New bf & christening

LegacyUser

Hi all, I've got my nephew's christening in a week's time were I am his godmother. The problem is with my boyfriend. I've been seeing him for 3 months now, everything going great expect for this.

He doesn't want to come to my nephew's christening with me as he's only met my mother so far and he feels that (1) I'll be away from him "doing godmother things", his words not mine, which I won't (2) he doesn't know any of my family expect for my mother (3) he feel's that he's not as outgoing as me.

This is the problem that I have. I understand were he is coming from with my family, I have a small family and he won't see them all at once as my brother lives overseas with his family. I just feel that he's being a bit selfish were I am concerned. I feel that he should be able to support me on a really important day to me. I really don't know what to do.

Am I being selfish expecting him to be there for me when our relationship is still in the early stages? Or do I just go on my own?

I have met all his immediate family, I made the effort to go and see his mother. I just don't want this to turn into something that it doesn't have to be

Firetrap

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You're a couple and he should able to appreciate that it's a big day for you and that you'd like him to be there. Is he normally this anti-social? Does he have many friends? Looking in on this from the outside, I'd be a bit wary. Is this an early sign of him being possessive or controlling?

It looks like you're going to have to go to the christening on your own unless he comes to his senses. Going on your own isn't going to be the end of the world. Hope you have a good day!

SarahSassy

Why doesnt he join you after the church part?? I do think he should be there for you but at least offer this as a compromise.....

I have a couple of friends whose bf's wont attend family functions with them - for me it would be a deal breaker but they seem to be happy to live with it.... Up to you in the end...

Talliesin

What2do22 wrote:

Am I being selfish expecting him to be there for me when our relationship is still in the early stages?

No, but neither is he being selfish for not wanting to go.

What2do22 wrote:

Or do I just go on my own?

Yes.

dame

I think he's right. Your nephews christening is not the appropriate time for him to be meeting your family for the first time. Why don't you bring him to visit your parents one evening, maybe meet another one or two out one evening, meet your nephew and his parents some other day. I think you should respect that he would prefer not to be thrust straight into a family occasion. By the way, your relations may prefer not to have someone who is a stranger to them suddenly turning up as part of the family group at something as special as a christening either. A christening is about the baby and his parents, grandparents, Godparents, etc, not about meeting and making small-talk with new boyfriends. You may feel as if he is part of everything but he doesn't and the relations most likely won't either (however friendly and welcoming they may be). Also, you say you want him there as "support" but I think you really mean you want to have him there to show him off. Surely you don't need support to go to a family christening. Go on your own and check with the baby's parents if he could maybe meet up with you later on in the evening for a little while, if he's comfortable with that and they're happy with it.

Doctor DooM

Weddings/ christenings/ funerals can be stressful if you are not close to the crowd there. Please don't take this wrong, he is just being honest about how he feels with you.

Carrigart Exile

Just an alternative take but I wonder is he is thinking: You holding a new baby; you being seen as a couple holding a new baby; comments about when you getting married and having kids, maybe a bit much for a 3 month relationship. Might be way off the mark, but I know in the darkest reaches of my mind at that early in a relationship that sort of domesticity might have freaked me.

axer

dame wrote:

Why don't you bring him to visit your parents one evening, maybe meet another one or two out one evening, meet your nephew and his parents some other day.

Great idea! I second that.

Beruthiel

What2do22 wrote:

Am I being selfish expecting him to be there for me when our relationship is still in the early stages?

No. But you are being selfish by thinking that he should go just because you asked him.
This is a non-issue and certainly shouldn't be made a big deal of in such an early stage of your relationship.
He's not comfortable, let it drop. I see no reason at all why you shouldn't go alone, you would have anyway if ye had not met.

How Strange

Beruthiel...But you are being selfish by thinking that he should go just because you asked him.
This is a non-issue and certainly shouldn't be made a big deal of in such an early stage of your relationship.
He's not comfortable, let it drop. I see no reason at all why you shouldn't go alone, you would have anyway if ye had not met.

OP, I can see your point and it sounds very like what my bf would say but Beruthiel is right. You've only been going out three months and maybe a full on family do is too much for him. I think most people would be terrified of walking into a room of strangers and being asked 20 questions about yourself.

Take his fears on board and then arrange something more low key in a month or so. I think the obligation to attend family do's only kicks in after a year and even then its unreasonable to expect them to attend every bloody thing. If they come to the parties and the celebrations then don't expect them to come to Sunday dinner every week too. Also, remember its nice to go to family things on your own too where you don't have to worry about looking after the bf/gf and you can just relax and enjoy yourself.

patrickolee

I think you are being selfish by expecting him to go. You're going out 3 months, not long enough for that kinda thing. Respect him for being honest with you and explaining why he doesn't want to go.

Mr. Incognito

Meeting the WHOLE family in a formal setting after such a short time is NOT fun.

I second the above advice on maybe popping into the after party. Otherwise- you're up at the top of the church and he's sitting where exactly?- Beside your parents because thats where you too were sitting before you got up. Ich don't think so.

Saintly

It's only been 3 months!!! I would have a semi cardiac arrest if I had to go to a formal family function within 6, let alone 3 months. Different courses for different horses. Leave him be for now.

MagicMarker

SarahSassy wrote:

I have a couple of friends whose bf's wont attend family functions with them - for me it would be a deal breaker but they seem to be happy to live with it....

Woah! That's rediculous.

OP. You are being selfish expecting him to go with you on this ''important occasion''. You don't need someone to hold your hand here, it isn't a big deal and you bf feels uncomfortable. Why would you want you bf to do something that makes him feel uncomfortable.

Personally i'd feel the same, partly because i'd have to meet your family, and secondly because i'd have to go to a church.. *shudder*

Beetlebum

Give him a break. I get the impression he's a bit shy and family gatherings can be hard work even when you're one of the family!! Just go without him, I'm sure you'll cope!!

chuckles30

I think lots of people would be very slow to do the whole big formal 'meet the family' thing so early in a relationship. And you will be tied up for the ceremony itself and the photo's doing 'godmother' things. If he hasn't met your family already, he doesn't want to be sitting around entertaining himself and I can see where he's coming from. Give him a break on this one.

Catari Jaguar

Why on earth should your boyf, you only know 3 months, go to YOUR family do?? madness. Your family is nothing to do with him. He prob wouldn't go to his own family christening never mind a bunch of strangers. You're there to spend time with YOUR family. Women are great for wanting to drag their boyf around and show them off and get them involved... TBH, I think inviting a boyf to a family thing is selfish and rude.

My cousin brought her boyf to her Grans funeral (he didn't even know the woman) it wasn't for support, she just "wanted to spend some time with him cos she never got to see him". Ridiculous completely. Keep your relationship separate.

tinkerbell

No he is not being selfish but you are being selfish insisting he goes. He has only ever met your mother and will be put in a situation where he knows nobody while you're off talking to people and doing the whole "oh hi this is my boyfriend" and the family say to him "oh hi" and then turn back to you and he's left standing there like a third wheel!

If he knew your whole family then it wouldn't be an issue. Respect his decision and think how he feels - he'lll be really awkward knowing nobody!

Ickle Magoo

You've only been going out for 3 months! I don't blame him for not wanting to meet your relations at a formal event, especially one that he thinks he'll be left on his own while you do your Godmotherly duties. On the other hand you'll know lots of people so going on your own shouldn't be an issue.

I can understand why you want him there but I don't think you are being fair. Why do you need support? It's not your child's Christening! Leave him be & if he refuses to meet your family at all then you definately have grounds for ending things, as it stands I think you are making mountains out of molehills. hth