Murder me!

Mr. Presentable

I imagine killing a total stranger would be easy to get away with because there'd be nothing to connect you to him. But suppose I am your employer, or a close relative, how would you kill me and evade prosecution?

nice1franko

Something like what Joe O'Reilly did but I'd leave my phone in the office.

Crumble Froo

like hannibal did at the start of book with the same name. in a public street with a few schlick moves iwth my awesome knife.

Gaz

With my advanced Ninja skills of course .... Ninja's dont get caught.

Huggles

nipplenuts wrote:

I imagine killing a total stranger would be easy to get away with because there'd be nothing to connect you to him. But suppose I am your employer, or a close relative, how would you kill me and evade prosecution?

oh nipplenuts, you do make me worry.

But, to answer your question.

I'd make it look like suicide.

Kold

I'd spend thousands on a "Find _ _ _ _" campaign...

Zambia

Car bomb....

Ruu_Old

You strangled yourself in the mass of network cables in the office. Not my fault you are clumsy.

Mr. Presentable

TheGooner wrote:

oh nipplenuts, you do make me worry.

But, to answer your question.

I'd make it look like suicide.

What, you'd hang me from a banister?

I got the idea from a film wherein two old guys amused themselves by concocting schemes for killing each other. And getting away with it. Very old film.

Huggles

nipplenuts wrote:

What, you'd hang me from a banister?

I got the idea from a film wherein two old guys amused themselves by concocting schemes for killing each other. And getting away with it. Very old film.

Yes that or a plethora of other suicide looking methods.

Stuff you with Mars bars is possible too.

Genghiz Cohen

Some nice Ricin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ricin

Mix it into your porridge or the like.
Yum yum.

Tar.Aldarion

nipplenuts wrote:

I imagine killing a total stranger would be easy to get away with because there'd be nothing to connect you to him. But suppose I am your employer, or a close relative, how would you kill me and evade prosecution?

It's rather easy to kill with poison and get away with it.

lezizi

nipplenuts wrote:

I imagine killing a total stranger would be easy to get away with because there'd be nothing to connect you to him. But suppose I am your employer, or a close relative, how would you kill me and evade prosecution?

I would hire the McCanns;)

Voodu Child

Genghiz Cohen wrote:

Some nice Ricin

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ricin

Mix it into your porridge or the like.
Yum yum.

Yep, I havent found a better way of killing people tbh.

Ricin mixed with DMSO is even better, smear it on the OPs car doorhandle. No more OP :mad:

Mr. Presentable

Yes, but you see, the poison would be detected in the victim, and it would be a simple matter of asking in the local poisoners supplies shop who had bought ricin recently.

bubonicus

lezizi wrote:

I would hire the McCanns;)

lol

littlebitdull

simple....

I would kill you with my dark magic.

end of discussion

wyk

nipplenuts wrote:

I imagine killing a total stranger would be easy to get away with because there'd be nothing to connect you to him. But suppose I am your employer, or a close relative, how would you kill me and evade prosecution?

I'd gift you a motorbike.

Wez

Exit

Car crash. I'd undo your seatbelt just as we hit the telephone pole.

Overheal

ruin their life i=behind the scenes to the point where they kill themself.

or just murder them in plain sight in a Limerick housing estate. The perfect crime.

johnnyskeleton

nipplenuts wrote:

I imagine killing a total stranger would be easy to get away with because there'd be nothing to connect you to him. But suppose I am your employer, or a close relative, how would you kill me and evade prosecution?

There's a lot of scope for the killing part, but the only real option for evading prosecution is to kill yourself straight afterwards. If this is inconvenient, I would suggest booking a flight to Tonga and hope the aircoach isn't late.

Aisling(",)

well i personally would wait till your drunk and alone then im push ya on the ground hold ya down with a pair of leather gloves and stuff snow o crushed ice down your troath so youd get no air and the vidence would melf...also id wear shoes that are to big for me then throw them away so i couldnt be linked by footprints!...wold also wear a shower car to avoid hair falling out and cover every other part of mi body thatcould leave dna traces!

TPD

Aisling(",) wrote:

id wear shoes that are to big for me then throw them away so i couldnt be linked by footprints!...wold also wear a shower car to avoid hair falling out and cover every other part of mi body thatcould leave dna traces!

Yeah but you'd look like a fool.

eroo

id send em to a hospital...cos they'd probably get MRSA!!!!!!

pbsuxok1znja4r

Poison. Though I've no idea what kind would work or how.

Also I've heard putting something highly radioactive under someone's bed or driver's seat would work...

Failing that. Sniper rifle.

RoyalMarine

latex gloves.
face mask + hair net to stop sweat/hair falling.

small hammer and a 6 inch nail.
needs to be done alone.
drive the nail into his head.

then drive the nail into a wall somewhere not close by. and not obvious.

then find a place for the hammer. e.g a hardware store. just go in and hang it up on the rail.

burn the gloves, hair net and face mask. along with any clothes you were wearing.
now no fibers from your clothes or hair can be found on the body.

Black Swan

Take lessons from OJ?:eek:**









**OJ I, not OJ II

mawk

poison of choice?

gold.

heavy metal poisoning will get you real fooked up and id be surprised if gold was ever checked for in tests.

though its not the fastest acting poison. it gives you the chance to be sick for a few days and therefore allay suspicion that anyone you saw recently killed you.

wouldnt take much gold either. grind it up fine, sneak into you kitchen and sprinkle some on all the common food. and then start being seen in a pub in.. i dunno.. kerry somewhere.

plus you just died from gold poisoning. thats a classy death in my book.

RoyalMarine

mawk wrote:

poison of choice?

gold.

heavy metal poisoning will get you real fooked up and id be surprised if gold was ever checked for in tests.

though its not the fastest acting poison. it gives you the chance to be sick for a few days and therefore allay suspicion that anyone you saw recently killed you.

wouldnt take much gold either. grind it up fine, sneak into you kitchen and sprinkle some on all the common food. and then start being seen in a pub in.. i dunno.. kerry somewhere.

plus you just died from gold poisoning. thats a classy death in my book.

maybe you wouldnt die. but become some sort of goldman. with powers so awesome they rival the powers of an inbred jypsie.

Robbo

Someone's posted it here before, but: Drop a toaster in the ocean. Easy.

watna

Aisling(",) wrote:

well i personally would wait till your drunk and alone then im push ya on the ground hold ya down with a pair of leather gloves and stuff snow o crushed ice down your troath so youd get no air and the vidence would melf...also id wear shoes that are to big for me then throw them away so i couldnt be linked by footprints!...wold also wear a shower car to avoid hair falling out and cover every other part of mi body thatcould leave dna traces!

Similar to this, has anybody read the lovely bones by Alice Sebold? In it they discuss the best way to murder someone and decided a sharp icicle would be best. Stab them and run away, the murder weapon would melt. Easy!

Capt'n Midnight

Drive over them in a car. In our car based society it's probably the most socially acceptable way to kill someone.

Have a naggin of whiskey ready in case you get caught so you can blame it on the deamon drink instead of being done for premediated murder.

Worst case, you loose your driving license and do a year in prison.

Crumble Froo

better yet... spike someone else's drink so they dont remember hte night, use their car to run the target over, just wear a similar hoody, avoid facing cctv, and try get yourself seen all sober and innocent like.

Wossack

impale them with a spear made of frozen urine

a passing airplane will me made to blame

Mr. Presentable

One I saw, I think it was an Alfred Hitchcock, cops come to the home, husband has been bludgeoned with blunt instrument, wife has leg of lamb in the oven for dinner. Feeds it to the cops,

HammerHeadGym

I would leave your diary by the body. A few pages in and they'll know it was a suicide. The real mystery will be why it took you so long.

TPD

Wait until we're both on a set of stairs alone (without cctv) then push you down, run down after you in case that doesn't to the job and snap your neck. Then start screaming and crying etc. while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Maybe spill some water at the top of the stairs, and get them to stand in it before you push them. That way you can sue the owner of the building.

Spades

wyk wrote:

I'd gift you a motorbike.

Wez

I have two, would YOU like to borrow one

Capt'n Midnight

nipplenuts wrote:

One I saw, I think it was an Alfred Hitchcock, cops come to the home, husband has been bludgeoned with blunt instrument, wife has leg of lamb in the oven for dinner. Feeds it to the cops,

IIRC. Tales of the unexpected, Roland Dahl

Terry

Capt'n Midnight wrote:

IIRC. Tales of the unexpected, Roland Dahl

I believe you are correct.

I vaguely remember seeing that particular episode on ITV 3 or 4 a few months back.

MooseJam

ball peen hammer to the back of the head, nuff said

Slutmonkey57b

Aisling(",) wrote:

well i personally would wait till your drunk and alone then im push ya on the ground hold ya down with a pair of leather gloves and stuff snow o crushed ice down your troath so youd get no air and the vidence would melf...also id wear shoes that are to big for me then throw them away so i couldnt be linked by footprints!...wold also wear a shower car to avoid hair falling out and cover every other part of mi body thatcould leave dna traces!

The snow/ice would scratch their throat.

Holding someone down without leaving marks would be next to impossible, especially since you'd be using one had to shove snow in their mouth and another to hold their head.

They'd also be able to bite you through the leather gloves, thereby leaving not only DNA but incriminating bite marks.

Anyone so drunk that they wouldn't struggle during the above is much easier killed by blocking their nose or mouth. Plastic bag would be best.

Kold

lezizi wrote:

I would hire the McCanns;)

Talk about dumbing down my original gag...

Robbo

MooseJam wrote:

ball peen hammer to the back of the head, nuff said

I don't think Sutcliffe got away with that one in the end.

coolhandc

what a disturbing thread!

Horsefumbler

Kold wrote:

I'd spend thousands on a "Find _ _ _ _" campaign...

Oh no you did ent!:D

Wacker

Overheal wrote:

ruin their life i=behind the scenes to the point where they kill themself.

or just murder them in plain sight in a Limerick housing estate. The perfect crime.

Read the Crow Road by Iain Banks recently per chance?

SpAcEd OuT

I would say a dingle came in during the night and ran off with him/her

Terry

SpAcEd OuT wrote:

I would say a dingle came in during the night and ran off with him/her

Those damn towns in Kerry.

Mr. Presentable

Aisling(",) wrote:

well i personally would wait till your drunk and alone then im push ya on the ground hold ya down with a pair of leather gloves and stuff snow o crushed ice down your troath so youd get no air and the vidence would melf...also id wear shoes that are to big for me then throw them away so i couldnt be linked by footprints!...wold also wear a shower car to avoid hair falling out and cover every other part of mi body thatcould leave dna traces!

Ahh, but if someone saw you dressed like that

Mr. Presentable

Terry wrote:

Those damn towns in Kerry.

Traleed away by an Daingean to be Killarneyed later