Taxi conversations

jester77

We all know that taxi drivers are unique, almost a breed of their own. But the journeys do make for some very interesting and somewhat very odd conversations from time to time.

One particular one that stands out for me was a taxi driver who was a bit of a religious freak, young guy & extremely softly spoken. He was part of some small christian cult (wasn't catholic or protestant, have the name forgotten) that met up weekly and they were looking to spread the word. He was explaining about where the religion originated from, their beliefs and so on. He was keen on me to join or at least make a visit to one of their gatherings!

So what weird, wonderful or odd conversations have you encountered?

petes

Nice/shite weather we are having.

Are you busy this evening?

Thats about the height of it.

DarkJager

I got in a hackney one day and the driver was stoned off his head. So was I, so you can imagine how the conversations went!!

Terry

DarkJager wrote:

I got in a hackney one day and the driver was stoned off his head. So was I, so you can imagine how the conversations went!!

I can beat that.
Got a hackney and the driver was off his head on gear.
He spoke to himself, about himself, in the third person for the entire journey.
Something about a conversation he had another day with someone else.

I knew the guy and had heard he was doing gear, but thought it was just a rumour until that night.

Thankfully it was a short journey and I was too drunk to care at the time.
He no longer works for that cab company.

cold_filter

A couple of eyars ago, i pulled an utter stunner one night, I mean utter top notch and was wearing very revealing clothes. Anyway in the taxi on the way home and shes groping me everywhere get to my house and went to pay, was about 15 euro, and taxi man says "listen thats the best prono ive seen in years go and f**k her senseless for me son, dont worry about it" witht hat he drove off, i had great fun that nigth but never seen the girl again :mad:

arybvtcw0eolkf

A few weeks ago I got into a Taxi driven by a Nigerian, who complained non-stop about the Chinese in Parnell St. and the Roma people on the M50 round-a-about.

He was driving a Jap import, and I'd just gotten a take away from an Indian restaurant. The girl who served me looked more Polish than Indian.

It was a strange night.

Alanthroneus

Terry wrote:

I can beat that.
Got a hackney and the driver was off his head on gear.
He spoke to himself, about himself, in the third person for the entire journey.
Something about a conversation he had another day with someone else.

I knew the guy and had heard he was doing gear, but thought it was just a rumour until that night.

Thankfully it was a short journey and I was too drunk to care at the time.
He no longer works for that cab company.

i had a similar experience well kinda... i was in a taxi giving directions to my house as it a confusing estate and every time hed turn left or right he would say" taxi turns left" "taxi turns right"......

Pighead

cold_filter wrote:

A couple of eyars ago, i pulled an utter stunner one night, I mean utter top notch and was wearing very revealing clothes. Anyway in the taxi on the way home and shes groping me everywhere get to my house and went to pay, was about 15 euro, and taxi man says "listen thats the best prono ive seen in years go and f**k her senseless for me son, dont worry about it" witht hat he drove off, i had great fun that nigth but never seen the girl again :mad:

Ah Jesus, hate that. You obviously didn't satisfy her so she decided never to call you or see you ever again. Jesus Christ, one little premature ejaculation and she's gone like the fcuking wind. Women can be such bitches.

Ah well at least you got a free taxi.

TwoShedsJackson

Alanthroneus wrote:

i had a similar experience well kinda... i was in a taxi giving directions to my house as it a confusing estate and every time hed turn left or right he would say" taxi turns left" "taxi turns right"......

hahaha, I love those kinds of guys, they make the trip a bit more interesting anyway.

If the driver starts talking to me about sport, grand, if he starts ranting about the blacks, Poles, Roma or whoever, I ask him to stop, most of them do - the passenger has a right to a quiet journey if they wish..

I'd almost never start a conversation with a taxi driver myself these days, unless extremely bored and/or they look/sound interesting or have a flash car

Alanthroneus

Pighead wrote:

Ah Jesus, hate that. You obviously didn't satisfy her so she decided never to call you or see you ever again. Jesus Christ, one little premature ejaculation and she's gone like the fcuking wind. Women can be such bitches.

Ah well at least you got a free taxi.

haha ..... Ah Pighead you really do make the days go faster.....

zuutroy

Terry wrote:

He spoke to himself, about himself, in the third person for the entire journey.

Who gave Pighead a PSV licence?
Anyway, I drove a taxi for 10 days, no real whackos. Though I did have an interesting conversation with a nurse from Connolly Hospital about repairing gunshot wounds.

Exit

petes wrote:

Are you busy this evening?

I've always been told never to ask the driver that, because it's one of the questions that they get from practically every passenger and it pisses them off.

irlrobins

I often have to get a taxi on account for work. This means the driver knows who I work for. So invariably the driver decides he's an expert on my company and clients, starts telling me where it's going wrong, what we should be doing, etc.

And then there was the classic "There's a Jew behind of all that isn't there. I'm not racist...." and he proceeds to rant about Jews that would make any neo nazi proud.

So as much as possible I pretend to be busy on phone or laptop and avoid these conversations. Happy to talk about the weather and the news as long as it doesn't lead into a monologue from driver.

Of course when I get a taxi at night it's a different story, I'm usually the one talking shite. :rolleyes:

6ix

Once had a former Canadian cop (mountie) as my taxi driver in Dublin. Kinda sad story - his wife was in a bank one day in Canada. There was an armed robbery, and one of the robbers fired a shot in the air. It ricocheted off the ceiling and a wall, and into the back of her head. She was left blind, and with loss of power, so they had to move here to be nearer to her family.

On a quirkier note, I myself and a mate (both drunk) got into a taxi in town - it was a brand new S Class Mercedes. He had a DVD player on the dash, and stuck on Taxi Driver for us to watch. He kept turning around to us on the way (not watching the road at all) saying "You talking to me" ad infinitum. Then, before we got out, he made us watch his "favourite scene". It turned out to be the one where Robert De Niro is in the store, and shoots the black guy who's trying to rob the place.

Absolute lunatic. Nice car though.

zuutroy

6ix wrote:

I myself and a mate (both drunk)

evidently so!

Terry

irlrobbins wrote:

Of course when I get a taxi at night it's a different story, I'm usually the one talking ****e.

Heh. Me too.
You have to admire the patience of the nightshift drivers.

togster

Terry wrote:

I can beat that.
Got a hackney and the driver was off his head on gear.
He spoke to himself, about himself, in the third person for the entire journey.
Something about a conversation he had another day with someone else.

I knew the guy and had heard he was doing gear, but thought it was just a rumour until that night.

Thankfully it was a short journey and I was too drunk to care at the time.
He no longer works for that cab company.

Nah Dark Jagger's one is better.;)

Baby4

This post has been deleted.

CantGetNoSleep

I got a taxi to my friends house on my first night away in colllege as I didnt have a clue where I was going as it was only my 2nd time ever being in Cork

We were chatting about the usual things - asks what i'm doing says im doing french and he says he hates French people, then asks if i'm in first year, gives a 5 minute rant about why he hates first years

I was a bit nervous at this stage as he went quiet, then we pass Turners Cross so i ask him does he ever go to matches there, he replies NO, trying to get a conversation going i ask him was he at the All Ireland final the week before, he says No, dont like sports, the only thing i like is shooting

Was ****ting meself, too nervous to ask him what he shoots - deer or first years maybe?

b_beep

One of my creepiest experiences was getting a taxi to work one morning from an oul guy who spent the first 5 mins telling me how lucky he was to have such a beautiful young woman as a fare so early in his shift...cue much embarassed squirming..he then proceeded to tell me he had to collect a second fare in the same area (illeagal in a hackney, no?). So, waited outside a house for the second fare and a guy about 18 appears @ the front door. The taxi driver then spends the few mins it took for the young guy to get to the car telling me what a fine bit of stuff he thought the young lad was...so his sleaze wasnt limited to the fairer sex. Rather nastily, he then told me he used to be a teacher but it 'didnt work out' hmmmmmmmmmmm

Zzippy

Was in a taxi with a rather religious Nigerian driver one evening, talking the usual ****. I mentioned that I studied science in college, and he started on about how evolution was wrong, and how the bible said so. The bible was his favourite book, and pretty much the only book he read. So I started baiting him, asking him a few awkward questions that religion has no answer for. Suggested that maybe the bible was only metaphorical, etc, and he shouldn't take it so literally (all the while trying to keep a straight face). Think by the end he was actually questioning his own faith. Got out of the taxi in such a good mood and was finally able to laugh out loud. Most enjoyable taxi ride I've ever had...

Pat the Baker

Once i got into a taxi with some guy that knew what was number 1 in the charts every week for the last 30 years or so, so i was just shouting dates into him in my drunk state and he would tell me what was number 1 and if i didnt know it he would sing it for me.

jdivision

Got in a taxi one night with some mates and the driver handed us a six pack for drive into town. Charged us about e1.50 extra for each can so well worth it:)
Had a taxi driver who refused to stop where I wanted to get out. I'd like to get out here please, no you want to stop further away and down a different street. Feckin weirdo.

Duggy747

Meh, most of the taxi drivers in my town are either nosey pricks who want to know too much or drivers who fall asleep at the wheel while driving you home at 90MPH!!

The was one time though we got a taxi home from Carrick-On-Shannon at about 6 in the morning. 2 of my mates were buzzing off their faces on tabs and began grinding their teeth together, really fúckin' loud, so myself and another friend who sat in the front started talking really loud to the driver. Obviously he must've copped it cuz when he dropped us off he asked if we had some smoke and skins. One of the lads, being drunk, generous and still gnawing the gums off himself gave him a fist full of skins and a rather generous sized lump of smoke. Taxi driver just smiled like a child and let us off for free.

Slow Motion

Was going from Tallaght to clontarf on work business (they were paying so I didn't care). Hailed a taxi, got in told the guy where to go, he proceeds to tell me he just came over from New Jersey six weeks previously, never been here before and was driving the taxi two weeks, at which point he stops, gets out, goes to the boot and retrieves a street map of Dublin and asks me to navigate for him ! The knowledge me ar$e

zuutroy

Slow Motion wrote:

Was going from Tallaght to clontarf on work business (they were paying so I didn't care). Hailed a taxi, got in told the guy where to go, he proceeds to tell me he just came over from New Jersey six weeks previously, never been here before and was driving the taxi two weeks, at which point he stops, gets out, goes to the boot and retrieves a street map of Dublin and asks me to navigate for him ! The knowledge me ar$e

Sounds like a spoofer. A PSV takes several months to get.

Slow Motion

zuutroy wrote:

Sounds like a spoofer. A PSV takes several months to get.

Could be but he certainly didn't have a clue where he was going !

zuutroy

Slow Motion wrote:

Could be but he certainly didn't have a clue where he was going !

Nor did I for my 10 days of driving, and I lived my whole life in Dublin!...Good ol' GPS!

Slow Motion

zuutroy wrote:

Nor did I for my 10 days of driving, and I lived my whole life in Dublin!...Good ol' GPS!

Fare enough, but I don't drive or know tallaght very well which was a bit worrying, however seeing as how I was on company time and the taxi was on their dime, as long as he got me there eventually I was less worried than I might have been. Also the guy was a tool !

zuutroy

Slow Motion wrote:

Fare enough

Thats a bad pun if ever I saw one

Slow Motion

zuutroy wrote:

Thats a bad pun if ever I saw one

Couldn't resist !

Rowley Birkin QC

Exit wrote:

I've always been told never to ask the driver that, because it's one of the questions that they get from practically every passenger and it pisses them off.

I have to admit to asking every taxi driver I've ever met this question. Along with the other staples

"Much happening in town tonight?"
"What time are you on until?"

Can't help myself. Then usually just ramble on about whatever kind of car he's driving.

Aso I like to talk about "yore ma" in great detail using small words and visual aids.

Ste.phen

Had a great, although disturbing one recently. I **** you not.

Out of the blue:
"Ya know, I really love tits. I just love them!"
followed not long afterwards by:
"IF i had a pair of tits, you'd be steering the car, and i'd be just sitting here playing with them"


o_O

SimpleSam06

I was in a cab once up in Dublin with a man who told me, quite earnestly, how he voluntarily had his plums cut off once he hit 59. Apparently it was quite a relief.

princess-lala

i got a taxi home fome my local nite club bout 3 r 4 weeks ago (2 miles) i live in the middle of nowhere so everybody knows everythin about every1 else - taxi driver says how was tonite? i said: fine thanks good crowd out, he says: any men, i said: not tonite, he pulls over n says: i dont mind givin ya a goin over if ya want ur lookin well 2nite!!!
hello i know this mans wife n his daughter used 2 b a friend of mine!!! oh yyeh he`s also bout 60!! :eek:

Terrontress

bigkev49 wrote:

I have to admit to asking every taxi driver I've ever met this question. Along with the other staples

"Much happening in town tonight?"
"What time are you on until?"

Can't help myself. Then usually just ramble on about whatever kind of car he's driving.

Aso I like to talk about "yore ma" in great detail using small words and visual aids.

I don't understand them getting so pissed off with that? It is usually the nice people who can engage in conversation who aske whether they're busy.

Would they prefer someone getting in and muttering to themselves and crying or someone whose first line is "Give me your money bud"?

stepbar

I remember getting a taxi to busaras one sat. I dont know how it came up but I told him I worked for a bank (I think a certain Bank chief exec's over inflated wages came into the conversation). He was going on about how the bank looked at him as being "no risk" and how in a weeks time he would have the mortgage paid off etc. Bit of a weird conversation to be having on a Saturday afternoon....

stepbar

Duggy747 wrote:

Meh, most of the taxi drivers in my town are either nosey pricks who want to know too much or drivers who fall asleep at the wheel while driving you home at 90MPH!!

The was one time though we got a taxi home from Carrick-On-Shannon at about 6 in the morning. 2 of my mates were buzzing off their faces on tabs and began grinding their teeth together, really fúckin' loud, so myself and another friend who sat in the front started talking really loud to the driver. Obviously he must've copped it cuz when he dropped us off he asked if we had some smoke and skins. One of the lads, being drunk, generous and still gnawing the gums off himself gave him a fist full of skins and a rather generous sized lump of smoke. Taxi driver just smiled like a child and let us off for free.

Funny considering there was a big haul of blow found in Carrick during the week

stepbar

cold_filter wrote:

A couple of eyars ago, i pulled an utter stunner one night, I mean utter top notch and was wearing very revealing clothes. Anyway in the taxi on the way home and shes groping me everywhere get to my house and went to pay, was about 15 euro, and taxi man says "listen thats the best prono ive seen in years go and f**k her senseless for me son, dont worry about it" witht hat he drove off, i had great fun that nigth but never seen the girl again :mad:

Any chance you'd have that Taximan's num?

bug

The best taxi driver in the world goes by the way of Jones.
He plays the Beatles at brain mashing decibels once you don't mind, (which I don't),with the windows lowered.
If you ever get up out of bed in the morning in bad humour this guy would cheer you up. His insistence that everything is great is really, strangely, catching.

I got one guy last week driving a fabulous car, who told us he was planning to kill a former passenger who had bunked the fair, in detail. I wanted to tell him that he'd blown his cover, but I feel that it would have been lost on the 50cent wannabe.

Piste

The last taxi driver I had was dead sound, he kept teling me how to stay safe in a taxi, telling me to always take down the taxi number and make sure the taxi waited till I was safely inside my house before driving off etc.

I always find it much more fun to have a chat with drivers than just sit there in awkward silence.

The_B_Man

got one last weekend. sat in the back. he asked did i mind if he turned up the song. i said i didnt mind as he said it was his favourite song. the convo went from there. we discussed rock music, clssic rock, best guitarists, and then when i got to me gaf, stayed in the cab after i paid me fare for about 10 minutes to listen to a particular solo on a 10 minute live song. was cool!

jester77

Just after thinking of another strange episode. Was in a taxi getting a lift home when another taxi diver started saying something about a non-paying fare. Taxi driver turns off the meter, says this one is on me but I've to take a little detour. Few mins later we are in an estate with around 9-10 taxis parked outside a house in a formation that would remind you of the police outside of a bank robbery! 10 mins later and all is settled. Some drunk dude was going nuts about having to pay more than normal and the drivers were trying to explain to him that he had extra passengers home with him so that was why it cost more! Entertaining stuff and not that unusal according to the taxi driver!

arybvtcw0eolkf

jester77 wrote:

Just after thinking of another strange episode. Was in a taxi getting a lift home when another taxi diver started saying something about a non-paying fare. Taxi driver turns off the meter, says this one is on me but I've to take a little detour. Few mins later we are in an estate with around 9-10 taxis parked outside a house in a formation that would remind you of the police outside of a bank robbery! 10 mins later and all is settled. Some drunk dude was going nuts about having to pay more than normal and the drivers were trying to explain to him that he had extra passengers home with him so that was why it cost more! Entertaining stuff and not that unusal according to the taxi driver!

Sorry, I can't figure that one out

jester77

Mairt wrote:

Sorry, I can't figure that one out

In summary, some guy wouldn't pay his fare so the taxi driver sent out a message over the CB radio. This led to 9 or 10 other taxi drivers arriving at this guys house to back up the original taxi driver. I was in one of these taxis that arrived and according to my taxi driver this is a fairly common occurence and that there was a group of them that back each other up!

arybvtcw0eolkf

jester77 wrote:

In summary, some guy wouldn't pay his fare so the taxi driver sent out a message over the CB radio. This led to 9 or 10 other taxi drivers arriving at this guys house to back up the original taxi driver. I was in one of these taxis that arrived and according to my taxi driver this is a fairly common occurence and that there was a group of them that back each other up!

In Hamburg?.

jester77

Mairt wrote:

In Hamburg?.

Limerick!

dodgyme

jester77 wrote:

Limerick!

and hamburg?
Teds must have a branch in both then I guess

Plissken1

Taxi Driver: Zzzzzzz


Me: Wake up to ****, your going to crash !!


Taxi Driver: ugh .... sorry !!!


Me: let me out now !

CiaranC

Got in a cab in Waterford last year, the guy had a laminated sign on the dashboard:

No immodest dress
No vulgar language
No taking the lords name in vain

I kid you not.

Sully

In Ireland, iv spoken about the weather/driving behaviour/upcoming holidays/tourist season and politics. Some drivers you cant get a word out of, so its silence all the way home.

In foreign countries, such as Spain, nothing. Its hard enough to get them to bring you to your apartment. I asked recently to be brought to a shopping centre and when asked when it closed he said midnight. I arrived at 9.55PM to find all shops closing. Waste of €12 to get there, and €15 to get back (and not even as far as I got picked up from, the fare was getting very expensive so I got dropped of early!)