Is this the norm?

Doran212

OK, so this is my first ever post.... just wondering I have recenlty moved in with my long term boyfriend seven months ago. Things have been great between us (ok a few small arguments but all par for the course) the thing is things are gone a bit strange with our friends. We don't get to see them as often as we used to (every wknd) and with some its like it gets akward n stuff. its like we have ran out of things to say.


we are both late twenty's and now seem to see our family's alot more than before.... we now make the effort. were as before we were apart of a big group of friends. some have moved away so the group has got smaller.

is this the normal cycle of things that when ya move in and move on you tend to drift away from your friends?


would appreciate a bit of discussion on this!

Doctor DooM

Sounds to me like you are just growing up a little faster than some of your friends.... nothing wrong with that.

Beruthiel

Doran212 wrote:

is this the normal cycle of things that when ya move in and move on you tend to drift away from your friends?

That can happen.
I suggest you make an effort to keep them.
If your relationship should go belly up in the future, who will you turn to? Relationships can come and go, a good friend is difficult to replace.

CathyMoran

Yes it is normal, we still have our friends but everyone is settling now and has less time, I would be lucky if I see my best friends once a month let alone more than a few times a year. The ones who have not settled are probably secretly a bit jelous. It takes more of an effort to stay in contact but that is what you will have to do. We also see a lot more of our familes since we settled, I think that it is part of adapting to a larger family, now I have an extra 4 sisters and 2 brothers so it is a huge change!

LegacyUser

Yeah I have really spoted it recently that friends are driffing and I am feeling

quite lonely......I have a partner but you need plenty of friends aswell....I always seem to be making the effort to get in touch and why shd I always be the one...........

txt_mess

TBH that seems pretty much the norm when we got a house ( and then a child ) friends seemed to disappear as soon as you wanted to meet them in daylight hours or do non pub related stuff.

On the up side as more of our old friend have settled down they have come full circle and started back more frequent calls etc.

Think it's just down to stage in life your non settled friends are enjoying what they know your enjoying something different and they don't see the point in changing,

patrickolee

It's normal. Make some new friends.

smartypants

eh to be honest if this is normal...it shouldnt be! last thing you want is not to have any friends! you still need a break from the other half.

Doran212

Thanks for the reply's

We do make the effort but still its like we are in between worlds between our single friend who we could not possibly keep up with out every weekend and our settled friends.We don't see out settled friends much as they live so far away.

Also we dont want to be one of those couple who do everything together, matching outfits etc

its just so a huge change. in every area of our life.

we still want to keep our friends, and our seperate friends but things have just changed.
maybe it is unrealistic to belive that one will always have the same group of friends around them.
(We have all been friends since primary school)

Ickle Magoo

Over the years our friend-base has whittled itself (through people moving & not keeping in touch, having less in common & drifting apart, etc, etc) down to a loyal few - and they are scattered around the world now & have families of their own, so going pubbing & clubbing is not going to be on the agenda even if they were still local. I think it's quite natural to make friends with people that you have the most in common with at various junctures in our lives & as our lives change, so do our social lives & friends as a result - if we're lucky a handful will last the duration. Best of luck.

jdivision

CathyMoran wrote:

The ones who have not settled are probably secretly a bit jealous.

You gotta be kidding! In my experience when people move in together they usually become completely boring and people don't find them as much fun anymore.

Talliesin

jdivision wrote:

You gotta be kidding! In my experience when people move in together they usually become completely boring and people don't find them as much fun anymore.

Agreed, but it won't be like that with a bit of effort.

Miss Fluff

You have to make the effort. Don't always go out as a couple either, have girlie nights with just your mates etc and encourage him to do his own thing too.

shapez

Yep, I can relate to this. It's all part of growing up, having a different set of responsibilities, moving on, meeting new people, etc.

I also make a conscious effort to stay in touch with friends. But, what I find is some of them don't make the effort to stay in touch with me, this can be daunting and you begin to question your relationship with them, and sometimes friends then become acquaintances!!