when to make contact again?

LegacyUser

I was recently left broken hearted following an unexpected break up. I took it really badly and foolishly let them see how upset i was and how bad it had got to me. I also made the mistake of trying everything I could to change their mind but to no avail. Because of this, our initial hope of staying friends is likely gone. I now wish we could have stayed friends but am now taking the space we both need to clear our heads, etc. Im just wondering when (or if) it would be best to initiate contact again and rebuild a friendship. A month? Two months?

SarahSassy

Did he treat you well or badly? What did he say around the time of the break up? Is he still friendly with other ex's of his?

My suspicion is that you are still hoping to get back with him. As long as this thought is in your mind stay well away.

amtc

don't.
ever, best to think of it like a scab that won't heal until you stop picking it.

D Bronc

You dont sound like you want to be just friends, i know its hard but you have to move on.:o Why do you feel you have to be friends, sure its nice to stay friends but sometimes that cant happen.

If you still feel you "need" to be friends wait until youre strong enough not to just start begging him to take you back or start crying to him etc.

You said youre giving him space to "clear" youre heads, so what exactly are you hoping for? Friendship or Boyfriend?

4Xcut

Don't be fiends, it doesn't work.

Hairspray

Being friends with exs is like playing russian roulette ,it will be only a matter of time before you hurt each other again since there will always be the memories of what was once shared.How might you feel if your ex had a new girlfriend ,or was chasing other women?Its not easy to watch an ex partner move on being friends would involv e watching that happen.

Beruthiel

girl2007 wrote:

I was recently left broken hearted following an unexpected break up. I took it really badly and foolishly let them see how upset i was and how bad it had got to me. I also made the mistake of trying everything I could to change their mind but to no avail.

If you were that upset, then trying to remain friends is a very, very bad idea. You need to get over him and that won't happen if you stay in contact. That's mental torture.
Move on with your life and leave things as they are.

CathyMoran

You can not be friends until all the feelings that you had for him are gone, even then it hurts sometimes when they have new relationships etc. I was fine with my ex getting married, it was when he had a child and I was unable to (due to illness) that it really hurt. I think that you need to wait a few years before becoming friends again with an ex, if ever.

Steez

Have a read through this thread. Methinks there's a bunch of us going through this at the same time, but this helped me a chunk anyway:

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055130548

Beetlebum

I really feel for you. The Beach Boys said it right - breaking up is hard to do.
Just reading that reminded me of how bad I felt last Summer when I went through an awful break up. It's heart breaking but you will get over this. Right now the wound is fresh and it hurts really badly but in time you'll be left with nothing but a slight scar.
Read back through previous threads where people have been going through the same thing. Wibbs gives savage advice and alot of what he said got me through last year. Your gonna be fine but unfortunately I doubt your gonna be friends.

Tal Hawkins

Hey,

i am exactly the same situation right now. my girlfirend just broke up with me after 5 years, i was devasted and this last month has been the worst of my life. she said she just didnt feel the same way towards me any more and wanted to remain friends, (and by the sounds of it i have reacted the exact same as you, breaking down when we met up) i have come to realise i will always love her and would always end up hurting me if i saw her. and i think it will only hurt you by remaining friends. rationally i know its over, but emotionally i havent accepted it, and it is the hardest thing.

Firetrap

Never. There's too much baggage there and there's a good chance your ex won't want to hear from you again. Break the habit and move on.

Clare Bear

girl2007 wrote:

I was recently left broken hearted following an unexpected break up. I took it really badly and foolishly let them see how upset i was and how bad it had got to me. I also made the mistake of trying everything I could to change their mind but to no avail. Because of this, our initial hope of staying friends is likely gone. I now wish we could have stayed friends but am now taking the space we both need to clear our heads, etc. Im just wondering when (or if) it would be best to initiate contact again and rebuild a friendship. A month? Two months?

Been there...the last thing you want to do right now is let go of him and never see him again but it's honestly the best thing you could do. It really is, as much as it hurts In the long run it'll be the best thing for you. It's not what you want to hear but it's the best advice I can give you.

blue5

What initiated the break up? There must have been
a reason why they didn't want to remain friends afterwards.
No one just ups and leaves if there's no problems.

People can be friends with their ex's, it's usually
not an issue unless someone was hurt badly.

If they tell you the truth and you're honest with them,
you can probably remain friends. If they're not being
honest with you (and you'll know if they're not by what
they say or their reactions), then there's not much you
can do to be friends.

Friendship requires trust on both sides.

Clear your head, get your facts together, go to the other
person have a truthful talk to each other. They might
react to your honesty and sort it out with you or they won't.

Either way you tried and you can only move on afterwards.

Hope it works out for you both.

Sleepy

six months? a year?

From the sounds of things it'll be a while before you're over him and there's no point trying to be friends til you can be happy for him if you see him with someone else.

tyranis

trust me it doesnt work!! ive been there done that you just end up hating every minute your with him because its just not the same like! my ex and me tried it but when he got a new gf it just killed me because i never really got over it properly as we were always meeting up and talking!its best to just move on as much as possible because otherwise youl always have your feelings hanging over you