Premarital Jitters?

LegacyUser

Just looking for a little advice here.

Is this normal?

I'm getting married in October, but every time I think about the wedding I get really bad pains in my chest and have a feeling of impending doom. I keep seeing happy people out partying and thinking that's never going to be me again. I don't know if I want to get married at all anymore.

The wedding's cost an absolute fortune, and the honeymoon's booked and paid for. I'm afraid to back out of it as it will cost me about €29,000 to do so and the in laws will go mental.

I really don't know what to do.

Victor

All weddings are stressful!

Jitteryone wrote:

I keep seeing happy people out partying and thinking that's never going to be me again.

Huh? Getting married doesn't prevent you going out and having a good time. In fact you never go home to a cold bed again.

My sister and her husband still have plenty (too much?) of social life after nearly 20 years and a bunch of sprogs. In fact, my niece drinking heinos with her father half worries me.

Now, yes the profile of the partying may change and indeed as you grow older, you slow down a little and skip some of the stupider parts of partying, but thats not bad.

Now, i suggest that you talk this over with your intended and also to drop into
Weddings & Marriage. Then book an appointment with your GP and explain your situation and he might be able to help you out.

randylonghorn

Jitteryone wrote:

I'm getting married in October, but every time I think about the wedding I get really bad pains in my chest and have a feeling of impending doom. I keep seeing happy people out partying and thinking that's never going to be me again. I don't know if I want to get married at all anymore.

The wedding's cost an absolute fortune, and the honeymoon's booked and paid for. I'm afraid to back out of it as it will cost me about €29,000 to do so and the in laws will go mental.

Marriage is a big commitment, not to mention all the fuss and expense that goes with it these days, so it's always going to be stressful. It sounds like it's getting on top of you, though, so I would suggest getting a bit of help ... whether that means a GP, or quietly booking a couple of sessions with a counsellor just to talk it out, or maybe just something like massage / reflexology, you will know best yourself.

Remember though that whatever the families have turned it into, the important bit about a wedding is that two people are commiting to one another for life ... I notice that you make no mention of doubts about the person you're going to marry, and I'm presuming that is a good sign?

McGinty

Hi Op

If you have serious doubts about marrying your intended, now is the time to back out because divorce is an awful lot more expensive emotionally, monetary and psychologically, I say this because in hindsight I did marry despite the serious misgivings I had, and within two years I was divorced (I got married and divorced in the UK), it is a mistake I regret, and I believe also my ex-husband had the jitters/serious doubts, I found out after we divorced that he had sex with a woman a couple of months before we married and his behaviour was erratic, just to add we seperated for two weeks about six months after the wedding but got back because I was pregnant and we tried to make another go of it but I left when my son was six months old. Looking back I know that after the honeymoon rush that we had made a terrible mistake. Now this may not be the case for you, it may just be nerves but the fact that the nervousness is such a strong physical reaction strikes me as worrying, and is it just the party life that you fear you'll lose or some aspect of your partner.

Rossibaby

if its the right girl and you get on well in the communication stakes then everything will work out.if you cant communicate and have a laugh you will end up in purgatory.i wish you the best,everything will be fine;-)

SarahSassy

Jitteryone wrote:

I'm getting married in October, but every time I think about the wedding I get really bad pains in my chest and have a feeling of impending doom. I keep seeing happy people out partying and thinking that's never going to be me again. I don't know if I want to get married at all anymore.

This is the crux of the matter. You are not sure if you want to get married. Have you spoken with your fiance(e)?

I was in the same position as you and didnt go through with it. He was a nice guy, good to me but I just didnt feel like it was right for us. Its not a mortal sin. It happens a lot and you are not a bad person for backing out of it.

Its panicking you now. Take the coming week and do not think about it AT ALL. No working on the wedding plans and no talking about it. Just give your brain a chance to slow down. Treat yourself and get as much rest as possible maybe even do things like go to the cinema on your own etc etc

You need to figure out if this is more than jitters and you cant do that while running full steam ahead into a wedding..... Good luck and pm me if you wish to talk.

LegacyUser

You have too do whats right for you as I got married 5 yrs ago i.e afraid of calling off the wedding as for similar reasons to yourself and believe me I shd have called it off as I hate the woman now I married and after 2 kids I'm trying to leave her......do whats right for you afterall €29000 is nothing if your happier....

CathyMoran

We were supposed to get married last June but it did not feel right for either of us. It cost a lot of money to cancel it (and it was cancelled 3 weeks before hand) but we went to councelling and in the end decided to get married in December. The second time neither of us had jitters and we are very happy together. My advice would be to call it off or at the very least seek councelling, marriage is a huge thing to go through.

dame

If it doesn't feel right don't go through with it. I know a girl who had serious jitters but went ahead and got married last year. They separated less than six months later and it turns out the husband had doubts beforehand too. On the other hand, I know of a guy who called off his wedding this summer 3 weeks before the date and the hotel are now sueing him for loss of earnings. They had been seeing each other for donkeys years and had gotten engaged because they felt they should get married as it was expected. Moral of the story, don't get engaged unless you feel right about it, don't get married unless you feel right about it, and if you're cancelling a wedding do it as early as possible. Before you make any decisions though you need to talk properly with your intended and anyone else who can help both of you. Best of luck.

TinaSparkle

The best thing to do is to sit your partner down and tell them how you are feeling. This is the person you may be spending the rest of your life with so you need to be totally honest and talk it through.
Try not to think of the money or how others will react - this is your life and you need to make important choices like this with a clear head.

LegacyUser

I also had the pre-wedding jitters/doubts. I had trouble getting to sleep, woke up once or twice in a cold sweat thinking about it but it took me a while to realise that I wasn't overly doubtful about getting married to my partner rather I was mostly getting anxious about being "on show" in front of all my friends and family. I've never been great at being the centre of attention or public speaking and this was what the cause of most of my anxiety was.

A friend who didn't happen know how I was feeling, said something in particular to me that has stuck in my head since:

"If you weren't feeling even the slightest bit nervous and anxious about making the biggest commitment in your life then I'd be wondering if you were actually taking it seriously at all..."