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Dont know how to start

  • 28-09-2007 8:44pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    From around age 13 or 14, I've suffered from depression. I slowly retreated away from all my friends, and while I made school friends those friendships never left school.

    I ****ed up my leaving due to not caring whether I lived or died, nevermind a stupid cert and then dropped out of college within 3 months. For the next 3 years I sat at home all day every day doing nothing but 3 months ago I finally got off my ass, went to an agency and got a job.

    My problem is, even though I want to meet people, make friends, meet girls I just plain dont know how or where. Dunno where to go out, dunno how to act, dunno what to say.

    I've never had a problem making friends over the internet but again, even though I seem to be well liked i can never translate any of it into real life.

    I'm 22 who hasnt lived past 13, I dont want to keep continuing like this but I'm scared and confused.

    I've thought about moving abroad to work for a while(London or Melbourne) but thought that if I cant meet people over here, moving away to try do it would be a waste of time and money.

    The exception to all this is a girl I met 16 months ago online. I dont want to go into it as it still hurts a hell of a lot, but we fell in love, met up in real life(she's english I'm irish) once, made plans for the future and spent every minute we could talking for month after month. Then she told me she loves me, that i'm a wonderful sensitive caring guy who looked after and took care of her for so long but she isnt in love with me and my world ended.

    I cant get over her on my own and I dont have any ways of moving on or dealing with it.

    I need to get a life I just dont know how to alone :(


Comments

  • #2
    spurious
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Education Moderators Posts: 27,315 CMod ✭✭✭✭spurious


    Have you sought help with your depression?

    You can always have a second go at education - even more so once you are 23 you can go as a mature student.

    Re the relationship things - these things honestly do tend to happen when you are not trying. Internet relationships tend to 'develop' very quickly for a number of reasons. Often people find it easier to open up to someone who is not actually in the room with them. You don't get all the visual clues that real conversations bring, so often closeness gets imagined (on both sides) which, when a real life meeting happens, is not really there and leads to great hurt and disappointment.

    I think a new start in education (and it's not too late to get in somewhere for a 2 year Leaving cert course this year) might kick start you in the right direction. If you are in Dublin, Pearse College have some excellent courses and deal mainly with mature students and adults. They will also have support services that might help you with other issues.


  • #3
    Overheal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    It sounds like its a great idea to go finish the Cert'. After that college will be a fresh breeze. Plenty of age spectra in a College or IT, you'd be bound to run into people. You won't get very much farther without the education.

    For the girl, it sucks, but you have to realise how often its just not going to work out like that. Saying that you still have a Best Friend that you can talk to - dont get caught up in the fact that you dont love eachother, just carry on. Its also great to be able to have a girl brain like that to pick' when you need advice :)

    As for the depression - it hits a lot *a lot* of people: I was (probably stupidly) diagnosed with depression.... at 8! After my parents divorce. Oh, the insanity.... but true enough I'll get the dumps every so often - maybe every 6 months for 2 months.

    The key to all depressions is that there's always one thing that sets them off and hows the good chance of tackling it: If you're depressed over Girl, you need to talk to her about it. You both need to realise why you get on so well, but in your current situation(s) you're but the Best of Friends. Everybody needs a few.

    Try to find other relationships, and I recommend ones besides the Romantic - having some really good friends is often times even more important. In a romantic relationship theres a lot of pressure to seem okay and perfect and if you have problems sometimes its a lot harder to express them and thats what you need to do right now. Even if you need to talk to a sibling - do. Lay it all out for them, they can be your support.


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