Letting go of "youth"

LegacyUser

Right, this might sound very stupid but im having a real problem letting go of my youth ... so to speak. Probably not the best phrase to use.

Im almost 30 and going out with girl for almost a year, love her dearly and can see marriage/kids in the years to come but im so missing being young, free and single. Its not that i want to be with other girls or anything but i really miss the freedom of just going on the pi.ss with the boys at the drop of a hat. I still can but not with the same freedom , if you know what i mean.

Im also constantly replaying the memories i have when myself and 3 mates went travelling around the world for 6 months (about 2 years ago)
I would love to be back there .... but at the same time i want to be with my girlfriend.

I dont think its anything to do with the fact the big 3 0 is around the corner but its like i want 2 seperate lives. I know this is nothing compared to alot of peoples problems but its really getting me down,

Anyone else expierience this and more importantly does it pass ?? Or am i doomed to miss the past so much for ever

Thanks for reading

CathyMoran

I do think that it has a lot more to do with turning 30 than you imagine. My 29th year was full of changes, I changed job 3 times, I left my old bf, dated a new guy then went back to my ex! I think that you are just trying to make sure that the next decade will be good. Don't be stupid like me and leave your gf but it is a good time to change the things that you are unhappy with. My 29th year was the year that I finally grew up (well, as much as I wanted to!)

Gemini Sister

Hold on a second! 30 is still young! You still have your youth. AND you're a guy, you don't need to settle down for another ten years - I'm a 33 yr old woman who still feels like a youth but I'm on the verge of settling down, partly to do with the bio clock. If I was in your situation I'll probably hit the road, also I never partied as much as I did at 29/30/31. Remember you only get one shot!

Static M.e.

In a similar situation OP (minus Gf) I'm like fkin Peter Pan myself

im so missing being young, free and single.

If you had a week of being, free and single you would quickly realise how boring it is when you get down to it. Dont get me wrong I like being free and single but if I had a Gf that I loved that would be a whole different story.

Maybe you just need to let loose for while and go away with the lads on a bender or start going out midweek at the drop of a hat. Do exactly what you want / when you want and see how you feel.

Do you think its just a case of the "Grass is always greener ..."?

Computerproblem

Hi OP,

I am in the same boat as yourself, have that same feeling of melancholy about the whole getting older thing, leaving the crazy years behind. I'm a 28 year old female, going out with a guy for years, yet I still think back on days in early 20s and think they were great. The thing is at the time I was a bag of insecurity, albeit a party animal with it, so maybe we're glorifying something that sure was great fun but maybe wasn't so hot at the same time? I still go out and socialise and all but it's not quite the same. I also can't drink at all as much as I used to but that's good overall for my health I think.

I wish i could leave these peter pan feelings behind but I can't seem to. Sorry I don't have any advice, but just to let you know you're not alone!

slumped

Look - we're all getting older. You'll be using Just for Men soon enough!

If you love your GF then the choice is simple.

At some stage your mates have to take second place.

If you love your GF and she wants to get serious then grab it now-don't be back here in a few years wondering why you went with the lads and not GF.

S

fightin irish

Well for me my 29th/30th year started with my marraige ending after one year(13 years together). I've had roughly a whole year of freedom plus a house all to myself.

Now i've had some serious wild nights, partys, one night stands and more memories than i'll ever remember. While i was having all this freedom (it was forced on me as my wife split) i felt inside that i just needed someone in my life and still strongly feel this way.

So my point to you is ..If you love her as you say you do..Cherish her and it will all work out. Turning 30 imo is a huge mental brain buster for both sexes. But believe me it quickly passes once you get there..And you'll be so happy that you didn't have a knee jerk reaction.

deisemum

I found turning 30 rather depressing. I was married 4 years by then.


I think because I'd been planning on starting a family by the time I hit 30 that it could have subconsciously had a part to play in it which meant I'd have to grow up and not have the freedom to continue doing what I was doing.

Turning 40 was a doddle and it didn't upset me in the least

newestUser

Movingon* wrote:

Right, this might sound very stupid but im having a real problem letting go of my youth ... so to speak. Probably not the best phrase to use.

Im almost 30 and going out with girl for almost a year, love her dearly and can see marriage/kids in the years to come but im so missing being young, free and single. Its not that i want to be with other girls or anything but i really miss the freedom of just going on the pi.ss with the boys at the drop of a hat. I still can but not with the same freedom , if you know what i mean.

Im also constantly replaying the memories i have when myself and 3 mates went travelling around the world for 6 months (about 2 years ago)
I would love to be back there .... but at the same time i want to be with my girlfriend.

I dont think its anything to do with the fact the big 3 0 is around the corner but its like i want 2 seperate lives. I know this is nothing compared to alot of peoples problems but its really getting me down,

Anyone else expierience this and more importantly does it pass ?? Or am i doomed to miss the past so much for ever

Thanks for reading

I'm 29, going to turn 30 next year. My life now is definitely quite different from what is was 5/10 years ago, but to be honest it doesn't bother me. I look back at times I spent travelling and wild parties, and flings with girls with fond memories, not wistfulness. It's in the past for now, I've moved on to other things. Looking back on good times in the past with affection is understandable, but if doing it makes you unhappy, it hints that there's some aspect of your life (friends, career, lovelife, whatever) that you're not content with.

Personally I don't find turning 30 a big deal. It's just a number. Thinking that you have to have reached certain milestones by particular ages can be unhelpful, and thinking that reaching certain ages means that you can't do particular things is b*llix as well.

Someone else said that maybe nostalgia is making you view your past through rose-tinted specs. As fantastic as some life experiences were for me, I know if I'd try to revisit them, I'd probably be thinking "what was the big deal about this anyway"?

And I know this sounds a bit harsh, but you may soon have a family with a woman you love, and you want to go out on the lash with the lads and travel round the world at the same time? Every choice we make closes off another opportunity. Deal with it.

Firetrap

Bear in mind that your mates that you go on the p*ss with are also growing up and could well settle down over the next couple of years, killing off your pipe dream of taking off for Peru at the drop of the hat. Even though you're nostalgic for the halcyon days of you and the lads, chances are that even if ye took off in the morning for another trip, that it wouldn't be as enjoyable as you thought. By all means treasure the memories but don't don the rose-tinted spectacles.

30 is just a number, not a state of mind. You are lucky to have found someone and can see yourself settling down with. Don't look on your life with her as the end of your old life but a diversion along the scenic route.