The Thick Friend

Peyton Manning

So, if Television has taught us anything its that every group of friends always has the token dumbass who will say the dumbest things possible. Take, for instance, my friend (who we will call Jerry for this story).

Down in college, we were talking to a group of people, one of whom was a particularly good looking girl. The topic of food came up, and she casually mentioned that she never seems to put on weight no matter how much she eats. Jerry chimes in with 'Is that cos your anorexic?'..... as you do...

Another time we were talking to a different group of people (guys and girls) in a night club in Waterford one time. One of the lads says 'Jaysus theres some finers out tonight' to which Jerry says 'I shouldnt of had a wank before I came out, Im not horny anymore'.

I could go on for ages, but ill say one more - its my favourite. He told me that he was texting his then girlfriend one time (they had only been going out a couple of weeks, purely physical relationship really) so he asks her to send him a 'nice picture'. A few minutes later he gets a picture of her breasts sent back to him So what do you think he sends back? "Nice. Are they yours?".

So share with AH some stories of your unbelievable thick friends! And if youre in a gorup of people and none of them seem to be the stupid one, well, maybe its you!

Binomate

You're Jerry, aren't you?

Stench Blossoms

My 22 year old mate (who's a girl) asked me what a clit was.

Binomate

orla wrote:

My 22 year old mate (who's a girl) asked me what a clit was.

Maybe she's hiding something from you.

biko

We were playing Trivial Pursuit and a friend got a question about Islam. I think it was "Why is Mohammed so important for the people of Islam?"
After a few minutes of silence, and sighs and huffs from the rest of us, he gets angry: "FFS, I know Islam, I'm just trying to figure out where it's located".
He thought it was a country

Terry

Binomate wrote:

You're Jerry, aren't you?

Nah. I think he's George.

Fremen

It's not quite in the same spirit, but I do know a guy who dropped his house key into the exact-change machine on the bus...

pretty-in-pink

depends, im geographicaly idiotic.

some people say silly things without being thick

Nightwish

A friend of mine thought Poland was the country at the North Pole. I had to draw a map to show her where it is and she thought I was taking the píss.

Pighead

One of Pigheads buddies on boards is renowned for his slowness of wit and thickness of skull. Not gonna use his real name as that would be mean.

Darchidedes: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"

Pighead: "A little. What's wrong?"

Darchidedes: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."

Pighead: "How did you load the sheet?"

Darchidedes: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."

He's such a spanner but sure we all love him anyway.

Echelle

I do some photography and was recently asked by an aquantaince to take a picture of her daughterfor her 21st birthday. I had'nt met the girl before but she was attractive enough in that hairdressery, too much make up,dyed blond hair look. She also had a "beauty spot" that she recently got tattooed just under her left eye. Anyway the photograph was taken and it looked good. However when she saw it she said the tatoo was under the wrong eye, and her hair was parted on the wrong side. She had been so used to seeing herself in the mirror, which reverses everything, and could'nt accept that the photograph represents what everyone sees and not what she sees in the mirror. So I completety reversed the image, which is easily done with digital images, and showed it to her. She was delighted and got the picture framed. Now all her friends, on seeing the photo, say the tattoo is on the wrog side and her hair is parted strangely....AND SHE STILL DOES,NT UNDERSTAND.But then again it is amazing the amount of people who think that the image they see of themselves in a mirror is what others see in reality.For the majority of people whose faces are fairly symmetrical this does not make a huge amount of difference, but for the others who ar not so symmetrical the difference can be substantial, hense their insistance that they are not photogenic as the real image is not what they see in the mirror every day.

Love2love

Few people came to visit me in France awhile back and we sitting in this really small local pub. One of them made a comment about how the girls in the village are all very BUTCH - very sporty, no make-up, short hair ect. After about an hour, the other one said, "you know I think they're all very LESBIAN-ish" so I said, "well what do you think BUTCH means, she said how the hell would I know, I don't speak FRENCH"

I laughed so much, I pee'd a little!

Echelle

SORRY, MY LAST POST SHOULD HAVE READ AS FOLLOWS:

I do some photography and was recently asked by an aquantaince to take a picture of her daughterfor her 21st birthday. I had'nt met the girl before but she was attractive enough in that hairdressery, too much make up,dyed blond hair look. She also had a "beauty spot" that she recently got tattooed just under her left eye. Anyway the photograph was taken and it looked good. However when she saw it she said the tatoo was under the wrong eye, and her hair was parted on nthe wrong side. She had been so used to seeing herself in the mirror, which reverses everything, and could'nt accept that the photograph represents what everyone sees and not what she sees in the mirror. So I completety reversed the image, which is easily done with digital images, and showed it to her. She was delighted and got the picture framed. Now all her friends, on seeing the photo, say the tattoo is on the wrog side and her hair is parted strangely....AND SHE STILL DOES,NT UNDERSTAND.But then again it is amazing the amount of people who think that the image they see of themselves in a mirror is what others see in reality.For the majority of people whose faces are fairly symmetrical this does not make a huge amount of difference, but for the others who ar not so symmetrical the difference can be substantial, hense their insistance that they are not photogenic as the real image is not what they see in the mirror every day.How do you go about explaining this to people?

KilbarrackBlows

lol
i have this friend well were not friends anymore but anyway

Sent him a txt one time and he replys with "cant reply this is my last 10c"

He knocked on my door one time and didnt say a thing he just looked at his phone vacently untill i freaked out at him for being a dumbass seriously who the hell knocks at someones door doesnt say a thing and then starts txting someone.

He decided to tell me one day how he loves his girlfriend so much and how he had to go to the westlife concert so he could hold her hand and protect her ... i swear the guy was the bigist idiot i ever met in my life he even started to tear up :rolleyes:

i would place a bet to that everyones token dumb ass friend has eyes that are further back in there head than most people.

Oh and one time we went into a take away after a night in the pub and he asked for a quarter punder with cheese with no cheese duh

eamoss

Oh I have a few, Just that other day one of them said to me when kill a Bee does 3 come out.

Another one was he got a hard on (at the age 11) and said to me and another lad who were staying in the same room as him "what wrong with me" me and the other lad just looked at each other and laughed. He then said it was a bone sticking out of his body. Not alot of people know that story mainly because the people who knew it have forgotten about it.

Ive another one who has done alot of stupid stuff like he stipped down to his boxers then ask a girl to strip and said to her "its just skin" she just looked at me and tried to keep a straight face.

Ah the same lad told about 5 girls we hung around with at the time that his penis size was the same as his smallest finger.

He also was up in a girls room, got a hard on, started rubbing it (as you do) then he tried to balance his watch on all while it was just him and the girl in room.

Iv loads more just cant think of them.

Maybe when Saxoduffy reads this he can tell a few.

EDIT:
Not really thick but just stupid but anyway he was a friend of a friend went mad over this girl he NEVER talked to before and got things for her like Westlife tickets WTF, the girl did take the tickets but took her friend insteed and not him.

He did do alot more stuff but I cant remember, but we did rip the piss out of him for about 2 years. Never see him anymore, still a bit odd tho as he is in love with one of the MALE players on the Dundalk team.

Terry

A few friends were in Galway for a weekend.
One guy pulled some chick, the others walked into his room and saw him sitting there bollock naked with his arm around her.
One of the lads took a picture and e-mailed it to everyone in his address book. Including the subjects mother.
She was less than pleased.

pretty-in-pink

I've a friend who refuses to believe ozbekistan(cant spell it if thats wrong, sorry, but its phoenetic) is a real country

and who thinks 256kb broadband is really fast

Femelade

I am the thick friend.

Pighead

Femmy wrote:

I am the thick friend.

You're Jerry? Pighead deosn't know whats worse, the fact you're thick or the fact you're friends with Archimedes.

Terry

Pighead wrote:

You're Jerry? Pighead deosn't know whats worse, the fact you're thick or the fact you're friends with Archimedes.

No. She's Elaine.

masseyno9

In the airport a few months ago all excited about heading backpacking for a month. Myself and 2 of the lads announce we're heading down to the ATM. Thicko pipes up; "what are ye going there for?"
"....(silence and us doing that face you do when you're trying not to laugh)...."
took him a while to realise!!