Friday Morning Quickies II

mickrourke

Seeing as I did it last week and the crowd howled for more....... more earplugs that is,

More Friday Funnies/Groanies on a Thursday night (so as not to confuse Zapp)

A man buys his grandfather the services of a call girl on his 90th birthday. The girl arrives and says, "Hi, I'm here to give you super sex". "Oh thank you", replies the old man, "I'll have the soup please".

I rang up the local Gym and said "Can you teach me to do the splits?", He said, "Well how flexible are you?", I said "I can't do Tuesdays"

An explorer comes across a pygmy standing by a dead elephant. "Did you kill this beast?", asks the Explorer. "Yes", replies the Pygmy. "What did you use?" asks the explorer. "A big club", replies the pygmy. "That must have been an enormous club", says the explorer. "Oh it is", replied the Pygmy "Theres about 400 of us".

I remember Dad coming home, telling Mam the pit was closing and there'd be no more work. Then he sat down in his chair and wailed at the top of his voice - it was possibly the wrong moment to have played the thumb tack on the chair gag.

Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man jumps out and flashes at them. Two of the women immediately have a stroke. The other one couldn't quite reach.

A wife hears a noise in the kitchen one morning. She goes downstairs and finds her husband slumped at the table, stinking of booze and with lipstick stains all over his collar. "I hope you have got a good reason for being here at 7 in the morning!" she glowers. "I certainly do", replies her husband. "Breakfast".

"....The hook comes out from behind the curtain off stage heading towards my neck"

GLaDOS

Great stuff

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

h57xiucj2z946q

the breakfast one was priceless

The Bollox

I liked the club one. by liked I mean I want to kill you for it, but you know

Enright

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TeenageKicks

A man buys his grandfather the services of a call girl on his 90th birthday. The girl arrives and says, "Hi, I'm here to give you super sex". "Oh thank you", replies the old man, "I'll have the soup please".


I dont get this one?

Spyral

me neither...

chin_grin

A man buys his grandfather the services of a call girl on his 90th birthday. The girl arrives and says, "Hi, I'm here to give you super sex". "Oh thank you", replies the old man, "I'll have the soup please".

Jaysus!? Are yee serious...right the line "super sex" sounds like "soup or sex".....there another good joke ruined......gawd :P

darkskol

keep 'em coming