I wish someone told me that!

Love2love

I notice a few people are pregnant at the mo and some on their first so maybe this will help them out....

Just having a conversation with the other half about the things WE WISH WE KNEW before having our son. I mean everyone has advice to offer you when you are pregnant but what advice did you wish you had????

For me, I wish someone told me about how much it hurt to pee afterwards (TMI, sorry) oh and about afterbirth pain. :eek: :eek: :eek: Although most people don't experience them until their second birth. He said he wishes someone told him how quickly he would grow! He's amazed at how fast time has gone since our son was born. He's talking about another but I'm definately not ready yet

Ickle Magoo

I wish they'd told me to sleep & sleep & sleep because it was the last nights uninterrupted sleep I would enjoy for the next 3+ yrs!

D Bronc

Same here i wish i was told to sleep you think at the time your ok like (im only pregnant no need to be wrapped in cotton wool) but afterwards when your eyes are sunken from lack of sleep you wish you did.

Also i wish i didnt hear so many HORROR stories:eek: .

deisemum

I wish someone told me that I wouldn't need half the baby stuff and equipment that the baby magazines and shops market so well

Also wish I was told to expect chronic indigestion in the early days due to having to wolf down your food before baby started crying. Yes the moment you pick up your knife and fork baby seems to take that as the signal to demand your attention.

Also wish I was told to drink plenty of fluids, more than normal to help prevent piles :eek: worse than natural labour

D Bronc

deisemum wrote:

I wish someone told me that I wouldn't need half the baby stuff and equipment that the baby magazines and shops market so well

Also wish I was told to expect chronic indigestion in the early days due to having to wolf down your food before baby started crying. Yes the moment you pick up your knife and fork baby seems to take that as the signal to demand your attention.

Also wish I was told to drink plenty of fluids, more than normal to help prevent piles :eek: worse than natural labour

Haha its amazing how much you forget, keep em coming i was considering having another baby, (without the hard work) and the other side of my brain is saying no, so this thread might just convince me NOT TO DO IT.:D

deisemum

My baby will be 10 next month and some things are etched on my brain and more than likely will never be forgotten and I'm not talking about the labour.:D

Plenty of Shirley Valentime moments eg hello wall

Being so tired that you'd go to do or get something and when you get there you don't know what you were going to do or get.

Enjoy each stage of your baby and don't try and rush or wish stages away (apart from lack of sleep)

Ensure your fillings are intact, they'll need to be especially when you have 2 and the number of times you end up gritting your teeth when they yank your chain :rolleyes:

Here's one I have been told and I see the truth in it. You will never stop worrying about them for the rest of your days.

Don't beat youself up trying to be the perfect parent, just do your best. No one's perfect and also as your children get older it's good for them to see that even grown ups can get things wrong.

Here's a nice one, for a while anyway, your baby/child will think you're the greatest mam/dad/person in the whole world until they hit the preteens, then they'll see you as an embarrassing ejeet who's so old fashioned and out of touch especially in front of their friends.

No one told me about the amount of pure fun you can have doing all the childish things with your child. You tend to hear more of the negative stuff.

or that evil thoughts you'll get towards a child that deliberately hurts your child. :mad:

Carrigart Exile

deisemum wrote:

or that evil thoughts you'll get towards a child that deliberately hurts your child. :mad:

ohhhh that is so true, my daughter is 5 and she is one of three wee girls that play together. One of teh girls is the most spiteful madam imaginable and I find myself imagining putting worms down her back:D

D Bronc

Here's one I have been told and I see the truth in it. You will never stop worrying about them for the rest of your days.


No one told me about the amount of pure fun you can have doing all the childish things with your child. You tend to hear more of the negative stuff.

or that evil thoughts you'll get towards a child that deliberately hurts your child. :mad:[/QUOTE]

Haha i could have wrote this! Keep em coming.

Ayla

I've been thinking about this and trying to come up with some things I wish I had been told/known. Truth is I wouldn't have done anything differently if I did know.

This is my biggest advice - Get rid of all pregnancy/baby books because without a doubt your experience won't be like what they say. Then, on top of all the other emotions and thought you have, you'll be inadvertently comparing your experiences with what you "should" have.

An example - when you're pregnant for the first time, the common reaction is to try and read up as much as you can on what you'll be feeling & feeling like for the next 9 months. You learn that you'll probably feel the first kick around 20 weeks. But then, when 20 weeks comes around and you haven't felt anything, you start worrying that something's not right. You're in such a panic about the whole thing that by the time junior finally finds his/her feet at week 22 you're so relieved that you miss out on some of the joy.

There are dozens of examples like this I could come up with. My advice, therefore, is innundate yourself with happy baby books and forget the "medical" texts which try and explain this mystery going on in your body. Enjoy each day and feeling you have because they're completely unlike any experienced by anyone else.

Nevyn

You will feel resentful and anoyed and angry with the baby while ti keeps you awake and kicks you and you will feel this as well when you are woken during the night, it is perfectly natural ( as long as it passes ) and you are not a bad parent or person and everyone has these irrational moments.

deisemum

Ayla wrote:

This is my biggest advice - Get rid of all pregnancy/baby books because without a doubt your experience won't be like what they say. Then, on top of all the other emotions and thought you have, you'll be inadvertently comparing your experiences with what you "should" have

I can only agree with this, after all baby hasn't yet read the books so wont know what or when they're supposed to do something

Boy do I wish someone had told me about second child syndrome :rolleyes:

You have your first baby and then when you're into a nice routine (usually before the terrible twos (I think it's terrible 3's for firstborns)) and think you have "parenting" sussed so reckon another one would be lovely so no. 2 comes along then you find out the reality.

Once you have 2 your time is split between 2, the excitement of no 2's firsts as in first word, isn't quite as exciting as baby no. 1's as you've been there already.

No 1 child is usually the more law abiding one, No 2 child is normally the rebel in the family according to Adlarian psychology, No 2 strives to match no 1's development but by the time they reach that level no 1's has moved on.

Now this is all fairly tongue in cheek

Ayla

Thaedydal wrote:

You will feel resentful and anoyed and angry with the baby...it is perfectly natural ( as long as it passes ) and you are not a bad parent or person and everyone has these irrational moments.

Thank you, it's good to hear someone say that outloud (or online). Everyone feels this, but it makes you feel like a bad parent to feel anything but happy butterflies for your new babe. Actually, I've found that admitting to these feelings helps them pass faster (instead of bottling them up and having them drag you down)

Nevyn

It is one of the big taboo's that while we love our kids there are times when we don't at the moment feel like we do.

No dealing with it and feeling bad and guilty about it only causes even more stress on the parents and it can be come a cycle.

silja

I'm not there yet, but what some friends with kids who are not afraid of TMI told me is to make sure the nightdresses and towels you bring to hospital for birth are dark, as you may bleed quite a bit and the sanatory towels may not catch everything.

Love2love

deisemum wrote:

I wish someone told me that I wouldn't need half the baby stuff and equipment that the baby magazines and shops market so well

I hear on this, I never used the 150e baby monitors, EVER! I remember being so stressed when I was pregnant trying to get everything in, Couldn't find a bottle warmer anywhere (in Germany) Eventually I got it and then in the Hospital they hand me the bottle at room temperature! So that was another item purchased and never used.

deisemum

silja wrote:

I'm not there yet, but what some friends with kids who are not afraid of TMI told me is to make sure the nightdresses and towels you bring to hospital for birth are dark, as you may bleed quite a bit and the sanatory towels may not catch everything.

So true and keep an old nightdress for the labour. Have a stash of maternity sanitary pads at home not just the 1 or 2 packs on the hospital list :eek: You could easily get through 2 packs a day in the first few days

I wish I was pre-warned that in the early years it's a luxury to be able to go to the toilet on your own and not having to rush

Also wish I was told that I shouldn't be surprised if I encountered "parent competition" at parent and toddler groups :rolleyes: It can be unreal

the_syco

For those that are getting number 2 (D Bronc?), prepare for jealousy. My nephew loves my neice, and when going to bed, after kissing his teddies goodnght, will kiss her goodnight, but he still hits her the odd time. I can't stress enough, but DON'T leave them in the same room alone, untill #2 is big enough to fend for themselves. I'd say at least 14-18 months or so old, IMO, but depending on how fast they grow.

Myself, and my older sister always fought (untill I became taller than her, then it was a case of speak to the hand), but my younger sister and I never really did.

There is pretty much nothing you can do to stop the jealousy, but one way is to include BOTH of them in activities.

The reason for the jealousy is that #1 will suddenly not be the centre of attention, and #2 will be instead.

Slightly dramtic, but if you remember the Simpsons episode, which showed Lisa's first words were "Bart"? Bart no longer got the attention he'd get from the aunt's, etc, but the baby did. Well, the same thing. #1 will become jealous of #2 as #2 will be getting the attention.

By having them both in the activity, #1 will get used to #2 quicker.

=-=

Oh, I'm a guy, so I thought I'd point out that the above is from what I've learned.

deisemum

I wish someone had told to that when it comes to babies/children to expect Murphy's law as in:

When you have to be somewhere by a certain time and have baby/toddler strapped into car seat and just about to go that baby picks that moment to fill their nappy, even if you've only changed them a few minutes beforehand.

or that when it's time to go that the sky's suddenly open and you get wet while loading baby

Another one, young children are like sponges and they can appear to be interested in something and if you're having a moan or bit*hing session with someone it will come back to bite you when your darling will repeat it in a voice that carries and you're left very red faced

Oryx

I wish Id been told how much work two were, and how tired I would always be. The line from Shirley Valentine about strutting about like R2-bleedin-D2 always comes to mind.

I wish Id been told Id have to eat slushy half eaten baby food off my dd's spoon when she decides to feed mammy.

I wish Id been told the smell of sick in the car never quite leaves.

I still wish someone would tell me how to get rid of the constantly sticky film on everything below 3ft in the house. Is this just me or does everyone get this?

Love2love

[QUOTE=KtK
I still wish someone would tell me how to get rid of the constantly sticky film on everything below 3ft in the house. Is this just me or does everyone get this?[/QUOTE]

NO, it's not just you! DP use to run around after DS with a hot cloth ready to clean up after him. Gave that up after a week.

kashi

Ayla wrote:

This is my biggest advice - Get rid of all pregnancy/baby books because without a doubt your experience won't be like what they say. Then, on top of all the other emotions and thought you have, you'll be inadvertently comparing your experiences with what you "should" have.

I have one pregnancy book that I do like, because it's absolutely hysterical and stresses that not everyone has the same experiences, especially regards stuff like the first kick. The book is called the Rough Guide to pregnancy and birth. A nice fun one with hysterical pictures.

I'm just about 21 weeks and already I've given out to baby (or my stomach depending on what way you look at it!) about using my bladder as a trampoline. Although for some reason it wouldn't at my first antenatal clinic!! Typical eh! I also wasn't impressed when baby kicked during a Cliff Richard song.......I hope the child was giving out about it!! My mother was delighted though!:rolleyes:

nesf

Thaedydal wrote:

It is one of the big taboo's that while we love our kids there are times when we don't at the moment feel like we do.

No dealing with it and feeling bad and guilty about it only causes even more stress on the parents and it can be come a cycle.

One of the first things my dad told me when we had himself was that there will be times when you are almost ready to throttle the child (not literally). It will pass but when it's 4am and you've just possibly maybe settled them but still won't know for about another half hour or so believe me it's a small comfort to know that you aren't the first parent to be pissed off about it.


It gets easier as it goes on. I'm feeling positively grand after the 5 hour rocking/winding/shushing/pleading/begging experience we've just had.

Edit: For anyone who's interested, he appears to be bringing down some molars.

nesf

More generic stuff since it takes time for me to wind down after getting himself to sleep...

Your child is most likely not going to be completely normal. He/she will do things at their own pace. If there's a serious problem the PHN or doctor will most likely spot it but if they're a month off schedule with their crawling it really isn't something to worry about, though it may be impossible not to obsess over these little milestones.

Ask for vouchers, seriously the fifth teddy they get may look cute but really you're going to be swamped with the bloody things and sometimes it's handier to just be able to get what you need, especially clothes early on.

They will fall and they will bump their head. Accept this, you cannot prevent all of them. What you need to do is minimise the damage and for the times when they manage to get a hard knock (ie they spin around and run before they've figured out to check that there isn't a wall or door in the way first..) learn to be able to spot the bad knocks from the minor ones. The first time they do it is frightening (at least it was for us).

BostonB

The parents and especially the mother don't need to be martyrs.

Look after yourself. Don't let yourself get worn down. Get friends and family to give you a break or a good nights sleep when its practical.

Khannie

Love2love wrote:

I wish someone told me about how much it hurt to pee afterwards

I'm sure that hurts like hell. My wife has an amazing little workaround for this one though.....

Get a large sponge and soak it in cold water. Squeeze it over your bits as you pee. Apparantly this is the best thing ever.

Edit: And I don't think there's such a thing as TMI in a thread like this. Get it all out folks!

Oh....one thing I discovered that was that baby found it really stressful getting her nappy changed for the first few weeks....not quite sure how I copped this, but as soon as I turned a hairdryer on her....instant silence. I've also heard that running taps can soothe a crying newborn.

For the dads: Buy something for the mother of your child after the birth. Sacrificing your body's worth a bit of a splash out.

I just keep editing this....anyway.....
It takes about 8 weeks before they cop on to the daytime / nighttime thing. Breastfed babies will wake more at night and will have days where they feed and feed and feed and feed and feed....this is perfectly natural.

deisemum

I've copied this from the what babies really need but this is something of a warning regarding monitors.

Monitors can be useful but can have their drawbacks as well. Beware

One time when we were staying with my horrible inlaws, hubby and I were in the bedroom while I was breastfeeding our 8 week old son. I was having a moan to put it politely to hubby about mother in law constantly putting pressure on me to quit bfeeding, passing plenty of rude and horrible comments about everything I was doing. I was in tears

A few minutes later we went back to the living room only to see that the monitor was switched on and the mother in law had a face like a well slapped a*se. She didn't say anything but we knew she'd heard bits of what we'd been saying

di11on

For anyone who's having no. 2 - this is something I heard and wished I'd listened too... and that's how completely and utterly different no. 2 can be to no. 1.

You think you're prepared because you've had one already... but you're only prepared for the one you already have.... you're not prepared for this little unique individual that's somehow immune to all the tricks that worked for no. 1!

Man, we put food in the cat's bowl and our 11 month old gets there before the cat! No. 1 would never have touched the cat's food! You look away for a minute and no. 2 is in No. 1's bedroom (opposite side of bungalow) eating all her Play Mobil flowers!!!

Of course having had a baby already helps - you're definitely generally more relaxed and you enjoy the whole affair much more... but it's really disarming how different they can be!

di11on

deisemum wrote:

... this is something of a warning regarding monitors.

We were on holidays this summer and our accomodation was such that we couldn't easily hear our 8 month old (at the time) in her room when we put her down to sleep. So we used a monitor... so we thought we were fine.

At some point when we went and checked on her, there she was, God love her, crying in her cot. Why hadn't we heard her on the monitor? It turned out that No. 1 had unplugged the power jack from the back of the parent unit because she thought we "were finished with it". How was she to know the implications of this?

It's a lesson we'll never forget.
- Always check regularly
- Always have batteries in the parent's unit even when plugged into the mains
- Always put the unit out of reach of little people.

We checked regularly... but what if we had just trusted the monitor indefinitely!?!

Khannie

di11on wrote:

but what if we had just trusted the monitor indefinitely!?!

S/he would have cried...once....and that would have been it. In no way would it have negatively affected your childs growth.

I honestly can't understand this fascination with monitors.

Ayla

Khannie wrote:

S/he would have cried...once....and that would have been it. In no way would it have negatively affected your childs growth.

I honestly can't understand this fascination with monitors.

Monitors are good in the way that if the babe gets in a bind (ie: pushes his/herself into a corner in the cot, etc) then you'll hear their cry. The way a lot of homes are built these days, it's not always practical to expect you'll hear their cry if you're in the kitchen and the babe's in their room upstairs. This is why monitors are a good thing.

Having said that, I completely agree that they're not to be trusted exclusively, and they're no replacement for good ol peeks into the babe's cot.

As far as needing them for a newborn, however, I think they're a bit useless. The babe isn't going to go moving around their cot and they're in no danger of falling/climbing out, so all you need to do is keep your ears tuned for their waking up cry. I personally believe that you shouldn't leave newborns alone for long anyway, sleeping or not, just b/c I think they need the closeness & comfort of company.

Nevyn

I never used a monitor at all.
Where ever I was in the house the baby was, the biggest distance was when they were alseep in the sitting room and I went to the bathroom for 3 mins.
This was the routine until they were about 6 months and even then I would try and sleep when they slept, going to bed to read or watch tv so that I was never far from them.

loismustdie

what does dmi stand for in the previous post?
i wish every stranger you meet didn't give you stoopid advice in a condescending, all-knowing tone.
i think new parents shouldn't b expected to take more visitors than a little in the first few precious weeks. well meaning relatives and friends should respect that baby's need time to bond with their parents and vice versa. does anyone else feel the same? breastfeeding babies especially need to feed practically 24/7 but this can be hard when there are visitors waiting downstairs to meet the new baby.
everyone's parenting skills are different but each baby is unique and each mother knows her baby best and should trust her feelings and be assertive on how she wants her child raised despite the ways of loving grannys.
pack early, or at least on time i was so sure i'd go late i hadn't even packed when i went two days early. i was in agony with labour pains tryin to tell my o/h wat to pack for me when i was unable to move or even talk so i ended up in hospital without toothbrush or deodrant or a nightdress or anything i needed but i had skinny jeans and nailvarnish!
the biggest surprize i got was how much i loved my son and loved just being with him. i never thought i'd chose a cosy night with him than wanting to go out.
on the babymonitor issue, i think they're great. our son has been in his cot in his own room since 6months since we can trust to leave him. he has a routine knowing we have really left the room and he has to go asleep. if it wasn't for the monitor we would be lurking around and distract him from sleep. a lot of my friends who didn't use monitors felt they had to keep the baby close to them leading to the baby knowing they are there so not wanting to sleep. and then it's easier for you to run to the cot at every squirm and the baby doesn't learn to self sooth in which case he would settle within minutes and mam and dad get decent enough rest too

Carrigart Exile

Dont Buy A Moses Basket

karen3212

loismustdie wrote:

i wish every stranger you meet didn't give you stoopid advice in a condescending, all-knowing tone.
i think new parents shouldn't b expected to take more visitors than a little in the first few precious weeks. well meaning relatives and friends should respect that baby's need time to bond with their parents and vice versa. does anyone else feel the same? breastfeeding babies especially need to feed practically 24/7 but this can be hard when there are visitors waiting downstairs to meet the new baby.
everyone's parenting skills are different but each baby is unique and each mother knows her baby best and should trust her feelings and be assertive on how she wants her child raised despite the ways of loving grannys.

lol, i don't have kids, but my mother said that was the best piece of advice she'd been given, that parents know their own babies best.

Ayla

My mother's best advice to me when I had my DD was not to worry about her crying...

What I mean is this: As a new parent, you do everything you can think of to soothe a crying babe. You wonder: is it wind, is she hungry/tired/needing a cuddle/cold/hot/wet/dirty/etc etc etc. You can drive yourself crazy trying to think of what it could be. I found myself going down a checklist everytime my DD started crying, and sometimes I found myself at the end of the list and my poor wee lady's still screaming.

When I told my mom this, she chuckled (in a knowing kind of way) and said that sometimes babes just need to cry. This is because they have no other way of releasing energy and frustrations. Sometimes nothing is wrong, they just need to release pent up energy, and crying's the only way to do this.

She suggested that I just hold DD and let her know she's not alone, and let her cry. That way she'll be able to release her energy and she'll feel better.

Anyway, I tried it and it seemed to help. If nothing else it helped me, just knowing that sometimes babe's just need to cry. I stopped stressing (as much) when I couldn't "fix" the problem.