Age Gaps...

aoife2k

Hello!

I just want to know what everyones thoughts are on age gap relationships/sexual encounters.

I'm 22 and have been in a number of sexual relationships with older men. I've always 'fancied' older men...even when i was younger I remember a man used to come to paint our house and I fantasized about kissing him. Usually they're not just older tho, they've got baggage...

When i was 18 i got involved with a 33 yr old who was 1 out of 3 to be father of a baby (the girl didnt' know who but it turned out to be him).... Another was 35 when i met him, i was 19/20 had 5 kids by 3 different women and who's oldest was older than me...and more recently a 47yr old.

Am I mad? Sick in the head? I find nothing wrong with being with an older partner but a lot of people really really frown on it. Just wondering what you guys think of it...thanx

kryogen

im not sure really,i guess i dont see anything wrong with an age gap in theory, as long as you have stuff in common,but what do you have in common with these men?? or is it just theyre age thats a turn on??

if its purely cause theyre older then maybe theres some psychological issues/reasons there?

if you find that you just share common intrests with people outside your own age bracket then i cant criticize.....the do seem to be large age gaps all the same!!!

Carrigart Exile

Is there a dad in your life? I am sure someone can wax lyrical about a father figure. Young men have similar fantasies about older women, typical Mrs Robinson figures. If its a long term relationship you want there has to be more going for them than chronology, otherwise everyone is going to be disappointed.

gandalf

TBH if you and they are comfortable with things then go with it. Was it just sexual or a proper relationship and did they last long. If they were just flings then I don't see a major problem with them. A proper full relationship would throw up alot more issues apart from the children ones.

Dudess

OP, I'm exactly the same. Currently seeing a 45-year-old (I'm 29). A 41-year-old when I was 27, a 45-year-old when I was 26. Love the older men! Nothing wrong with it. Although the guys I've been with do tend to appear younger than their years.

aoife2k

aoife2k wrote:

Hello!

I just want to know what everyones thoughts are on age gap relationships/sexual encounters.

I'm 22 and have been in a number of sexual relationships with older men. I've always 'fancied' older men...even when i was younger I remember a man used to come to paint our house and I fantasized about kissing him. Usually they're not just older tho, they've got baggage...

When i was 18 i got involved with a 33 yr old who was 1 out of 3 to be father of a baby (the girl didnt' know who but it turned out to be him).... Another was 35 when i met him, i was 19/20 had 5 kids by 3 different women and who's oldest was older than me...and more recently a 47yr old.

Am I mad? Sick in the head? I find nothing wrong with being with an older partner but a lot of people really really frown on it. Just wondering what you guys think of it...thanx

I was with a 31 year old when I was 20, I don't think it's a big deal
47 would be a little high for me, but I don't think it's "wrong"
only issues I could think of would be if you were just at different places in your life it might not be compatible
as long as it's not just about age, go for it...

eve

When my aunt was about 21 she started seeing a guy who was his mid forties and had 3 kids-the eldest was about 3 years younger than my aunt. It's now 14 years later and they're still together.

Talliesin

It alters the odds of things going well in a bad way, but it's weighting things against that rather than guaranteeing it.

There's always something more important to worry about.

Marksie

There are positives and negatives to it as there are to any realtionship to be perfectly frank.

But the question i am going to ask OP is are you happy of yourself being in a relationship with someone who is much older?

If you are asking us on our views because you beginning to question yourself or are people outside of the realtionship questioning your reasoning/motives?

In other words are you looking for opinions to quell nagging doubts or are you juts looking for reaffrimation because peeple may have passed comments?

azezil

I believe its not so much a matter of age as it is where you're at in your life, if you're both at a stage where you want similar things, then I see nothing wrong with it.

randomname2005

Marksie wrote:

But the question i am going to ask OP is are you happy of yourself being in a relationship with someone who is much older?

If you are asking us on our views because you beginning to question yourself or are people outside of the realtionship questioning your reasoning/motives?

In other words are you looking for opinions to quell nagging doubts or are you juts looking for reaffrimation because peeple may have passed comments?

Very true. If you are having relationships with older men and you are happy with it, then you do not need to seek other people's approval - it is your life and you should live it the way you want to provided that it does not hurt other people (i.e. the men you are having relationships with are not involved in a 'monogamous' relationship with a third party).

However, if you are attracted to these men because your relationships with them is not exactly in the centre of societal norms, and you want the replies here to question the relationships and further heighten the sense of 'taboo' in order to increase or keep the excitement going, then maybe you need to re-evaluate these relationships.

R

MrBaseball

It's a bit odd alright. Why would you want to be with someone who's so much older than you? What is it that's preventing you from going out with guys closer to your own age? Maybe being around older guys makes you feel like a grown up too? Maybe you think ALL guys your own age are immature?

Anyway, the simple fact is, it's not really normal. The chances of a relationship working out with some oulfella are pretty low, plus you mightn't like them so much when they're in their 50's etc and you're still in your 20's.

Sure this topic is going to fill up with the usual "follow your heart to the end of the rainbow" type niceties that people like to say, but I suggest using your head too. You're going out with older men with kids. Men who have already lived their lives and had families and most likely see you as a nice diversion/way of clinging onto their faded youth. In a few years, you'll likely be thinking about babies and family life, and these men will be way past that. So whatever,if it's for short term fun, do what you want, but in terms of long term goals, it's not really a great idea.

PeakOutput

your old enough to be with anyone you want.....i think its out of order for a 33 yr old to be with a 18 yr old but at the age your at now i dont see any problem with it. you know what you like its not to everyones tastes but who cares

Crumble Froo

im in a somewhat similar situation, im 19 and my fella is 19 years older than me, my lil sis is 14, and his son is 15 next week...

i say totally do it.

Stench Blossoms

aoife2k wrote:

Hello!


Another was 35 when i met him, i was 19/20 had 5 kids by 3 different women and who's oldest was older than me

Do you mean his eldest child was older than you or the woman?

I was with someone when I was 17 until I was 20 who was older than me, I felt it made me grow up a little too quick and I missed out on alot of things that I now regret.

I just be careful that you understand what your doing and hope that you don't regret it in the future.

Froot

I dont think the age gap matters that much unless it is a mental age gap. If someone is older/younger than you but you can still relate to them on a a personal level then proceed as normal. Obviously if they are way older/younger mentally then there has to be some thinking in it.

There are lots of reasons why it can and cannot work. I mean one of my friends is 39 and he is going out with a 22 year old. There are various reasons for it but it works and they are both happy. Its not that strange.

Wibbs

It depends on the people themselves and the age they are. If the woman is over 25 and is fairly sure in herself then fine. I think the problem can arise if the woman is insecure, then the older man has the advantage. Way more than with a younger guy. The dynamic is more balanced to his side. Not good. It can work though. I know a couple of relationships where it really worked well. Men can do a hell of a lot of "growing up" and are more emotionally stable after 25 and while there are men who are well sorted by that age, there are many that are not, which has it's appeal for many women.

It's been going on since time immemorial, so there's probably a reason for it. I suppose from a purely social/biological standpoint it has some advantages. An older man is more likely to be more settled in his personality, more stable in his life in general and is more likely to know himself and what he wants, when compared to the average 20 year old guy. Also the biological clock in a man is not really there by comparison, so their attractiveness does last for longer if they take care of themselves. Even if you look at the usual sex symbols that both genders regard as desireable, the men tend to be much older than the women in such lists. Also experience may bring more understanding to bear with others. then again many older men are very stuck in their ways of doing things. Age alone rarely brings wisdom although people are often all to happy to believe that. Some men and women remain clueless fools no matter what age they are. They just get better at hiding it.

In the end, like all couples, it's down to the individuals and who they are, what they want and how they deal with things that determines the outcome.

As Talliesin wrote;

It alters the odds of things going well in a bad way, but it's weighting things against that rather than guaranteeing it.

There's always something more important to worry about.

That pretty much sums this and many other potentially harmful things to any relationship.





(There appears to be a slightly different dynamic with older women younger guys, beyond the direct remit of my experience though.)

aoife2k

Thanks for all the replies guys! Very interesting reading

I don't go and look for an older man or go and try and bed the oldest man I can, I do have things in common with the men I'm with. It's music...they're musicians and so am I. Seeing someone play an instrument or sing with the same passion for music that I have is what completely does it for me.

Carrigart Exile wrote:

Is there a dad in your life?

No, he died suddenly 6 years ago and I am fully aware that it has a big part to play in the reason i find myself ending up with older men. I was Daddy's Girl, up untill the night he died (i was 15) I still sat on his knee to watch our animal programmes together....so yes, u cud say 'father figure' types have something to do with it.

Marksie wrote:

But the question i am going to ask OP is are you happy of yourself being in a relationship with someone who is much older?

If you are asking us on our views because you beginning to question yourself or are people outside of the realtionship questioning your reasoning/motives?

In other words are you looking for opinions to quell nagging doubts or are you juts looking for reaffrimation because peeple may have passed comments?

I'm 100% happy being involved with another guy who's older and I didn't post here because i'm having doubts or questioning anything. I was just curious to know what other peoples views were outside my close friends and the locality. People can pass all the comments they want as far as I'm concered, because I no i'm happy.

randomname2005 wrote:

However, if you are attracted to these men because your relationships with them is not exactly in the centre of societal norms, and you want the replies here to question the relationships and further heighten the sense of 'taboo' in order to increase or keep the excitement going, then maybe you need to re-evaluate these relationships. R

Omigod, that is NOT the reason i posted here.

The 35yr old I was with, his oldest kid was older than me. The more i read on the more i find out that it's not as uncommon as I 1st thought. I think the whole 'older guy' thing runs in my family too. My 26yr old cousin is living with her 50/51 yr old partner and they're extremely happy, built a gorgeous house and share a passion for horses (he got her into it)...And my Aunt married a guy 15/16 years her senior...

Once again thanks for replying

randomname2005

aoife2k wrote:

People can pass all the comments they want as far as I'm concered, because I no i'm happy.

As long as you know that and you are fully comfortable with it, go for it and enjoy them, you only live once (well once that we get to remember!) so make the best of it.

Theres no such thing as age gaps in my opinion when both are over 18.
It's more a case of personality gaps.

You could be in your 30's and dating someone between 18 and 22 for instance and get on great with them because you both have the same personalities/likes/dislikes/definitions of fun etc.
Add physical attraction into the mix and you are in business.

Thats a personality match.

Very often though there would be a personality gap ie the polar opposite of the above and effective incompatibility.
You could be going out with someone based on a perceived initial attraction (or co incidence of wants eg sex) but soon the personality and compatibility requirements come into play.
If they are not there,the relationship will end.

seamus

OP, if you were a relative of mine, my only concern would be the (for want of a better word) calibre of men that you're going out with. Without passing any specific judgement, I would be wary about a man with 5 children by three women, and who'd had his first child when he was 15/16.

My cousin years back started going out with a man 14 years her senior (she was 20). Her Dad was completely opposed, and many extended relatives spent time sticking their noses in trying to interfere. In the end, she moved to the North with him, and 16 years later they've two kids and couldn't be happier. If you allow other people's prejudices to make you doubt your relationship, then you're going to be doomed.

azezil

Tristrame wrote:

Theres no such thing as age gaps in my opinion when both are over 18.
It's more a case of personality gaps.

You could be in your 30's and dating someone between 18 and 22 for instance and get on great with them because you both have the same personalities/likes/dislikes/definitions of fun etc.
Add physical attraction into the mix and you are in business.

Thats a personality match.

Very often though there would be a personality gap ie the polar opposite of the above and effective incompatibility.
You could be going out with someone based on a perceived initial attraction (or co incidence of wants eg sex) but soon the personality and compatibility requirements come into play.
If they are not there,the relationship will end.

*writes that down for later*
Also, I fully agree with this.

Dukephil

aoife2k wrote:

Hello!
Usually they're not just older tho, they've got baggage...

When i was 18 i got involved with a 33 yr old who was 1 out of 3 to be father of a baby (the girl didnt' know who but it turned out to be him).... Another was 35 when i met him, i was 19/20 had 5 kids by 3 different women and who's oldest was older than me...and more recently a 47yr old.



My question is whether this is about age at all. All the men mentioned above appear to have the "baggage" of children and former partners. Do you reject men closer to your own age because they are baggage free?

aoife2k

Dukephil wrote:

My question is whether this is about age at all. All the men mentioned above appear to have the "baggage" of children and former partners. Do you reject men closer to your own age because they are baggage free?

Absolutely not and i don't reject men my own age either...i just seem to prefer the older ones. I have been out with fellas my own age and to be honest they bore me....All they talk about is cars, getting pissed and eh...cars again. I need someone with a bit more depth than that please.
I don't mind goin to clubs at the weekends but sometimes i just wana sit at a session in a nice dark pub with a cold pint infront of me enjoying the music... And my relationship with the guy with all the kids by different women ended more than a year ago when he decided he was moving to Amsterdam with his youngest girl....

LegacyUser

aoife2k wrote:

I'm 22 and have been in a number of sexual relationships with older men. I've always 'fancied' older men...even when i was younger I remember a man used ...

You are lucky If a man of 30 or 40nwrote he fancied women in 20's he would be called a pervert

LegacyUser

seamus wrote:

Without passing any specific judgement

Your post is by definition a judgement.

Talliesin

aoife2k wrote:

Absolutely not and i don't reject men my own age either...i just seem to prefer the older ones.

You do also seem to prefer the ones with baggage also, though.

aoife2k wrote:

I have been out with fellas my own age and to be honest they bore me....All they talk about is cars, getting pissed and eh...cars again. I need someone with a bit more depth than that please.

There are certainly men your age out there that can hold a conversation.

It is something one gets better at (hopefully) with age, but I know I certainly had something better to talk about at that age than cars and getting pissed (now, that did mean I tended to hang out with people a good bit older than me, but I did know some people my age of both sexes that similarly weren't such bores - hey, I know some people now that are younger than you that aren't bores).

aoife2k wrote:

I don't mind goin to clubs at the weekends but sometimes i just wana sit at a session in a nice dark pub with a cold pint infront of me enjoying the music.

Are there no 22y.o. men that do that any more?

biko

unreg2007 wrote:

If a man of 30 or 40nwrote he fancied women in 20's he would be called a pervert

All men regardless of age likes 20year olds. They are the women you see on ads, television shows, music artists, ...
Old men were young once and inside you don't change all that fast.

aoife2k

Talliesin wrote:

]
Are there no 22y.o. men that do that any more?

I'm sure there are 22yr old fellas who do enjoy sittin in the pub but not all young fellas that age enjoy listenin to a good irish music session and appreciate it.

unreg2007 wrote:

You are lucky If a man of 30 or 40nwrote he fancied women in 20's he would be called a pervert

Thats not very fair to judge a person who may post here looking for advice...so what if he fancies 20yr. old women.... I hope you wouldn't be insinuating that the fellas that myself and some of the other posters here are being courted by perverts...

LegacyUser

'

biko wrote:

All men regardless of age likes 20year olds. They are the women you see on ads, television shows, music artists, ...
Old men were young once and inside you don't change all that fast.

Thats not the point, the point is women can express it without being abused like a friend of mine who put on a dating site he wanted to meet twenty somethings while he is forty something and was abused by female members. Why is it that women who say it are not abused?'

LegacyUser

'

aoife2k wrote:

I'm sure there are 22yr old fellas who do enjoy sittin in the pub but not all young fellas that age enjoy listenin to a good irish music session and appreciate it.



Thats not very fair to judge a person who may post here looking for advice...so what if he fancies 20yr. old women.... I hope you wouldn't be insinuating that the fellas that myself and some of the other posters here are being courted by perverts...

I am not judging them I said it was strange why women can admit to liking older men but if older men like younger women they are abused -not here but on a dating site- as if they were perves. Do not know/care who you court, that is my point men are judged by women and called perverts'