Girlfriend says she is pregnant, I'm not sure

LegacyUser

to cut a long story short she is pregnant but i dont think she is

i believe that she is not pregnant and is just saying this to try and stop me breaking up with her and leaving the country(secured a good job in america and will be moving there for the foreseeable future)

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a few truthful facts:

1. all along she said she took the pill but tonight she said she missed it a few times etc (seen her taking it in front of me but it is of course possible she is telling the truth and has missed it)

2. i never come inside her(pull out very early and finish myself off) (however i know preejaculation is possible etc)

3. she (says she) loves me but i dont love her and have never said i have either, and known i have not loved her for a while, was just waiting till i left to break up with her. i know, should have broken up as soon as i knew or at least told her i didnt love her, and have learned my lesson for the future, but i actually did enjoy her company(for the most part)

4. she usually brings up missing her period when we are fighting, twice before i have brought her to chemist myself and twice she has passed pregnancy tests, tonight has been the biggest argument in a while and she has told me shes pregnant(she did it today but i cant understand why she would go out drinking and not mention it till now)

5. (and i feel horrible saying this but) i (will) be pretty well off, shes fine too however my job is far better than any of my previous ones, (to give you an idea: about 3 times the salary of my last one) she could also properly love me and money may not have anything to do with this

=========

i need some advice, if ye could help me with the following questions it would be great!

-what the hell am i supposed to say to her in the morning?
-if she is telling the truth and is pregnant what will i do?
-if she is ^^^^^^^ do i have any rights or am i paying child support for the rest of my life?

-(and what im crossing my fingers for)if she is not pregnant should i just turn a blind eye and break up with her without even mentioning it?


i feel so bad cause i (think i) know how much she likes me but i dont feel the same.
cant help but feeling like ive just made the biggest mistake ever, been lying in bed staring at the roof for the past few hours(she has been sleeping away, unconcsious! she had a fair few pints tho)



ps. sorry if you find my post difficult to make sense of, and please offer advice for worst case scenarios! thanks for your time

Victor

anon1234567 wrote:

i believe that she is not pregnant and is just saying this to try and stop me breaking up with her and leaving the country(secured a good job in america and will be moving there for the foreseeable future)

Then you need to find the truth.

1. all along she said she took the pill but tonight she said she missed it a few times etc (seen her taking it in front of me but it is of course possible she is telling the truth and has missed it)

Who knows? It won't solve anything. Ignore it for t he moment.

2. i never come inside her(pull out very early and finish myself off) (however i know preejaculation is possible etc)

Irrelevant, as you say.

3. she (says she) loves me but i dont love her and have never said i have either,

You also fight. Is it a matter of (a) not loving her or (b) hating her?

4. she usually brings up missing her period when we are fighting, twice before i have brought her to chemist myself and twice she has passed pregnancy tests, tonight has been the biggest argument in a while and she has told me shes pregnant(she did it today but i cant understand why she would go out drinking and not mention it till now)

It does sound like crying wolf. However, the ante has been upped and I suppose you need the situation clarified. Make a doctor's appointment. It can be for a pregnancy test and/or alcohol / pregnancy / relationship counselling.

5. (and i feel horrible saying this but) i (will) be pretty well off, shes fine too however my job is far better than any of my previous ones, (to give you an idea: about 3 times the salary of my last one) she could also properly love me and money may not have anything to do with this

I doubt if its the money, I would think its you that she wants. She sees you moving to America as losing you.

-what the hell am i supposed to say to her in the morning?

I think ask her quite calmly if she has anything to say about what was said tonight and see what she has to say. Either she retracts or confirms. Suggest the doctor route.

-if she is telling the truth and is pregnant what will i do?

I don't think anyone here can or should make that decision for you. I'm sure you know what is the 'right' thing, but she doesn't own you. Let the decisions you make show who you are.

-if she is ^^^^^^^ do i have any rights or am i paying child support for the rest of my life?

If you aren't married, the father has few rights in Irish law. Potentially, you come to an amicable agreement involving support and visitation rights.

i feel so bad cause i (think i) know how much she likes me but i dont feel the same.

That just means you have different opinions. It doesn’t make you (nor her) a ‘bad person’.

cant help but feeling like ive just made the biggest mistake ever, been lying in bed staring at the roof for the past few hours(she has been sleeping away, unconcsious! she had a fair few pints tho)

You are working from a position of uncertainty (as to whether she is pregnant). Your first job is to confirm the situation.

-(and what im crossing my fingers for)if she is not pregnant should i just turn a blind eye and break up with her without even mentioning it?

If she has to resort to stunts to keep you, then I suspect the relationship doesn't have much distance to run. No more penetrative sex.

If it was me and the relationship was deteriorating into fights and false claims and she pulled a stunt like that, I'd feel some sympathy. But I'd drop her like she was hot.

Riamfada

Id just mirror everything Victor said, hope not too see you on Jerry Springer thou.


I have known girls who lie about pregnancy to keep a man, I have never known one of those men to stay.

Miss Fluff

She sounds like a She-Devil tbh. It sounds from past behaviour she is bluffing. March her to the doctor, take a test and if she is not pregnant for God's sake don't sleep with the nutter again. Type of girl who will get pregnant anyway and try and pawn it off as yours so get a definitive NO (which I hope it is for your sake) and then get shot.

By the way, you sound pretty spineless, why have you continued to use her until you go away when you have no feelings for her?

Riamfada

Miss Fluff wrote:

By the way, you sound pretty spineless, why have you continued to use her until you go away when you have no feelings for her?

Thats kinda unfair, breaking up with someone is alot more complicated then that. He obviously loved her once and even the decision to break up with someone takes alot of time and through that time the relationship goes on. You can be with someone for a long time, enjoy their company and indeed love them but not be IN love with them. Want to be with that person but not in a relationship.

spurious

There are two possibilities -
a. she is pregnant
b. she is not pregnant

All the speculation about how, when and whether she took the Pill is neither here nor there.

Mind you, this is all hypothetical - get a pregnancy test and see if there is any issue to consider at all.

Then regardless of result, leave, stay with family or a mate until you go to America - it's not fair on her to stay and continue sleeping with her, knowing you don't feel anything for her and are just gagging to leave.

If she turns out not to be pregnant, from your point of view there is no real difficulty. You are leaving the country.

If she turns out to be pregnant, do you wish to be part of the child's life from 3000+ miles away, with no legal rights under Irish law? This involves a lot more than just sending money. It means visits, time spent with the child, a lifetime's connection to her, knowing she wants you back. It really is too much of an issue to speculate on without knowing if she is pregnant or not. A confirmed pregnancy might even affect you in a way that surprises you. You won't know until you test.

CathyMoran

If she is pregnant she should not be drinking enough to go unconscious. You will only find out if she is pregnant if she does a test, so you should bring her to a doctor to find out. The ramifications of her being pregnant are huge on both of you so I wish you all the best.

seamus

What I read from your post is that you don't love her. Break up with her, end of. Whether she is pregnant or not is irrelevant - you don't maintain a relationship with someone just because you knocked them up.

Once you've broken up with her, you'll find out very quickly whether she's telling the truth. Buy a pregnancy test, ask her to take it and you both observe the results.

Maple

get a test or bring her to the doctor to find out once and for all if she really is pregnant.

if its a negative result then break up with her and have nothing more to do with her.

seamus

seamus wrote:

What I read from your post is that you don't love her. Break up with her, end of. Whether she is pregnant or not is irrelevant - you don't maintain a relationship with someone just because you knocked them up.

Once you've broken up with her, you'll find out very quickly whether she's telling the truth. Buy a pregnancy test, ask her to take it and you both observe the results.

QFT!
(Quoted for truth)

100% agree.

po0k

20 squids say she's lying.

I call Shennanigans on that succubus.

If she thinks she's pregnant, she shouldn't be drinking.

Nevyn

Get her a pregnancy test and when it turns negative the I would suggest you consider ending the relationship. Blackmail of that nature should not be tolerated.

DarkJager

Exactly. Make her take the pregnancy test, and if its negative then finish the relationship immediately. I also suggest that she get some counselling, because women who use lies like pregnancy to keep a man need to have their heads checked.

seamus

Thaedydal wrote:

Get her a pregnancy test and when it turns negative the I would suggest you consider ending the relationship. Blackmail of that nature should not be tolerated.

Just a little off-topic - would you advise that he continues the relationship in the event that she actually is pregnant?

LegacyUser

How come the woman here is being portrayed as a psycho when the guy has being leading her on, getting his hole, knowing damn well how she feels about him?
Pair of em in it if you ask me.
What goes around comes around.

dellas1979

Yeah. First and foremost get her to do a test in front of you to confirm the prenancy. I wouldnt even tell her I was getting it. Id just turn up with a test.

You obviously dont trust her, for possible good reasons, so that is what I think you should do.

lady_j

anon1234567 wrote:

2. i never come inside her(pull out very early and finish myself off) (however i know preejaculation is possible etc)

Surely it would be easier to use a condom... especially if she'd said a few times she'd missed periods

anon1234567 wrote:

-what the hell am i supposed to say to her in the morning?

Ask her to take a pregnancy test, espcially as you are moving soon.

anon1234567 wrote:

-if she is telling the truth and is pregnant what will i do?
-if she is ^^^^^^^ do i have any rights or am i paying child support for the rest of my life?

If she is pregnant, then you should look after the child, pay child support and if you can have some involvement in the childs life. You do not however have to stay with your girlfriend. Being in a loveless relationship will not help anything.

Nevyn

seamus wrote:

Just a little off-topic - would you advise that he continues the relationship in the event that she actually is pregnant?

IF she is not pregnant he can cut all ties and contacts to her if he so chooses.

If she is pregnant the it may be not possible to do that,
while it is possible not to be in a relationship with the other parent but there still has to be a relationship with the other parent and to have some contact and communication with them esp if he wants a relationship with the child (if there is one).

Staying together for the sake of the children only makes everyone miserable.

milkerman

Oh Man!
Your relationship really is all screwed up.
You cannot compel her to carry out a pregnancy test in front of you. If she is willing to carry out the test then do so straight away and perform a follow up test/doctors visit 3/4 days later.
Regardless of pregnancy or not, I dont think you love her.
If she is pregnant and you are the father you will be liable for support - live with it. If she is not pregnant you can breathe a deep sigh of relief, then RUN LIKE HELL!
Either way, I think a single one-way ticket to the US is your best option.

ntlbell

I've seen this movie before.

Enjoy your new job, and when she goes to the uk for an "abortion" you can be safe in the knowledge she's just daggering the little doll of you she made while waiting on the bunnys to boil.

karma takes care of women like this.

DRakE

She's lying!

As people have said, get her to take a test and observe the results together.. when it shows negative, you might be lucky enough to catch her offguard with one of these

PeakOutput

howcomethen wrote:

How come the woman here is being portrayed as a psycho when the guy has being leading her on, getting his hole, knowing damn well how she feels about him?
Pair of em in it if you ask me.
What goes around comes around.

there is a difference between leading someone on and never telling them you love them and knowing yourself that the relationship will not last when you move 3Kmiles away

if she is not pregnant she is a lieing cow and should be dropped immedietley and never spoken to again..........fk her........if she is pregnant she should be dumped anyway and worry about how your going to support the kid after that..

in fact dump her before the pregnancy test is done that way you cant be accused of being a selfish coward or whatever. make sure she does take a pregnancy test as you dont want her coming back in a month actually pregnant telling you its yours after sleeping with some random guy(unlikely but if she is willing to lie about it in the first place you never know)

Marksie

DRaKE: I unbanned you yesterday after a week and your first post back is the one above?

I strongly suggest you read the charter before you post in future

kelly1979

the only advice i could give u is to not have sex with her again, ESPECIALLY NOW as if shes not pregnant, then she will now be trying her hardest to get pregnant, i.e. dont take the attitude of whats the point in wearing a condom, the damage is already done.

pepper

Bit off topic but a friend of mine reliased a few months back she was pregnant and like you her bf didnt believe her- however unlike ur gf she gave him no reason to think she was lying. But he didnt believe her- he demanded she go to the docs and on the day she was due to go she miscarried- he was standing there when it happeded- but once again he didnt believ it even when she was bleeding

There are some men who wont believe something even when its happening right in front of them

Sorry was off topic but anyway- i think girls who pretend to get pregnant are disgusting- i personally dont think shes pregnant- no self respecting woman would drink herself into a coma after they reliased they were pregnant- i think she said it in a drunken rage and i think its time to get on that plane and spit on her as your flying over her


Cos shes a liar

JCDUB

Get thee straight to a doctor dude.

If she's not pregnant I would walk out of the surgery immediately and leave her there to deal with the embarrassment in front of the doctor.

Oh and I'd also make sure she's left to look after the €50 at reception on her way out as a final "fook you."

nesf

seamus wrote:

Just a little off-topic - would you advise that he continues the relationship in the event that she actually is pregnant?

Only if he honestly believes that it could work. Otherwise it could do more harm than good.

LegacyUser

pepper wrote:

no self respecting woman would drink herself into a coma after they reliased they were pregnant- i

Maybe she's not self respecting.
Maybe she has no intention of keeping of it.

Plenty of women drink themselves stupid while pregnant.
It's by no means right but it happens.

The fact that she is drinking proves nothing.

Ava Grace

I think the above advice, whilst a little judgmental about your girlfriend at times, is sound. Establish what your problem is, whether she is in fact pregnant or just manipulating you and then decide on a course of action. Don't spin out over situations that could only potentially arise, keep your head together and get it sorted.

Also don't break up with her until you know for a fact whether she is pregnant or not. She doesn't have to disclose this information to you and might decide not to tell you either way if she's p*issed with you and wants to turn your world upside down. Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned!

dudara

None of us know the story here and the people involved. I have 2 observations and they are completely independent.

1. Either she takes a pregnancy test and you observe, or she provides documented proof from a GP

2. You are in a relationship with a woman you say that you don't love. You know what you must do, regardless of whether she is pregnant or not.

The Corinthian

anon1234567 wrote:

what the hell am i supposed to say to her in the morning?

"Let's go get a test"

if she is telling the truth and is pregnant what will i do?

Consider your options. Find out if you want to be a father and if you want to be even indirectly tied to this woman for the rest of your life. Take your time - you've got nine months to decide.

if she is ^^^^^^^ do i have any rights or am i paying child support for the rest of my life?

Technically not really. My guess is she's the type to keep it in the idiotic fantasy that it'll keep you together, or that it'll define her, or fsck knows what. My advice is ascertain very quickly if she wants you to be part of that decision or if she just wants to string you along with that promise.

As a father you have the right to pay and that's about it. If you want more rights as a father you will need to negotiate with her or drag her through the courts. If you want to walk away, you should be able to easily enough as long as you are leaving the country - in theory she can pursue you in the US, in practice its not feasible.

In both cases anything is possible as long as you're ruthless enough.

(and what im crossing my fingers for)if she is not pregnant should i just turn a blind eye and break up with her without even mentioning it?

Never sleep with her again. Ever.

i feel so bad cause i (think i) know how much she likes me but i dont feel the same.

You're not a charity. Get over it.

sillymoo2007

Imo She's a lying toe rag bring her to the docs for documented test and then drop kick her sorry ass into mars. Pick yourself up off the floor, pack your bags and get the hell out of her life and go enjoy the thousands of new oppurtunities you have coming up in yours.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote:

Staying together for the sake of the children only makes everyone miserable.

OT - Not always true! It can work out if both are willing to work on it...

metrovelvet

I hope you end up married. You deserve each other.

Victor

howcomethen wrote:

How come the woman here is being portrayed as a psycho when the guy has being leading her on, getting his hole, knowing damn well how she feels about him?

Its quite common for people to have sex, even if they don't love each other. In any relationship (at whatever level). Someone loves the other person more. Even couples having bad break-ups still have sex.

To say the OP is a psychopath on this basis is exaggerating.

SarahSassy

Miss Fluff wrote:

By the way, you sound pretty spineless, why have you continued to use her until you go away when you have no feelings for her?

I agree 100%. You dont love her, have let her away with unstable behaviour and continue to sleep (without using a condom) with someone who has faked 2 pregnancies before... Why are you surprised????

You deserve each other and I hope that there is no child dragged into this unholy mess.....

Whether she is pg or not, you need to finish with her. The relationship is toxic and there is no real future for you together. You can be a good Dad to the child without being in a relationship with her.. In future, USE A CONDOM especially when shagging unstable women.

comongethappy

It sounds like she's lying - generally pregnancy test will show straight away. But then again my friend did home tests, doc's tests, and it was only when she went to hospital for an ultrasound did she find she was pregnant (nearly 4 months on). But that was an extreme and odd case. Go to the docs, and if the results are negative, then she's lying. Anyhow, if she is pregnant, you have a responsibility to the child, not to her. Explain that to her, and maybe she'll get thru that if she's lying, you still won't stick w/ her.

Kinetic^

Dump her straight away.

Then if she turns out to be pregnant you can deal with it then.

Don't get her to take a pregnancy test as if she's as screwed as you say she could turn into a bunny boiler. Stop having giggidy with her as she might say that you don't need protection as she's pregnant already..........which if she's not, will get her pregnant.

Run for the hills until she comes back with a kid.

Poco Loco

I don't think you're spineless, I think you just took the easy way out and from the sounds of her she's hard work - you're only human. I totally agree that you should finish with her before the pregnancy test. That way she can never say it was anything to do wtih the baby (whether the baby exists or not).

PeakOutput

so op care to share what you did and what has happened?

Victor

PeakOutput wrote:

so op care to share what you did and what has happened?

Marla Singer, stop being a tourist.

Froot

Go with her to get a doctors opinion.

If she is not pregnant tell her to f*ck off and be done with her.

If she is then you have some thinking to do as to whether you want to help her or not. Either way just get something done about it and don't let her drag it out.

LegacyUser

Victor wrote:

Its quite common for people to have sex, even if they don't love each other. In any relationship (at whatever level). Someone loves the other person more. Even couples having bad break-ups still have sex.

To say the OP is a psychopath on this basis is exaggerating.

Happened to me - was married for three years and it was going down fast. We were having sex maybe 3 times A YEAR at this point, (people have sex occasionally, even when things get this bad) and just when I was about to say enough was enough, she tells me she's pregnant (and she was in this case). She was also on the pill, and swore she never stopped. So I was trapped I felt, and tried the staying together for the sake of the kids thing (which really is always a bad idea, I know now).

The relationship was terrible of course, and when things got bad, and she felt I was going to leave, she'd pull all sorts of emotional blackmail out including "if you leave, I'll make sure you never see the children again ever". The threat kept me from doing the right thing for a number of years, but she got worse and worse, and eventually I felt if I didn't leave, I'd end up killing myself as the only other escape, and I made the sane choice. I wish I did it years earlier.

Don't get yourself involved with anyone using these sort of blackmail tactics, you wouldn't be doing anyone any favors staying in this relationship.