30 and no boyfriend!

LegacyUser

hitting 30 now and still haven't been in a longterm or even short term realtionship-(i'd put myself in the attractive semi sociable category) but i just don't meet anyone i like who likes me. Not that i need a boyfriend but I have to wonder if i'm missing out somehow. i've treid the usual- i socialise in pubs/clubs and try to find new interests but maybe i'm just a bit boring or something.

Bottle_of_Smoke

you could try online dating

DJ_Spider

have you tried posting to gumtree? (http://www.gumtree.ie) just beware of the trolls! I hear good reports about plentyoffish at http://www.plentyoffish.com/ It's FREE! HTH

bronte

I always feel that when you're looking for something you never find it.
Frustrating ..but true.

Just go out and enjoy yourself.

If it happens ..it happens.

Dalfiatach

Option #1: You might be worrying about it too much and trying too hard? There's no bigger turn-off for fellas than a woman who comes across as slightly desperate and needy - and especially where there's a suspicion the old clock is ticking. That'll make fellas run a mile.

Option #2: you might be looking in all the wrong places, or for the wrong sort of man. You should think about your own actual personality and interests, and from that starting point consider the sort of fellas that would mesh well with you. Some girls get obsessed with a checklist of all the things "Mr Right" has to have going for him based on what their friends or their mothers think, not based on what would actually work well for them.

Option #3: On a related note, stop looking for the perfect Mr Right. You might be being too fussy and too judgmental and scaring off perfectly decent fellas cos they don't (and likely, can't) meet all your high-falutin criteria. There's nothing wrong with casually dating someone for a few weeks, deciding it doesn't work for you, and moving on. For most people, there is no Mr or Ms Right. We are all human, and we all have our flaws.

Dunno if any of them apply in your particular case, though.

biko

Go with option 3 above, date anyone casually for a bit - just to get into the swing of things again.
Also google "free irish dating" and register to a website or two.

DJ_Spider

Dalfiatach wrote:

Option #3: On a related note, stop looking for the perfect Mr Right.

Rather Mr RIGHT NOW! LOL Sorry couldn't resist. Seriously, best of luck finding what you are looking for. I am 41 and have only just found the lady of my dreams, and of all places she was in Dublin. I lived in the UK! Have fun, and enjoy life.

moe_sizlak

while its unusual for a man never to have had a relationship at 30 , its even more unusual for a woman to never have
you see a woman are way more fussy than men when it comes to the opposite sex , while for example a man who is still a virgin at 30 could have the excuse of being ugly or nerdy or whatever , a woman if nesscerry only has to offer herself to a man , i know that sounds obnoxious but most men would accept if a woman propositioned them
so i can only assume that you are too fussy

Dudess

It may not be that unusual for a 30-year-old woman to have never been in a serious relationship. Flings, casual dating - these aren't the same as actually falling in love with someone, which doesn't happen for everyone.
But it does happen for most people - although I wouldn't be surprised if there was a good number of people out there (particularly women) who have just settled for some guy out of fear of being left on the shelf. I personally would not be capable of doing that and would rather be alone.

dame

Better to be alone than unhappy.

If you haven't met Mr. Right don't worry, at least you haven't wasted time with Mr. Really-Really-Wrong yet either.

Clare Bear

Dudess wrote:

I wouldn't be surprised if there was a good number of people out there (particularly women) who have just settled for some guy out of fear of being left on the shelf. I personally would not be capable of doing that and would rather be alone.

Snap! And I know a number of people that have done it....I'd definitely rather be alone, me and my dogs rather than be with someone I didn't love. OP 30 is still very young, go out there and have fun....I'd go with the dating site option too though, you never know you'd meet on there, lots of people in the same boat as you. Best of luck.

LegacyUser

thank you for your feedback.. i don't think i'm too fussy- i'm very open minded about meeting people- i'll talk to anyone who talks to me, i just amn't that bothered and maybe i send out the wrong vibes that way. i might dabble in the online dating world jsut to see what's out there. figure that not much has happened in my life in the last few years and i need to the get ball rolling rather than wonder about events or non events in a few years time.

Knockoff Nige

Maybe you need to approach someone you fancy.

big b

anon9999 wrote:

i don't think i'm too fussy- i'm very open minded about meeting people- i'll talk to anyone who talks to me, i just amn't that bothered and maybe i send out the wrong vibes that way.

There's not much more off-putting than chatting to someone who seems aloof or disinterested.

Do you have many casual friends, male or female? I knew a few people who certainly aren't shy, but struggle to make interesting conversation with new people.
It obviously helps if you have a common interest, so if you're into any kind of sport or pastime, join in, go for a drink with people after the activity - at least you'll have some common ground for a starting point.

If you really want it to happen, it almost surely will, and probably when/where you least expect it.
Happy hunting!;)

Scoobydoobydoo

I think it's unlikely that you'll meet someone on a pub or a club, personally.

I have a friend who has done the online dating thing, which you could try, as long as you don't mind meeting a few frogs on your journey!

If it were me, I'd join some clubs, through new hobbies, which may sound like a pain but you never know what you might find.

Is there any chance you might meet someone through work? - that's the only way that I've met people that I've dated myself.

GreeBo

Have you tried joining any clubs or anything like that?
Salsa classes, cooking courses, etc?
They are a good way to meet new, hopefully single, people outside of your normal social circle.

If your friends mainly have partners then nights out usually wont be conducive to meeting new people unless you are being setup...

Cionn

I wouldn't worry about it I have had 2 significant relationships in my life one in my late twenties (a bit of a waste of time to be honest) and one which started when I was 33. I am now 37 with 2 kids and an average life that I am thougherly enjoying. The reason I walk and sometimes ran from relationships was that I didn't want to "settle" for second best. If i didn't think there was going to be any future with a person of the opposite sex I didn't pursue it whether that made me look disinterested I don't know.

However when I met my now wife I was very interested and committed as was she. My recommendation is relax, don't settle and enjoy life when something is right looking disinterested will not even be on the radar.

Life is complicated you may or may not meet someone else however if you are confortable with yourself and don't put yourself under pressure then you are in a great position if opportunity does arise.

milkerman

If you met someone you half fancied, would you consider asking them out?

We dont know you at all, so cant really tell what signals you give off.
But it is a hell of a lot easier for a woman to find a man than the reverse.

Kali

anon9999 wrote:

thank you for your feedback.. i don't think i'm too fussy- i'm very open minded about meeting people- i'll talk to anyone who talks to me, i just amn't that bothered and maybe i send out the wrong vibes that way.

Just smile, and any decent guy should know you're interested

Alessandra

hmmmm I've been contemplating the whole singles scene in Ireland. I am 22, confident and reasonably attractive. However I have never ever been in a relationship.. I go out and socialise in the pub/club scene 2-4 nights per week(not because I am on the pull but because I enjoy going out). I dont go out to meet guys or I would have given up long ago. I am heavily involved with societies at my university. i can honestly say that in my years, i have ever met anybody who I would like ot get to know. I have lived abroad for a year, done a j1, worked away from home, volunteered time to societies/charities and yet nothing. In recent times I have found Irish men to be quite pass remarkable on the physical appearance of Irish women. They think you don't notice when they comment on a partcular part of your body or rate you next to your friends. Irish women are no better and we stand like lemons, expecting to be approached by the man of our dreams. I have wasted enough time an money on going out and drinking and trying to look good to impress a man ad ignoring those guy who shw an interest.. I am now just try meet more people through events which are not alcohol related and just begin living & enjoying myself more.

OP I know it must be tough, but it is important that you realise that there is a whole world out there, outside the bar and the dating scene. Don't even bother trying to look for a guy, just go have fun, do whatever makes you tick. It's hard beign single in Ireland but 30 is not old and as long as you are not comprimising yourself, or doing something you are uncomfortable with, who cares? good luck.

Laslo

OP, if you see someone you fancy go and chat them up instead of waiting around for someone to make a move on you. Why does it always have to be the guys who do the chatting up?

DirkVoodoo

OP, im in a similar enough boat, except 24 and no GF. I dont have much problem with the randomness-in-clubs part but I still havent found someone who i click with (well, girl who was in my class but I made a meal of that!). My friends often tell me what other ppl are telling you here "you will find someone when you least expect it".

Also, don't buy the whole settling thing, I wouldnt go out with someone for the sake of it, there is someone for everyone after all!

dlofnep

I'm 25 in December and I'm in the same situation. I don't worry about it as I'm busy with college and such and just enjoying life. I know how repetitive life can be without finding the right person - I think we were born to find someone.. everything else is just filler time. You're not the only one out there.