How to get to talk to this guy?

LegacyUser

Hey all

Just looking for a quick little bit of advice on something which in reality will probably end up seeming quite trivial, but still....


I work in a small company in a large building which has loads of other companies. Worked here about 3 years. I've known the maintenance guy to see ever since, and always thought he was kinda cute, but recently i've really started to fancy him! He seems like a quite nice fella as well and makes me laugh...

Anyway the problem is that I'm at a bit of a loss as to how to get to know him more. If he was actually working with me it'd be a different story, but because he's working all over the building, I only see him about the building, and he does pop in to our office with his colleague now and then to do bits and pieces, but I can't really start a conversation or start flirting with him in the middle of my office lol. He knows my name and says hi when we do see each other, and smiles, and I think he might like me, but don't want to presumer either. I would really like to get to know him better to find out. Does anyone have any advice on how I could get an opportunity to talk to him or get to know him better??

Thx
Lizzy

CliffHuxtabel

Does he have a station within the building or a place where he usually is? Find out where he usually is and then be around there more often to increase your chances of an interaction.
Maybe you could sit near him in the canteen if you see him there.
Unless youre willing chat to him while he is in your office then you have to go out and seek him. Im sure he'll be flattered by your attention.
Good luck

LegacyUser

'

Lizzy7 wrote:

Hey all

Just looking for a quick little bit of advice on something which in reality will probably end up seeming quite trivial, but still....


I work in a small company in a large building which has loads of other companies. Worked here about 3 years. I've known the maintenance guy to see ever since, and always thought he was kinda cute, but recently i've really started to fancy him! He seems like a quite nice fella as well and makes me laugh...

---

Hi there

Not to discourage you, but, I think if a bloke really likes ya, he'll ask ya out sooner or later. The smiles and the flirting could just be him being a flirt, men love that. Is there a main reception into the building? If there is maybe you could get chatty with the receptionist /s and see if they know anything about him. Speaking from experience any time I purseued a guy it didn't last, I think even men who say they like women who come onto them are a little scared when it happens in real life. Am I being too old fashioned here? I can only speak from what I have encountered myself though! I'd say keep smiling, but if he wants to make a move eventually he will. Loads of people smile and flirt back when last thing they would ever do is ask someone out because they're already spoken for. But for your sake I hope the case is diefferent!! Good luck'

matt-dublin

Do the uber cheesey thing...

write your phone number on a piece of paper, and hand it to him the next time your passing by with a bit of a smirk on your face...

keep it simple.

matt-dublin

@kopelli:

we're in the 21st century now where blokes are alot shyer and where wemon are asking a lot more men out. That is a fairly stereotypical attitude to have and i don't think too many people look at it that way now. He just might not have the guts to ask her out. You can't use your own experiences of chasing men as a generalism for it never working out.

Star Lord

matt-dublin wrote:

we're in the 21st century now where blokes are alot shyer and where wemon are asking a lot more men out. That is a fairly stereotypical attitude to have and i don't think too many people look at it that way now. He just might not have the guts to ask her out. You can't use your own experiences of chasing men as a generalism for it never working out.

Seconded. He could be thinking "She wouldn't be interested".

OP I say that maybe you should organise a night out with some co-workers, and invite him along!

Loomis

DamoElDiablo wrote:

Seconded. He could be thinking "She wouldn't be interested".

OP I say that maybe you should organise a night out with some co-workers, and invite him along!

Second this. Makes it a little more casual so if he's not interested he's saying no to going to a work 'do' rather than no to a date and makes it a little less awkward for both

LegacyUser

matt-dublin wrote:

@kopelli:

we're in the 21st century now where blokes are alot shyer and where wemon are asking a lot more men out. That is a fairly stereotypical attitude to have and i don't think too many people look at it that way now. He just might not have the guts to ask her out. You can't use your own experiences of chasing men as a generalism for it never working out.

Hi and in relation to that...well, gimme a bit of respite, I did ask was it being old fashioned - which I will allow room to change my view on. Stereotypical attitudes and cliches are normally formed from a whole lot of truths which continuosly happen. Why are men shyer in the 21st century? And my own "experiences of chasing men....as a generalism for it never working out"...I don't recall saying that. I said the once or twice I have asked guys out it didn't bode too well. My opnion is that men are mostly initially very flattered when they get this kind of attention, but for the most part a guy likes to pick who he wants to go out with and pursue it a little himself. It's part of the male psyche and regardless of women being more emancipated, attitudes being more relaxed and modern and everyone pretty much doing what they wanna do, boys will be boys at the end of the day, and they do still like to wear the trousers to a certaiun extent. And as to the he might not have the guts commment, well, tchyeahh...
I am not tryna discourage the OP from going for it, I am just putting my opinion out there, but you're entitled to yours too...by the way, what are you doing Friday? LOL

matt-dublin

Kopelli wrote:

by the way, what are you doing Friday? LOL

Apparently you're bringin me out on a date!

But in all seriousness, You can't comment on the male phsyce if you're not a male, or qualified to comment on it.

Yes there is the element of the chase that everyone likes, hide and seek and all that stuff.

But This is a funny game, and i've seen it work on plenty of occasions, but it works well like the following...

Girl lets guy know she's kind of interested, i.e. passing phone number on...
Guy gets giddy, but doesn't know what to do... texts girl and says hi along with some smarmy/funny comment....

From then on, it goes back to the old way, with a bit of push/pull going on, sill games and what not. But usually it works because the girl first makes contact, and then makes the guy work in order to keep the contact going and to elevate it.

(i'm a david de angelo fan for anyone who can spot it!)

LegacyUser

Cool....I'm learning so!! Thanks for that. I hope for the OP she can make headway with it.

Star Lord

Kopelli wrote:

Hi and in relation to that...well, gimme a bit of respite, I did ask was it being old fashioned - which I will allow room to change my view on. Stereotypical attitudes and cliches are normally formed from a whole lot of truths which continuosly happen. Why are men shyer in the 21st century?

I think it's kinda gone along with the whole stronger women thing, that men are more likely to be knocked back, and in a less than gracious way at times, that it becomes offputting.

Kopelli wrote:

And my own "experiences of chasing men....as a generalism for it never working out"...I don't recall saying that. I said the once or twice I have asked guys out it didn't bode too well. My opnion is that men are mostly initially very flattered when they get this kind of attention, but for the most part a guy likes to pick who he wants to go out with and pursue it a little himself. It's part of the male psyche and regardless of women being more emancipated, attitudes being more relaxed and modern and everyone pretty much doing what they wanna do, boys will be boys at the end of the day, and they do still like to wear the trousers to a certaiun extent.

I can't speak from experience here, as I've never been asked out by a lady! But to me I'd be bloody grateful of it if I was in anyway interested at all!

Wibbs

matt-dublin wrote:

@kopelli:

we're in the 21st century now where blokes are alot shyer and where wemon are asking a lot more men out. That is a fairly stereotypical attitude to have and i don't think too many people look at it that way now. He just might not have the guts to ask her out. You can't use your own experiences of chasing men as a generalism for it never working out.

I have to agree with Kopelli on this one. It all depends on the man or woman. There have always been shy guys. It's not just a 21st century thing. Maybe there is a more delayed adolescence attitude going on, but the same general rules apply. I also think kopelli is correct with regard to women asking men out. Now it does depend on the man, but too many will get a bit freaked out with the woman makin the first move. Usually they're men who aren't too sure of themselves in the first place or just plainly don't fancy the woman. Most well sorted men would only be too happy to have a woman ask them out.

It's a hard one in Lizzy7's case. He could just be flirting for a reaction. If he spots you're responding that may egg him on more. It's a dilemma for you as if it does go pear shaped you have to see him again and again in work. Then again I met an ex of mine in a similar kind of situation to yours and she asked me out(though I was only in and out occasionally on consultancy work, I wasn't there all the time). It worked. We split over the usual stuff, so don't let that put you off.

Does he seem to "find" problems in your office to fix? Make excuses to be around you, that kind of thing? That would be a good sign.

In the end if you can't talk to him alone to gauge his reaction, I would say you're going to have to wait for him to be more obvious as if you do get blown out, work will be a bit of a pain.

matt-dublin

Wibbs wrote:

I have to agree with Kopelli on this one. It all depends on the man or woman. There have always been shy guys. It's not just a 21st century thing. Maybe there is a more delayed adolescence attitude going on, but the same general rules apply. I also think kopelli is correct with regard to women asking men out. Now it does depend on the man, but too many will get a bit freaked out with the woman makin the first move. Usually they're men who aren't too sure of themselves in the first place or just plainly don't fancy the woman. Most well sorted men would only be too happy to have a woman ask them out.

How do you think us men feel when we "have" to ask wemon out, we don't like the whole getting turned down thing going on...

and to be plain and simple, men in ireland don't ask wemon out or try and chat to them anymore pretty much because of how wemon tend to deal with the situation...

Take for example, a group of girls go out on the pull, but stay in a group, so it makes it difficult for a bloke to go up and talk to just one of them. And whe 1 does, the rest of her friends are sneering at him, trying to find problems with him, to make fun of what he says or to try and get him for themselves.

The majority of issues in ireland and dating have been brough on by wemon themselves, try and talk to a girl at a bar that isnt pissed and you get what the f*ck do you want syndrome...

All of this makes it increasingly difficult to ask wemon out, hence why more wemon are asking men out these days.

Any bloke that i know that has ever been asked out by a girl has always found it flattering, and of course something to brag to the lads about, but common, are you for real? Of course its gonna be some sort of a shock cos it doesn't happen too often, but its not going to have a detremental effect on how a bloke thinks about you!

My g/f asked me out, i loved it, and we're doing great!

Wemon have the same problems that men do about asking each other out, you can't just say that men have to do it because its their job. If you say that, I say you can have the same job as me, but you can't be paid the same. You lot fought so hard for equal rights, don't give out when you have them!

LegacyUser

Any bloke that i know that has ever been asked out by a girl has always found it flattering, and of course something to brag to the lads about, but common, are you for real? Of course its gonna be some sort of a shock cos it doesn't happen too often, but its not going to have a detremental effect on how a bloke thinks about you!

My g/f asked me out, i loved it, and we're doing great!

Wemon have the same problems that men do about asking each other out, you can't just say that men have to do it because its their job. If you say that, I say you can have the same job as me, but you can't be paid the same. You lot fought so hard for equal rights, don't give out when you have them![/QUOTE]


You are right and I'm glad for you. But what you're talking about with those girls you are referring to...well, that's a matter of good discernment. You guys don't have to ask all those kind of girls out, save the asking for a girl who's nice and who won't treat you like sh*t. And, yes, it is the 21st century and perfectly ok to ask a giy out, sometimes us girls are still a bit old fashioned though and like to be asked out, that's all. I think it probably does stem from being a tad insecure and wanting to know a guy is into you as much as you're into him, but the other scenario of a girl asking a guy out is cool too. OP I think overall the messga eis try let him know you like him but don't ask him striaght out. Is there anything broke in your apartment you could ask him to fix?!!!!

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for all the replies. Wanted to check earlier but had to be discreet cos in the office lol. I'm going to try and get a proper read of everything this evening. No he doesn't have a station unfortunately, he just be's around the building, and is in our office about once a day usually before lunch. There is him and one other guy who is about in his fifties, the two of them work together. I know when he takes lunch, he's usually in the canteen about ten to two, but because he be's with your man he works with it'd be hard to get talking to him. As I was saying he does say hello and smile and all that when he sees me, and I'm convinced he be's flirting, but that could be just the way he is generally, I really don't know. When I see him in the corridor or anything, if I could manage to strike up a conversation with him and get talking to him I'd be fine, but I've no idea what I could talk to him about. A while ago he helped me by getting boxes for me to move house, and I was talking to him then and he's lovely. Does anyone have any ideas on how I could strike up a conversation with him? I know someone suggested just writing down my number and handing it to him and walking away, but I'd be mortified. I'd gladly do this normally if I was out or something, but don't really fancy it when I know it's someone who I'll still see every day, and work would be a pain alright then lol. Also I really should think of a way to find out if he has a girlfriend. That would certainly be a start. Anyway I'll be off to the canteen at ten to two lol, and I know the guy he works with is off today, so if I sit in the canteen maybe he might join me... I wish!!!!!!! :P thanks guys for ur help on this...

LegacyUser

OP I think overall the messga eis try let him know you like him but don't ask him striaght out. Is there anything broke in your apartment you could ask him to fix?!!!![/QUOTE]


Thanks lol but I don't live in Dublin, commute each day, and live a good bit away, so not an option unfortunately, It is a great idea though... I'd be breaking a few things in the house to get him there lol!

Zebra3

Lizzy7 wrote:

Also I really should think of a way to find out if he has a girlfriend.

Simple. Ask him is he going on hols (or was he away already) and then ask him if it's a lads holiday.

AlanG

Zebra3 wrote:

Simple. Ask him is he going on hols (or was he away already) and then ask him if it's a lads holiday.

I second that - or just complain about the weather and then you can talk about that for a while, ask him if he has any plans for the weekend and take it from there. If he is doing something like going to the match you can then ask him about it next week and thus start another conversation and build on that, ask him for his email if he has one and send him a few jokes etc. You will soon have a few things in common to talk about.

biko

Next time you see him have a fake story prepared about an issue in the building. Pretend you're in a big hurry but take his phone (office) number of him and you'll ring later. Scooore

Wibbs

matt-dublin wrote:

How do you think us men feel when we "have" to ask wemon out, we don't like the whole getting turned down thing going on...

FYI I'm a man and yes it can be a pain, yes you do risk rejection, but if that's the way it unless you get lucky with a woman asking you out then, boo hoo, thems the breaks. Suck it up and move to the next, until you do find one that isn't a complete airhead gob****e. Hey if I get rejected I truly figure they're the ones missing out on me.

and to be plain and simple, men in ireland don't ask wemon out or try and chat to them anymore pretty much because of how wemon tend to deal with the situation...

Yes the "irish" woman syndrome. There is some truth to it. I've found women in and from foreign shores are far far easier to just strike up a conversation, if nothing else, without them automatically thinking you're on the pull. They are far less likely to start asking about your Job/bank details/how much you're worth two seconds after meeting you too. That's a very Irish thing. Generalisation yes, but it's what I've found.

The majority of issues in ireland and dating have been brough on by wemon themselves, try and talk to a girl at a bar that isnt pissed and you get what the f*ck do you want syndrome...

Yes but the Irish male has something to do with it too. The amount of men who require vast quantities of alcohol just to strike up a slurred conversation would put anyone off. If that's the general pickup technique you've been exposed to since youth I'm not surprised they are a pain to talk to.

All of this makes it increasingly difficult to ask wemon out, hence why more wemon are asking men out these days.

Cool if it happens. I would suggest men shouldn't wait for it to happen though. It may be a looooong wait.

Any bloke that i know that has ever been asked out by a girl has always found it flattering, and of course something to brag to the lads about,

True.

but common, are you for real? Of course its gonna be some sort of a shock cos it doesn't happen too often, but its not going to have a detremental effect on how a bloke thinks about you!

Depends on the bloke. I've seen it with my own two eyes going pearshaped and this was a woman who would be well in a position to pick and choose and she was his type. He basically got the fear for some reason and laughed it off. Silly boy.

Wemon have the same problems that men do about asking each other out,

With one extra. Because it is so rare it takes a lot more guts to take the possible rejection.

you can't just say that men have to do it because its their job.

No, but it is the general way of the world, especially in Ireland. We still have a touch of the 50's going on here.

If you say that, I say you can have the same job as me, but you can't be paid the same. You lot fought so hard for equal rights, don't give out when you have them!

Apples and oranges TBH. The thing is with the whole mating game all bets are off. It's a sellers market and the women are largely the ones in control of that market. The best looking man will be hit on way less than a plain woman throughout her life. Yes there are exceptions and yes it's a bit of a pain. All I'm saying to men is that if they're waiting and hoping for a woman to do the running they may get lucky, but they may also be waiting a long time.

cunnins4

the bit about asking if he's going on a lads holiday is a pretty good idea. Try sitting near him at lunch and if it's lashing rain out and you're near a window try one of those sighs that some people do when they want a chat "uggghhh, will this rain ever let up?....." but direct it in his general direction. Even though he's with the older guy, just to try and spark up a little conversation. Or if he's one of those guys who has inventive lunches that smell great, comment on that, ask what's in it etc.....

Or while he's in your office fixing whatever it is (printers?/telephones?) say you're having a similar problem with your printer/phone/kettle(!) at home and ask him to show you how to fix it.... then say something like "oh, i'll probably spend the whole weekend trying to do that...i won't get out with the girls tomorrow night" Steer the conversation to the weekend and what you're plans are. Ya can even try to get back to the weather thing "i'll miss the bbq tomorrow trying to fix it...ah well with weather like this, what's there to miss. Wish i was going on hols....do you have any planned yourself?"

Any conversation will do. It doesn't have to be a fantastic, super interesting one, just a bit of banter and make it move in the direction you want it.

By far the easiest way to score in work is on a night out though. If they're up for it with you, and ya make it slightly obvious that you're up for it, you're sorted.

boogey man

flash your tits when he walks by

Nevyn

boogey man unhelpful posting will get you banned from this forum.
Read the charter and abide by the rules while posting.

milkerman

Don't play games! You did that at school - leave it there.
Look him straight in the eye and ask him would he like to have lunch with you in the canteen, if he says no your dignity is still intact. If he says yes, you will have just lost half your sandwich. Then you can ask about holidays etc & he will have the clear opportunity to ask you out. Either way you will know where you are.