right girl wrong time? or just wrong girl

easyontheeye

i have a tough decision to make and im afraid to make it. Im seeing a wonderful girl, shes so lovely in every way. i get compliments about her from everyone i know and introduce her to. together going on 3 years. gives me loads of affection. i dunno what it is but im at a time in my life where im just not interested, shes discussing plans on moving in together etc and i have no interest. Its becoming an effort even to arrange a night out with her.

frankly i think i want to be single or be by myself, thing is im afraid if i give her up that ive blown it. as she is a girl i would want to settle with. although im only 26 now, shes 24 . my head is just melted, i caught myself talking to myself about it today!! im going mad here, i feel like running away or getting a job in another country. i need to get away from everything.

K-9

Sounds like you're just not ready to settle, despite her being a lovely girl and everything.

Are you still attracted to her?

littlesurfer

dont analyse it....if youve been feeling like this for a long time then you have to accept its not going to work and stop stringing her along....

maybe you need a change of scenery though and not a new girlfriend...maybe you could travel together or something. But then going travelling is my anwer to everything ....

pow wow

Wrong girl.

I get the impression from your post that she ticks all the boxes you think she should tick, everyone thinks she's great etc. but "it" just isn't there. That's nothing to feel bad about, so long as you cut her loose asap instead of hanging on in case you change your mind.

SarahSassy

I have been in your position where I felt my life was mapped out for me and it was scary... In the end my ex and I finished and I am not altogether sure it was the best decision but I remember feeling like I had no other option. To be honest I have found it hard to meet someone nice since....

The reason you have no interest in moving in with her is because you are not ready. Do not feel bad about this. Talk to her and tell her you will talk to her about it in 6 months but you are not ready to make that big move yet. This will take some pressure off you.

Based on my experience I would suggest you give it some more time with your gf but possibly take a holiday on your own, spend some time alone and see if you miss her but in fairness this wont be solved in a week. So I suggest you get back to basics. Start going out and doing fun things with her. Take the monotony out of the relationship and get the fun back in... Give the girl some time. Its not easy to find someone as perfect as she is. Above all, give yourself a break. What you are feeling is normal and dont beat yourself up about it.

easyontheeye

hi guys, thanks for the advice,

Seanies32, yeah im still really attracted to her, shes a fine bit of eye candy. Im hoping that ill just cop on or something will happen to make me open my eyes and be happy for what i got.

If i have even considered taking a job that will involve 50% travel in a year just to give me the oppurtunity to escape now and then. this morning i must have bit my mams head off numerous times over trivial things. im just in a foul mood. im gonna have to do something, i cant go on this way. It would be so much easier if she just dumped me

SarahSassy

easyontheeye wrote:

It would be so much easier if she just dumped me

I was on your side til I heard this comment...

Dont fall into the wimpy / weedy man category by standing back and annoying her so much that she dumps you. Whatever you decide it will work out better if you take the problem by the scruff of the neck and you will feel better about yourself afterwards.....

That job sounds like an excellent option. It will give you some space and some perspective but in all fairness you need to talk to her and tell her what you are feeling....

I assume you are being grumpy and moody with her too.... Thats just plain bad manners and bad form - stand up, grow a spine and talk to her about the problem. Others shouldnt have to suffer because you cant make your mind up.

easyontheeye

dont get me wrong id never be mean to her in order for her to dump me. she still thinks every thing is rosey, she is happy. i can see it in her eyes. I must be just a good actor. I was just having a really bad morning with it on my mind constantly i suppose thats why i snapped at my mam.

what i meant it would be so much easier if we were constantly fighting or rowing or there was a legitimate reason to break up. Like she is so much involved in my life. my family loves her, my sis is nearly best buddies with her. she even goes shoppingh with my mam. its really hard. like people just wont understand if i end it. they will think im mad. my mam keeps saying i dont know how lucky i am etc...

SarahSassy

Forget about other people.... Its fine for them to comment but its your life....

First of all take a day on your own and dont think about it.... Do something to keep you busy for the day and push any thoughts of the relationship out of your head.... At the moment you cant see the woods for the trees....I would still confide in her that you are having committment issues. Once you do this if becomes your (as a couple) problem and maybe it can be resolves quite simply. I do think you see you life as mapped out and also think you may be missing something... You probably arent but my comments are not going to make you believe that.

Why dont you move out of home and into a place on your own/ with friends and enjoy independent life in that way. You are a bit old to be living at home if you dont mind me saying.... You also seem to get no privacy from your gf as she is friends with your sister and Mam. That would wreck my head too....

Bottom line is that you have gotten yourself in a state... You feel guilty and like a bad person (I guess) but you are not bad you are simply confused. Take some time away, try to visualise life without her and take it from there.

Oryx

It honestly sounds to me like youre with this girl because she looks good on your arm. Shes quite a catch and thus, you look like a great guy for being with her.

my family loves her,

shes a fine bit of eye candy.

i get compliments about her from everyone i know

Its great that shes a wonderful girl, and lovely that everyone likes her, but what about you? Maybe youre afraid to give her up because shes so perfect, and you might never do as well again. One tiny problem. Nowhere in your post do I get any impression you love and adore her?

Luckyduck

Take SarahSassy's advice...take time out to spend on your own and then when you are with her do fun things. If you still fancy her, you think she is great etc...well then there is a chance you are just over analysing the situation, but thats just my opinion. I am going out with my bf almost 4 years and I am older than you...but due to various reasons we are moving in together just yet as we are not ready in different ways. 3 years is not that long, why rush things as you will spend the rest of your life probably living with her or some other girls. There is no set time, only when its right for both people.

easyontheeye

KtK wrote:

It honestly sounds to me like youre with this girl because she looks good on your arm. Shes quite a catch and thus, you look like a great guy for being with her.


Its great that shes a wonderful girl, and lovely that everyone likes her, but what about you? Maybe youre afraid to give her up because shes so perfect, and you might never do as well again. One tiny problem. Nowhere in your post do I get any impression you love and adore her?

i guess you got me there, i do care for her, maybe in someways lstill love her too, i just dont feel the way i used to. maybe it is time to move on. the things is not about me wanting to play the field or score other girls, i just havent the head for a relationship. i think SarahSassy is right, i am very confused right now.

SarahSassy

You are gone beyond confused From your comments above it seems like you have already made up you mind and if thats the case nip this in the bud sooner than later... Dragging it on will only make things worse. I hope this is the right decision for you. Good women and men are VERY hard to find and there is nothing too shabby about 'perfect'.

One other thing - when you do talk to her tell her that you want to keep the conversation private, meaning that she does not talk to your Mam and sister about your issues. She may not do it intentionally but women talk their problems out with friends and the last thing you need is a frosty silence over the Sunday dinner table.

aidan24326

If you don't love her the way you used to, and your heart's not in it, you owe it to her to be honest and not string her along. And you're admitting that you aren't really in love with her, if you were this thread wouldn't be here.

But do remember the old saying about not appreciating what you have 'til it's gone. Once you end things with her it could be too late to rescue the situation if you subsequently feel that you've made a big mistake, so be sure. The fact that she's 'perfect' is neither here nor there, if that spark isn't there and you're not in love with her then she's not perfect for you.

Like luckyduck said it's always possible that you are over-analysing everything and forgetting to enjoy what you already have.

Talliesin

easyontheeye wrote:

im afraid if i give her up that ive blown it

I think it's important to not focus on this part.

Possibly you need to move backwards a bit in order to move forward.

Possibly you don't.

However, don't be afraid about no longer having a girlfriend that everyone else thinks is great. For a start, while it's definitely a warning sign if everyone you know thinks your partner is bad for you, you shouldn't really care that much what anyone but you thinks.

You sound like you don't know what you want to do with your life and that it's really that that you need to sort out. Focus on that, then see if the life you want to build for yourself is one you can build with her (reasonable compromises allowing).

LegacyUser

Man I am in the EXACT same boat as you right now. Been with my girl for nearly 2 years and she talks all the time about the future. I just don't think I'm ready to be with her the rest of my life but she really is amazing in every way. Loves me to bits, smokin hot, great lay (not to mention I'm her first and only) and lets me do whatever I want to be happy (I mean freedom not other girls). The problem is that lately I'm just not. I feel like I just want out, I want to feel single again, flirt with other girls experience the chase! Not feel obligated to hang out with her.

Though I've grown so attached to the security of our relationship I'm terrified that if I leave her Ill want to kill myself once I realize what I've let go. I know I'm being a pussy for holding onto her just because I'm afraid but I dont want to make the biggest mistake of my life! It's a tough call but I've been feeling this way for a good couple months and we've had a few arguements about it already. I almost wish the feeling was mutual so I wouldn't feel so bad when I do it, poor girl is going to be heartbroken and happens to be a bit of a crybaby which will make the final conversation all the more regrettable.

I think I've decided things just aren't right and I only hold we can remain friends and I won't fall into a pit of depression if she starts off with someone else (a bit dramatic I know). I feel like its right...but I'm with you mate probably the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life. Just hope everything works out fine. Sometimes change is exciting right?

Best of luck to you!