Im in a rut

timetogetfit

Im almost 30 years of age 285lbs and 37% bodyfat,im in a crap job and I done something in college im not interested in.My social interactions with that of the opposite sex are that of a guy much less my age 16 probably and my experience with being intimate or having girlfriends is pretty much zero.And this I believe is all down to not having self confidence due to my weight

To comfort my problems I pretty much drink too much by my own at the weekends, but the fact I know I have a problem makes it all the more depressing and even though I hate my current situation,Im addicted to my current lifestyle and giving up crap food and drink and going on an exercise plan 7 days a week would be hard for me stick to because I would probably quit due to bordom

I know i need to change and I think getting into shape would be the focal point the main factor in fixing other things in my life im not happy with, job, girls, education etc.

any advice please

its easy to say just do it, but I bet alot of guys are in my situation

Kali

Little goals are the key for someone who wants to change so much but lacks motivation.. just scribble a few things you want to do on a piece of paper and break them down into little steps.

I.e. getting fit: Just throw on some runners and go for a jog... something so simple gives you so much, seriously, go now, make your body feel better. If you feel self-concious then drive somewhere quiet and then go!

Getting a job: First stage put together a CV, it's simple, just throw it out there.. there's thousands of well-paying satisfying jobs. Absolutely NO reason to ever be stuck somewhere with no job satisfaction.

Eating right: Aim to eat proper dinners, cut back drinking to once/twice a week, eat more fresh fruit as snacks...

Seriously there's lots of little things you can do to improve your life NOW... none of the above take months/years of work and effort.

Until you sort out your own life don't contemplate looking for a woman/joining a gym... get yourself confident and be happy with yourself before you start worrying about more long-term things.

dellas1979

Well, I wouldnt see loosing weight as a big problem, you can do that and try and get on well in other things also.

I guess you need to set yourself goals.

You are at the perfect time of year to select/start an evening course. They normally start around end of Sept/start of October.

You should definately look into that. As well, through an evening course, you can indeed meet more people or get experience on interacting with people.

Maybe youd be interested in something to do with nutrition/dieting/cookery?

MrBaseball

You've accepted that you're not happy with things the way they are, so not you need to star making efforts to fix that. Take up walking, join a gym, eat healthily. The added bonus of exercise is that it makes you feel better about yourself, and not just because you look better. Don't go killing yourself for a few weeks in the gym and then quit. Start small and keep the pace sustainable and you'll get the results you want.

It's likely what you're saying is to a large degree correct and working out and eating healthily could really improve your performance in the areas of life you've mentioned, so , good luck!

Dudess

Hey there. Maybe you should get a mod to move this to the Fitness forum. There is a facility there that enables you to keep an online log/diary of your progress if you decide to start a new lifestyle. The Fitness team (both mods and mere posters ) - Dragan, g'em, Transform, Jon, t-ha and others - are a fantastic bunch. They are so lovely and encouraging. And they're firm but still nice - there's no "drill instructor" bullying crap over there.
As for your situation, that must be hard, but - and I know I sound like Dr Phil - only YOU have the power to change it. Think about that - isn't it actually quite a positive thing, that this is in your control? If your problem was something that was out of your hands and there was nothing much you could do about it, wouldn't it be so much worse?
Also, you need to believe in yourself. You're being so defeatist assuming that you'll give up. Why not take a different tack and keep telling yourself you WON'T give up?

timetogetfit

I was wondering if you have to give up drinking and eating junk 100% and go cold turkey or would that be overkill and make me eventually mess up and then feel guilty

timetogetfit

if any mod here feels this would be acceptable in the fitness forum please move it.thanks

Zen 2nd

timetogetfit wrote:

I was wondering if you have to give up drinking and eating junk 100% and go cold turkey or would that be overkill and make me eventually mess up and then feel guilty

Well if I was you I wouldn't go cold turkey. I would eat in moderation. For example if your hungry don't go and eat junk food go and prepare a proper meal instead. Plus just don't eat junk food for the sake of it, leave it to occasions that deserve it, like if you rented out a DVD or your favourite show is on TV.

Bluefoam

I have to say that if you find fitness & losing weight difficult, it can be great to pick up a sport you find interesting/fun.

I have been super-unfit & overweight. But recently took up mountain biking, the reason this is great is that I want to do things now to get better at mountain biking - and losing weight etc. happens as a consequence. Getting into the sport was a little pricey, because of having to buy the bike & equipment and was risky from the point of view that I didn't know if I'd stay with it. Its an easy sport to get into, because plenty of people get together online to meet up and you don't need to know others involved in the sport to get involved.

www.madmtb.com www.epicmtb.com

If MTB isn't your thing just substitute another sport, but try to get involved in something you enjoy, as running on a treadmill can be exasperating.

Its amazing the self confidence you can gain just by the small achievements you experience week in week out... I suppose you have identified that you'd like to make some lifestyle changes so it should get a little easier from here. Good luck with it.

BTW, when I started exercising at first I thought I would have a heart attack, I'm still not very fit but I feel much better & at least I'm able to do more than I could a few months ago...

Bluefoam

timetogetfit wrote:

I was wondering if you have to give up drinking and eating junk 100% and go cold turkey or would that be overkill and make me eventually mess up and then feel guilty

I know 3 people who have done this over the past year and even though they see great results - they get complacent afterwards and each of them has put all the weight back on. Its best to change your lifestyle and eating habits to make yourself healthier over the long term. I have no confidence in quick fixes.

Sleepy

Weight doesn't go on quickly so it doesn't come off quickly either. Just try eating a bit healthier (have a read of the stickies in the Fitness Forum, some great info there) and start off by getting a 15 minute walk every day. Build it up slowly from there.

When you first start you'll lose fat pretty quickly, this will slow down after the first couple of weeks and that's when people tend to quit thinking they're getting nowhere when in fact they're making excellent progress, they're just basing their expectations off the results they got in the first couple of weeks.

The best advice I can give you is to head over to the Fitness forum and have a read of the stickies, read a few of the journals over there and ask any questions you have in the forum.

Dudess

timetogetfit wrote:

I was wondering if you have to give up drinking and eating junk 100% and go cold turkey or would that be overkill and make me eventually mess up and then feel guilty

Going cold turkey would make you miserable - the blood sugar crash you'd experience would have you fit to murder someone in order to get a mouthful of biscuit. But you should limit yourself as much as possible in order to get the kind of results that would spur you on to keep it up. So instead of a Mars bar, have a pink wafer Snack - MUCH lower in calories. Swap wholemeal for refined carbs. Low-fat Glenisk yogurts are delicious (so much nicer than a lot of low-fat yogurts).

Bottle_of_Smoke

Look up Low GI diet. It's like a healthy version of Atkins.

The Gym is your friend. If You're in Dublin I'd recommend Tony Quinn on Eccle street. Really nice staff & the great thing about the program is you only work out 20-25min a day, 3 days a week. There's a great atmosphere even the other members are helpful.

I used to go there & I've seen overweight guys get great results. I'm going back as soon as my westwood subscription expires. Might be hard to motivate yourself in a big annonymous gym.

pinkypinky

The best thing about being overweight is that you have the power to fix it. I found by losing weight that a lot of other things wrong with my life started to slot into place.

I recommend starting slowly with the weight loss. You should consider joining a Weight Watchers class. I did ww and lost almost 3 stone in 9 months. If you don't feel up to a lot of women in the class, there are now a lot of men only WW classes.

For exercise, to begin with, just start walking - there's no need to join a gym until you reach a natural plateau - a point during weight loss when you need to shake up what you have been doing because your body has adjusted to it.

Best of luck...making the decision to overhaul your life is the hardest part.

McGinty

I would ask you another question re: weight/drink and food, why are you hiding away from life? I don't mean that you answer it here but maybe somethng for you to consider. I have always struggled with weight and other addictions but its only in the last twelve months that I have looked at why, what do I use them for, what aspect of life do I hide from and so on. In other words building up self awareness, when you do this, the addictions fall away, not overnight but pretty quickly and the beauty is they stay away.

For instance I used to smoke, I would quit for a week, a month, even a year at one time. Last December I stopped because I had enough but also I knew they wouldn't solve my problems for me and I no longer wanted them. I don't desire them now even though people have smoked around me. Now when I go to eat or drink I ask myself what is it I am hiding, sometimes this stops me other times it doesn't. But since my awareness and eating better three things have happened 1) my mood is better and I can deal with the bad times better 2) I feel so much healthier, more energy, skin, going to the toilet better, less bloating etc 3) I have lost fifteen pounds so far and that has boosted my confidence.

I believe we use addictions/food, etc to hide away or to stuff our anger, sorrow, guilt or whatever. You state that little has changed in your life and that you don't meet people socially. This suggests to me that you may have a lot of hidden fear and that may be difficult to conquer, so I think another poster suggested baby steps, which is good advice. Finally people often say we should do random acts of kindness towards others, I believe we should also do random acts of kindness towards ourselves, change what you percieve to be pleasures (eg: drink and food) to real pleasures (a good book/nice music/ a good movie/heck even flowers - just something that makes you feel special but that doesn't affect you healthwise. Best of luck

meglome

Bluefoam wrote:

I know 3 people who have done this over the past year and even though they see great results - they get complacent afterwards and each of them has put all the weight back on. Its best to change your lifestyle and eating habits to make yourself healthier over the long term. I have no confidence in quick fixes.

Yeah I couldn't agree more. I've known too many people over the years that go on diets but invariably the weight goes back on. You need to change your lifestyle full stop. I've personally never had any issue with weight but I love good healthy food. I drink a good bit of milk so I have low fat milk. I don't eat fast food, only on very rare occasions. I don't stock the press with crap so I can't eat it. Don't get me wrong I like my chocolate and I'm no pioneer but by keeping things healthy I get to enjoy a good lifestyle and I generally don't exercise.