Kids or the Dog ?

hakenberg

This may be controversial but I have a situation where we have a small placid terrier for 8 years, We also have two girls 4 and 1.5

Both girls will not go out in the Back Garden as they are afraid of the dog.

Do I get rid of the dog to allow the children to enjoy the back garden or let them play inside as the dog was their first.

boardsdotie

hakenberg wrote:

This may be controversial but I have a situation where we have a small placid terrier for 8 years, We also have two girls 4 and 1.5

Both girls will not go out in the Back Garden as they are afraid of the dog.

Do I get rid of the dog to allow the children to enjoy the back garden or let them play inside as the dog was their first.

Speaking as a parent and a previous dog owner...
Your priority should lie with your kids.

I got my dog re-housed for the same reason.

SuperSean11

Save the dog Kids have to get used to them or else theyll be afraid of them for life

flyz

I would try the option of fencing off part of the garden for the dog and see if the kids will play in the garden then.

Otherwise bye bye to the dog I would have to say.

I dont mean to sound rude, I know people can get attached to Dogs and such, but I cant believe you'd for one second consider the dog over your kids

Rabies

Build a small run for the dog. That way he still out in the open when the kids are out and about. Over time they should adjust.

Ayla

Not exactly the same situation, but I have a big dog who was our "first born" and some of the 4 yr old neices in the family were scared of him (although he's too lazy to be threatening). I realized the reason the girls were scared was because one of the uncles, in a very joking manner, said the dog was "big & bad". He didn't mean to scare them, but it's the only reason why one day they'd be ok w/ the dog and then suddenly they were terrified of the sight of him. Perhaps you should look into the reason why the girls are scared of your dog.

Having said that, it's a no-brainer in my mind: kids take priority. As much as I love my dog, if my DD develops a unsurrmountable fear of him, he'll have to find a new home.

dame

I can't understand why you've let the situation where your daughters are living in fear of going outside in their own back garden go on for so long. They are effectively being held inside the house in preference to letting the dog roam free in their (the children's) outdoor play space. To my mind that is unnecessarily cruel. Children must be their parents top priority. No child should feel fear in their own home. Get rid of the dog. If it really is such a nice friendly litle dog you should have no problem re-homing it. If you want you can always get a dog again at some stage when your children are older.

Leeby

How are your children afraid of a dog that they've lived with all their lives? (Especially the 4 year old) That seems very strange to me, Did they one of them have a bad experience with a dog before? Are they afraid of all dogs or just yours? And were they always afraid of him?

D Bronc

I had the same problem recently, i had a new home and all arranged for the dog and i couldnt do it. I think you should include the children in more activities with the dog like walk/feeding/washing etc. and they should over time get used to the dog, mine did. Try that first without doing anything that you will probably regret later, if it still dosent work out then you will have to get rid of the dog.:( Hope it all works out for the best.:)

stinkybum

You arent a responsible parent or dog owner if you have two kids who are scared of their own dog. My nephew lives in a house that breeds dogs and at the age of 8 months, the only way they child was soothed was to be able to pet a dog.
There is a reason your children are scared of the dog and you have to sort that out asap. Its not fair to punish the dog be cause you havnt managed to integrate the two sides of your family properly.
If you get rid of the dog, your children will be forever scared of dogs.

DinoBot

hakenberg wrote:

Do I get rid of the dog to allow the children to enjoy the back garden or let them play inside as the dog was their first.

I find it weird that the kids are afraid of the dog since he was around when they were born. And I also think that you failed to integrate the dog when they were first born.
I'm no expert but Id think that moment is gone now.

But come on what a question.

I think you should keep the dog, the kids don't really need to go out and enjoy the back do they ? I'm sure they will be quite happy inside

Gillie

I have two dogs and a 4 month old.
I would hope once the child is old enough that they would be companions.

Having said that the child is the priority - Always.
It's not like your going to re-house the child!

Gobán Saor

hakenberg wrote:

This may be controversial .......

It is. Indicates you already know the answer, don't you. If you have the slightest sense of responsibility to your children, ditch the mutt. End of story.

hakenberg

Thanks for all the replies and criticisms I knew this would be controversial.

To rebut some criticisms...

We have tried to integrate our dog with the family over the past four years unsuccessfully.

Our back garden is a little small to allow a suitable fenced off run for the dog while allowing a suitable area for the girls to play.

As some of you pointed out I really have already made my decision, the dog must go I just wanted to know if was doing the right thing.

Thanks a lot

H.

P.S. Stinkybum I understand you are a dog lover as am I but until you have kids I would refrain from posting in the parenting section.. Just a thought.

Ayla

hakenberg wrote:

We have tried to integrate our dog with the family over the past four years unsuccessfully...I really have already made my decision, the dog must go I just wanted to know if was doing the right thing.

Seems to me that if you've been trying for the last four years to integrate your dog, and it's still not working, then something's not right. Either your going about the integration incorrectly or the kids have some reason to truly fear the dog.

Anyway, if you've been working on it for four years w/o success, seems like the obvious decision is a bit overdue.

kashi

Ok now I understand totally that children should always come first. Don't get me wrong on that, but the way some of you just dismiss the dog is awful. The dog is part of the family too. A dog is for life!

Hakenberg, how were you trying to integrate the dog and children? I have two dogs, and am pregnant with my first child. But there are always children around. The dogs adore children, and while they get all excited would never hurt them. With gentle introduction every child that has been introduced to the dogs were never scared, and one of my dogs is a large one. Was there a reason why the children are scared of the dog? This is what is most important. Dogs can sense fear. I think you need to find out, for your children's safety. There are dogs everywhere, it isn't like they will never come into contact with a dog ever.

However, if it's not working make sure you find a good home for your dog, but good luck trying to keep your children away from dogs for the rest of their lives. It won't happen.

While stinkybum could have been a little more tactful in his posting, you have no authority to tell him where and where he can't post. He made a good point about your children being scared for life if you don't find out what happened.

It's not a good situation, for either your dog or kids. The smaller child may be picking up on the older one's fear, but again maybe not. I'm sorry for you that it came to choosing between them. I do understand obviously your children come first, but please find out why they are so scared of your placid dog. Sorry for repeating myself.

stinkybum

I have to be a parent to see that something is wrong ?? I'm a full-time child minder, i own two dogs that are frequently brought to old folks homes for touch-therapy and my OH's family have bred and trained and shown dogs for over 50 years. Sorry if you dont like my style of writing but i reckon its more to do with you disliking reading the truth and telling me when i cant and cant post is a bit defensive and over-reactional - yes ??

There IS something wrong somewhere when children are so terrified of their own dog that the dog is locked outside and they are locked inside. You DO have to sort it out. of course your children come first but you do have to consider the way in which they are being taught to deal with fear of the unknown.

Seeing my daredevil nieces terrified of our docile, trained-to-within-an-inch-of-her-life, family collie has us so frustrated and its because their non-dog-aware father repeatedly tells them that they will get bitten and savaged if they go near her. My nephew runs around the garden with her and plays with her in the house and pets her all the time and we watch them closely and make sure that he knows not to creep up on her and not to poke her in the eyes or pull her tail. Its a mutual respect building process that took time and effort and if that effort is misdirected or being ruined by a seemingly innocent comment such as "dont go near the doggie or she will bite your leg off" you NEED to know. my BIL's a stupid thick the best of times but he has his daughters terrified. its a waste of a fantastic opportunity for the kids and now everytime they go to stay with my parents, the dog has to be evicted for the duration. Its not fair on the dog at this stage.

perhaps, in years to come, your kids can get a dog of their own where they can see the dog grow up, have a hand in his discipline and training and where the dog is used to the kids running around from a young young age. that does make a difference. however, i fear the fear will be glutonously fed by the current dogs expulsion from its family home.

This is all only opinion. Dont take it to heart !!

K-9

hakenberg wrote:

This may be controversial but I have a situation where we have a small placid terrier for 8 years, We also have two girls 4 and 1.5

Both girls will not go out in the Back Garden as they are afraid of the dog.

hakenberg wrote:

We have tried to integrate our dog with the family over the past four years unsuccessfully.

Well if the dog is small and placid and not a threat, it does beg the question why the 2 girls are afraid!

iguana

Why not have a chat with a dog behaviourist and ask for advice on how to integrate the dog. There are people who have trained in this area and could help. You could ask your vet or check on the animals/pets forum. I'm sorry but it really does seem strange for 2 children to be afraid of an animal who has been a presence in their home all their lives. I'm not going to talk about things you should have done in the past to prevent this situation as you don't have a time machine, but the situation may not be unfixable.

On the otherhand if you are set on giving the dog away, it does sound as if a new home may be better for the dog as a life where it is so completely seperate from your family isn't much of a life at all. Do try to rehome him rather than take him to a pound where he will be destroyed though.