Boyfriend & Holiday = Hell

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I'm hoping somebody here can give me some sound advice, empathy or a good kick in the arse if that's whats needed. I'm going on holiday with my boyfriend for the first time in 2 weeks. We're going to Prague and it's supposed to be a relaxing romantic break but I'm dreading it. We've been together for 3 years and are both 27 but so far have only gone to places in Ireland together.

Basically, my best friend was in Prague last Summer an said the women are absolutley stunning. She said they're drop dead gorgeous. I can't bear the thought of walking around a city full of supermodels and having to watch my bf pretend not to stare and drool. He wants to go out to the clubs too which i'm dreading. I know it sounds silly but I feel sick at the thought of it. He's really excited and I can barely sleep worrying about it.

I know that i can trust him as he's given me no reason to believe he'd stray but i don't even wanna go anymore and am thinking of ways to get out of it. Does anybody understand how i feel or is this a crazy way to be thinking? I should be excited but instead i'm questioning every part of myself and freaking out. I can't compete with stunners!!!

cowzerp

He's your boyfriend and that should be the end of it-so what if there is good looking chicks about, he'll be going home with you every night-grow up and go and enjoy yourself. ps, i was there last year and there was plenty of fattys just like there is in ireland-also good looking girls-like in ireland-insensitive but true.

davyjose

TBH, a kick up the arse is what you need. Guess what? There are better looking people out there than your boyfriend too. There are better looking people than me out there. There are better looking people out there than everybody on this website. There are people out there who earn more money than you, that are friendlier and kinder than you. I'm not being insulting to you, but if you don't wise-up and accept yourself - and love yourself (and realise that your bf does too) then where does it end. Where does the insecurity end.
I think you must have self-esteem issues TBH - unwarranted if your bf is with you 3 years (nobody has ever stuck with me that long ). Maybe you could see a counsellor about it, because going on hols with a loved one is an idea you'll need to get used to if you wanna live a normal life.

el tel

davyjose wrote:

There are better looking people out there than everybody on this website.

Speak for yourself mate!

OP - just remind your boyfriend that all those sexy Czech birds turn into hunch-backed trolls in shawls when they hit forty. It's an inevitability for all Eastern European women. It is of course largely untrue (it applies mostly to Romanains and Bulgarians) but will make you feel so much better about yourself.

AdrianII

prague is great, lots of couply things to do, we went 3 years ago and had a great time

go and enjoy the holiday

biko

Prague is a fantastic city. Sure there some nice looking people but as every other city it's a mix of nice and bad. It's not like you're going to Scandinavia.

Enjoy the holiday, you'll be laughing at the worries when you get there and see the people and the sights.

Peyton Manning

Make your boyfriend watch Hostel. Wont want to leave the country afterwards. Problem sorted.

Movershaker

I definitely think you have self esteem issues. I was feeling similar to you a few years ago. It all came to a head when I was in a pub with my then boyfriend one night and suddenly burst into tears because I thought all the girls there were so much better looking than me. Looking back I realise how bad things were as that place was a total ****hole full of complete skobies!

Anyway, I went to counselling after that. Didn't really work out but then I went abroad for a year (and broke up with that boyfriend). Suddenly I was really happy in myself and was practically beating guys off with a stick! Since then I've been up and down at various stages, but never as bad as I was back then. At the moment I'm struggling a bit but over the years I've found that it's closely related to how happy I am in other areas of my life.

I don't really know why I'm telling you all this, I suppose it's just to point out that most girls will groan inwardly at the thought of being surrounded by beautiful women, but not to the extent that they will lie awake worrying about it. You should look at why you're are so low in confidence and try to do something about it.

As for women in Prague, just like anywhere else they will come in all shapes and sizes. Ugly, beautiful, fat, slim, you name it. I think your boyfriend deserves a bit more credit... I highly doubt that he will spend 2 weeks drooling at other girls. He's excited to go on holiday with you! Don't ruin it for both of you by being down in the dumps. Most guys will agree (I'm sure) that there's nothing more attractive than a happy, smiley, carefree girl. Also, what one guy finds attractive another guy won't. Same goes for what men and women find attractive. The girls you think are stunning might be too skinny/tall/curvy or whatever for your boyfriend's tastes.

By the way, to all those who made comments along the lines of cop on, grow up and the likes, that's easy to say when you don't suffer from low self esteem. It can be crippling and shouldn't really be fobbed off with "you'll be grand" type answers without getting to the root of the issue.

Whoah, long post there, soz.

davyjose

Movershaker wrote:

By the way, to all those who made comments along the lines of cop on, grow up and the likes, that's easy to say when you don't suffer from low self esteem

So far, nobody has said any of those things. I think the poster does need to pull herself together. Whether or not self esteem is something that's difficult to overcome, but it is something that needs to be taken by the scruff of the neck. What other advice is there? "Ah you're right love - stay locked up forever"??? Joking aside this is something that needs to be met head-on. It will be gradual, but you need to begin by realising that you're being, well, silly.
And MoverShaker, I don't think there is a person alive who doesn't, or hasn't, suffered from low self-esteem in one form or another.

Movershaker

I agree with you , I'm just saying that most people (luckily) don't realise how bad it can get. When it gets to the stage that you are dreading going on holiday with a boyfriend that loves you, to the extent that you can't sleep at night, that is really not a good sign. When your quality of life is being seriously affected by low self esteem or lack of confidence or whatever it's more serious than simply being "silly" imo. Although maybe I'm reading too much into the OPs problem.

Of course I'm not suggesting that she locks herself up forever, as I mentioned above, a key factor in building up my own self esteem was upping and leaving Ireland and breaking up with my ex. Obviously I didn't get it across effectively in my post, there is a certain amount of getting your arse in gear involved but it's not always easy for people to take that step.

ETA: I'm not suggesting the OP doesn't have a good relationship or isn't happy at home btw, but even doing something that would make her feel more confident about her appearance could make all the difference. Like getting stuck into fitness, overhauling her wardrobe and so on.

empirix

Dont worry about it, was in Prague a couple of months ago, some lovely women but some not so lovelyu either, i only slept with 3 women that week and 1 of them was from Germany, don't worry about it.

Movershaker

Out of curiosity (to the OP), do you feel the same when you go out in Ireland?
If not, I don't think you'll have problems in Prague. As stunning as they might be, bad hair and dress sense (think stonewashed jeans and camel toes) are still rife in eastern Europe.

(Major tongue in cheek generalisation PC police.)

smartypants

hi,

i think it was mentioned earlier, but how do you cope with in ireland? besides the many beautiful irish women here in ireland, there also equally as many eastern europeans.

just dont let your insecurities ruin it for the both of ye. and listening lads look regardless just dont jump on him the first time you see his eye glance over at someone...its only looking, we all do it and it means nothing! it donest mean hes gonna run off on you.

remember it was his glancing at another woman which probably got you two together in the first place

smartypants

empirix wrote:

Dont worry about it, was in Prague a couple of months ago, some lovely women but some not so lovelyu either, i only slept with 3 women that week and 1 of them was from Germany, don't worry about it.

lmao what relevance is how many women you slept with ? or are you just bragging?

dudara

empirix banned for smartarse comment

PM me or another mod in a week or so to have the ban lifted.

dudara

dumbyearbook

I was there with my gf and tbh its only ok service is cat, the women are'nt that hot, about the same as the polish girls in Ireland I suppose and as mentioned above the fashion sense is woeful which may or may not bother your boyfriend!

pretty-in-pink

go, have fun

enjoy every second with your fella, cause you never know what tomorrow holds. make the most of every single moment.

and while slightly off topic, treat the holiday etc with this in mind:

life is not defined by the amount of breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.

let your hair down and have fun, a confident you is a happy you. your fella wouldnt be with ya if he wasnt mad about ya, so you have nothing to worry bout

Sleepy

OP: the main thing your boyfriend is probably looking forward to on this holiday is having lots of holiday sex with you.

The whole 'Eastern European Women are Hot' thing has been blown wildly out of all proportion. Sure, some of them are hot. Just like some Irish women are hot, some Belgian women are hot and some Scandinavian women are ugly. Don't worry about it!

Dragan

cowzerp wrote:

He's your boyfriend and that should be the end of it-so what if there is good looking chicks about, he'll be going home with you every night-grow up and go and enjoy yourself. ps, i was there last year and there was plenty of fattys just like there is in ireland-also good looking girls-like in ireland-insensitive but true.

Gonna agree with cowzerp here.

He's with you for a reason.

Chillax.

axer

Im gonna be honest here and tell you I was on holidays with my girlfriend in prague last March and I must say there were some stunning women over there. Just because some of the women were really good looking doesn't mean that I would even think of doing anything. I'm sure 90% of the men were better looking than me over there but what difference does that make to me? I trust and love my girlfriend and I don't think she is shallow enough to go on looks alone.

Forget about that type of crap - your boyfriend is with you because I'm sure he loves you. If your boyfriend is the type to cheat on you just because there are some good looking women around then he is probably not the person you want to be with. Why would do you think you have to compete with stunners - hasn't he already chosen you?! The competition was over 3 years ago! Concentrate on having fun with your boyfriend rather than a competition with strangers.

Talliesin

Holidayhell wrote:

I can't compete with stunners!!!

There are plenty of very attractive people in Ireland. You're competing with stunners and doing so successfully.

Though of course, you aren't really competing, unless your BF is a total prick there isn't any competition going on.

ntlbell

If it makes it any easier the women are not that hot.

In Ireland you might see one really stunning woman every 3-6 months or so.

in prage you might see one a day.

LegacyUser

Movershaker wrote:

I definitely think you have self esteem issues. I was feeling similar to you a few years ago. It all came to a head when I was in a pub with my then boyfriend one night and suddenly burst into tears because I thought all the girls there were so much better looking than me. Looking back I realise how bad things were as that place was a total ****hole full of complete skobies!

Anyway, I went to counselling after that. Didn't really work out but then I went abroad for a year (and broke up with that boyfriend). Suddenly I was really happy in myself and was practically beating guys off with a stick! Since then I've been up and down at various stages, but never as bad as I was back then. At the moment I'm struggling a bit but over the years I've found that it's closely related to how happy I am in other areas of my life.

I don't really know why I'm telling you all this, I suppose it's just to point out that most girls will groan inwardly at the thought of being surrounded by beautiful women, but not to the extent that they will lie awake worrying about it. You should look at why you're are so low in confidence and try to do something about it.

As for women in Prague, just like anywhere else they will come in all shapes and sizes. Ugly, beautiful, fat, slim, you name it. I think your boyfriend deserves a bit more credit... I highly doubt that he will spend 2 weeks drooling at other girls. He's excited to go on holiday with you! Don't ruin it for both of you by being down in the dumps. Most guys will agree (I'm sure) that there's nothing more attractive than a happy, smiley, carefree girl. Also, what one guy finds attractive another guy won't. Same goes for what men and women find attractive. The girls you think are stunning might be too skinny/tall/curvy or whatever for your boyfriend's tastes.

By the way, to all those who made comments along the lines of cop on, grow up and the likes, that's easy to say when you don't suffer from low self esteem. It can be crippling and shouldn't really be fobbed off with "you'll be grand" type answers without getting to the root of the issue.

Whoah, long post there, soz.

Thank you so much for understanding. My problem is all down to low self esteem. I've stormed out of pubs before and left my bf on his own cause a bunch of good looking women walk in. I've freaked out at him for buying magazines, I've even gone so far as to fight with him over watching Tv shows with attractive women. I know it's crazy and i wish i didn't feel this way but i do. I don't know how he puts up with me to be honest. He's beautiful and i'm not (thats not self pity, its true, i'm a big girl) and i find it hard to accept that he likes me.

Miss Fluff

Holidayhell wrote:

I know that i can trust him as he's given me no reason to believe he'd stray but i don't even wanna go anymore and am thinking of ways to get out of it. Does anybody understand how i feel or is this a crazy way to be thinking? I should be excited but instead i'm questioning every part of myself and freaking out. I can't compete with stunners!!!

OP, you desperately need to rationalize here, I think you’re being ridiculous and you’ve obviously worked yourself into a tizzy. All through life you will encounter people who are better looking than you, smarter than you, funnier than you (rare and all that these people are )but stop and think about what you’re saying for one minute. Just because Czech girls are known for being good-looking you think you’re boyfriend is seriously going on holiday to score? You are supposed to be going on a romantic trip together and it is within your grasp to make the most of it. Don’t punish your boyfriend and yourself for your own insecurities. He is with you for good reason (3 years, hardly a hobby or a plaything, he MUST find you attractive and completely fabulous) so stop making a deal of something where there isn’t one OP or you’ll miss out on a lot. What movie star do you think is gorgeous for example? Let’s say George Clooney? Would your BF throw a wobbly and not want to go and see Ocean’s 13 because of it? I doubt it. Enjoy the holiday, have plenty of s8x and enjoy it for what it is, a romantic break for the two of you. Who said anything about competing? Everyone is fabulous in different ways my girl so just remember why he fell in love with you in the first place.

CherieAmour

Whether the girls there are are good looking or are all in a jocker, that is completely irrelevant. I’m with davyjose on this. I think a kick in the arse is required, but for your own good.

You cannot live life like this. I can’t believe that you are worried about other girls on a trip that you are actually going on!!! What if he was going away with the lads and you couldn’t see what he was doing all day and night?
I think you need to do three things.

Firstly, stop comparing yourself to other people.

Secondly, trust your boyfriend. A relationship without trust is a complete waste of time. You are not being fair to him. He is really excited about the trip and if you are this paranoid, what’s to say you won’t fly at him over there because you see him looking in the direction of some hot chick, there will be a big argument, and it will be ruined.

Thirdly, you only live once. Appreciate the fact that you are going to such a wonderful city together. Taking a trip with someone you love and that loves you is one of the joys in life. Discovering the place together, creating loads of great, happy memories and spending time together

You say you are going out 3 years. You seem overly paranoid for such an amount of time. Has this issue ever arisen before or have you kept these feelings to yourself all this time?

Like others have said, there is good looking people everywhere. You can’t stop him looking at them or finding them attractive, he’s only human, but the fact is that he loves you and is with you and is looking forward to this weekend precisely because he is going with you.

I had two previous boyfriends who were paranoid every time I went out with the girls without them and all I got from them was grief for days after because of their own insecurities. I was faithful to both of them, and got annoyed because this was not being recognised or appreciated. My current boyfriend trusts me implicitly and is not intimidated by other men and it makes for a far better and more enjoyable relationship.

Relax and enjoy your relationship and it will be of benefit to both of you.

Good luck and enjoy the trip!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: I've just seen your post about storming out of pubs, freaking over magazines etc. OP, my heart goes out to you, but seriously, you WILL lose him if you continue like this. That is the last thing you want. Think of that every time you get these feelings

axer

holidayhell wrote:

I've stormed out of pubs before and left my bf on his own cause a bunch of good looking women walk in.

WTF?! How do you think that makes your boyfriend feel?

holidayhell wrote:

I've freaked out at him for buying magazines, I've even gone so far as to fight with him over watching Tv shows with attractive women. I know it's crazy and i wish i didn't feel this way but i do.

You must recognise those feelings coming on so that you can deal with them. Women are irrational* but you must remember that you do not have to act this way.

holidayhell wrote:

I don't know how he puts up with me to be honest. He's beautiful and i'm not (thats not self pity, its true, i'm a big girl) and i find it hard to accept that he likes me.

He does and if you are going out 3 years then, as said earlier, its not a hobby - he must really like you. You will push him away if you continue these actions so start now to try and change. It will not happen overnight but it can be done. Just learn to recognise the feelings coming up and learn to deal with them. You know the feelings are wrong.

* Blanket statement but I have yet to meet a logical/rational woman.

Kinetic^

holidayhell wrote:

I've stormed out of pubs before and left my bf on his own cause a bunch of good looking women walk in.

Nice move, wonder which of them he went home with!!!!!

Loomis

holidayhell wrote:

.............. He's beautiful and i'm not (thats not self pity, its true, i'm a big girl) and i find it hard to accept that he likes me.

I think everyone feels like this every now and again. Yes, even guys.;)
As people have said, what one guy likes the next might not. Ever given any thought to the fact that some of the guys who pass you on the street think you're stunning? I know it's not a thought many people would indulge in (Jesus I know this more than most I'd say) , unless you're quite vain maybe, but by the law of averages it does happen. So instead of thinking of the things that bother you switch to this thought instead. Maybe it'll help.
What you have to do is not let the fact there are better looking people than you consume you. Obviously there are stunning looking people out there but having that fact race round your head isn't exactly productive as you well know.

Anti

holidayhell wrote:

Thank you so much for understanding. My problem is all down to low self esteem. I've stormed out of pubs before and left my bf on his own cause a bunch of good looking women walk in. I've freaked out at him for buying magazines, I've even gone so far as to fight with him over watching Tv shows with attractive women. I know it's crazy and i wish i didn't feel this way but i do. I don't know how he puts up with me to be honest. He's beautiful and i'm not (thats not self pity, its true, i'm a big girl) and i find it hard to accept that he likes me.

If you are so insecure, why not hit the gym. Go buy some new cloths, and get one of them makeup lessons. Make yoruself more appealing to your man. Maybe then you will stop being so paranoid like.

Silent Grape

that was helpful Kenny, well done.


OP, think about what you do have! a loving longterm boyfriend who loves you and understands you and wants to take you away on romantic breaks! my recent ex wouldnt even come to galway with me for a couple of days!

you are lucky and loved, and deserving of both, body type has nothing to do with it. the happier you are with yourself, the happier other people will be around you, the happier your relationship will get

LegacyUser

'Thanks to everyone who replied and thanks for not coming down too hard on me. The thing is, he is genuinely a very good looking guy. Women approach him when we're out and shigger when i say 'He's with me!'. He's in a band too and girls just love coming up to him after gigs.
I, on the otherhand, am not good looking. I may have some nice features but overall no looker. He's with me because of my 'amazing personality'. I make him laugh and i understand him according to him. If i keep acting like this i won't even have my personality to fall back on. I'm just gonna go and try not to get drunk and start on him. Thanks guys.'

aidan24326

CherieAmour wrote:

EDIT: I've just seen your post about storming out of pubs, freaking over magazines etc. OP, my heart goes out to you, but seriously, you WILL lose him if you continue like this. That is the last thing you want. Think of that every time you get these feelings

That's true, anybody would grow weary of that sort of carry on. OP you do sound very insecure and that seems to be the main problem. Your boyfriend is with you for a reason, it's you he'll be going home with every night, you he'll be spending his time with, no other girl. Sure Prague has plenty of beautiful women (I've been there) but so does anywhere. Go out in Dublin on a Saturday night there will be plenty of hot chicks around, does your boyfriend go home with any of them? No. He's with you. So you need to seriously chill out or you'll drive him away with your tantrums and totally irrational behaviour.

Movershaker

You really need to get to the root of this problem. I used to stress out almost as much as you, getting freaked out when MTV came on and whatnot, because it was non-stop half-naked women. I just couldn't handle it and used to get really upset. My then boyfriend just didn't get it. Although strangely, he was the one who couldn't figure out why I was with him, and his friends once joked that they thought I felt sorry for him or something (nice friends!). I just thought I was horrible looking, no matter how much people tried to beat into me that I wasn't.

The next boyfriend, like yours, was a really good looking guy. I used to think people would look at us and wonder what he was doing with me. But generally I felt good when I was with him and fairly equal. But again, I was happy in other areas of my life then. However just because you think your boyfriend is the best looking guy in the world (and rightly so!), doesn't mean that other girls do. Okay so he's in a band and gets lots of female attention. Believe me, that's about 90% to do with him being in the band and 10% with how he looks!

I drew the conclusion that my self esteem is often based on reinforcements from others (as well as general happiness in life). If people aren't constantly telling me how great I look then I feel crap. Obviously this is a terrible state of affairs. The key is to feel good about yourself without needing compliments from others. I'm still working on this! But things like being fit and active or even making an effort with my appearance at work rather than just throwing on anything can really lift my spirits.

Don't be so hard on yourself, I highly doubt you're as unattractive as you think. Think about going to speak to someone about it, there are probably deeper issues that are causing you to obsess over this (there were in my case anyway).

davyjose

holidayhell wrote:

Thank you so much for understanding. My problem is all down to low self esteem. I've stormed out of pubs before and left my bf on his own cause a bunch of good looking women walk in. I've freaked out at him for buying magazines, I've even gone so far as to fight with him over watching Tv shows with attractive women. I know it's crazy and i wish i didn't feel this way but i do. I don't know how he puts up with me to be honest. He's beautiful and i'm not (thats not self pity, its true, i'm a big girl) and i find it hard to accept that he likes me.

You do realise that if you ever do lose your boyfriend it WILL BE for THESE reasons and no other. You really need to realise this because it is going to ruin your life.

davyjose

holidayhell wrote:

Women approach him when we're out and shigger when i say 'He's with me!'.

Women can be bitches, I would not read into this at all. I've had guys come on to my missus when I was at the bar or whatever, and when I came back over, there is a definite atmosphere - it's NOT nice, but it happens everybody.

holidayhell wrote:

He's with me because of my 'amazing personality'. I make him laugh and i understand him according to him. If i keep acting like this i won't even have my personality to fall back on.

It's not just your personality. I guarantee it's YOU he loves, how you look the sound of your voice, your smell, AND your amazing personality. Work on your self esteem though, because as you said you won't have your personality anymore and you WILL drive him away. TBH in a relationship of any length of time its 90% personality that counts.

Sleepy

holidayhell wrote:

I may have some nice features but overall no looker. He's with me because of my 'amazing personality'. I make him laugh and i understand him according to him. If i keep acting like this i won't even have my personality to fall back on.

So realise he's with you for whatever reasons he's with you and don't drive him away with your madness. Feel however you feel but learn some self control for god's sake. You're a grown woman, not a child. Letting your emotions control you is something most people grow out of at a young age. If I were to do that I'd have been imprisoned for decking or murdering people a long, long time ago.

Dave!

You think he doesn't look at good looking Irish girls when you go out to a club over here? He definitely does! That's just something you're going to have to get used to. It's only natural for everyone to do it (both sexes). You're really just gonna have to get over your insecurity TBH! It's always going to happen -- he will look at other women for the rest of his life, even if you satisfy him in every single way!!!

I'm sure he's not too pleased about you checking out hot foreign blokes either, but he's going with you because he wants to spend time with you -- not because none of the lads wanted to go!!!

rubyred

holidayhell wrote:

i find it hard to accept that he likes me.[/QUOTE

This is where the problem is - and I'm only saying that cos I have the same problem. When I got together with my bf I was really slim and toned and I liked myself. Then I put on about 3 stone cos of a hormone imbalance. He says that he loves me like this more now that I have a few curves, but I hate myself like this. I know that if I don't learn to love myself again it will eventually drive us apart. If you don't love yourself, then it's impossible to accept that someone else can. I know this isn't much use cos I don't know how to help (if I did I would have sorted myself out by now), but I do understand how you feel.

holidayhell

holidayhell wrote:

Thank you so much for understanding. My problem is all down to low self esteem. I've stormed out of pubs before and left my bf on his own cause a bunch of good looking women walk in. I've freaked out at him for buying magazines, I've even gone so far as to fight with him over watching Tv shows with attractive women.

Sounds like you need therapy.
Thats not normal.
If anything that is the kind of behaviour that would make your boy friend walk if anything.

On a positive note-he hasn't walked and he obviously wants you a lot if he stays under those circumstances.
What you are doing is close to bunny boiler territory.If I were your BF I'd not stay under those kind of restrictive circumstances.

Seriously! consider the therapy and try to quit what now looks like an obsessive compulsive disorder with you (OCD) before he does actually think enough is enough.

el tel

Tristrame wrote:

Sounds like you need therapy.
Thats not normal.
If anything that is the kind of behaviour that would make your boy friend walk if anything.

Exactly. The OP should be less concerned about her boyfriend being attracted to Czech stunners and more concerned with him being attracted to any girl who isn't a head-melter. I've a funny feeling that it will be holiday hell, however moreso for the fella than the OP.

microgirl

*boots OP in the bum*



Nothing really to add to that as all the eminently sensible advice has already been given. I'll just re-iterate that really, you need to talk to someone about this. Or at the very least recognise the self-destructive thought cycles (and more importantly, behaviour. You can *feel* as **** as you want, but acting on it by storming out and freaking out is Not On TM - and I speak from personal experience and effort ) and work on yourself to change them, if you're not comfortable getting personal help.

Reading some basic stuff about cognitive behavioural therapy, or various other therapies, recognised pathological thought-patterns etc etc might help you a lot. It did me at any rate. I've a few years on you though, so don't expect overnight miracles

But you say you hate being like this, what you do - you need to learn to recognise and accept that YOU are the only one making you be like that and making you do what you do, so you are the only one that can stop it. But how empowering is that?! YOU, and you alone, have the power to change. You are in complete control of yourself, if you can just take charge. And remember - you don't have to be perfect, or comparable to anyone else; you just have to be the best you that you can be

Oh, and I advise going to the UK for some reawakening. I spend a lot of time there and my god, I have never seen so many very attractive (in my opinion) men absolutely crazy nuts about their very, *very* overweight girlfriends. My 20-odd stone friend was at a wedding there last month and felt like a skinny waif. And all these women had slim, twinkly-eyed men hanging out of them