reasonable or not?

saoranach

Ive been in a relationship for a year now, it was longdistance (ireland - US) between January and May and then I headed out to the states for the summer. The relationship is really close etc.

Im returning to Ireland in a few weeks and as I will be finishing my degree this year my other half wants me to commit to definitely moving to the states for at least a year in may 08, once I finish college.

I really like this girl but I cant tie myself down to definitely doing something that big 9 months into the future... am I being unreasonable?

~nop~

No, you're not.

She's asking you to change your whole life for her and to make a commitment for that far ahead, I think you need to really think this one through and spend time doing so.

biko

It's one year, maybe more. Why can you not commit? What keeps you here?

TEH REAL CDP

why do you have to be the one to move?

Serious decision man. Think and talk it through. Don't uproot your life for what ould be something you may not like and ultimately regret. then again, there's always a flipside.

milkerman

Mmmmm!
'A really close' but 'longdistance' relationship. Now there is something.

Seriously though, you are not married, you are still in college so you are still young enough. Moving to the US for a while would not be tantamount to signing your life away, might even be a good thing considering the drop-off in our jobs market. Unless you had other specific plans in mind, give it a whirl but buy a return air ticket. If you have other plans, tell your gf and see what happens.

Carrigart Exile

saoranach wrote:

Ive been in a relationship for a year now, it was longdistance (ireland - US) between January and May and then I headed out to the states for the summer. The relationship is really close etc.

Im returning to Ireland in a few weeks and as I will be finishing my degree this year my other half wants me to commit to definitely moving to the states for at least a year in may 08, once I finish college.

I really like this girl but I cant tie myself down to definitely doing something that big 9 months into the future... am I being unreasonable?

The worst that can happen is you will have a year working in the US on your CV, that attracts employers.

challengemaster

you only get one shot at things, mate.. want to have regrets about this forever? like said, worst that could happen isnt exactly life threatning by any means what so ever.

saoranach

I see what youre saying, I dont have any objection to moving to America for a while, its just that it seems that committing to definitely do so at this stage is too far in advance... making her doubt my commitment to her.

We are talking about all this its just all very messy

cooperguy

Your not being unreasonable it is a big commitment. However she just wants to know if there is some future in the relationship which isnt unreasonable either. An email relationship can only last so long

G&T

Why don't you say,
"if you still love me in 9 months I'll come"

That buy's you time to see what the future hold's,

Sound's like she's mad about you,the states is a great place to
go for a year and it's not marriage,just a chance to have a "proper relationship" for a while.

I think you should stop reading more into this than there is,

azezil

I'll admit, I get really stressed out over long term planning, wondering if we'll be together and so on, but at the same time, I hate committing to them in case it doesn't work out! I complain that I want structure then don't like sticking to it myself

In short, I'm a complete disaster when it comes to relationships, best thing to do (as my partner keeps reminding me) is just live one day at a time, maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't, there's no need to make a decision until the time comes.

hshortt

Can you actually go for a year? Is that Legal? Visa requirements and so on...

As to your relationship, it could be really good and if you don't do it, then you'll possibly have the regret later on. It's an opportunity Enjoy.

randomname2005

Only the two of you know how serious this relationship is. If you think that it has serious long term potential, then you need to have a discussion about what is going to happen after your degree. I think you committing to moving to the states may be a little one-sided, have you talked about her moving to Ireland?

Long distance relationships are hard and if you have no definitive plans for when you are going to see each other again then that makes it even harder.
R

Red Hand

randomname2005 wrote:

Only the two of you know how serious this relationship is. If you think that it has serious long term potential, then you need to have a discussion about what is going to happen after your degree. I think you committing to moving to the states may be a little one-sided, have you talked about her moving to Ireland?

Long distance relationships are hard and if you have no definitive plans for when you are going to see each other again then that makes it even harder.
R

Well said. It takes alot of maturity for such a relationship to work.

But if you really like the girl, then what is wrong with a little committment? At least this way, there is a definite plan for you two to see each other, and who knows, ye may well have great memories from that year, outside of being with your G/F. New friends, new environment...

youcancallmeal adf

saoranach wrote:

I see what youre saying, I dont have any objection to moving to America for a while, its just that it seems that committing to definitely do so at this stage is too far in advance... making her doubt my commitment to her.

We are talking about all this its just all very messy

I imagine she is thinking she doesn't want to waste time waiting for something that might not happen...

Like if she waits the 9 months and then you don't come over... where is the relationship?

If you are happy about living with her and being the one to make the move I'd say commit, this is worth making a risk