Infidelity, Betrayal, Pain

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, where to begin. Last night I wanted to overdose really badly. Took a good few paracetamol but obviously not enough as I was awake most the night.
Heres my story. I broke up with the most loving genuine girlfriend ever last april because of not having the time to give her. There were issues, but mostly caused by not having the time due to the pressures of a project I was in over my head with. After 3 weeks of nothing I couldnt take it anymore and started texting her and meeting up again for kisses and sometimes sex. All this while I was playing for time with her, trying to keep her from loving another until I could commit to her again. Understandably she felt confused. So around a month ago now I began making my intentions very clear to her how much I loved her, she would kiss me and sleep with me, and I wanted to be with her again so much. 2 weeks ago we met for a serious discussion on getting back. I said I'd book dinner and we'ed have a great night.She was going away to england for the weekend with the work girls so claimed all week she was tired or had other commitments, fine, we talked about how e would spend the day together when she returned. I tried to contact her loads over the weekend and she either didnt answer or fobbed me off with excuses. The day she got back she said she was tired and had made other plans with a friend. So I said okay, I'll come with the pair of you. We kissed all night in the pub and slept together that night. The next morning she brought me to her house to have a garden brunch with her relatives and family. I brought her to dinner that week and gave her a gift and we are back together as an item.
Now, if you have made it through that, this is where the fun starts. She has been sleeping with me for the past week and telling me how much she loves me etc, and that her parents want to meet mine. She was checking her email the other night and I noticed a stranger on it. The truth all came out last night when she finally stopped lying.
She met an english guy here a few months back. She went to london and stayed with him for a weekend, claiming she was just over with a girl mate of hers. She was kissing me and sleeping with me then. She was over with him again 2 weekends ago, and not with girls from work. She went over alone, purposely to meet him, and stayed at his house. She also wanted me to believe that she stayed in his guest room and only kissed him until I really pushed her for the truth. She knew how I felt about her and that I was pouring my heart out everytime I spoke with her, but still went and slept with him, walking on me. When she got back she was kissing me, after kissing him, or maybe even giving him oral sex that morning. So basically my beautiful innocent love is an englishmans whore.
The lies hurt alot. She claims she will do everything she can to make this right, but even this morning she lied again. She hasnt even deleted his number from her phone and claims she has just ignored his texts. This is my first relationship ever (Im nearly 30), I love her, but this is taking the piss. How do I deal with this pain. How do I put life back in my body. Am I a fool.
I'm sorry about the length of the post. Wanted to give all the facts.

Dragan

This might seem somewhat cold and callous extra and probably not what you want to hear, but you describe the "Love of your life" as and "English mans whore"?

Get real mate.

The "love of your life" was someone you were more than happy to push back when it didn't suit you to spend time with her. She went looking else where because you were not in a position to give her what she needed. You made it pretty clear where she stood when you put work ahead of her don't you think?

Do I think she was right to lie to you? Not at all, but you also treated her badly as well, expecting her to wait around until you had time for a relationship.

You both need to either work on past mistakes or walk away. From your post I don't think you were going out at the time she was with this guy, so she was entitled to do whatever the hell she wanted on that front don't you think?

LegacyUser

no I dont think. Sorry but we were together just not in writing. Regardless of relationships and standards and etiquette, only one fact remains.

She chose to see HIM that weekend, instead of cancelling the 25 euro flight and getting back with me who she knew was waiting open arms.

That hurts the most. The comment about the englishmans whore thing was just anger. I'm really hurting, I cant seem to do anything, just wander around numb.

Canis Lupus

Agrees....

Two things I note... You were happy to keep her at arms length when it suited you.

You're parents haven't met? Granted you're 30 but how long were you with this "love of your life" and the parents haven't met at some stage? Altho I'm thinking if that's your first relationship then maybe you haven't been with her that long?

Anyway short of this is you fvcked her around, she fvcked you around. Karma possibly.... Anyway here is where I say plenty more fish in the sea and other things like that.... It'll get better with time etc etc.....

CrazyNoob

edited see below

Miss Fluff

notverywell10 wrote:

After 3 weeks of nothing I couldnt take it anymore and started texting her and meeting up again for kisses and sometimes sex. All this while I was playing for time with her, trying to keep her from loving another until I could commit to her again. Understandably she felt confused.

Too flipping right she felt confused. Did you honestly expect her to wear black and lock herself in the attic to grieve over you? Chances are she had booked her flight while you were still messing her about. You let her down before, how wasn't she supposed to keep her options open? Sounds like she really is sorry now so give her a break.

CrazyNoob

Miss Fluff wrote:

Too flipping right she felt confused. Did you honestly expect her to wear black and lock herself in the attic to grieve over you? Chances are she had booked her flight while you were still messing her about. You let her down before, how wasn't she supposed to keep her options open? Sounds like she really is sorry now so give her a break.

Edit I stand corrected ,
Thanks Dellas I didnt see that OP had broken up with her
OP has no justification to be angry with this girl

dellas1979

Yeah, you know, you are painting yourself as a bit of a victim here.

Facts are you broke up with her when it didnt suit you.

She obviously felt she still couldnt trust you (I wouldnt). Probably confused.

Ive had this situation happen before to myself with an ex. He broke up with me, waltzed back into my life when I just started seeing someone new. Expected everything to go back to normal. I was sooooo confused: possibly get hurt again by ex and trust had been lost anyways or try with new guy. I had to make a decision, and I chose the new guy. The only thing I can say is that maybe she made a mistake sleeping with both of ye, in trying to make a decision. Maybe she shouldnt have done that (clouds judgement and all that).

But she seems to have made her decision and now you are calling her a whore? You are being a bit dramatic.

ErinGoBrath

Maybe the English guy was playing her better than you were?

You honestly come on here feeling upset and betrayed when you've stung her along for over a year because this 'project' took preference over 'the most loving genuine girlfriend ever'??

She's the victim here, I hope she gets sense and moves on.

Let this be a lesson to you in karma.

Agent J

I just want to make sure i am crystal clear on this one.

When she saw the other chap you two weren't offically back together were you?

If thats the case then i'm sorry she did not cheat on you.

Also your use of language leads me to think that perhaps you may not be in the space for a relationship anyway. You seem to have an obsession over the fact she was with someone else and the inititmate details. Hate to break it you but odds are most girls arent exactly "innocent" and calling her a whore is bang out of line.

Yes you are hurt but try to look at this objectively.

Given what you have said i dont think it is unreasonable for her to have seen this guy.

I think you need time and space to gain some objectivity.

Maple

Ouch.

But the facts are that you broke up with her in April and only a month ago made your intentions clear. Thats nearly 4 whole months that she thought it was over between you. So she made plans to get on with her life.

Maybe she had to see this other guy to get it all straight in her head and to realise that she still loves you in order to give it a chance.

You have two choices, either give her the benefit of the doubt, realise that you've both made bad decisions and move on with your relationship. Or two, break up with her and move on with your life.

K_P

I can understand you're angry OP but it really sounds like you left your then ex-girlfriend very confused. You were the one who broke up with her and despite the fact you still met up and had sex occassionally doesn't mean anything. You had broken up (your decision remember) so you were both free to see other people. It mightn't have been the best timing and she moved on fairly quick, but you have no right to be feeling like a victim.

One other small point, it sounds like you have a serious case of the madonna/whore view of women. She went from being your "beautiful innocent girlfriend" to "an Englishman's whore". Truth is, she's probably neither. She's a girl who got messed around by her ex-boyfriend, slept with another guy and now regrets it.

If the two of you have any chance at a future together, you both need to forget about this.

McGinty

Hi everyone, where to begin. Last night I wanted to overdose really badly. Took a good few paracetamol but obviously not enough as I was awake most the night.

Hi Op, whilst mistakes have been made on both sides, which I'll come to later in this post, my first concern is why are you relieing on someone else to keep you happy. It sounds like you are in a very bad place in terms of a relationship in that you considered ending your life because things have not turned out as you wished them to be. Is this how you cope with the pressures of life? This question is not intended to be a criticism but one for you to seriously consider, because the inability to handle various committments and pressures sound like a difficulty for you.

I broke up with the most loving genuine girlfriend ever last april because of not having the time to give her. There were issues, but mostly caused by not having the time due to the pressures of a project I was in over my head with. After 3 weeks of nothing I couldnt take it anymore and started texting her and meeting up again for kisses and sometimes sex. All this while I was playing for time with her, trying to keep her from loving another until I could commit to her again.

Again you were affected by pressures here so you let your girlfriend go, but you tried to balance your girlfriend and work by excluding one for the other. Unfortunately some people don't like being compartmentalised, now maybe you were extremely distant or maybe she lacked patience, its hard to know from your thread but either way neither yourself or your girlfriend were able to work through this. Often we meet people who mirror us, for example I used to be very needy and lacked self esteem and I attracted similar types of men, as a consequence I had difficult relationships. Since then and being thoroughly fed up with these disasters I worked on my self esteem issues, I have needed a long time out from relationships. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to work with your pain and grow from it, I know this sounds strange but often pain can be a good leveller and it can help us grow.

Your girlfriend has lied to you and she also did what you did, played you and the other guy off each other in the hope of playing for time whilst she decided which way to go. She may have done it due to low self esteem, revenge, an ego boost, who knows. I can't say whether you should let her go, only you can truly answer that, but I would suggest you ask yourself the following, can you ever trust her? I would add here that she lied to save her own skin, probable shame but also so she wouldn't lose you. We all lie, cheat and do wrong things at one point or another and it often comes at price. Can you accept that she has done these things? Does she enhance your life? Was/is the relationship positive or does it thrive on negativity or mind games? Personally I judge a person by their actions not their words, and if there is a serious anamoly between the two I let go because I now see myself as being valuable and deserving the best. Ask yourself are you giving yourself the best, what would you advice a friend to do in your circumstances? Anyhow the very best of luck in whatever you decide and please don't throw your life away because someone doesn't live up to your expectations, people really aren't worth it.

Wibbs

First and by far the most important, your suicidal thoughts and actions. Cop on and get help. Do it now. While you didn't succeed in killing yourself, if you took a large dose of paracetamol then liver damage is a strong possibility. Get to a doctor. Now. Tell him or her about said attempt and get referred to someone who can help you. Sure this stuff may hurt, but attempting or thinking of attempting suicide is a step too far. Do this as soon as.

Secondly while she hasn't been entirely honest with you, you have not been entirely straight with her. You distancing yourself from her and then expecting her to hang around is frankly stupid. Learn from this. Given that this is your first relationship, you would think you have applied more attention.

Everybody's first relationship is a learning process. Indeed every relationship should be. You do come across quite immature childlike in your descriptions of kissing and sleeping with someone. It reads like a 12 year olds view with added sex. I'm sorry, but that's how it reads. You're a 30 year old man and while this was relationship stuff was new to you, it hardly comes as a huge shock that being distant and breaking up with someone for four months is hardly likely to end well, now is it? Nobody can be that naive. I'm afraid the job pressure is not an excuse either. Everyone can spare 5 minutes in the day to contact a loved one. Fact. You can dress it up anyway you want, but it can be done. Lots of people do it. Not giving her a paltry 5 mins in a day or even every other day is hardly going to tax your brain, is it? I suspect she felt the same.

Look at it this way she's prepared to go to the UK to see this guy. What is he giving her that you are/were not? I would suspect consistency and some level of commitment for a start. I don't excuse her actions, but I do understand them. In any case, she's not here and we're only getting one side of the story which is yours.

If you are going to come back from this you need to show her through your actions, not words what a future would be with you. Do not mention the suicide attempt at this stage either. She may react badly to that as she may see it as emotional blackmail. Avoid begging too as that will likely just reinforce her decisions. Simply explain that you want to try again and also explain your behaviour in the past and you will not take her for granted again in that way. Show her that. You've lost her trust in you for a stable future. Now she's lost yours now, but that came after. If you had acted differently, rather than assuming you could keep her on the long finger, I'm fairly sure ryanair wouldn't have gotten her business. You both have to walk away from the past hurts and concentrate on a future. That's all you can do. If it doesn't work, move on and chalk it up to experience.

Knee-Vee

Move right on. You didn't handle this well. Have you learned from it? And get thee to a doctor about the paracetamol.

Raskolnikov

Sounds like she was stringing both you and this English fella along because she couldn't decide to be with. I think you know what to do.

LegacyUser

'I'd give her the P45, to be honest - and, move on.
It'll take U a little time to recover from it.

But she cheated on U - and, then lied.

U didn't handle it the best - but, she still should have given U
a chance.
He can keep her now.'

Victor

Unroggie, our patience is growing thin. Please don't use anonymous posting to try to be abusive to an OP or the subject of a thread.

bug

notverywell10 wrote:

Hi everyone, where to begin. Last night I wanted to overdose really badly. Took a good few paracetamol but obviously not enough as I was awake most the night.
Heres my story. I broke up with the most loving genuine girlfriend ever last april because of not having the time to give her. There were issues, but mostly caused by not having the time due to the pressures of a project I was in over my head with. After 3 weeks of nothing I couldnt take it anymore and started texting her and meeting up again for kisses and sometimes sex.

All this while I was playing for time with her, trying to keep her from loving another until I could commit to her again.

What sort of a project are we talking here? Away in the army? Solving the middleastern crisis?

I figure if you could make the effort after three weeks with this "project" still ongoing because you missed her, you could have possibly made that effort beforehand. I figure she realised that too and it was possibly too little to late.

Understandably she felt confused. So around a month ago now I began making my intentions very clear to her how much I loved her, she would kiss me and sleep with me, and I wanted to be with her again so much. 2 weeks ago we met for a serious discussion on getting back.

So basically she was was approx 3-4 months not being your girlfriend...ok...

I said I'd book dinner and we'ed have a great night.She was going away to england for the weekend with the work girls so claimed all week she was tired or had other commitments, fine, we talked about how e would spend the day together when she returned. I tried to contact her loads over the weekend and she either didnt answer or fobbed me off with excuses. The day she got back she said she was tired and had made other plans with a friend. So I said okay, I'll come with the pair of you. We kissed all night in the pub and slept together that night. The next morning she brought me to her house to have a garden brunch with her relatives and family. I brought her to dinner that week and gave her a gift and we are back together as an item.
Now, if you have made it through that, this is where the fun starts. She has been sleeping with me for the past week and telling me how much she loves me etc, and that her parents want to meet mine. She was checking her email the other night and I noticed a stranger on it. The truth all came out last night when she finally stopped lying.
She met an english guy here a few months back. She went to london and stayed with him for a weekend, claiming she was just over with a girl mate of hers. She was kissing me and sleeping with me then. She was over with him again 2 weekends ago, and not with girls from work. She went over alone, purposely to meet him, and stayed at his house. She also wanted me to believe that she stayed in his guest room and only kissed him until I really pushed her for the truth. She knew how I felt about her and that I was pouring my heart out everytime I spoke with her, but still went and slept with him, walking on me. When she got back she was kissing me, after kissing him, or maybe even giving him oral sex that morning. So basically my beautiful innocent love is an englishmans whore.
The lies hurt alot. She claims she will do everything she can to make this right, but even this morning she lied again. She hasnt even deleted his number from her phone and claims she has just ignored his texts. This is my first relationship ever (Im nearly 30), I love her, but this is taking the piss. How do I deal with this pain. How do I put life back in my body. Am I a fool.
I'm sorry about the length of the post. Wanted to give all the facts.

She shouldn't have lied to you and you can hold her to account over that.
But I'm afraid that's it.
And your plan of "playing for time with her, trying to keep her from loving another until I could commit to her again." back fired.

By the way the pills thing is not on.
In all of this and from the way you spelt it out it seems that both of you were at fault, so take your share of the blame on board and move forward.

Jack B. Badd

Drama, Histrionics, Attention seeking

notverywell10 wrote:

So basically my beautiful innocent love is an englishmans whore.

So basically, you're ego's been bruised because you're ex didn't fall over herself to get back in a relationship with a guy who mucked her about when it suited him (i.e. you). Being an Englishman's whore sounds like more fun than being the audience for such amateur dramatics. I hope she runs a mile!

tritium

Can't disagree with too much of what Jack B and other posters are saying. Lot of self pity here when you're not actually a victim. You've admitted that you tried to string her along until you could be bothered to make time for a relationship and then you get upset because you're not the one who turns out to be best at playing the game. Sorry but you screwed up first, and until you're willing to face up to that you really don't have any call to have a go at your ex. As I understand she was technically single when she was with this English guy, due to your choices of convience. Far as I can see the only one who may be due an apology from your ex is the English guy if he wasn't aware of the situation.

You're choices are basically to either move on or try to mend the relationship with your ex that you were really responsible for breaking. Do go and see a dooctor about the paracetamol thing though.

LegacyUser

'The nature of the weekend spent with the guy is the horrible part. In my mind I was never broken up with her, yes i do suffer from being too naive in love probably cos this is the first relationship.
Just to clear things up for people who have asked - we were going out for 2 years, and when we broke up, as I said a few weeks on I began ringing her again. I never stopped giving her attention etc. The simple thing I must realise is that she was so confused about us that she had to explore other options. However, we cried together and I begged her to come back to me and kissed and hugged and loved, just days before she went. In other words, she knew, there and then that she would be spending a weekend sleeping with this guy she barely knew...history behind it is she met him out one night 3 months ago, he gave her his email, she emailed him back and forth, dirty pictures etc, and then went to meet him with a friend of hers one weekend..she claims they were just kissing that weekend and she stayed in a hotel. More emails texts phonecalls and this time she went over alone, and stayed with him.
She has told me she regretted it the minute she got off the plane and saw him, but if thats the case how come she slept with him all weekend.(She has admitted to having sex with him both nights.) She then returned home and the same night was kissing me/having sex.
I must also mention that she has a high sex drive, as do I. She is going away on holiday for a week with her mates in september. Now I have to ask myself could I trust her. I dont think I could. The trust is gone.But I still love her. This is not a nice place to be at. I cant decide to move on or not. Has anyone done this or been in a similar situation? Is there a way back from having no trust?By the way her attitude to all of this when I push her for an answer to a question is either changing the subject or giving out to me and more or less saying 'get over it'. I will also say that alot of the reason for forgiving her and showing her love, is fear. Fear of losing her attention, fear of not getting another like her. I've noticed also that my respect for women has gone down bigtime, they are just as bad as men.
Another poster said to get real, technicalities and all that. Does that mean that it would have been fine for me to have had a group orgy with 5 prostitutes 5 minutes before I technically asked her to get back with me? Its about feelings, and ultimately respect for someone, and she didnt show me any.
Some posters also made it a 'torn between 2 lovers' thing, but its not. The guy was on a holiday buzz evrytime they met(3 times in all) so could keep showing her a party atmosphere...and invited her over for one thing, to bed her. Thats being real about it.
I dont know what to think or which way to look or how to put life back in my body. I'd like to say chin up and motivate myself to be my best and look for another girl, but if I could just pretend this never happened I'd be the happiest guy in the world with her. Trust is the issue. Trust. Thanks a million to everybody who is talking to me about this, the analysis is taking the sharp edge off it, and helping me to cope.'

Jack B. Badd

notverywell10 wrote:

Another poster said to get real, technicalities and all that. Does that mean that it would have been fine for me to have had a group orgy with 5 prostitutes 5 minutes before I technically asked her to get back with me?

No, it wouldn't have been fine because knowingly availing of prostitution is illegal.
Now had you had a group orgy with 5 non-prostitutes 5 minutes before you technically asked her to get back with you, I wouldn't see what the problem would be as you weren't in a relationship at the time. Although she'd still be perfectly within her rights to turn you down.
Grow up and stop being so melodramatic! As your girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/whatever said, "get over it".

notverywell10 wrote:

I've noticed also that my respect for women has gone down bigtime, they are just as bad as men.

Yes, tar an entire gender with the one brush because one member of it did something you don't approve of! Very mature :rolleyes:

Drift

Hi OP, I think you're thinking way too much about the sexual side of things between her and this english guy. Yes they had sex, lots of times all weekend. Intercourse, oral, anal, handjobs the works - they were probably at it like rabbits all weekend long. And before she met you originally she did it with lots of other guys too. There's not many guys who enjoy thinking about their gf getting it on with other guys but what you have to realise is that she has sexual needs too and there's nothing wrong with her having satisfied them any more than there is any of us men folk.

It possibly wasn't the best idea in the world for her to do that the weekend before you got back together but we all make mistakes. No-ones perfect, not even your girlfriend and she was very confused at the time. You're the one who confused her!

I think you're putting her up on a pedestal as your perfect little virginal woman who's only sexual experiences have been with yourself. Thats NOT true, and its not true for any girl. Yes girls are as "bad" as men although bad isn't the right word, we're all human and interact with each other accordingly. Please take her down off the pedestal and treat her like another imperfect human being and don't torture yourself with thoughts of her past sexual exploits just acknowledge that they happened and made her into the person she is today - at the end of the day she came back to you! I think a lot of this is related to the fact that its your first important relationship, just try to give yourself time to become more relaxed with the fact that we all have pasts.

Agent J

Ok,

Just again to be crystal clear on the issue.

You two were broken up at the time right?

Answer that to yourself with a yes or a no. As far as i read that was the case reguardless of how you feel about that you never really broke with her.

In that case the Trust thing does not come into it reguarding the guy in the UK. If she lied about it after wards i can understand an issue with that but not the fact it happened.

I'm also looking at if from the limited info we have about her. How can she trust you in a relationship? You pushed her away before.

LegacyUser

You were both in the wrong, however you may find that what she did will prove unforgiveable if you stay together, you'll try and make it work for a while but you'll find that you're just wasting each others time, better to leave it completely for a while, give both of you a good break, go off and have a few dates (and more if possible). In time you may find that you can forgive her and if you're both still available and both want to make a go of it then, it'll be starting afresh. But imo there is no point in trying to make a go of it at this point.
As for the pills, what, are you trying to make her feel sorry for hurting poor you, but sure if you want to become another statistic and have our great leader (El Berto) make fun of you when talking to the builders go for it!!

Wibbs

notverywell10 wrote:

'The nature of the weekend spent with the guy is the horrible part.

As Jack B. Badd wrote, grow up and get over it.

In my mind I was never broken up with her,

Then it's a pity you actually broke up with her then isn't it? So why did you break up if in your mind you didn't? Eh what? :rolleyes:

yes i do suffer from being too naive in love probably cos this is the first relationship.

naivete is one thing and that's fine, but this was more than that. At what point of your thought process did you think this was a good plan?

we were going out for 2 years, and when we broke up, as I said a few weeks on I began ringing her again. I never stopped giving her attention etc.

Bully for you. Hello! You broke up with her. You left her. Now you get your knickers in a bunch because she went elsewhere? Are you serious?

The simple thing I must realise is that she was so confused about us that she had to explore other options.

She wouldn't have been confused after you broke up with her. You caused her confusion and now you're reaping the results of that.

However, we cried together and I begged her to come back to me and kissed and hugged and loved,

You have a very adolescent view of this you really do. Scarily so.

In other words, she knew, there and then that she would be spending a weekend sleeping with this guy she barely knew...

As I've said, you caused her confusion. I don't think she was making good decisions either, but in her position after a longtermer dumps you, I'm not surprised she was stilll exploring other options. You harp on about trust. You were the one who broke her trust in you first. Don't be too surprised at the result.

I must also mention that she has a high sex drive, as do I.

OK

She is going away on holiday for a week with her mates in september.

fair enough holliers are good.

Now I have to ask myself could I trust her. I dont think I could.

I'm sorry, what? FFS. Grow up. Seriously. I rarely say that, but when a man of 30 is coming out with this selfish nonsense it has to be said.

The trust is gone.But I still love her.

Guess what? You don't love her. Not if you don't trust her.

Is there a way back from having no trust?

Only if you cop on, grow up, move forward and actually learn from this. As I've said you were the one who lost her trust in you. Lack of trust is going both ways here and frankly I'm more attracted to her side of the argument. If you're acting like a lovesick possessive 12 year old and not a 30 year old man she has some patience.

By the way her attitude to all of this when I push her for an answer to a question is either changing the subject or giving out to me and more or less saying 'get over it'.

She's giving you good advice. FFS, she is getting over you dumping her, the least you can do is extend her the same courtesy.

I will also say that alot of the reason for forgiving her and showing her love, is fear. Fear of losing her attention, fear of not getting another like her.

Then as I've said you don't love her and this confirms it. You think you do, but its all about you and your lack of trust. Reading back through your posts on the matter it seems quite clear to me. It's all me me me. How could she do this to me etc. It's hardly on your radar that you had a major input to the situation you find yourself in now. Fear of losing her attention? She's not your mammy you know. Boohoo I fear lack of attention. Unreal.

I've noticed also that my respect for women has gone down bigtime, they are just as bad as men.

Jumpin Jesus on a trampoline! Are you serious? I mean really?:rolleyes: I thought this madonna whore thing went out with the bow and arrow. Seems I was sadly mistaken. Welcome to the real adult world where people, both men and women are fallible complex creatures.

Another poster said to get real,

Advice you would do well to take frankly.

Does that mean that it would have been fine for me to have had a group orgy with 5 prostitutes 5 minutes before I technically asked her to get back with me?

You had broken up so knock yourself out. In any case, your comparison of you with 5 orgy whores to her meeting someone during the time you broke is a bit OTT and childish. Very.

Its about feelings, and ultimately respect for someone, and she didnt show me any.

Me me me again. You broke up with her. OK?

Some posters also made it a 'torn between 2 lovers' thing, but its not. The guy was on a holiday buzz evrytime they met(3 times in all) so could keep showing her a party atmosphere...and invited her over for one thing, to bed her. Thats being real about it.

You don't know that. Fact. Even if it was, he was giving her something you weren't.

but if I could just pretend this never happened I'd be the happiest guy in the world with her.

You can't sprinkle fairy dust on this and hope it goes away. That's not how it works. You have to acknowledge it happened and move on from that.

Trust is the issue. Trust.

You lost hers the second you split up with her and before that when you weren't showing her the normal amount of attention someone in a couple expects. The fact that she seems prepared in some way to move on from that, even with your childish whining about her having sex with another during the break(the horror) speaks volumes for her patience. Do I think she made a few dodgy decisions? Yes. Do I think you've over reacted? Yes. In a big way.

I notice you haven't mentioned the paracetamol incident since. Did you go to a doctor or was it just a minor selfobsessed self piteous act on your part?

Take your ex(or not) GF's and others advice. Get over it or be prepared never to have an adult relationship with either yourself or another.

Talliesin

Essentially your problem is that you wanted to have your cake and not eat it.

notverywell10 wrote:

Hi everyone, where to begin. Last night I wanted to overdose really badly. Took a good few paracetamol but obviously not enough as I was awake most the night.

Get your liver checked out. Non-fatal over-doses of paracetamol can cause considerable long term liver damage. Lay off all drink and drugs until you get the all-clear.

notverywell10 wrote:

All this while I was playing for time with her, trying to keep her from loving another until I could commit to her again.

It's not a ****ing game.

Do or do not do.

If you aren't in a position to commit, then fine, act based on that as best you can, but don't try to dress up stringing her along because you didn't have the balls to either accept it as just sex nor commit to something else to make it sound more sympathetic than it is. I don't think you've fooled anyone but yourself.

notverywell10 wrote:

When she got back she was kissing me, after kissing him, or maybe even giving him oral sex that morning.

Oh teh noes!

Someone in a situation where they were having sex with someone but without committing to anything else acted as if there were in a situation where they were having sex with someone but without committing to anything else!

Essentially, you were depending upon her acting as if she was in a serious monogamous long-term relationship with you, while you got to act as if she was just an occasional lover.

Firstly that means you were being a moron. Did you really think that you were such hot stuff that just the fact that you were around would mean that she'd spend the time she wasn't having sex with you mooning around and waiting for you to burst through the door and declare undying love. Did you picture her spending every moment away from you doodling your name and surrounding it with love-hearts?

Secondly that means that you were being an asshole. You're understanding of the situation was stupidly wrong, but if you're perception had actually had any basis in reality, then your treatment of this imaginary version of your ex-girlfriend was hardly just.

notverywell10 wrote:

So basically my beautiful innocent love is an englishmans whore.

There are quite a few people in this world who have considerable moral objections to people entering into relationships that are just about sex. I disagree with them, but I don't have any particular grievance with them unless they start imposing their view on the rest of us. You however have both that moral objection, and engage in such relationships yourself, and indeed were the one to suggest the idea to your at-the-time girlfriend.

What a pathetic little hypocrite.

She wasn't your innocent love, she was your occasional lover. In common parlance she was your ****-buddy.

She wasn't his whore, she was his ****-buddy. In polite parlance, his occasional lover.

notverywell10 wrote:

The lies hurt alot.

Oh grow up. She obviously knew you couldn't handle what you yourself suggested. She tried to save you from your own weakness and it didn't work. Problem isn't with her doing that, it's with the weakness.

notverywell10 wrote:

She claims she will do everything she can to make this right,

She's going to dump your sorry ass? Hurray.

notverywell10 wrote:

but this is taking the piss.

You're taking the piss.

You're taking the piss out of all of us here by regaling us of your tale of inadequacy and failure to do either one thing or another so this woman would know where she stood and then calling her a whore.

notverywell10 wrote:

How do I deal with this pain.

You decide what you are going to do, do it, and then don't come running to us if you don't like the consequences of your own actions. A bit less deliberation and a bit more deliberateness.

notverywell10 wrote:

Am I a fool.

No, you're much worse than that.

notverywell10 wrote:

In my mind I was never broken up with her,

In which case it was at best very stupid and at worse extremely underhand to say so. Seems to me it was both.

You're blaming her because she didn't go with what was happening "in your mind" while simultaneously putting up with what you were saying was happening.

notverywell10 wrote:

yes i do suffer from being too naive in love

No you don't. You suffer from being aboslutely clueless in love. Really, just what were you expecting to make her play by the rules "in your mind" and not the rules in what you'd said.

Love isn't a zero-sum game. Your "playing for time with her" wasn't a matter of deft skill, it was a matter of a gobsheen being a gobsheen.

You didn't end up in this position because you're new to the game and you lacked the experience to play it right. You ended up in this position because you thought it was a game. The woman is a human being with as much complexity, hope, fear and capacity for pain as you have. You're treating her like shes an non-player character in a computer game and you hoped the programmer didn't do a good job on the AI.

notverywell10 wrote:

The simple thing I must realise is that she was so confused about us that she had to explore other options.

Eh?

Maybe she wasn't confused at all. You weren't in a monogamous relationship. She acted like she wasn't in a monogamous relationship. The confused one is the one who told his girlfriend he was breaking up with her, started sleeping with her while not re-establishing a monogamous relationship, and then having the gall be surprised and offended when she acts in a perfectly reasonable manner for that situation. Confused, stupid, cowardly, spineless and totally lacking in moral integrity.

notverywell10 wrote:

However, we cried together and I begged her to come back to me and kissed and hugged and loved, just days before she went.

And this signifies what?

notverywell10 wrote:

In other words, she knew, there and then that she would be spending a weekend sleeping with this guy she barely knew.

And your point is, what?

notverywell10 wrote:

She has told me she regretted it the minute she got off the plane and saw him, but if thats the case how come she slept with him all weekend.

Maybe she isn't entirely happy not doing the non-monogamous thing. Sounds like she wouldn't stick at that for long and would soon realise it wasn't for her and that she'd only be happy being with one person.

Not her fault she found that out the hard way, it was your idea.

notverywell10 wrote:

Now I have to ask myself could I trust her.

Probably not. Untrustworthy people always find it hard to trust anyone and you are deeply untrustworthy.

notverywell10 wrote:

will also say that alot of the reason for forgiving her

How dare you? How ****ing dare you talk of "forgiving her". You should get down on your knees and beg her for forgiveness for the way you've behaved. And then you should **** off and leave the poor woman alone.

notverywell10 wrote:

Fear of losing her attention, fear of not getting another like her.

Hardly surprising. Obvious conclusion is that maybe the reason you act like a coward is that you actually are a coward.

notverywell10 wrote:

I've noticed also that my respect for women has gone down bigtime, they are just as bad as men.

Funny. I'll generally be the first to slap down any bollix about women or men having any moral superiority over the other, but I really can't bring myself to say that women can be as bad as men in this thread. Not with your example of male behaviour.

notverywell10 wrote:

technicalities and all that.

It's not about technicalities. It's about the way things are.

It isn't a court of law where artificial rules are imposed upon life to give some hope of order. It's just reality.

If you can't handle your own decision about how the relationship between the two of you should be defined, then blame yourself, not the poor woman who had to put up with it.

notverywell10 wrote:

Does that mean that it would have been fine for me to have had a group orgy with 5 prostitutes 5 minutes before I technically asked her to get back with me?

Don't even start. It's not a college debating society. It doesn't matter that your argument here is stupid and so flawed as to not be an argument at all. The problem is that your treating it like there's a body of legislation and a jury system.

notverywell10 wrote:

Its about feelings, and ultimately respect for someone, and she didnt show me any.

She respected your decision to break up, though she was apparently unhappy with it. You called her a whore.

Really, she's shown you far more respect than you deserve.

notverywell10 wrote:

The guy was on a holiday buzz evrytime they met(3 times in all) so could keep showing her a party atmosphere...and invited her over for one thing, to bed her.

Good for him.

Of course, if she's the sense to dump you it could be that she can build a real relationship with him. I hope they manage to find happiness together.

Whether she has the sense to dump you or not, you need to just get a grip on yourself and start behaving with a bit of integrity. If you want to be any sort of boyfriend, whether to her or to anyone else, then have some sort of ability to say what's going on for you and to stand by what you say. You don't have to attain some sort of perfect my-word-is-my-bond level of honesty, but right now anyone in a relationship with you is screwed because they can't know where they stand.

It's not her, it's not the relationship, it's you. Give yourself a good kick up the backside. Act like you've got a smidgeon of integrity and hopefully it'll stop just being an act. Then, and only then, will you be someone that is capable of an adult relationship.

Dukephil

Pretty simple to me really. Fault nearly always lies between two people.

Decide what you want to happen - Get back fully or end it fully. You either accept some of the responsibility and try again, or chalk it down to experience and move on. It is when you are tentavtive or half-hearted about something that problems arise. You have been tentative, a problem has arisen. Commit to a course of action.

Buen Camino

Wibbs

Talliesin wrote:

Get your liver checked out. Non-fatal over-doses of paracetamol can cause considerable long term liver damage. Lay off all drink and drugs until you get the all-clear.

Yea, I find it interesting that something as important as that and the advice of several posters has been ignored since the first post. Attention whore springs readily.

You didn't end up in this position because you're new to the game and you lacked the experience to play it right. You ended up in this position because you thought it was a game. The woman is a human being with as much complexity, hope, fear and capacity for pain as you have. You're treating her like shes an non-player character in a computer game and you hoped the programmer didn't do a good job on the AI.

Funny and absolutely true. I was trying to put my finger on something about all this and the computer game analogy nailed it.

Good entire post.

I'll be honest, when I read this first I was praying it was a troll. I really was. How someone can get well beyond the age of reason and not realise or apparently even contemplate how their actions could have consequences is beyond me. The complete lack of responsibility for said actions is.... I dunno, my flabber is truly gasted. the me me me me, I fear lack of attention or not getting someone like her again part was the kicker. It's very very little about her at all. It's all about the OP.

Dukephil wrote:

Pretty simple to me really. Fault nearly always lies between two people.

Often yes, but in many cases the weight of the problem is on one side or the other. Did she do anything wrong with the bloke in England? No not at first. They had broken up. Did she do anything wrong after the OP's semi tragic attempt at reconcilliation? Again, given the situation and the OP's wishy washy behaviour leading up to this point, while she may have made bad confused judgements up to a point, they technically weren't back together officially anyway. The fact that she was considering going back with the OP at all must surely put her in the running for some sort of prize considering his immature views. In this case I would say that it's the OP who is 90% the cause of his own undoing.

In this thread I've made comparisons with the OP and 12 year olds. I'm beginning to think the more I re read his posts, that I've been unnecessarily disparaging and unfair to 12 year olds.

Tammis

please go to the hospital...please...paracetamol wont hit you until its too late..please believe me... its a quiet killer and last night is not time enough to kill you if you took a load.. its a painful death

LISTEN TO ME

Talliesin

Good point. With a harmful or fatal dose the OP could still be in the "oh, I feel much better now, guess I didn't take too much paracetemol" stage. Actually, you're better off having taken too much (and hence vomitting the whole lot up again before you digest it).

Paracetemol overdose tends not to make you get sick and then kill you. It tends to first make you a little sick (when it's in your stomach) and then feel better (when it's no longer in your stomach) and then while you're feeling better it's damaging your liver and other organs. Then about half a day until about a week later you get REALLY sick, and then you die a slow and painful death (renal failure or multiple organ failure).

Darkbloom

Am I a fool.

I'll take the fifth.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote:

Did she do anything wrong with the bloke in England? No not at first. They had broken up. Did she do anything wrong after the OP's semi tragic attempt at reconcilliation? Again, given the situation and the OP's wishy washy behaviour leading up to this point, while she may have made bad confused judgements up to a point, they technically weren't back together officially anyway. The fact that she was considering going back with the OP at all must surely put her in the running for some sort of prize considering his immature views. In this case I would say that it's the OP who is 90% the cause of his own undoing.

In this thread I've made comparisons with the OP and 12 year olds. I'm beginning to think the more I re read his posts, that I've been unnecessarily disparaging and unfair to 12 year olds.

To say something like 'technically they were'nt back together, officially anyway' would make one think of adolescents explaining why they'd shifted their best mates friend or some such nonsense. You would do well to remember that when you disparage 12yo's.
What the OP did was wrong, what the girl did was worse. She should have cut the cord completely if she wasn't sure about what was happening with OP, he may have behaved like an idiot, that is not an excuse for her going off and shagging Joe randomer, whilst also shagging OP.
Her behaviour was at least as bad as than OP's, she was cowardly, she showed that in two ways, firstly by her deceit (which I don't think she will ever come clean about), secondly, according to OP, she says when she arrived in London, she knew it was wrong, but shagged him anyway (I suppose in fairness, that's just another lie she told him to protect him).
Anyway, I think some you have been a bit hard on OP, maybe he should count this as a blessing in disguise, it's better finding out these things about the girl now. They can go their different ways and find people suitable for each other.

Talliesin

Leavehimalone wrote:

To say something like 'technically they were'nt back together, officially anyway' would make one think of adolescents explaining why they'd shifted their best mates friend or some such nonsense.

Yes. I have to strongly disagree with Wibbs' use of the word "technically".

The statement "they weren't back together" covers it much better.

Leavehimalone wrote:

What the OP did was wrong, what the girl did was worse.

Eh, come again? She didn't do anything.

Leavehimalone wrote:

She should have cut the cord completely if she wasn't sure about what was happening with OP

And she was meant to know he was lying how?

Leavehimalone wrote:

that is not an excuse for her going off and shagging Joe randomer, whilst also shagging OP.

No it's not.

Not being in a monogamous relationship is however the perfect excuse for shagging whoever the hell you want.

Which was your, I mean the OP's, idea to begin with by your own, I mean the OP's, admission.

Leavehimalone wrote:

firstly by her deceit (which I don't think she will ever come clean about)

This was more foolish than cowardly.

It's clear the OP can't handle the situation he instigated. He isn't someone that can eat a naked lunch so she didn't show him what was on the end of the fork.

Leavehimalone wrote:

she says when she arrived in London, she knew it was wrong, but shagged him anyway

So, she did something she wasn't entirely happy with. People do. That's her problem, not the OP's.

Leavehimalone wrote:

Anyway, I think some you have been a bit hard on OP, maybe he should count this as a blessing in disguise, it's better finding out these things about the girl now. They can go their different ways and find people suitable for each other.

Yep, whatever. The girl's a harpy. Maybe if we can convince the guy of that he'll leave the poor woman alone.

LegacyUser

notverywell10 wrote:

However, we cried together and I begged her to come back to me and kissed and hugged and loved, just days before she went. In other words, she knew, there and then that she would be spending a weekend sleeping with this guy she barely knew...history behind it is she met him out one night 3 months ago, he gave her his email, she emailed him back and forth, dirty pictures etc, and then went to meet him with a friend of hers one weekend..she claims they were just kissing that weekend and she stayed in a hotel. More emails texts phonecalls and this time she went over alone, and stayed with him.
She has told me she regretted it the minute she got off the plane and saw him, but if thats the case how come she slept with him all weekend.(She has admitted to having sex with him both nights.) She then returned home and the same night was kissing me/having sex.

Talliesin
I am not going to argue about this with you, I often read the forum and whilst I don't share many of your beliefs, I respect the fact that you are open-minded enough to realise that (many other posters on here tend to think they're open minded whilst feeling that their take on lifestyle choices is the correct choice). However in the quote from the OP above, in my opinion what the girl did was unforgiveable.
She met OP prior to going to London, she proceeded to shag the other guy, come home and then shag OP that same night. Now, I realise you can say that she was not in a monogamous relationship immediately prior to going to London, and of course you are correct, however she knew (and please don't start with the 'we can't know what she was thinking') that the impression she created to the OP was that they were/about to be in a monogamous relationship again, if not she would have been open with him both prior to the trip to London and certainly when they met that night after the trip to London.
Someone mentioned the OP trying to have his cake and eat it, well, he maybe tried, but from the scenario above, the girl managed it.
In my opinion the lies just cannot be forgiven and I believe that they are worse than the fook up OP made in the first place.
It's better for both OP and girl to go off and make a fresh start, hate having to quote another PI thread, but "There's plenty more fish in the sea":)

Talliesin

Leavehimalone wrote:

I often read the forum and whilst I don't share many of your beliefs, I respect the fact that you are open-minded enough to realise that (many other posters on here tend to think they're open minded whilst feeling that their take on lifestyle choices is the correct choice).

A lifestyle choice that was instigated by the OP.

The one thing I'll say about any lifestyle choice is you have to live with your choices. If you're monogamous you don't get to whine about not being able to shag anyone else. If you're not monogamous you don't get to whine about your partner shagging anyone else.

If he'd been upfront and said "I want you to hang around and wait for me while I faff about" and she was stupid enough to agree with that, then he'd have something to complain about.

Leavehimalone wrote:

however she knew (and please don't start with the 'we can't know what she was thinking') that the impression she created to the OP was that they were/about to be in a monogamous relationship again

Eh. Why not start on we can't know what she was thinking.

The OP is biased towards suggesting this, and even he doesn't manage to convince.

We're at two removes, and remove is biased towards a particular opinion, and it still doesn't come across.

Leavehimalone wrote:

if not she would have been open with him both prior to the trip to London and certainly when they met that night after the trip to London.

Why?

Leavehimalone wrote:

Someone mentioned the OP trying to have his cake and eat it, well, he maybe tried, but from the scenario above, the girl managed it.

No, I said he was trying to have his cake and not eat it.

You eat cake. That's what it's there for.

MojoMaker

OP, you come aross as everything that's undesirable in a male - indecisive, weak (physically & emotionally) and boring. No wonder the girl is with someone else. Grow a set, stop navel gazing, and maybe you'll approach the next one better.

But please, for God's sake, start acting like a man and not a bird. Women already have a pussy, they don't need another one.

Wibbs

Leavehimalone wrote:

To say something like 'technically they were'nt back together, officially anyway' would make one think of adolescents explaining why they'd shifted their best mates friend or some such nonsense.

Hey I admit I should have put technically and officially in parentheses or italics as was my intention. It was my intention because I'm damn sure the OP thinks in such a way. Writing fast while my ire was rising put paid to that.

You would do well to remember that when you disparage 12yo's.

I didn't. I'm disparaging the 30 year old OP for acting like a self absorbed clueless person, who doesn't see where and how his actions have led to consequences. I'm disparaging a grown man who thinks of love as some airy fairy notion of fluffy rabbits, possession and attention. His lurching from love of my life to Englishman's whore in the same sentence was interesting. I'm disparaging someone who drops someone and expects them to hang around until he's ready. Bless. I'm also disparaging someone who opened on his original post with a reference to apparently taking a load of panadol to kill himself, yet hasn't acknowledged the repeated and indeed concerned advice given to seek medical help. TBH 12 year olds aren't getting a look in here, I'm too busy.

What the OP did was wrong, what the girl did was worse.

I've consistently written that the woman may have made some "mistakes" and was acting in a "confused" manner. that's neither here nor there in the end of the day as he was the one who dropped her expecting her to hang around like a little puppy until he was ready for her. Also she's not the one posting here, he is. In any case his actions where what led to this. His subsequent rantings about the nature of love as he sees it are fair game for critique, for his sake and the sake of his future relationships.

Talliesin pretty much echoed my feelings on the rest of your initial and subsequent posts on the matter. Actually, no pretty much about it. Saved me a lot of typing.

LegacyUser

Talliesin wrote:

No, I said he was trying to have his cake and not eat it.

You eat cake. That's what it's there for.

Indeed, however after the cake is eaten, you no longer have it!!

Just one tiny point that I can't let go (given this country convicts people of capital crimes based on circumstantial evidence).
From what we have been told by OP, people in his/her situation may conclude that they were back/as good as back in a monogamous relationship - I would, whilst yourself and Wibbs wouldn't that is your opinion. As I said before, he fcuked up, she fcuked up, both move on - relationship over, he may have instigated her behaviour, but she is certainly not blameless. At this stage they've both probably caused irreparable hurt to each other, and I genuinely don't think they have a future together.

Fysh

Leavehimalone wrote:

From what we have been told by OP, people in his/her situation may conclude that they were back/as good as back in a monogamous relationship - I would, whilst yourself and Wibbs wouldn't that is your opinion.

The thing is though, the whole mess started because the OP didn't know what he wanted, and then didn't have the stones to actually talk to his ex about it honestly. So frankly he's got no right to complain.

Leavehimalone wrote:

As I said before, he fcuked up, she fcuked up, both move on - relationship over, he may have instigated her behaviour, but she is certainly not blameless. At this stage they've both probably caused irreparable hurt to each other, and I genuinely don't think they have a future together.

I'd say you're right that they don't have a future together; I have no idea what the girl is thinking but I'd say she's put up with far more from the OP than he had any right to expect and, if someone was trying to be naive and boil this situation down to a "who's right and who's wrong" scenario, it certainly wouldn't be her I'd blame.

Agent J

Leavehimalone wrote:

From what we have been told by OP, people in his/her situation may conclude that they were back/as good as back in a monogamous relationship.

I'm really curious. What leads you to this conclusion? As far as i have seen i think you are the only one here who concludes that.

As far as i see it even the OP accepts they werent back together (Correct me if i am wrong). Under normal circumstances it isnt ok to assume you are going out with someone unless its said spefical is it? Given the fact that there was messing about before hand and he pushed her away etc etc i think there would have been even more of an onus to have it speficially stated.

Leavehimalone wrote:

- I would, whilst yourself and Wibbs wouldn't that is your opinion. As I said before, he fcuked up, she fcuked up, both move on - relationship over, he may have instigated her behaviour, but she is certainly not blameless. At this stage they've both probably caused irreparable hurt to each other, and I genuinely don't think they have a future together

They may have both ****ed up but they arent in the same order of magnitude. She lied a bit, Fine she shouldnt have done that but given the circumstances i dont think its unreasonable to expect her to espeically given what we have seen about the OP. She probably didnt want him to have the react he is having.

He ended it in the 1st place.

The only way this can move forward is if the OP makes some pretty big realisations pretty quickly.

1) She was a free agent
2) She's had sex with other guys
3) Being possesive isnt healthy

And hey im not preaching here. Most guys have to cop on to that kinda stuff otherwise they will go around and around in circles. I know i had to.

Apart from apologising about the lying she doesnt have a lot else to do.


This is bases soley on the available information provided by the OP.

Zombrex

notverywell10 wrote:

This is my first relationship ever

That kinda sums it all really.

You handled this badly, she handled it badly. You both need to chalk it up to experience and move on.

Everyone thinks their first relationship is a HUGE FECKING BIG DEAL :eek: Doesn't matter if you are 16 or 30. But that is more to do with the fact that you were in a relationship for the first time, than this girl.

Seriously you will look back in a few years and wonder what all the fuss was about. As everyone else has said you only thought this girl was the love of your life when you couldn't have her, which suggest that being in a relationship was the important bit, not specifically the girl herself. You miss the relationship, not her. This is perfectly normally, I'm not saying any of this against you. Everyone goes through things like this, and you learn and move on.

Oh and by the way nothing happens straight away when you over dose on Paracetamol. You are perfectly fine for a day or 2 and then on the 3rd day your liver fails. If you really did over dose (that was smart wasn't it :rolleyes:) you need to go to a hospital straight away, assuming you aren't already dead

LegacyUser

Well at least someones seeing it from my point of view..No we werent back together, but I was led to believe we were. Also I want to mention that I was honest with her while we were broken up..I didnt realise what I was doing in stringing her along, only realised thats what it was around a month ago. She would ask me if I was going to ask her again and I'd tell her the truth, that I couldnt give her the time she wanted every week. But I was always texting her and ringing her every day, whilst at work.
For anyone wanting to know about the effects of the overdose/half overdose, I was okay the next morning except for bad headaches caused by banging my head off a wall I think, but as the day wore on I felt like I was getting the flu. The next day I thought I definitely had the flu, and by bedtime last night I could barely move. Today I know I dont have the flu, theres just a feeling of extreme fatigue, and my lower stomach/torso feels like it wants to get out. I'm gonna go see my doctor later but I'm worried he'll doubt my sanity if i tell him.
I also want to mention that while having sex may be normal everyday behaviour to all of you, it was a sacred bond with my girlfriend, and also I'll admit she was my first real sexual partner, which wasnt lustful to me, but felt pure and was an act of love. Theres nothing wrong with feeling this, except in the real world this is viewed as naivity. Have to go but will write more later.

Talliesin

We're not wondering what happens when you take a paracetemol overdose. We already know this.

Right now your liver is giving up and your kidneys are getting increasingly screwed. It's a toss-up between hepatic failure, renal failure and multiple organ failure.

Go to a hospital now.

Nevyn

notverywell10 get yourslef to your nearest A&E and tell them what you took, how much and when and do it now.

Drift

Please go to a hospital right now OP.

This thread will still be here with lots of people giving you advice when you get back but unless you go to the hospital now you might not have the chance to take the good advice and prove the bad advisers wrong.

Agent J

Then go to a different Doctor.

This over rides everything else said and to be honest until this is done dont think anyone else including myself should comment anymore until its been reported done.

Even if you feel fine you need to get checked out and checked out fast.

Wibbs

notverywell10 wrote:

For anyone wanting to know about the effects of the overdose/half overdose, I was okay the next morning except for bad headaches caused by banging my head off a wall I think, but as the day wore on I felt like I was getting the flu. The next day I thought I definitely had the flu, and by bedtime last night I could barely move. Today I know I dont have the flu, theres just a feeling of extreme fatigue, and my lower stomach/torso feels like it wants to get out.

This is not a forum for medical advice, but you need to cop the fúck on and face the reality of your attempted overdose. If you took anymore than 10/15 tablets you will have serious liver issues(even 10 will cause damage without prompt treatment). Anymore than that and taking into account body weight then you are in serious and I mean serious trouble if you don't get prompt treatment this minute, today, NOW. From your description it sounds like you're in early second stage of paracetamol induced damage. The abdominal pain is not a good sign. If you were nauseous and threw up that's another symptom. The next stage will likely be that you'll start to feel better. That's when the hepatic damage is really being done. Every hour you waste on here or feeling sorry for yourself is an hour where the chances of successful treatment are lessoning. There is a stage reached where nothing can be done short of liver transplantation and if you let this go another day you'll be very close to that stage. I've seen someone up close die from liver failure and it's not a good way to go. So forget our bullshít, forget about your lovelife, forget about going to your GP, as Thaedydal wrote you need to go to an A&E NOW! I mean NOW!

I'm gonna go see my doctor later but I'm worried he'll doubt my sanity if i tell him.

Then he would be a shít doctor. I don't believe that anyway. Anyone presenting with a suicide attempt are considered seriously. In any case A&E is where you NEED to go.

You can't improve your life if you're not around to see it.

Fysh

notverywell10 wrote:

I also want to mention that while having sex may be normal everyday behaviour to all of you, it was a sacred bond with my girlfriend, and also I'll admit she was my first real sexual partner, which wasnt lustful to me, but felt pure and was an act of love. Theres nothing wrong with feeling this, except in the real world this is viewed as naivity. Have to go but will write more later.

That's great. Such a sacred bond that you felt the need to split up, then get jealous about any other man touching her and thus string her along without properly committing to anything, and then get all snotty about her having the presence of mind to not just sit around waiting for you to decide whether or not she was the right girl for you.

Seriously. While there are all sorts of reasons which might explain why you did what you did, at the end of the day you tried to play games with her and got burned. The thing to do now (once you've sorted out the inmmediate issue with the paracetamol etc) is man up, accept that you started the chain of events that led to things going pearshaped, and then talk to this supposed "beautiful virgin love" of yours about what's happened, what you both want, and whether there's any way of getting that from a relationship between you. Personally, I think you need some time alone to sort your head out and understand why things went wrong this time around, but that's for you and herself to decide.

Good luck with the trip to the doctor.

Ekancone

Miss Fluff wrote:

Too flipping right she felt confused. Did you honestly expect her to wear black and lock herself in the attic to grieve over you? Chances are she had booked her flight while you were still messing her about. You let her down before, how wasn't she supposed to keep her options open? Sounds like she really is sorry now so give her a break.

I agree, a lot of blame lays with you man, but yeah she shouldnt have lied. But thats life.