disillusioned

LegacyUser

hey all dont want this to seem like a silly post or anything - my problem is well i dont know what it is - i guess i'm disillusioned - sometimes i feel fine and then in the space of a few minutes i feel like theres no point to life. ive just started back at college and its hit home how useless and pathetic my life is - while everyone else is meeting up with all their friends and i dont have any and it gets ver lonely at times : they all go out everynight and i'm never invited not that thats a major surprise as i'm rarely talked to - until i started college i thought i was ok but apprently i have something about me that makes others run for the hills. when i walk into lectures or even when shopping i feel like the eyes of the world are on me and that i have to be constantly "on" so as not to make a fool of myself in front of everyone - i dont know maybe this is normal and i'm just over-worrying or exaggerating but i just feel like a freak - i just get angry, frustrated and bitter at times at what i see as my incomplete shabby unimportant existance. I have thought bout ending it all but worry about my family (i put on a happy face whenver i'm around them) and especially what example i would be setting to my godson - arent we suppose to just take whatever life throws at us on the chin?

Drift

Hey OP ... we all get a bit disillusioned at times I think your case is just a bit more extreme. You say for example that you have no friends but you must clearly have 2 friends who think extremely highly of you if they asked you to be a godparent to their child!! You also mention that your life is unimportant - but you prove that wrong yourself because you mention how you'd like to be a good rolemodel for your godson.

As for the think everyone is looking at you thing, we all feel like that sometimes but trust me they're not. Its scary in one way but reassuring in another to realise that most people are WAAAAAAY to occupied with themselves and their own life to be looking at you and passing any sort of judgement on yours.

What I get from your post is that you'd like to make some more friends (bearing in mind you've at least 2 already!). This is not always easy but if you look through some other posts on this board you'll find lots of advice. Some of it won't suit you but some will. Picking up a hobby is always one of the best ways. Also if you're in college try to find out when the next class party is and head along. I've found that college is a very good place to make new friends - people seem to be much more open minded and less judgemental in college than in school and also than later on in life. So you're at the right age to start making interesting new friends, and make sure you don't rule anyone out because of preconcieved notions!

With regards to finding a point in your life or a reason for living thats a biggy that EVERYBODY suffers from, especially in their twenties which I think you are. While you're in college and young there's no need to have lofty goals or reasons for living .... let some of your points in life be to have fun, to get a good mark in the exams, to get make 1 or 2 new friends, to have fun with your godson .... or maybe even to get a little bit of lovin

And please get the thoughts of ending things out of your head. From your post you seem like the type of person who wants to have a good life. There's only one guaranteed way to make sure you don't get more out of your life, and thats to end it! So please wipe those thoughts clear out of your mind and replace them with some of what I mentioned above. If you're having problems doing that there's some very good links and info in the charter of this forum. There's a link in my sig to get you there.

moe_sizlak

unreg65 wrote:

hey all dont want this to seem like a silly post or anything - my problem is well i dont know what it is - i guess i'm disillusioned - sometimes i feel fine and then in the space of a few minutes i feel like theres no point to life. ive just started back at college and its hit home how useless and pathetic my life is - while everyone else is meeting up with all their friends and i dont have any and it gets ver lonely at times : they all go out everynight and i'm never invited not that thats a major surprise as i'm rarely talked to - until i started college i thought i was ok but apprently i have something about me that makes others run for the hills. when i walk into lectures or even when shopping i feel like the eyes of the world are on me and that i have to be constantly "on" so as not to make a fool of myself in front of everyone - i dont know maybe this is normal and i'm just over-worrying or exaggerating but i just feel like a freak - i just get angry, frustrated and bitter at times at what i see as my incomplete shabby unimportant existance. I have thought bout ending it all but worry about my family (i put on a happy face whenver i'm around them) and especially what example i would be setting to my godson - arent we suppose to just take whatever life throws at us on the chin?

there are lots like you so best just to accept that some people are not meant to fit in , you cant escape destiny

AlphaMale 3OO

moe_sizlak wrote:

there are lots like you so best just to accept that some people are not meant to fit in , you cant escape destiny

What is that supposed to mean? Of course he/she can fit in and already has by being a godparent and going to college. Thats a lot more than most people ever achieve in their whole life. I used to feel exactly like the OP but if you just tell yourself in your mind that you are confident then eventually you will become it. I think you just lack a little confidence in yourself. Do not underestimate yourself and as Muhammad Ali said if your not confident, pretend you are. It will come. No need to go doing anything drastic just keep working hard and try a litttle harder to see things as they are. The world is not as negative a place as you might think!

Firetrap

You obviously have very low self-esteem which isn't helping your life in college. Why not join a club or society in your college. They're a great way of meeting people and there surely has to be something which interests you. You're going to have to make an effort to start meet people or you're going to find yourself getting even more lonely. Sorry to put it as bluntly as that but it's the bottom line. As it happens, being in college is a great place to meet people. It's the last place before you go out into the workplace where you'll be mixing with lots and lots of people your own age.

It's a while since I was in college but I do remember having some great chats with people at cheese & wine evenings. If you're any way athletic, one of the sports clubs would be another option you should look at.

Maybe you should go talk to a college counsellor and get it all off your chest? They might have some good pointers for you.

Even if you only take a small step, your proactivity will make you feel better.

Esel

moe_sizlak wrote:

there are lots like you so best just to accept that some people are not meant to fit in , you cant escape destiny

If ever a post could be described as a plonker, this is it.

milkerman

Moe, I presume your tongue was firmly in your cheek when you drafted your response!

OP, While humans are gregarious, we have evolved beyond the 'herd' stage (I hope).
If you don't 'fit in' as you describe it, this is more likely caused by your not yet having found people of similiar interests & outlook.
For instance, when I was younger I used to enjoy the wild parties etc. I still work with younger people and the young ones still like doing the nightclubs etc But I am 44, my interests are different so I dont 'fit in' with most of my colleagues. It's a bummer but I have based a social life with people of similiar interests to me - and it works.
A bit more detail from you might facilitate more detailed advice from Boarders, Boardzies ( or whatever the hell we are called!).

Knockoff Nige

I used to feel like this. It was ridiculous as even having a conversation I felt people were waiting for me to say something stupid.

Then, I started reading self help books. Tony Robbins is a huge inspiration. If you want it put simply, you can only live your life your way by taking responsibility for your problems. This frustating time you're going through is very very fixable. Some people will actually give you reason to feel the way you do, but the rest is in your head. You have to start liking yourself and respecting yourself.

But read some Tony Robbins books.

JCB

Two comments stand out for me:

You have to start liking yourself and respecting yourself.

Its scary in one way but reassuring in another to realise that most people are WAAAAAAY to occupied with themselves and their own life to be looking at you and passing any sort of judgement on yours.

The first thing to remember is that you are not hated or seen as 'odd', it's just that people are so obsessed with themselves that they mightn't really notice you.

Hence, it is v.important that you don't let other people get you down.

3 Steps:

1) It's time to start loving yourself.
Make a list of things you like about yourself - you got the points for college for starters, you're a godfather/mother (a position of responsibility!).
We must be happy in our own skin before we expect others to be attracted to it.

2) Next, find a purpose that will fulfill you. - Short-term and Long-term
Long-term might be caring and playing with your godson, getting a good job, starting a family yourself or dedicating your life to God or other people.

Short-term might be:
- to get a part time job
- to get fit
- start a new sport
- get good grades in college
- learn to drive
- do some charitable work

All of the short term goals will make you feel good about yourself and some of them e.g. sport/job/charity also involve meeting likeminded people.

3) Use your feel good factor to brighten up other peoples lives. Smile and enjoy life.
If you're chatty make people laugh,
If you're quiet become a good listener and take interest in people
If you're kind try and help other people out
People like happy looking people! Except that when you're putting on your smile for your family you will actually mean it!

Now all of this will take time so you will need to be able to buoy yourself up in the meanwhile. College is a good opportunity to meet people. Go to all inclusive events e.g. class party. Or if that's a bit daunting just first try talking to people next to you in class and then start turning up early to lectures and talking to the other people waiting. Smaller groups in other words.

I don't know whether you believe in God or not, but whenever I find myself in a position where i'm annoyed or lonely or whatever I try to offer it up to God and use that period of time to help others. It's funny I think anyway, if you're after fulfillment, I think you have to give what you don't have! You are a resource, you have potential (to help others if nothing else) so please don't be thinking the suicide route.

Finally, you're not alone (sure when I started college I was in exactly the same position as yourself!) at least one other poster is in the same boat too!
And sure if you see someone else on their own sure go over and chat to them so that ye can be both alone together!!;) (Crap joke I know!)

Esel

unreg65 wrote:

...when i walk into lectures or even when shopping i feel like the eyes of the world are on me and that i have to be constantly "on" so as not to make a fool of myself in front of everyone - i dont know maybe this is normal ...

No this definitely is not normal. Some other people do feel like this also, but that does not make it 'normal'. It may be normal to be a bit self-conscious, but not to think everyone is looking at you all the time. The fact is that people are not looking at you in any special way, even though you feel they are. See your feeling as the problem here. A simple thing like smiling and greeting people you pass in the park or in the corridor in college will help you to come to the realisation that the vast majority of people are pleasant and friendly. Don't always wait for them to make the first move.

IMO you would really benefit from talking to a professional about these feelings. You could start with your counsellor in college. Look for professional counselling too. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy could help you a lot.