sexy, so if I was to see a text on his phone to another girl calling them sexy, I think I'd go crazy, because for him to call a girl that, there'd have to be something going on.

I'm assuming you also know your bf well enough to judge whether or not you should be annoyed, & going by your posts, you know you should be annoyed

Knockoff Nige

This might seem like a silly question but, would you call her sexy? I mean does she look sexy? If not then it was simply a friendly comment.

BoozyBabe

Knockoff Nige wrote:

This might seem like a silly question but, would you call her sexy? I mean does she look sexy? If not then it was simply a friendly comment.

But, why would you be texting just a friendly comment to a girl who just works in a pub that you get lunch in.

Why would you have her number at all.
Why would you ever want to text her, apart from to see what tomorrows lunch special is?
& Why would you be sending this just friendly comment at 2.30 in the morn?

I don't think it's just a friendly comment.
& even if it was, I think it's too friendly for a fella in a long term relationship.
I'd be extremely p!ssed about it

Knockoff Nige

BoozyBabe wrote:

But, why would you be texting just a friendly comment to a girl who just works in a pub that you get lunch in.

Why would you have her number at all.
Why would you ever want to text her, apart from to see what tomorrows lunch special is?
& Why would you be sending this just friendly comment at 2.30 in the morn?

I don't think it's just a friendly comment.
& even if it was, I think it's too friendly for a fella in a long term relationship.
I'd be extremely p!ssed about it

But my point is, if she's actually not that 'sexy' looking then its only a friendly comment. He might have become friends with this girl (not difficult to imagine if he sees her most days). I think its too easy to see the harm in what he's doing over the innocence. The only way to know is by askign him.

aye

i dunno, i call most of my female mates, sexy.
if i was texting one a 2 in the am i would say "hey sexy, what you at?", which would come across as i wanna meet up for you know what. but that wouldnt be it.
just saying you might be reading into it too much, but you know him better.
he should be able to explain it.

BoozyBabe

aye wrote:

i dunno, i call most of my female mates, sexy.
if i was texting one a 2 in the am i would say "hey sexy, what you at?", which would come across as i wanna meet up for you know what. but that wouldnt be it.
just saying you might be reading into it too much, but you know him better.
he should be able to explain it.

& I would completely agree, IF she was a mate, but she's a barmaid where he gets his lunch.

Plus, there's the fact that he denied it.
If it were completely innocent, he'd have come straight out with it.

& I also know what youre trying to say KnockoffNige about the looks thing.
But again, I know lots of Ugly Betty's who have partners who think they are the sexiest women n the planet, yet not many other people would.

Anyway OP, you do need to sit him down & thrash this out with him.
You know him best, you know if alarm bells should be sounding in your head, & they are, so find out what's going on.

Knockoff Nige

BoozyBabe wrote:

& I would completely agree, IF she was a mate, but she's a barmaid where he gets his lunch.

Plus, there's the fact that he denied it.
If it were completely innocent, he'd have come straight out with it.

& I also know what youre trying to say KnockoffNige about the looks thing.
But again, I know lots of Ugly Betty's who have partners who think they are the sexiest women n the planet, yet not many other people would.

Anyway OP, you do need to sit him down & thrash this out with him.
You know him best, you know if alarm bells should be sounding in your head, & they are, so find out what's going on.

When did he deny it? He said he wasnt having an affair which is yet to be proved otherwise.

How Strange

zzzzzz....She works in a pub that does lunches that he eats in most days,he never told me why he was texting her

Ok so you need to know why is he texting a barmaid (from a pub where he gets his lunch most days) in the early hours and calling her sexy.

''Hi sexy,ow ru?ne news for me?''

This is what he text the barmaid who works at the place he goes for lunch. Seems a bit odd!

This doesn't make sense and I think your bf has a little more explaining to do. Why was he initiating contact with her at 2.45am? He'd want to be a convincing liar to get himself out of this one.

IMO, this scenario implies that they have been texting each other before as the text was very familiar. There was no 'I its XXX' and also he knew she was out and about that night.

Knockoff Nige

How Strange wrote:

Ok so you need to know why is he texting a barmaid (from a pub where he gets his lunch most days) in the early hours and calling her sexy.



This is what he text the barmaid who works at the place he goes for lunch. Seems a bit odd!

This doesn't make sense and I think your bf has a little more explaining to do. Why was he initiating contact with her at 2.45am? He'd want to be a convincing liar to get himself out of this one.

IMO, this scenario implies that they have been texting each other before as the text was very familiar. There was no 'I its XXX' and also he knew she was out and about that night.

Why would he say 'Hi its XXX, when she would have his name on her phone? So he's friends with this girls, thats all I see it as. She needs more proof to be able to say otherwise, as does everyone on here.

How Strange

IMO, any guy who is texting a girl who is not his gf when he is drunk on a night out in such a familiar way is playing with fire. They may be friends now but it won't stay like that for long if he is texting her at 2.45am.

I wouldn't be cool about it especially as he didn't tell the OP who this girl was. If it was all a bit harmless he should've just told his gf when she asked.

Knockoff Nige

How Strange wrote:

IMO, any guy who is texting a girl who is not his gf when he is drunk on a night out in such a familiar way is playing with fire. They may be friends now but it won't stay like that for long if he is texting her at 2.45am.

I wouldn't be cool about it especially as he didn't tell the OP who this girl was. If it was all a bit harmless he should've just told his gf when she asked.

tell her what? Stop being so nosey? Lets face it, if it is only a friend of his, then his girlfriend (The OP) is just being nosey. Does he have to answer for every text message he sends? If he says he isnt cheating on her then she needs a helluva lot more evidence to prove otherwise.

syberspud

Paddy paranoia imo. I often call me friends (guys and girls) pet names like sexy, cupcake, hot stuff when txting. It's not uncommon to be informal in text messages. Lets be honest people, the OP hasn't actually got **** on her boyfriend and if she mentions it to him,. I wouldn't be surprised if he got pissed that she was looking at his phone behind his back. The only person who is breaching trust here is the OP.

Tazdedub

I see nothing wrong with this. I do the same thing with mates of mine as well and I am in a long term relationship. If the guy was doing something why would he give her the phone to send a message in the first place? To me it sounds like the OP is going a bit OTT. I think you will find that lots of people out there do this on text message both male and female but it doesn't mean that anything is happening.

Maybe the OP needs to take a look at herself and wonder why is she worried about this and why does she not trust her BF? If I was BF I would be mad as hell and would probably walk tell the OP that its finished and leave it at that.

King of Kings

I could let the sexy comment go cos that can be explained as friendly banter.

What makes me suspect something is afoot is that she is a barmaid - around that time she is knocking off, he is out on a night out - you do the maths.
Throw in the fact he is calling her sexy.

why is he ringing his sexy barmaid at that time?

I think he has explaining to do

Knockoff Nige

King of Kings wrote:

I could let the sexy comment go cos that can be explained as friendly banter.

What makes me suspect something is afoot is that she is a barmaid - around that time she is knocking off, he is out on a night out - you do the maths.
Throw in the fact he is calling her sexy.

why is he ringing his sexy barmaid at that time?

I think he has explaining to do

I disagree. The op opened a text that she shouldnt have. I think SHE has explaining to do,. You saying 'around the time she is knocking off' is an assumption. Plus, he didnt ring her, he texted her. Perhaps the OP should have checked the inbox to see if there was a response. There might have been an innocent reply.

King of Kings

Knockoff Nige wrote:

I disagree. The op opened a text that she shouldnt have. I think SHE has explaining to do,. You saying 'around the time she is knocking off' is an assumption. Plus, he didnt ring her, he texted her. Perhaps the OP should have checked the inbox to see if there was a response. There might have been an innocent reply.

dude - ringing / texting ? that's like saying "what you prefer a kick in the nuts or a punch in the face"? it doesn't matter.

text was opened. we can't change that. Does that mean she should ignore the info she found? hardly.

An assumption perhaps? a very logical one. would make me suspicious.
I'll admit they are only assumptions but in teh absence of fact it's all we can do. My advice to the OP is that is is suspect.
very suspect.

Knockoff Nige

King of Kings wrote:

but in teh absence of fact it's all we can do. .

Something very very monthy python about that statement.

BoozyBabe

Knockoff Nige wrote:

monthy python.

Who's he?

Heard of a Monty Python once!!!

Knockoff Nige

BoozyBabe wrote:

Who's he?

Heard of a Monty Python once!!!

I bith my thongue justh asth I wasth thyping thath

Tazdedub

King of Kings wrote:

I could let the sexy comment go cos that can be explained as friendly banter.

What makes me suspect something is afoot is that she is a barmaid - around that time she is knocking off, he is out on a night out - you do the maths.
Throw in the fact he is calling her sexy.

why is he ringing his sexy barmaid at that time?

I think he has explaining to do

King of Kings I think it is very unfair that you suspicious because the girl is a barmaid. Would you have the same suspicions if she was a Garda or nurse. Its easy to become friends with someone where you might go for lunch. One of my good friends is someone I met where I went for lunch everyday.

Would you have the same suspicions if she was someone the guy worked with or someone that the guy met through college?

milkerman

We all know barmaids down the local pub. We all know waitresses in the cafe where you eat lunch. We are all given to a bit of banter.

I dont know any of their mobile numbers though. I would think it unusual to have any contact with them other than casual contact during the day.

This is very suspect - your bf needs to explain who this girl is and why he has to contact her at the wee hours of the morning.

Vegeta

Ok for everyone defending the boyfriend saying it could just be friendly banter you need to get a grip and accept that there may be more to this.

The OP did not recognise the name of the barmaid in her boyfriend's phone. This implies the boyfriend has never spoken of this girl. Why?

Surely her name would have come up in random chit chat about how your day was. You'd think, being in a relationship that the boyfriend might have mentioned the sound staff or that he had forged a relationship with a person at his usual lunch spot.

So the boyfriend has a female friend who he never mentions but texts late at night calling her sexy and only speaks about when a text is accidentally stumbled upon. If you don't think this is suspicious behaviour I just don't know what to say.

I will accept there is a chance it is a completely innocent friendship but if I were a betting man I would back a flirty (not very honourable for a person with a long term girlfriend) relationship.

To the OP, I believe your boyfriend has not cheated on you but is more than likely attracted to the barmaid (which he will prob lie through his teeth about). He might have never taken it further than that attraction and flirting but you need to ask yourself do you want to be with someone who does this.

Knockoff Nige

Vegeta wrote:

Ok for everyone defending the boyfriend saying it could just be friendly banter you need to get a grip and accept that there may be more to this.

The OP did not recognise the name of the barmaid in her boyfriend's phone. This implies the boyfriend has never spoken of this girl. Why?

Surely her name would have come up in random chit chat about how your day was. You'd think, being in a relationship that the boyfriend might have mentioned the sound staff or that he had forged a relationship with a person at his usual lunch spot.

So the boyfriend has a female friend who he never mentions but texts late at night calling her sexy and only speaks about when a text is accidentally stumbled upon. If you don't think this is suspicious behaviour I just don't know what to say.

I will accept there is a chance it is a completely innocent friendship but if I were a betting man I would back a flirty (not very honourable for a person with a long term girlfriend) relationship.

To the OP, I believe your boyfriend has not cheated on you but is more than likely attracted to the barmaid (which he will prob lie through his teeth about). He might have never taken it further than that attraction and flirting but you need to ask yourself do you want to be with someone who does this.

Who does what? Sends a text message that he simply doesnt have to explain? Does the boyfirend have to tell his girlfriend everything? I dont think he does. I think he would if he was married to her but they are clearly not at that stage yet. I'm not saying he has the right to have a fling wityh someone but there is absolutely no proof that this text was anythign other than a friendly text.

I think people are getting very caught up in the fact that this is a barmaid.

Vegeta

Knockoff Nige wrote:

Who does what?

I think people are getting very caught up in the fact that this is a barmaid.

Sends flirty texts to other women. I know my girlfriend would not stand for it in the given context and vice versa. Neither would a lot of others here judging by replies

Fair play if you are confident enough in your own relationship that if you caught your partner sending flirty texts to strangers you'd have no problmes with it, not for me I'm afraid.

Also I couldn't care less if it was a barmaid but without a name I referred to her by her job title.

King of Kings

Tazdedub wrote:

King of Kings I think it is very unfair that you suspicious because the girl is a barmaid. ?

no cos nurses or gardai don't knock off at 2.30am.
also i was a doorman for 7 years - I know cos i've seen it. although us bouncers got most of it.:D

now i'll admit he could have been angling for a stay back in the pub but
I'd still suspect something. maybe nothing has happened and/or it was a drunken flirtation. But the OP is within her rights to be cheesed off

vegeta brings up another point I was thinking of but it slipped my mind.

vegeta wrote:

The OP did not recognise the name of the barmaid in her boyfriend's phone. This implies the boyfriend has never spoken of this girl. Why?

surely he would have mentioned her once or twice ?