Broken Hearted

LegacyUser

So after 7 years my guy has broken up with me for a bull**** reason. We are still living together till I find somewhere else. Thing is Im still madly in love with him, I miss him so much. He's started meeting someone else now and its killing me. I dont know why he finished it really it came as such a shock one minute we were planning our day next a huge row n he ended it. How an i ever going to get over this. He's left for work tonight acting like he hates me. He blows hot and cold one minute tryin it on next fighting with me. Im finding it really hard to leave him especially cos we were all each other had. Now I am left in a strange City knowing know one left to my own devices for the night and Im going out of my tree with boredom.
I cant accept its over and I am torn to shreads over it. Im dying to go out for a drink but how wierd would it be a girl sitting alon in a pub. Im just so fed up with my life one minute thinking I get through it next wanting to kill myself. how do I get over him, we had the next few years planned out and out of nowhere he finishes it.
I have no idea what to do with myself anymore and Im struggling thinking he doesnt love or want me anymore. THere were no signs he was unhappy until he blew up at me and finished it this is 2 weeks later. I want him back but where do you go when its blatant that he doesnt want me anymore????

CathyMoran

He probably met someone before you guys split up. That was what happened with me, he picked rows with me for no reason and made me split up with him, I found out about the other woman from a "love letter" in his bag and a message on an internet site where they were flirting. You do not suddenly give up on a 7 year relationship for no reason.

You could try to get him to go to relationship councelling, that might work if both of you want to sort out your relationship.

I wish you all the best, I know how painful it is. My advice would be to get out and start dating again, the internet is great if you are not used to dating, just be safe. The first thing that you need to do is get out from that house as living with him is killing you.

Wibbs

CathyMoran wrote:

He probably met someone before you guys split up.

Agreed. I would put money on it.

There may have been signs before this, signs that weren't obvious at the time. No fault on your side it's only with hindsight you may see a pattern.

I also agree with CathyMoran. You need to get out of there for your own sake. Have you any friends locally or can you go back to somewhere where you do? Your absence may also make him think about what he's losing. Put it this way, he can't miss you if you're always around.

I wish you the best of luck.

mc nuggets

Broken84 wrote:

Im dying to go out for a drink but how wierd would it be a girl sitting alon in a pub.

The only advice i can give is not to worry about what other people think, you could end up meeting someone else. Just be careful not to let drink become a crutch

IANAL (hullaballoo's test a/c)

You were going out with someone for 7 years, and now you've broken up. You're ~23 years old? It's hard to think of now, but it's going to turn out to be one of the best things that's ever happened to you.

He really doesn't sound like he's up to much if he doesn't have the respect for you to give you a proper reason, and also not to rub it in your face when he's with someone else.

On a presumption that you're (a) working, and/or (b) studying, why don't you make some plans to go out with someone you get along with from (a) and/or (b)?

milkerman

It really makes little difference WHY he broke up with you - he just did and that is that.
You first need to come to terms with this harsh reality. Love has to be a two way street or it just doesn't work. You should try to retain some dignity and move on as a wiser woman.
What is odd about a single woman in a pub? Once upon a time in the Dark Ages maybe, but not now. Put on the glad rags & warpaint and get out & about, let lads chat you up & have some fun - doesn't have to be anything physical or serious for now, just fun.
It really is crap to be dumped but it happens and is one of the risks associated with an emotional attachment.
Chin up girl, better times ahead.

uoluol

Although it does not seem so now, you WILL get through this. It is a horrible, tough situation to be in, but as I said - you WILL get through this. Right now you are in shock, which is why you still feel you love him.

Have you been in touch with any friends or can you confide in any workmates? You need to get the practicalities sorted out asap so that you can move on with your life. Get yourself sorted with somewhere new to live. You don't want to be in each other's space right now.Get into evening classes so as to open up your social circle. Get out there and start doing things that make you happy.

Most people have been through messy break ups. And speaking from experience, it does get better.

Cabaal

IANAL wrote:

You were going out with someone for 7 years, and now you've broken up. You're ~23 years old? It's hard to think of now, but it's going to turn out to be one of the best things that's ever happened to you.

I'd have to agree, you were a teenager when you started dating and to be honest you never got the chance to become your own person because you were dating him.

Now your forced to change your life and you have the chance to discover exactly who you are and what your like because no matter what yopu think you never got this chance while you were seeing somebody...everybody needs time to discover themselfs.

I know its hard now but you will be ok in time, take it day by day, everything will work out ok

Piste

I think do do need to understandwhy he broke up with you and where it all went wrong, to avoid making the same mistakes in the future (I'm not saying it was your fault or antthing, but you'll be able to recognise the signs of the relationship getting rocky).

As you're living with him it might be a bit awkward being around him all the time like that, but do tr and sit him down and talk through why your relationship ended so suddenly. Even if it's ended for good you'll still have some sort of closure and wont be ending on a sour note.

Best of luck

Talliesin

Broken84 wrote:

We are still living together till I find somewhere else.

Get out as soon as you can.

Broken84 wrote:

Now I am left in a strange City knowing know one left to my own devices

Getting out of the city might be an idea.

Broken84 wrote:

Im dying to go out for a drink but how wierd would it be a girl sitting alon in a pub.

Not weird at all, if that's what you really feel like doing.

CathyMoran wrote:

He probably met someone before you guys split up. That was what happened with me, he picked rows with me for no reason and made me split up with him, I found out about the other woman from a "love letter" in his bag and a message on an internet site where they were flirting. You do not suddenly give up on a 7 year relationship for no reason.

On the other hand, when I got out of a 9 year relationship for completely different reasons my ex was convinced I'd been having an affair when I had in fact been entirely faithful.

The really fun bit was when she started deciding who it had been with.

Conclusions can be less that productive to jump to.

SarahSassy

Broken84 wrote:

He blows hot and cold one minute tryin it on next fighting with me. QUOTE]

This is totally unacceptable. I am not surprised that you are so confused. He is giving you mixed signals and wants to have his cake and eat it. If you have any pride in yourself you should refuse his advances. Because he wants to have sex with you, it does not mean that he will want to have a relationship. The way he is treating you shows a total lack of respect for you. If an ex of 7 years is capable of treating you like this, then he is not worth your tears.

It seems that he thinks he can have you whenever he wants, its up to you to stand your ground and let him know that if he wants the relationship to be over then it is completely over and sex is not on the menu... Sleeping with him will make the breakup more difficult.

I would also suggest that you start to make plans to move house and also move towards home if you have more support there....

If you are sitting at home waiting for him, supplying him with sex and acting like you hope he will do you the honour of getting back with you then you are on a road to heartache. If he does go back with you he will know he can treat you like crap and you will take it.

Take a stand, think about yourself and get moving. You dont need to tell him your plans. Going looking for new accomodation will get you out of the house in the evenings and he is not entitled to an explanation as to where you are going.

As you said 'he has started meeting someone else now' - he has moved on. Its painful and tough but you need to accept his word, consider it over and move on with your life.... First step is stopping sleeping with him and moving out...Good luck.

Wibbs

milkerman wrote:

It really makes little difference WHY he broke up with you - he just did and that is that.

Totally and utterly disagree. I agree with Piste on this one, as part of the process the OP needs to look at the relationship and learn why it lasted so long and why it broke up among other things. From both sides. It takes two to tango and ignoring possible issues the OP may bring to a relationship, will impact her in future relationships. This isn't about him now. He left you. But you can still learn from him and the relationship itself. Not doing so would be the biggest waste of all. The best outcome of this is that you become the woman you are, because of what you learn and in spite of him or anyone else that treats you badly.

You first need to come to terms with this harsh reality. Love has to be a two way street or it just doesn't work. You should try to retain some dignity and move on as a wiser woman.
What is odd about a single woman in a pub? Once upon a time in the Dark Ages maybe, but not now. Put on the glad rags & warpaint and get out & about, let lads chat you up & have some fun - doesn't have to be anything physical or serious for now, just fun.
It really is crap to be dumped but it happens and is one of the risks associated with an emotional attachment.
Chin up girl, better times ahead.

That bit I wholeheartedly agree with.

To the OP. You need to move out and get away from him and soon. Otherwise he'll just take you even more for granted and when and if the new woman looks less appealing(or before) he may use your vulnerability to get the leg over. Common enough that one.

He left you so you now owe him nothing beyond courtesy in your dealings with him, even if he showed you little in his recent dealings with you.

Breakups hurt. Even if you see them coming or know deep down the other person is a muppet. They hurt because you are being rejected by the one person who you thought would never do that. You will get through it, but you have to go through the BS to get to the other side a better person. You will. Trust me on that one. I'd make good bloody money on that bet.

You're young and you've got some living to do now. Hell it doesn't even matter what age you are, think of this as a new beginning for you.