a bit lonely...

LegacyUser

For a long time I've been happy being single. However, something has come over me in the past while....I WANT a relationship. I've seen friends' lives being taken over by their relationships, and I've always thought it was something I could do without...for the time being. But now I just feel like I am ready to share my life with somebody.

The problem is, I'm in a bit of a strange situation...I live abroad, in a city where the language isn't English. I do, however, speak the language quite well. I have friends here, but I rarely go out on "big nights out", as I don't have a particular GROUP of friends here. I have individual friends who I've met under differing circumstances. So what often happens is, I go out for drinks with friend A, and the next night with friends B and C, etc. What I'm trying to say is, I'm not often in a situation where I'm out and meet a lot of men. To add to my problems, I am very shy when it comes to the opposite sex. For example, I got chatting to an absolutely lovely guy the other night; we got along great, and any other girl would probably have asked him out...not me. I noticed that he was out with a mixed group of guys and girls, and I suppose I was a little intimidated by the fact that he was out in the company of girls. So we parted company. I guess the fact he left things that way indicated that he wasn't interested, but I'm still wondering what might have been.

I guess the bottom line is, I'm a bit lonely, but I don't see the situation changing any time soon. I don't even know if I'm looking for advice as such, I just thought I'd get how I feel off my chest.

Drift

Hey OP,

Would it be possible to get one of your A, B or C friends to introduce you to their social group. That could then become your social group if you get on with them well. The other option .... and I HATE saying this because it's so overused .... is to join some sort of club. If you're abroad maybe there's some place where people from Ireland get together. Or maybe you're like me and don't want to be surrounded by Irish people when you're abroad - in that case pick some other hobby to take up, maybe something that you wouldn't get a chance to do here in Ireland. I think broadening your social group might help a lot. As you say yourself you're quite shy with the opposite sex so you'd probably find it easier to get to know a guy as a friend first through some group activity even if its just drinking together.

As for the guy the last night I wouldn't worry about it too much, think of it all as practice. I know how you feel about mixed groups, it can be very hard to chat to someone of the opposite sex who's out with a mixed group of friends because you think of the friends that are your sex being protective of their "territory".

One final point .... you don't NEED a relationship and if you think you do you'll give off "desperate" vibes which won't attract the nice sort of guy you want. Get more socially active and be happy with the time you spend with friends. When you have confidence in yourself and are happy with your life you'll find the guys all over you. They'll be yours to pick from

jester77

Throw a party. Invite the friends and tell them to bring a few their friends. Invite some of your work colleagues that you get on with as well. This way everyone gets connected, you meet new people, can sort out a group night out when everyone is there and you'll get to meet more people and so on. At worse pop down to the local Irish/English/Scottish bar and you'll easily get to know people very quickly! It's not just Irish & English that hang out in them!

LegacyUser

'Thanks peeps, I do feel like I have to broaden my social circle. It's just finding a way to do so! I'm taking classes, but there ain't too many people to mingle with there. I might look into something else, I'll have a think about it. And as for the whole "desperate" vibe thing, I am actually happy with the way things are about 90% of the time. I do enjoy my life, I like my job, I enjoy the time I spend with my friends. Just sometimes when I see people, couples being all happy I think "I want a bit of that". My attitude is that if it's meant to happen, it will - I don't ever say: "Right!! Tonight I'm going out on the pull!!!!"'

Latchy

Just sometimes when I see people, couples being all happy I think "I want a bit of that". My attitude is that if it's meant to happen, it will - I don't ever say: "Right!! Tonight I'm going out on the pull!!!!"'

And you have every right to want a bit of that. I am going of on a bit of a tangent now but human contact is the most important thing we all need ,weather its from famly friends or in a relationship .Some people are luckier than most , they have all of the above and some dont have any .Lonliness is a big killer in the wstern world and we all deserve happiness with sombody ,just that some people set their sights to high and look in all the wrong places .

Good luck and i am sure it ill happen for you .

StephenC_IRL

emm age ? (just to get a rough idea) , i suggest find out if A B or C is going out to a pub or something and ask can you come along, im sure if you at least have A B and C your not a horrible person to hang aroudn with so youd be grand in a group , also if your a student go out to big pissups and things

Marksie

I_Dont_Know wrote:

My attitude is that if it's meant to happen, it will - I don't ever say: "Right!! Tonight I'm going out on the pull!!!!"'

It is a simple fact that you are responsible for your own happiness or unhappiness.

Reconsider your attuitide. Drifting and waiting for someone else to bob along will not do it. As a little aside, a fisherman sitting on a bank with bait on hook *may* eventually catch something, a good match man will be constantly working his area, not idly sitting by. Its the same principle

If you want to meet someone, then simply you have to take a proactive approach.

LegacyUser

'

StephenC_IRL wrote:

emm age ? (just to get a rough idea) , i suggest find out if A B or C is going out to a pub or something and ask can you come along, im sure if you at least have A B and C your not a horrible person to hang aroudn with so youd be grand in a group , also if your a student go out to big pissups and things

I'm early 20s. And I AM grand in groups, hell I do have loads of friends just I live far away from most of them now and I'm finding it hard to make new friends'

LegacyUser

May i ask how long have you been in this new country?

Also, the "lovely guy" you were chatting with, according to you....

"I guess the fact he left things that way indicated that he wasn't interested"

......isn't it possible that he might have been shy too? I'm a lovely guy and i'm very shy!!! I've been in his position before, having a good laugh with a girl and wondering how to go about actually asking her out, and when she leaves the pub, should I follow her out and ask her to stay for another drink or something?! But i was too nervous, so I left it that way, just like him!

LegacyUser

'

anoninus wrote:

May i ask how long have you been in this new country?

Also, the "lovely guy" you were chatting with, according to you....

"I guess the fact he left things that way indicated that he wasn't interested"

......isn't it possible that he might have been shy too? I'm a lovely guy and i'm very shy!!! I've been in his position before, having a good laugh with a girl and wondering how to go about actually asking her out, and when she leaves the pub, should I follow her out and ask her to stay for another drink or something?! But i was too nervous, so I left it that way, just like him!

It's entirely possible! But i guess I'll never know now Just have to move on I suppose. Been here about 6 months'