What can I do for her?

LegacyUser

Hey, first Id just like to say that Im going unreg for this and would appreciate any advice that some of you may have to offer. I might go off on a bit of a rant here but theres a genuine appeal for help here so forgive me if you lose track of whats going on (should you decide to read).

Basically, I met my girlfriend 2 years ago when she was 16 and I was 17. She was perfectly healthy and full of energy, I really couldnt believe that she was going out with me, I felt so lucky etc. Its a long distance relationship (3 - 4 hours away) but we make it work.

But in Easter of 2006 she started showing strange symptoms - drowsiness, lack fo concentration, lack of energy and tingling in her limbs. Her doctor told her that there was a chance that she could have MS. Not that there is ever a good time, but the timing of this was particularly awful as she was about to sit her leaving certificate. She was really bad at this time, at one stage she had to go to hospital because she couldnt even lift her head off of the bed.

She had to have a lumbar puncture a couple of weeks laker (for those unaware of this procedure, fluid is extracted from the spine using a large needle). This is where things really went wrong. The doctor doing the procedure was immensely incompetent and although Im not sure exactly what happened, he must not have administered the anaesthetic (awful spelling, sorry) properly because as soon as he inserted teh needle my girlfriend felt immense pain and screamed. He was grossly negligent about the whole thing, telling her to grow up and grin and bare it etc. At this stage, a senior doctor heard her scream and came in. She asked my gf to come back another day to repeat the procedure properly which she did. This time she experienced it how it should be - brief enough and painless.

But sadly my girlfriend was greatly traumatised by the whole thing, and was still badly effected from her original symptoms so she could not sit her exams (it really was that bad). She was diagnosed with regressive/relapsing form of MS a few weeks later (this is where the symptoms can come and go, sometimes for years and even permanently).

She improved greatly over the summer and decided to repeat her year in school. Everything was going great - she made new friends whom she got on even better with than her old friends, she was enjoying school, enjoying the challenge and had even applied for university to be a Nurse. Im not just saying this as her boyfriend but if ever a person was put on this planet to help others, it was her. She is just naturally kind, generous and caring and we all knew she would make the best nurse imaginable. I had even applied to the same college as her, to finally put an end to the long distance part of our relationship. Things couldnt be better.

However, around 2 or 3 weeks before her exams, her symptoms started flaring up again. It was really bad, and what effected her more than anything was her lack of concentration. She would literally sit with a book for her exams, study it for hours but nothing would stick. I tried helping her and I know it wasnt the usual 'oh I cant concentrate' excuse. She was really upset over it but we prepared as best we could. She went into her exams in a really bad way and didnt think she did well.

She got her results back last week, and to make things worse, the exam board totally screwed up her results. They way her results are displayed are a total mark and total grade for each subject, which they break down into seperate modules with a mark and grade for each one. They were all fine except her Religion marks. They had given the individual marks and grades for each module but never totalled them up, and gave her 0 marks. It was a genuine mistake but it meant while other students were getting their offers she had to wait for the exam board to fix things.

However she only got 2 B's and a D, and her requirements were 2 B's and a C. Now she's missed out on her course. What is really bothering her is (and this maybe confusing for those not familiar with the Northern Ireland exams) that the subject she got a D in is called her AS Levels, which are sat in our equivalent of 5th year. Now because she missed this last year through illness, she had to sit it this year. However, all her friends had the chance to repeat this exam during the year (obviously she couldnt as she hadnt done the original exam). They were all able to improve their grades but she never got the chance. Her school also never sent away a letter of special consideration for her which they are supposed to.

She is in absolute bits today, and its tearing me to pieces. She was so passionate about this opportunity. She is such a positive and radiant person but she has just been rewarded with nothing but rotten luck these past few years. Her mother is very supportive, as am I but her father is a total jerk - Id be surprised if he even knew what course she had applied for, lets put it that way. I just want to do something for her to take her mind off of it but shes in such a state that I dont know what I can do. I dont drive, so I cant take her anywhere. I dont have much money because Ive just put down a deposit on accomodation and registration fees and loans etc. Im not sure why, but she also believes that this could make us drift apart, despite the fact I'll only be 20 minutes away from her. Maybe its my fault, I spoke of all the things we could do in university together (I knew I had gotten in weeks ago), but it honestly never occured to me that she wouldnt get in, I was so confident of her. She thinks Ill make new friends and that she will only be a burden on it. Ive tried convince her otherwise but shes just so down in the dumps that I dont know if its getting through. I want to cheer her up, something that will make her happy for a sustained period of time rather than a quick pick-me-up but I dont know what to do. Im trying to be strong for her but its really getting to me too. What can I do?

Thanks for reading, sorry for the rant.

LegacyUser

You say she is an extremely caring person, and she also sounds like a very responsible kind of girl. You also want to give her something that will keep her happy for a long time. This might sound like a really bad suggestion but it depends on her- does she like animals? If you know for sure that she would want it and be willing to take care of it for life, a dog or cat might be a good idea. If she enjoys looking after others and likes animals she would probably make a great owner. It would be company for her when you are away. A cat in particular might be a better option as they do not need a lot of exercise.

Please note that I am not in any way endorsing surprise pets, but to the right person, an animal can greatly enrich a person's life and can give a strong sense of purpose to someone who may feel there is little in their life.

littlesurfer

your poor girlfriend, its hard feeling left behind and i'm sure thats what she's feeling right now. You don't say whether her diagnosis was actually MS...which i know is hard to diagnose anyway. All you can do is support her and stick by her...it sounds like you love her a lot...

I hope this year doesn't come between you.

dellas1979

Well, for one thing, to get her course, she should

A: Get her D paper rechecked
B: Get onto Dept of Education with her special needs letter and plead that the school did not send this
c: There are other ways to get into nursing (i.e she could go away and do a course for a year and this could contribute to her points/grades towards the course. She should talk to her guidance councellor at school or ring the college she applied to nursing with and ask them. They can make special allowances also.

Electric

Oh I'm really sorry! You're poor girlfriend she sounds absolutely amazing to be able to cope as much as she is!

I'm not sure if this helps but MS Ireland may have some advice on how to keep people positive and how to manage.

http://www.ms-society.ie/

The other thing is could she apply directly to the University for a place? Explain her situation and see what they say? They might give her an interview or something?

Miss Fluff

If you are applying for places through UCAS can't you then apply off your own bat with colleges who have a "Clearing" process? I wouldn't give up the goat just yet, tell her to contact the university directly, they may just view her case favourably. It's worth a shot imo. When one door closes you have to go running around to find another one to open so I woouldn't give up justv yet! With her grades she may be able to apply for a year-long pre-nursing certificate for example which, when completed, she can than transfer seamlessly to a nursing course.