Invention thread!

red_ice

I wish they had an invention so that when ever im in my car on the way to work/etc.. and someone

1: cuts me up
2: sits at the lights applying makeup
3: drives at 10mph on the duel carrageway
4: doesnt know the rules of the road

a big fork would shoot out from under my car going right under the middle and right hand side of their car, then lifting their car 30 feet up in the air and off to the side of the road, into a wall, river, what ever, potentially killing the idiot infront of my car doing any of the above. Man i would love that!!

What invention would you love?

DarkJager

A knacker zapper.

Ishmael

A pocket sized Doughnut making machine.

AlmightyCushion

I wish they'd invent the reversible sedgewick.

Caliden

AlmightyCushion wrote:

I wish they'd invent the reversible sedgewick.

I wish I knew what a sedgewick was...


I want a machine that mashes your potatoes for you, I take far too long doing my own so they're the right consistantcy and they end up going cold every time

xzanti

Ejector seats for helicopters

Terry

Screw you, buddy.
Nobody here is getting their grubby hands on my ideas.

phasers

right now I'm working as glue that doubles as salad dressing

The_B_Man

a machine that prints money!!

AlmightyCushion

The_B_Man wrote:

a machine that prints money!!

It's already invented. It's called Harry Potter.

red_ice

AlmightyCushion wrote:

It's already invented. It's called Harry Potter.

TAXI!

AlmightyCushion

red_ice wrote:

TAXI!

I'm going, I'm going.

The_B_Man

ye she was sum jammy git! im gonna write a book about a frog who inherits a bakery, and can make magic cakes that giv u special powers but he also has an evil Toad who is trying to get a hostile takeover of the company so he can poison the magical flour beans with mind control raisins in order to take over the world. the frog will have a ginger badger friend and a very young, but strangely, and illegally, hot fox friend too. ill make a fortune!! especially among the paedophile beastiality circles!!

xzanti

Why does this scene spring to mind when I read this thread

http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb272/Tanyamoet/Makeup.jpg

Slow Motion

Caliden wrote:

I want a machine that mashes your potatoes for you, I take far too long doing my own so they're the right consistantcy and they end up going cold every time

It's called a blender

Pherekydes

I wish they had an invention so that whenever someone

1: starts an idiotic thread
2: writes duel carrageway in place of dual carraigeway
3: doesn't know the rules of the apostrophe

a big fork would shoot out and lift the idiot and dump them in the nearest lake. Man I would love that!

JIZZLORD

AlmightyCushion wrote:

I wish they'd invent the reversible sedgewick.

do go on...

The_B_Man

How about a plasma toilet. While ur havin a piss, u can be watchin Hi-Def TV in the water. a bit like the time in the slime thing, except in Hi-Def! of course, the toilet would have it own built in satellite dish/receiver, as well as a viewing card slot.

Thomas_S_Hunterson

xzanti wrote:

Ejector seats for helicopters

They already have them, the main rotors are usually fitted with explosives and are designed to self-destruct milliseconds before the seat ejects.


Duhhh!!!!!

BKtje

Left handed spatula

AlmightyCushion

JIZZLORD wrote:

do go on...

Well it's basically a sedgewick but reversible. It would be quiet handy.

Duggy747

A pistol that shoots Uranium bullets, an invention that would surely win the Nobel Peace Prize!!

Fart Grenades.

An IT job after I finish this current one that dosen't require 50,000 - 50,001 years experience, has nothing to do with Software Development, and is located nowhere near Dublin but in Connacht instead would be nice, though I think I'm letting my imagination run away here.

A Teleporter would be handy, roll out of bed, slap on the clothes, step in the machine and *POP* your arrive at your desk!

An MP3 Player that is embedded in your brain so you can turn it on just by thinking of whatever song.

An EMP (Electro-Magnetic-Pulse) device that can wipe out any Boy Racer car passing by you by the press of a button.

A self Guinness-making machine that fits snuggly beside your couch.

Some sort of Pool table-queue counter that can correctly display who's next up on the table, I'm sick of missing my game!!

Plug

A **** machine for the quite nights when your wife is off playing bridge and also it will have to clean up the mess. *starts designing*

Duggy747

Plug wrote:

A **** machine for the quite nights when your wife is off playing bridge and also it will have to clean up the mess. *starts designing*

I do believe your woes are over. Google up the FleshLight, a marvel in **** technology!

b_beep

Yep, not taking my chances looking at that link
*looks over shoulders*

User45701

red_ice wrote:

I wish they had an invention so that when ever im in my car on the way to work/etc.. and someone

1: cuts me up
2: sits at the lights applying makeup
3: drives at 10mph on the duel carrageway
4: doesnt know the rules of the road

a big fork would shoot out from under my car going right under the middle and right hand side of their car, then lifting their car 30 feet up in the air and off to the side of the road, into a wall, river, what ever, potentially killing the idiot infront of my car doing any of the above. Man i would love that!!

What invention would you love?

Thats silly.

think about it, have u been on the road like a duel carrageway or the motor way when there is a crash on the other side? the irish drivers are nosey ***** they all slow down to have a look, your plan would just make traffic worse.

A good invention would be some sort of Bio-logical (sp?) weapon that is abale to elimanate 90% of the worlds population in a single shot

AlmightyCushion

A skin for boards that makes it looks perfectly normal from a foot away but any farther then that and it looks like something work related. Perfect for when the boss walks by your desk.

red_ice

red_ice wrote:

I wish they had an invention so that when ever im in my car on the way to work/etc.. and someone

1: cuts me up
2: sits at the lights applying makeup
3: drives at 10mph on the duel carrageway
4: doesnt know the rules of the road

a big fork would shoot out from under my car going right under the middle and right hand side of their car, then lifting their car 30 feet up in the air and off to the side of the road, into a wall, river, what ever, potentially killing the idiot infront of my car doing any of the above. Man i would love that!!

What invention would you love?

You could buy one of these at ridiculous expense. Beef up the robotic arm a bit and it should be able to throw cars about quite nicely I'd imagine.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffalo_%28mine_protected_vehicle%29

BrokenArrows

Duggy747 wrote:

An MP3 Player that is embedded in your brain so you can turn it on just by thinking of whatever song.

Now that would be cool. Listen to music anytime you want and noone would ever know. It would improve the mood of the world no end.

You can just imagine George Bush's mind during peace talks....

" I love you, you love me..... something something family"

or maybe his mind would just be whitenoise i dont know.

Grrrrr. Im finished lunch break. Back to work for me.

Reku

Duggy747 wrote:

A pistol that shoots Uranium bullets, an invention that would surely win the Nobel Peace Prize!!

Some AP tank rounds are made of depleted uranium for the added momentum.

AlmightyCushion

A computer that had components like a transformer. They could transform into newer, faster, components. Never have to buy a computer again. Also transformers would be cool.

Duggy747

AlmightyCushion wrote:

A computer that had components like a transformer. They could transform into newer, faster, components.

That makes absolutlely no sense!?! Why not just transform your components into something that won't be released for 6,000 years?

An invisible cloak would be handy. Wear it into work, piss in the coffee jug and Hot water container, stand back and marvel in your work when break time hits!

seamus

Something a little more serious - built-in jack in your car.

Step out of vehicle, remove keys, press button on dash, and *whirrrrr* the front/rear left/right of the vehicle lifts into the air, then lifts the spare wheel into an easily removeable position. When you're done, reverse.

Simple.

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

That makes absolutlely no sense!?! Why not just transform your components into something that won't be released for 6,000 years?

Transformers can only transform into something they can see or something like that or at least that's what I gathered from the film. Also good luck getting drivers for something that won't exist for another 6,000 years [/geek]

Duggy747 wrote:

An invisible cloak would be handy. Wear it into work, piss in the coffee jug and Hot water container, stand back and marvel in your work when break time hits!

Or piss in your bosses mouth as he goes for his afternoon nap.

Duggy747

seamus wrote:

Something a little more serious - built-in jack in your car.

Step out of vehicle, remove keys, press button on dash, and *whirrrrr* the front/rear left/right of the vehicle lifts into the air, then lifts the spare wheel into an easily removeable position. When you're done, reverse.

Yeesh! With all the serious talk of **** devices, transforming components, and ejector seats for helicopters, you come along with probably the daftest idea on this thread. Tsk, Tsk

*While Seamus is distracted reading this post Duggy legs it off to patent "built-in jack" idea*

Oh, an ever-lasting fag would be nice........................though that would probably kill you!

AlmightyCushion wrote:

Or piss in your bosses mouth as he goes for his afternoon nap.

Well, if the boss was asleep with their mouth open you'd have to put things in there

Terry

Duggy, please don't link to adult products. Thanks.

AlmightyCushion

Duggy747 wrote:

Well, if the boss was asleep with their mouth open you'd have to put things in there

I'm a good aim so won't need to go anywhere near there.

b_beep

AlmightyCushion wrote:

A skin for boards that makes it looks perfectly normal from a foot away but any farther then that and it looks like something work related. Perfect for when the boss walks by your desk.

+1
AlmightyCushion is going for gold

xzanti

A device built into seat belts to deter infants and children from unbuckling themselves while in transit.. A small screen is fitted into the back of passenger or driver seat which can be used for video games, tv and dvd and will not work unless the seat belt is securely fastened... (patent pending)

I'm off to the Dragon's Layer with that bad boy..

xzanti

Double post

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

i'd want a tardis

and some spektrox

DRakE

Thread title brings to mind.....

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances -<
* nmp3bot dances |-<
* nmp3bot dances /-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

DRakE

AlmightyCushion wrote:

A skin for boards that makes it looks perfectly normal from a foot away but any farther then that and it looks like something work related. Perfect for when the boss walks by your desk.

Oh hello.
http://www.snapfiles.com/get/mwwebbrowser.html

MW Web Browser is a simple IE based browser interface that allows you to quickly switch to a fake Microsoft Word document when your boss walks into the room. Switching can be done via keyboard shortcut...

AlmightyCushion

DRakE wrote:

Oh hello.
http://www.snapfiles.com/get/mwwebbrowser.html

MW Web Browser is a simple IE based browser interface that allows you to quickly switch to a fake Microsoft Word document when your boss walks into the room. Switching can be done via keyboard shortcut...

Blocked by websence. Fúckin' typical.