Uncle passed away today.

Naikon

Hi, a very close relative of mine passed away today after a 2 year struggle with cancer.
He was in his fifties or thereabouts.

He was an energetic man and will be sadly missed by all who knew him.
Chemotherapy and other drugs worked up until a few weeks ago when it was decided that they were having no effect anymore.
It has not really hit me yet that he is dead, but like my grandfather's death, I expect that to change soon.

I am not at the hospital at the moment, and I expect the family to return soon following the removal to a funeral home.
I need some advice, as I don't know how to react or what to say at this point in time, especially to my Aunt and Cousins:(

Thanks again, Naikon.

ryker

Naikon very sorry to hear about your uncle reading your post it seems you were very close to your uncle and thought the world of him and if i can tell this i am sure your auntie and cousins will know this. At times like this it is very hard to know what to say to people but i am sure your cousins and auntie would just want the people who loved there father and husband around them, my deepest sympathy to you and you family.

highlydebased

Sorry to hear this. The passing of your uncle will be difficult for his close family. Be there for his family, and support them, they would no doubt be very grateful for the support they receive.

Oryx

My sympathies to you all as well. All you can do is be yourself, the last thing you want is to feel or act awkward. If you are the touchy feely kind a hug is lovely and breaks the ice a bit when you meet close family members.

mike65

There is no handbook for events like this we have to get through it as best we can. If you know your Aunt as well as her husband then there's nothing you 'need' to say as such just be there and remember the man you've both lost. It'll all progress from there.

Mike.

CathyMoran

Just say that you are very sorry for their loss and be there for them for the long term. My dad still gets upset over his sister and it is years snce she died. Cancer takes a lot out of a family and your aunt and cousins are still recovering from this, let alone the death of their beloved relative.

I am sorry for your loss.

bronte

Sorry to hear that Op, I hope you're hanging in there.

I am sure they will appreciate your company and support.

My deepest sympathies to all concerned.

Naikon

Thanks for the compassion and advice everybody.
I will try my best to just get through this and to support my relatives during this hard time.
Cancer is a horrible, horrible disease:(

davyjose

I'm sorry to hear that Naikon. Just be yourself when your around your aunt and cousins, they don't want airs and graces. I remember when my Dad died and my cousins were talking to me about the Champions League match that was on the next day, it was so nice to escape into normality.
When they'll really need support is in a month or two when Everybody else's lives have gone back to normal; it won't have done for your Aunt and cousins. That's a good time to be there for them, and I promise that sort of support will truly be appreciated.
Once again, sorry for your loss

Dave

conzy

I lost a very close Uncle also... about a month ago

Be with your family / cousins and maybe talk about some good memories.. it helps....

Sorry to hear about your loss

Red Alert

Sorry to hear about that OP, I lost my gran back in March and still miss her terribly.

My advice about all the funeral arrangements and stuff would be - it's easy to get overwhelmed with relatives and other people. I found that a lot of relatives wanted to ask me if gran had talked about them or not, and I didn't feel very comfortable with that because the last few hours before she passed on were very special to me and I didn't feel I could talk about them to people that realistically I didn't know very well. So make sure to get some time for yourself alone in the next couple of days. It's not an easy time at all.

DaMadSprogabeen

jesus I lost my brother this year and am actually welling up reading this as all these memories come back. all I can say is just to be there for people. all they want is to chat about normal things. they will have enough time on their own to ponder everything else. and let them talk about anything they want to talk about. as well as that everybody reacts differently to a bereavement depending on their relationship with the person that died. so just to accept peoples reactions whatever they are(anger, saddnes ,acceptance etc) as perfectly natural.

prendy

firstly OP sorry to hear about your loss
i went thru the same thing a couple of years ago(also a close uncle)
everyone reacts differently...theres no 'right' reaction.
as some of the above posters have already mentioned just be there for your aunt and her family.

milkerman

Sorry for your loss.

Years ago when my Da died the whole town turned up at the funeral. It was a great tribute to the memory of a kind man.
Various people visited the family home, some recounted incidents from his life, funny stories, past kindness etc
The one condolence that stands out was from one of his friends - He said nothing but just squeezed my hand - Sometimes you dont have to say anything to say a lot- just being there is enough.

RuailleBuaille

Sorry for your loss Naikon. It might be too soon now, but it will be of comfort to you all when you can sit together and celebrate his life, you know, telling stories about him and the time you shared together. It's important to remember him before the cancer, or you'll always be sad when he comes to mind. Take care.

aidan24326

davyjose wrote:

When they'll really need support is in a month or two when Everybody else's lives have gone back to normal; it won't have done for your Aunt and cousins. That's a good time to be there for them, and I promise that sort of support will truly be appreciated.
Once again, sorry for your loss

Dave

This is very true. Family are sorta carried along during the few days around the funeral time by all the people around them and making arrangements etc etc. It doesn't really sink in until afterwards when the fuss has died down and everybody else has gone back to their own lives.

Naikon sorry for your loss and like others have said there's no need for you to do or say anything in particular there are no rules as such. Just be supportive and be a friend and that's as much as you can do.

Creamy Goodness

I know how you feel man, went through the same thing with my uncle (different circumstances but ultimately the same end) 3 years ago. He was possibly to closest member of my family to me, thought me the guitar/about nature/art/architecture etc.

it hit me big time so much so that i went to the funeral but couldn't acknowledge anyone, people i didn't know just coming up to me saying "sorry for your loss" it just breezed passed me although i know they meant well.

the only thing you can do is just say to your family is that you're here if you need anything.

Naikon

The Funeral went ahead yesterday and everybody was a little upset including myself, but everyone held up better than expected.
Afterwards, everybody went to the pub afterwards and chatted about normal stuff to ease the situation.
He was very close, and as said above, taught me alot about various subject matter and just life in general.

My cousin's told me that they felt a little better today, because it was painful to see him slowly deteriorate everyday until death,especially when I went to see him just day's before he passed despite his positive attitude.
As someone mentioned before, when life returns to normal, that's the time to really show support and let the person grieve properly.
It's not going to be easy for anyone who knew him very well, but it's not like people don't die from Cancer etc everyday.

Again, thanks for the very helpful input everybody who posted here:)

CathyMoran

Yes, cancer is an every day occurance, but it does take a lot out of you and the family trying to battle it as there are little set backs all the time that add up to a huge horror, I had cancer and I do not know how my husband coped so well. Again my sympathies for your loss and I agree that it is in the time when things settle down that you will be needed most.

Naikon

CathyMoran wrote:

Yes, cancer is an every day occurance, but it does take a lot out of you and the family trying to battle it as there are little set backs all the time that add up to a huge horror

Yeah, the past two years have been especially hard for them considering they had to look after him on an almost constant basis.
Thanks for all the support.