The Gay Internet Thing

LegacyUser

OK-

There is this guy I really like from college (Mark). What was horrible with the situation between me and Mark was the fact that I didn't realise he was gay and ended up going off with another guy, at the beginning of first year. My friends told me that Mark liked me and I was so shocked. Why would Mark fall for me?! And he is gay!? We kept flirting all year even though I was in a pretty serious relationship (well that's up for debate, if it was serious I shouldn't have been flirting, or wanting to flirt...). On the last night of first year he took me aside and told me that he is waiting, that he is sick of our feelings building up and that he wants me to end it with my boyfriend so that we can try it out.

That summer, for other reasons including the Mark situation, I ended it with my boyfriend. Me and Mark ended up texting a lot over summer. Although he lived a bit a way we still text and stuff. One night I was out in the George and I met him there and we kissed. It was one of the most amazing kisses I've ever had. Mark is attractive, funny, intelligent and always up for having a laugh.

We drifted when he went off Interrailing and we both decided to take things very slow when we get back to college (for numerous reasons). I got lonely during this period and was both very horny and in need of friends. I have loads of friends at college but none at home. And I'm not out to a lot of people at home either so it made things worse. When I was younger I used to visit Internet sites and have cyber sex or fone sex. It was just to do with the fact that I wasn't out and things like this turned me on and it was as far as I could go when it came to gay sex.

So when Summer came and i was back to my hermit lifestyle I began chatting to guys on sites like Gaydar and stuff. Thought it wasn't always for sexual reasons. A week ago I was talking to a lovely guy called John. John is in a similiar situation to me regarding being on his own during summer and stuff and is also lonely. We chatted for a good bit and exchanged fone numbers that night and decided to meet up for a pint some night.

As me and John got to know eachother I started getting texts from Mark who seemed to be taking an interest in me again. I was delighted. But then I realised.

John and Mark know each other. They went to the same primary school. I like Mark and want to be with Mark but I'm afraid that if I do tell off John that he will reveal to Mark how pathetic I am (and admittedly he is) going on the net looking for cheap thrills. Mark can be very judgemental about things like this and we're not at a stage in our friendship/ relationship where we can talk things out seriously...

So...

should i just tell Mark about me knowing John? Or should I just tell John to keep it quiet and pretend we met through other means? Or should I stop talking to John and pretend as if I've never met him and be all freaked out about the situation with Mark?

biko

Tell Mark you know John and was lonely but you like Mark the most?
Don't make a big deal out of the internet thing and chances are no-one else will either.

LegacyUser

Thanks for that..

Yeah I think I will mention it to Mark at some point...

John was out with him last night and i think they have gotten together at some point.

I hope things work out for me and Mark, I really like him... But sure i'll see what happens.

Any other suggestions?

patrickolee

Just be honest and stop worrying about what people will think. you've nothing to be ashamed of.

Talliesin

Maybe tone down the style of the Internet contact with John a bit. If you don't think Mark would approve of cybersex (i.e. he'd feel like you were cheating on him) then perhaps keep John as a gay friend (it's good to have friends in the community as well as lovers) but as no more.

That said, until you're somewhere more serious with Mark, it isn't really much of his business what you do with anyone else. Are you happy with the "taking it slow" or would you not rather he was your boyfriend pure and simple? In the latter case, maybe you should do that whatever reasons you have for "taking it slow".