Should I have done something differently?

LegacyUser

Hi all, sorry in advance if this is a long post but I really need some opinions on this.

I went out tonight with a girl from work, a girl that had already told me that she liked me. So we had a few drinks in the club and i think she was a bit drunk because i dont think she would have acted the same if she was sober.

There we were in the club and i had already bought her and her friend a few drinks. We were at the bar, I had gotten my drinks and walked away and then I turned around to see her kissing another fella? I didnt say anything as we werent together or anything, but now i think i should have considering how much worse the night got.

Instead of saying 'lets go dance' or anything to that effect, her and her friend went off dancing alone leaving me to mind her handbag. That wouldnt have been too bad, but she then started dancing with and getting felt up by a few other guys.

So when the music had stopped I pulled her towards me and told her that I was going home, she didnt even acknowledge me and I just left.

Was there something I did or said?

Really want your opinions on this as im totally confused.

Beruthiel

My opinion is, that you just picked the wrong girl to go out with.
I wouldn't worry, it's no loss to you at all, she had no manners and doesn't have the social skills to know how to behave when you go on a date with someone.
A lucky escape for you.

Agent J

Chalk it up to to experience and move on.

Technically you are right. You weren't going out so nothing is technically wrong.

However its extremely poor form for her to do it in front of and while out with someone she already had declared an interest in.

It is possible she just was really drunk and didnt think about what she was doing. i sugges that not as an excuse but a possible explaination.

Unless she went to lengths to apologise for it i wouldnt bother with her in a relationship sense.

4Xcut

Well the fact that her friend was there would suggest that it wasn't a proper date and so, no you couldn't have really done anything different. Well i'd have given her the bag and left as soon as she wandered off.

However, if you just happened to run into her friend at the club, well then you had a lucky escape.

Even if it was he first one it was still a sh1tty thing to do. Chalk it up to some people being ass-holes

Lifes_a_Witch

Maybe she was waiting for you to step up and make sure you were the one dancing with her. She sounds like an attractive girl who like attention. Not criticising, but maybe you should make sure it's your attention.

Knockoff Nige

Lifes_a_Witch wrote:

Maybe she was waiting for you to step up and make sure you were the one dancing with her. She sounds like an attractive girl who like attention. Not criticising, but maybe you should make sure it's your attention.

Some guys dont dance though. However, just leaving him to look after her handbag and not acknowledging him going is pretty poor. I think its a good thing though. Good in the sense you see what she's like now. If you went out with her you'd be constantly thinking of what she'd be getting up to if she went out with her mates.

uberwolf

Lifes_a_Witch wrote:

Maybe she was waiting for you to step up and make sure you were the one dancing with her. She sounds like an attractive girl who like attention. Not criticising, but maybe you should make sure it's your attention.

I'd agree but for the fact she was kissing someone else before the dancing.

You better off not sh1tting where you eat anyway OP.

Zambia

I think I dated her ...

Nothing else different mate. Chalk it and move on

Knockoff Nige

Zambia232 wrote:

I think I dated her ...

Nothing else different mate. Chalk it and move on

I think we all dated her.

the_god_swan

If i was you; give a little laugh to yourself next time you walk pass her, show her that she is only a fool.

patrickolee

Yep, I dated her too... Think she's probably a little too old for that behaviour now though :-)

Just forget about her, she's an attention seeker, probably with self esteem issues. Move on.

Knockoff Nige

the_god_swan wrote:

If i was you; give a little laugh to yourself next time you walk pass her, show her that she is only a fool.

Ok, dont do this. Thats poor and as you seem like a nice guy, its beneath you.

r3nu4l

I have to chime in here and say pretty much what everyone else has said. Sounds like you did everything right and she behaved poorly.

Okay, her friend was there. Did she invite the friend or did you all agree to go together? If she invited the friend then I think she was basically saying that it wasn't a proper date. That aside, she should still have shown you enough courtesy and respect not to go off with someone else and then leave you to mind her handbag.

Try to put it out of your mind, it's not worth thinking about. Nothing you can do. Some people just don't know how to behave in a considerate manner.

the_god_swan

Knockoff Nige wrote:

Ok, dont do this. Thats poor and as you seem like a nice guy, its beneath you.

True, the OP does sound like a nice guy. And a chick like that will walk all over such a guy if shes allowed. Nip it in the bud is all i'm saying and get into the mind frame of saying f*&k her.

Anti

confussed wrote:

Hi all, sorry in advance if this is a long post but I really need some opinions on this.

I went out tonight with a girl from work, a girl that had already told me that she liked me. So we had a few drinks in the club and i think she was a bit drunk because i dont think she would have acted the same if she was sober.

There we were in the club and i had already bought her and her friend a few drinks. We were at the bar, I had gotten my drinks and walked away and then I turned around to see her kissing another fella? I didnt say anything as we werent together or anything, but now i think i should have considering how much worse the night got.

Instead of saying 'lets go dance' or anything to that effect, her and her friend went off dancing alone leaving me to mind her handbag. That wouldnt have been too bad, but she then started dancing with and getting felt up by a few other guys.

So when the music had stopped I pulled her towards me and told her that I was going home, she didnt even acknowledge me and I just left.

Was there something I did or said?

Really want your opinions on this as im totally confused.

She sounds like a bit of a twát to me. You bought her and her friends drinks, which shows your not a complete scumbag, and you didnt flip the lip when you seen her with another bloke, i know it wasnt a date, but you arranged to go for a few drinks together*. So she was bang out of order. Personaly i would have emptied her drink into her bag, and launched it at her from across the dancefloor and then walked out. And let everyone in work know the next day she has a really bad alcohol problem;)


(*) dont listen to anything i say after there

Bottle_of_Smoke

Is it possible she thought you weren't interested. Almost seems like revenge to score someone else & then desert you.

Lifes_a_Witch, love the name!

LegacyUser

'thanks for all the kind words guys.

no I dont think its possible she thought I wasnt interested as we had been arranging a night out for weeks ( hard to get a night where we are both off ) and we even agreed to go back to her house after the club for a nightcap.'

Mr. Incognito

Attention whore. Just ignore her for a week and see what happens.

Gyalist

I went out tonight with a girl from work, a girl that had already told me that she liked me.

Did she mean that she liked you as a friend?

So we had a few drinks in the club and i think she was a bit drunk because i don't think she would have acted the same if she was sober.

I wouldn't bet on that.

There we were in the club and i had already bought her and her friend a few drinks. We were at the bar, I had gotten my drinks and walked away and then I turned around to see her kissing another fella? I didnt say anything as we werent together or anything, but now i think i should have considering how much worse the night got.

Never buy drinks for any woman unless, of course, you are already in a relationship with her. By relationship, I mean one that includes sex. To my mind if there's no sex you're just good friends. As you found out to your cost, she and her friend played you. You couldn't really say anything because, as you wrote, you weren't together. It's just as well that you didn't say anything because it would have only confirmed to her that she got inside your head. You come off as a "nice guy" and she has most likely already put you in the category of friend and orbiter.

Instead of saying 'lets go dance' or anything to that effect, her and her friend went off dancing alone leaving me to mind her handbag. That wouldnt have been too bad, but she then started dancing with and getting felt up by a few other guys.

OK, this isn't politically correct but it is undeniably true: You're the man and you should lead the interactions in the direction you want them to go. Lack of leadership meant that you ended up minding her handbag. How humiliating! You should have led her to the dance floor and not wait for her to suggest it.

So when the music had stopped I pulled her towards me and told her that I was going home, she didnt even acknowledge me and I just left.
Was there something I did or said?

Yes, you're way too "nice" and she's looking for a "bad boy". She was probably up for it but you completely failed to lead. Now she sees you as a friend and orbiter who she can ask to accompany her to clubs and buy her drinks while she gets validation from other guys.

My advice to you would be to let this woman go. You don't yet have the type of skills to manage a relationship with this woman.

Always try to keep clear boundaries between your work life and your personal life unless your job is a disposable one that you don't mind losing. Too much awkwardness results form work relationships that go bad.

muppetkiller

Yip I'm with the majority here and think you should count yourself lucky you got to see what kind of person she is before anything happened.
Drunk or not it was a very immature and stupid thing for her to do after telling you she liked you..
If she brings it up later and says she sorry that she was drunk and that 'she really does like you' then just reply 'ya well pity because I really Liked you too'.

milkerman

Yep, we all dated wans like that.

You fell into the friend category and ended up minding the handbag.

Dont waste any more time on this one, move on.

Rossibaby

forget about the waste of space

DaMadSprogabeen

yeah agree with all of the above. she doesnt seem to be the type of girl for you if thats the way she went on. some people in life are just as*holes. accept it and move on.

LegacyUser

'No she didnt like me as a friend she always like me as in to be with me.

We're working together tonight so this is Ill see what she says.'